Kitchen gadgets review: Cuisinart spice and nut grinder, as serene and lethal as a Zen swordsman

What?

Cuisinart spice and nut grinder (£50, cuisinart.co.uk). Winglet-bladed rotor housed in metal bowl, with activating hood. Granulates seeds, roots and bark.

Why?

If you’re gonna be spicy, you may as well get fresh with it.

Well?

When my own hands cannot meet my needs, I call upon an old friend to crush my nuts and more. But we’re here to talk about gadgets; and in a giddy moment of sincerity due to an over-hot bath, I’m recommending one I’ve used for years. I cook a lot of Asian food, requiring fresh spices: mustard seeds you wouldn’t believe, garam masala freshly ground, still-zinging ginger. Unfortunately, this can be lot of work – my sworn enemy. While admiring the paleo-aesthetic of the pestle and mortar, I’d struggle to powder a cinnamon stick or star anise in one. So I don’t. The blades on this electric grinder are a Zen swordsman; lethal and serene. There’s no button – I place a transparent dome over the bowl containing the spices, and press down gently, so gently, as if reassuring a chihuahua. Great forces go to work. There’s divine contrast in this airy resting of fingers on dome and the violent vortex conjured within.

Lifting the lid releases a visible twine of vapour, the unfolding presence of aromatic oils; you feel yourself an alchemist, if not a demigod. In addition to blasphemous urges, the machine supplies two grinding bowls with airtight lids, doubling as storage. Good for coffee beans or extra spice mix. (I no longer store mine in unlabelled baggies, sniffed at indiscriminately, a hapless dealer high on his own asafoetida.) It’s brilliant at wet rubs and pastes, too – messing chilli, garlic and galangal with fish sauce takes no time. And the dishwashable brushed metal doesn’t taint or transfer smells.

You can pulse or pulverise almonds or peppercorns in vast quantities. Celebrity husband Jay-Z has taught me that being on your grind doesn’t mean risking RSI; it’s about working smarter, not harder. Nuts to tradition: I’m grateful this device has dispatched my manual efforts to the pestle and mortuary, with a wave of its lordly hand. Let’s dance again, old friend. Just mind my nuts.

Any downside?

Pretty analogue by 2017 standards. I’m surprised they haven’t whacked Bluetooth on it or made a “Grinder” app where you can meet spicy strangers and discuss cumin together.

Counter, drawer, back of the cupboard?

A misty mountain top. 5/5.