Trans Day of Visibility — The Other 364 Days
When Visibility Isn’t Safe
My father-in-law, Arnold, in his eighties, sat at a table in his retirement community’s dining room. Dinner was served and he was pleased that the waitstaff, knowing how much he loved potato chips, had found an extra bag left over from lunch and added it to his dinner service. The people at his table were discussing the unseasonably cold weather when another man (I’ll call him “Rupert”), apropos of absolutely nothing, launched into his support for North Carolina’s bathroom bills. His wife (“Evangeline”) nodded her approval.
Rupert: I love Evangeline. I wouldn’t want her in danger.
Arnold: What exactly are you afraid of?
Rupert: What do you think? I don’t want to share a bathroom with one of them, and I certainly don’t want Evangeline in danger.
Evangeline: Who knows what might happen!
Arnold: What do you think might happen?
Rupert: Something very bad.
Arnold: (spoken with his signature firm calm) Well, whatever “very bad something” you think might happen, it has already happened.
Rupert and Evangeline exchanged a puzzled glance.
Rupert: Nothing has happened.
Arnold: Exactly.
Evangeline: Exactly what?
Arnold: It’s overwhelmingly likely that you both, at some point on your lives, shared a public bathroom with a transgender person. And that’s what happened.
Rupert: I told you, nothing happened.
Arnold: Exactly.
Like Arnold (who died several years ago), I’m white, cisgender, straight. Also like Arnold, I support the LGBTQ+ communities, which are under attack. On Medium, I write for Prism & Pen, and I’m grateful for their support for my pieces, their trust in my allyship, their editors who have (with unfailing kindness and patience) helped me grow as both a writer and an ally.
To me, allyship means that I’m open to learning, always a student. It also means I’m grateful to the many people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum who have stepped forward to broaden my perspective.
On Transgender Day of Visibility, many Prism & Pen writers (as well as others) wrote moving, heartfelt pieces, sharing their thoughts and experiences. I chose not to post on that day for two reasons — first, because it’s not my day to shine, it’s my day to help others shine — second, because now more than ever, being an ally means celebrating the trans and nonbinary communities, respecting their challenges, every day, not just on March 31.
To all cis, straight allies — please step forward and raise your voices. During our country’s Age of Nowhere-Close-To-Reason, visibility for the trans and nonbinary community is too often unsafe. I’m raising my voice NOT because I’m comfortable being loud (I’m not). I’m raising my voice because I can, and in our country at this moment, many can’t.
This is no time to be silent, and we allies have the next 364 days to do the right thing. “The right thing” isn’t one thing. It’s stepping forward in whatever way fits with your style, your strengths, your abilities. For Arnold, in his final years, it was speaking up at the dinner table in his retirement community.
Trans Day of Visibility is important, worthy of respect, celebration, support. But that’s one day.
We have 364 more days.
Let’s follow Arnold’s lead.
If you’d like to read more of my writing that supports the trans community, these are some pieces on my platform.
“Letter To The Editor From A Fictional Black Trans High School Girl”
“My Response to Executive Orders Targeting Trans and Immigrant Folks”
“LGBTQ+ People Are Not Going Back! Trans Folks Are Normal Folks”
“If My Child Came Out As Trans”
“Imagine”
“Ninety Seconds: How To Step In When A Trans Woman Is Targeted”
