Birth Order and Character Development: the Only Child

/ Gwen M. Plano

Hello SE friends, Gwen with you today. Over these last several months, we’ve considered birth order traits as another possibility for developing our fictional characters. We’ve reviewed firstborns, middle child, and lastborns. Today the focus is the only child.

As a quick review, birth order theory is not chiseled in stone. Many factors affect personal characteristics. But, as writers, we’re free to generalize and use the characteristics as we wish in our stories. So, let’s look at the only child.

There’s considerable focus on the only child these days, because the one-child family unit is growing exponentially. According to the Pew Research Center, the percentage of one-child families doubled between 1976 (11%) and 2015 (22%). And today approximately 42% of families have a single child. The U.S. Census Bureau claims single-child families are “the fastest growing family unit in the nation.”

Though the explosion of one-child families is relatively new, there are a plethora of notables who grew up without siblings. Here are a few examples: Eleanor Roosevelt, Condoleezza Rice, Indira Gandhi, Danielle Steel, and Maria Sharapova. And Jean-Paul Sartre, Tiger Woods, John Lennon, Samuel L. Jackson, and John Updike. Impressive, right?

My eldest son was the only child for seven years. Surrounded by adults, he was like a mini-adult. He’d engage with willing strangers everywhere, and within minutes, he’d share his favorite word why. Even though he eventually had three younger siblings, many of his traits echo those of the research. For example, we lived in Japan for five years, and he was the only one who learned the language fluently. Whether in the city or the countryside, my son made friends with the locals and guided his clueless parents. I remember taking him to the post office and setting him on the ledge in front of the clerk. My five-year-old explained what I needed to the amusement of his new Japanese friend.

Researchers attribute the maturity of an only child to their interactions with those much older. One researcher referred to the only child as firstborns in triplicate because of their drive and achievement.

Here’s a list of traits that researchers identify with the only child:

  • Mature, uses adult words
  • Academically strong, ambitious
  • Problem solver, leader
  • Curious, creative
  • Socially shy, but confident
  • Strong-willed, maybe bossy

Do these traits sound familiar? Have you crafted a character in your novels who bears some of these traits? Maybe a mini-adult? I’d love to hear what you think. Won’t you share?

Have a great week, dear readers, and until next month, happy writing.

81 thoughts on “Birth Order and Character Development: the Only Child”

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  3. Interesting. I haven’t had much interaction with only children as most people I know have two children. That is the usual in South Africa. My sister only has one child and Coco Rose is certainly exhibiting some of these characteristics, especially bossy – haha!

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    • The research is intriguing, Robbie, and with my WIP, I’m including aspects of birth order. Prior to becoming aware of personality tendencies, I never thought to incorporate this facet. Thank you for sharing. 😊

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  5. I’ve really enjoyed this series, Gwen. It has been fascinating to discover these nuances in life. My older brother was an only child for exactly one year. On his first birthday, my sister was born.

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  6. When my girls were growing up, there was an only-child who lived across the street. When kids came to our house to hang out, he came, too. And I often felt sorry for him. He didn’t know how to fit in. Often got frustrated and broke things. I don’t think he got along very well with his dad so came here to get away from him. Maybe that had something to do with it. I was glad to watch him meet someone, get happier, and eventually be fine.

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  9. We have only one child, and he possesses many characteristics on your list, Gwen. He’s a terrific young man (says the biased father). At 30 years old, my wife and I are happy to see his life in a good place. He moved, started a new coach job earlier this year, and is getting married in just over three weeks.

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  10. It’s funny, my husband was an only child and there was no way in hell that he wanted only one child of his own. It was non-negotiable – unless of course, nature decided differently, which it didn’t, thankfully! His was not a happy childhood and he always figured a sibling would have helped him bear it. That said, he was a funny-bunny. While being mature when needed, he had a child-like wonder of the world. He was ambitious, despite being academically not so good. Was a fabulous problem-solver and leader, curious and creative. Not shy for one second and very confident. Pretty strong-willed, too. Tried to be bossy with me but I’m a first-born and wasn’t having any of it 😉
    Wonderful series, Gwen!

