Are you on the brink of divorce? Discernment Counseling may help!
I love living in Birmingham, Alabama and its small-town charm. What can sometimes be a challenge living in Birmingham, though, is finding competent and helpful resources for couples on the brink of divorce. That is why I got trained in Discernment Counseling. As a marriage and family therapist, my specialty has been serving families of divorce. Because of this specialty, I slowly began to notice I was getting calls by more and more couples on the brink of divorce. With discernment counseling, I can help those clients find clarity and confidence in the decision about the future of their marriage.
Are you tired, lonely and scared when it comes to thinking of your marriage?
Are you tired of wondering what is next for the future of your family? What about the kids? Are you worried about them and all the fights they see or hear between you or your spouse? Or maybe you are good at not fighting in front of them, but you just don’t like being around your spouse and THAT becomes a hard thing to cover up. In fact, it becomes draining. You are tired of faking it and you are ready for a decision about the future of your marriage. Whose really in the marriage and who is leaning out of the marriage? Maybe you have tried couples counseling and that really did not give you the direction you were looking for. But divorce feels so final and significant for everyone. Is there some middle ground where you and your spouse can be honest with each other and if you really see a hopeful future?
I believe this is where Discernment counseling (DC) can help. It is for couples on the brink of divorce that seem caught in the same conversations with no solutions. It is for those couples that are exasperated by their relationship and need a third party that can help them find some answers. The goal of DC is to find more clarity and confidence in the decision the couple is making about the future of their marriage. This comes from learning together what happened to cause the breakdown of the marriage and each person’s part in the breakdown. There is a very clear distinction between marriage counseling and discernment counseling. Marriage counseling can go on for an undefined amount of time until the couple feels like their communication about their problems have improved or been solved. Discernment counseling is looking to see are the couple’s problems solvable. The deeper work occurs when couples have one-on-one sessions with the counselor.
There are 3 paths those in discernment counseling can take:
1) Stay in the marriage as it is
2) Separation/divorce
3) A 6-month reconciliation period with an all-out effort in couple’s therapy with divorce off the table
With couples on the brink of divorce there is usually a “leaning out” partner (one leaning out of the marriage towards divorce) and a “leaning in” partner (one who is leaning into the marriage and does not want divorce). Different approaches are used with each individual. The first joint session is about 90 minutes.
The time gets broken down like this:
Couple Time (35-40 min)
Time with the Leaning In partner (35 min)
Time with the Leaning Out partner (35 min)
Couple sharing time, checking out and rescheduling another session- if they felt like it was helpful for them. (5 min).
Discernment Counseling can be anywhere from 1-5 sessions BUT THAT IS ALL!
I believe the power of DC is helping couples really become clear about what the problems are with their marriage and if both of them individually are willing to work on their issues.
If you are feeling stuck in your marriage and feel like discernment counseling can help, feel free to email us at hello@sparrowcounsel.com or call at 205-538-3978 for a free 15 minute consultation to see how we can help.
Sara Hadgraft, the owner of Sparrow Counseling, is an M.Ed, LMFT, LPC, NCC, Certified Parenting Coordinator, Divorce and Family Mediator (Domestic Violence Trained) has a private practice called Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL. She specializes in Parenting Coordination, Co-Parenting Counseling, and Divorce and Family Mediation. Her passion is helping parents learn how to become successful coparents, so their children can thrive after their divorce. Contact Sparrow Counseling if you are interested in getting help at hello@sparrowcounsel.com.