Anyone with an infertility diagnosis knows that the holidays can feel more like an emotional weapon – rather than celebration – depending on where you’re at in your fertility journey.
For women, Mother’s Day is one of the worst offenders; it’s a blatant reminder that you are not a mother while every other woman (so it seems) is.
Coping Strategies for Mother’s Day
If this is one of those Mother’s Day that finds you wanting to hide under the covers – we say go for it (see the third option below). OR, feel free to use one or more of the following coping strategies.
Celebrate yourself anyway
You may not be a mother (yet!), but you are a woman and you nurture and love the people and creatures around you just the same. If you feel obligated – and/or even willing – to spend time with family and friends during their Mother’s Day celebrations, good for you! But do take time before and/or afterwards to celebrate yourself. Give yourself a pampering day – complete with a massage, mani-pedi and whatever other treatments make you feel like a queen.
Honor (and speak out) for women’s rights
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One of the originators of the American version of Mother’s Day was a woman named Julia Ward Howe. She was a writer and women’s rights activist, living in the 19th century, who intended the celebration to take place June 2 – as a Mother’s Peace Day – uniting women to fight for world peace.
Do you have a women’s (or peaceful) cause you believe in? Honor Ms. Howe’s original vision and donate time or energy to the non-profit aligned with those beliefs – bringing a more empowering and inspiring vision of Mother’s Day to life.
Skip the holiday to-do
This can be difficult if you live near your own mother, mother-in-law, etc. However, we’re sure they’ll understand – if you need to skip the holiday to-do this year. For many, Mother’s Day brunches and BBQs bring the rest of the family’s babies, children and/or pregnant women to the forefront – and that can be rough.
If you need to sit this one out, do so. The good news is that, unlike Christmas and other holidays, Mother’s Day easily fades into the background if you just stay home and plan a movie marathon with your partner, reach out to childless friends and take a hike, or connect with other women with infertility diagnoses facing the same dilemma and support one another.
Be the hostess of the Mother’s Day extravaganza
This takes the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” mentality to the next level. You know who never has time to sit and ponder anything – let alone spend much time bonding with guests? The hostess!
If you love your mama (or the mother-ish influences in your life), go out on a limb and invite her over to your place for brunch, lunch, tea or something special. The planning, organizing, preparing and hostessing- with the mostest-ing will take up so much time and energy, it may just take the sting out of it all. Best of all – they’ll be so thankful.
We know it isn’t always easy (understatement of the year), but the caring team here at NCFMC are hopeful that you will be celebrating Mother’s Day along with the rest of them before you know it. Until then, we wish you the very best.
