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Navigating Family Estrangement as a Transgender Person
From rejection to resilience
Like many people, especially those from more conservative societies, I was taught from an early age about the value of family. Family is supposed to be the one thing that is always there, something that must come first — a pillar of stability in an ever-changing world.
But what happens when the family — the people who are supposed to be closest to you, the ones you rely on — turn their backs on you because of something you had no control over, something deeply personal and innate? What happens when their love suddenly comes with conditions, forcing you into an impossible choice: losing the people you thought would always be there for you or losing yourself?
For many transgender people, this is not just a hypothetical dilemma but an all-too-real crossroads that defines the course of our lives. I know this because I’ve stood at that very crossroads myself.
A week after coming out to my wife (which I’ve written about previously), I made the decision to come out to my family — my mother, sister, and stepfather. I can’t say our relationship had ever been particularly close or healthy. Much of it felt transactional, even performative. But it was the dynamic I was used to. These were the people I grew up with. They were my family, after all. And deep inside, despite everything, I hoped for their acceptance.
Alas, it didn’t go well.
We gathered for a family dinner, as we did a few times a year, to talk about how life was going for each of us. When my turn came, I shared my truth, doing my best to present it as a simple matter of fact. A long silence followed — an unbearable stillness as my family sat there, staring at me, trying to process what I had just said.
Finally, the silence broke. Without a word, my stepfather pushed his chair back, stood up, and walked out of the room. My sister glanced between me and my mother, as though waiting for some cue on how to react. My mother, however, didn’t take her eyes off me. Her gaze was cold, piercing — a look I had seen many times before, but never this sharp, never this final.
After what felt like an eternity, my sister spoke, breaking the tension with a question that…
