Why is Negative Thinking so easy?

Being the best “YOU”

This is part of a “LinkedIn pilot” called “Series” I am very proud to be part of that select group to run the pilot

I will be publishing an article once a week in the series titled “Being the best YOU”. Every week’s article will shed some light on how to become your best version either as a person, leader, or business owner to live the life you always deserved to have.

I am looking forward to your engagement, sharing your opinions and ideas and most importantly to you reading the series.

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The first post in the series was “You are not your past”, the second post was “Living in the moment, living in the present”. the third post was "5 Limiting beliefs that hold you from being the best YOU"

I guess I am one of the lucky ones born under the optimistic sign of “Libra” as we always manage to see a silver lining around the clouds.

It is true I have been positive most of my life but that doesn’t mean that I had my down moments, when I looked at everything as doom and gloom, where I doubted myself, felt like a victim, and people were against me.

I remember when I started training people, I would look at the evaluation forms at the end of the workshops, dwelling on the one or two rated 4 stars or on any negative comment, that might have nothing to do with me like “the room was cold”, rather than enjoying all the five stars rating I received.

I would sulk for days, beating myself up on what I could have done better, that I should have known better, that may be I am not good enough to do that, what they must be thinking about me, did they look at me as being incompetent or didn’t know what I was doing.

Then I realized that I was looking at myself through the 5% negative rather than enjoying the 95% positive; I was making myself and people around me miserable beating myself up.

Negative thinking

Negative self-talk or negative thinking is very easy to come by, we all have engaged in it at some time or the other, it is dangerous when its ugly head keeps appearing all the time destroying our self-esteem, sabotaging our dreams and success.

We make up mental scripts or others make them up for us and eventually we come to believe them, they become our reality. It is the story inside our head that keeps us stuck. We are sabotaging ourselves. We are kept captive of our own beliefs

How many times have you told yourself?

• Don’t ever try as you will fail
• You can’t do that
• It is too difficult
• You do not have enough: Money, support, education, experience, or time

What is worse is that the negative talks usually emanate from the subconscious so you do not even realize they are happening.

Our inner world shapes our outer world. If we don’t fully believe in our self, our brain won’t be able to visualize our goals or motivate us to take action.

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."– Mahatma Gandhi.

When you succeed you attribute it to luck and when you fail you attribute it to your incompetence strengthening the negative script you feed your mind and it becomes a vicious circle.

It is easier to hold on to negative thinking, not letting go even when we get blessed with positive things later on? The question is why?

The reason why we get stuck in negative is FEAR- Fear of:

• Not being good or smart enough
• Disappointing our self or our loved ones
• Being rejected
• Being blamed
• Success
• Being ashamed or embarrassed

What WE believe we are is what we become. We feel what we think and we think what we feel. We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are

The truth is that our brains are wired to notice the negative things in life, it is our brain’s default mechanism.

Switching from negative thinking to positive thinking takes effort and dedicating brain resources as swapping blood flow to a different part of the brain to feel positive and most people don’t do either because they are stuck on negative or they do not know they can switch the channel or how to do it.

If we give negative thoughts either consciously or unconsciously free reign to become our main focus, it becomes the story we tell and evaluate our self by. The more we complain, the more we rewire our brains to notice and create even more negativity.

“Confirmation Bias” is when people are likely to seek or interpret information that confirms what they already believe and that is aligned with their point of view rather than what negates it. It is unintentional and often results in ignoring inconsistent information. Existing beliefs can include one’s expectations in a given situation and predictions about a particular outcome. People are especially likely to process information to support their own beliefs when the issue is highly when the issue is highly important or self-relevant.

In the past, when training Baby elephants, they were traditionally tight by a thin rope through their front leg to a stake in the ground. (For the record, I am totally against capturing elephants or any animal for that matter)

Because the baby elephants are small, they struggle and pull at the rope at first, but eventually they realize that they can't break the thin rope and they eventually give up.