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  11. I am an only child, with the exception of a step brother for a bit, and was often off in my own world. I spent a lot of time around older adults. It is easier for me to write from an only child perspective, but from the lonely aspect, I might add in siblings. I have enjoyed these posts!

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    • Thank you, Denise. I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed the series. As for characters, I’ve only recently included distinctive birth-order traits. I’ve learned a lot through the research. 😊

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  13. My main character, Amanda Ross, in my series, is an only child and has all of the listed traits. I knew them before and purposely made her an only child as I needed her to be strong and independent. (and a bit bossy) Some reviewers have said she sounds too grown-up when she talks. But that’s the point, only children often sound like mini-adults!

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  16. Another informative post, Gwen. It is always interesting to see the differences that circumstances of birth have on children. I also enjoyed the story of your son and the Japanese. I know they would appreciate and be amazed by a fluent occidental.

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  18. After reading the traits you listed, I found myself thinking about friends who are only children. All are quite driven and extremely bossy! I loved reading about your son’s experience in Japan…incredible! I’ve had fun using birth order while developing my characters so this has been a great series for me to follow. Great job, Gwen! xo

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    • Thank you so much, Jill. Your books always enlighten and warm my heart. With the focus on family, they naturally include birth order dynamics. 😊

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  20. Another fascinating post on birth order, Gwen. Often, depending on the story, it’s simpler to make a character an only child. It makes for fewer characters to juggle. Again, it depends on the story and the family dynamics we want to give the characters. But these traits are spot-on for an only child. They do mature faster, having only adults to mimic. These posts are all so great, and I will refer back to them as I develop characters for future stories. Thank you for your research and, most of all, for the personal stories that have accompanied each post.

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  21. This is such an interesting series, Gwen. As you know, I’m the youngest in the family but my only sibling is twelve years older. In a way, we were both “only children” for a while. Growing up, I did enjoy being around adults and I do have some of the traits you mentioned.

    You have given me much to think about when creating new characters.

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  22. “Firstborns in triplicate.” That description cracked me up, Gwen. My daughter and grandson are both onlys and most of my main characters are too. The story of your son in Japan was so cute, and that “little adult” was something I’ve definitely observed. Great post and very entertaining as well as informative. 😀

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  23. This is yet another fascinating post on this topic. I’ve been comparing your descriptions to families I know as well as my own kids and me and my siblings. I know very few singles, but I found it interesting with respect to me, as I was born so long after my brother and sister I often felt “only” in many respects.

    I’d love to explore all of these in much more detail. It’s been so interesting. Thanks, Gwen.

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  25. I love the look back at your son in Japan, Gwen. Children are natural sponges when it comes to learning, especially if they’ve been brought up as an only child.
    This has been an excellent series!

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  27. I was an only child who had a sister! For reasons too long to go into here, I was brought up largely by my mother’s sister and her husband (who was the nicest, kindest man I have ever met). They had no children, so I was an only child. But my mother had another daughter with my stepfather, so I was the eldest child in the holidays when I went to her.

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    • Thank you, Liz. The research opened my eyes. Like you, I was unaware of the increasing percentage of one-child families. Though I haven’t used birth order traits in my writing, I suspect I will now. It’s a topic rich with possibilities. 😊

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  32. I’ve perhaps found this one the most fascinating of a fascinating series! The 42% statistic was the first surprise, and then there was that lovely account of your five-year-old interpreter in Japan! I can see these character traits in so many of the children I know who don’t have siblings. I also loved that expression ‘socially shy but not confident’ – it conveys such a lot so neatly! I have really enjoyed this, Gwen. Thanks.<3

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    • Thank you for your kind words, Trish. I’m pleased you’ve enjoyed the series. It’s been an eye-opening experience for me, as I was unaware of the traits before doing the research. Thank you again! 😊

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