The Secret (and Surprisingly Counterintuitive) Skill the Best Bosses Have

If I had to form an image in my mind of a successful, gutsy boss in action, I’d probably picture the person talking—for instance, sharing killer ideas or giving a precise assessment of where things stand, or running a really productive meeting. And everyone present would be super impressed, even dazzled, by what was being said.

That’s no surprise. Great leaders have to know how to communicate their thoughts, ideas, and instincts brilliantly.

But talking isn’t the only part of communication that matters. One of the most important—and gutsiest--things you can do as a boss and leader is to shut the hell up and listen.

“When we’re the boss, we tend to believe our job is to tell people what to do and to look like we have all the answers,” says Hal Gregersen, executive director of the MIT Leadership Center and a senior lecturer in leadership and innovation at the MIT Sloan School of Management. “We think, ‘I’ve got to be right,’ and that means talkative, verbal.”

The problem with that approach is that it can put you in a good-news bubble, where people neglect to share bad but critical-to-know info. Smart leaders, Gregersen told me, develop deeply inquisitive leadership practices and stay on the lookout for both passive data and active data.

It’s a matter, he says, of finding out what you don’t know as well as what you don’t know you don’t know.

Do you listen as well as you should? Do you give staffers enough of an opportunity to share the news and developments that could have real impact? If you suspect your listening skills could stand improving, here are some strategies that will help get your ears working at maximum capacity.

•Practice being quiet. There’s a good chance that this may not come naturally, and you’ll have to make a serious commitment to not speak up. (That was certainly true for me as a magazine editor-in-chief). Sit still as the person speaks, maintain eye contact, and nod to show you’re paying attention.

•  Don’t rush to fill in the blanks. Wait a beat after someone answers in case she has more to say but is feeling nervous and hesitant.

•  Respond with another question rather than a comment, showing that you’re curious. Just be careful not to sound like Jack McCoy. This is about gathering information, not trying to trip someone up. 

•  Get into the habit, Gregersen says, of asking “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” and “Why?” or “Why not?”

•  Take notes. That’s what Sally Susman, Pfizer’s executive vice president of corporate affairs, does. “I listen best by taking notes,” she says, “picking up on big ideas and key words. I always keep the notes, and have made a habit of reviewing them for patterns and meaning. This can be especially useful in a larger organization, where leaders often serve in cross-functional roles. Listening to a common theme emerge across divisions can give you valuable insight into the most pressing priorities.”

•  When the news isn’t good, avoid responding in a negative, kneejerk way. Remain neutral, ask questions. Let the person see that it’s safe to share.

Listening isn’t just about hearing people talk. It’s about walking the floor and observing, reading body language. It’s about looking at information and data that people provide (especially when you’re new) and being truly curious, even if it runs contrary your own thinking.

Adapted from The Gutsy Girl Handbook: Your Manifesto for Success by Kate White (Grand Central 2018). Kate, the former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, is a New York Times bestselling author of several career books and 12 novels of suspense. She speaks frequently about success at conferences and companies around the country.