Elephants grow fast, and before long, they become the giant elephants we are used to see. The interesting part is, that despite their size, mentally they still feel that they can’t break the thin rope which still keeps them in place; and they never try to break free as their brain and mind have been conditioned (through negative thinking) that they are incapable to break free

If negative thoughts or emotions take hold of you, they will control your whole life, your relationships, your dealings, your decision making process, your work and everything will be tinted through dark glass, and the end result is being stuck in an unhappy mode

The anatomy of negative thinking

Our brain’s first function is to protect us. It automatically jumps to defend us from threats either real or perceived. The threats can be physical, psychological, or emotional.

It is a fact that in the last two Million years of human evolution since the caveman era; our brain never developed or progressed. 

Historically, as human beings, we had to protect ourselves against lions, tigers, and even other tribes against danger that represented harm or even death. 

Our brain that is our survival tool, had to always be on high alert of danger rather that enjoying life. Survival depended on our skill at dodging danger. The brain developed systems that would unequivocally detect danger, thus, hopefully, respond to it.

Once this reaction is triggered by the “Alarm system" in our brain or “Amygdala”- which is an almond shaped group of brain cells or neurons that act as a switchboard for anxiety, the rest of our brain prepares our body to protect itself, it reacts by beeping like an alarm.

As a result, the body reverts to the old response of Fight, Flight, or Freeze and releases chemicals in our brains called “hormones”, releasing stress hormones as “Cortisol and Epinephrine” provoking our “Body war system” or the “Sympathetic system”.

Our heart beats faster to pump blood to our legs and arms, we begin to breathe quickly to increase the amount of oxygen delivered to where it is needed, we sweat to cool off our body, and i.e. we prepare for an attack.

Neurons that fire together wire together creating new pathways, laying pavements in new roads to new directions – so repetitions of a certain behavior create reinforcement either negative or positive, the more the road to these neural pathways are traveled the more they become natural to follow in the future. This is the base of Neuroplasticity that I will discuss in a separate article.

Brain always focus what we focus on- so we need TO STOP thinking about what we do not want. Our brain cannot differentiate between positive and negative, our subconscious just hears what we think or say and acts on it – so we need to feed it positive to get positive actions, for example if I keep saying do not eat sweets, do not eat sweets.  It doesn’t comprehend the negative “DO NOT” but just hears sweets; so it will make me seek more sweets which is counterproductive to what I wanted to do.

Our brain acts like a digital thermostat if the temperature changes, it will be brought back to the temperature that was set, it brings us back to the comfort zone or status quo for protection hence negativity prevails as it keeps us presumably safe.

Once our mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it

It is a simple process positive in - positive out; negative in- negative out. We can’t control what life throw at us either as heartaches, failures or losses but we do control a 100% how we react to these situations either positive or negative.

If we think positively, we are likely to enjoy positive results; on the other hand Negative thinking, likely will bring results we do not want.

Negative or positive confirmation bias can be self-fulfilling prophecies applied to either positive or negative thoughts.

Why positive thinking attracts happiness or positive results?

If you start thinking positive your actions will tend to be positive. In general, positive thoughts bring healthier and happier levels of living and success than those who think negatively. The key difference between them is how they think about and interpret the events in their life.

Practicing positive thinking doesn’t mean tucking your head in the sand, or ignoring the pain or what goes wrong, it means acknowledging your negative thoughts without dwelling or becoming them, but look at them as a spectator.

Perception of reality is subject to mental filters that taint how we act

Positive thinking triggers change in the brain flow releasing the “Happy Hormone: Dopamine”; “Serotonin or the mood regulator” and “Oxytocin: increases the emotional connection”. These hormones tend to disconnect the amygdala or the brain alarm system, and the parts of the brain that are active against negative emotions like fear. 

Our brains are muscles that can be fortified by exercise, practice and repetitions building the “Muscle Memory”.

By retraining your brain, you’ll stop standing on the edge of your potential; and you’ll start fulfilling more of what you are capable of achieving.

Our beliefs, culture, values, emotions, habits, and perception shape the conditions of our life. Only when we envision the future and what the possibilities it might hold that we are capable to overcome our negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, and to think about changing your lives to the better

This is the fourth piece in my series “Being the BEST YOU” part of the LinkedIn pilot "Series". Subscribe to the series to receive a notification when the next articles are published.

My name is Sahar Andrade, I help organizations increase their employee engagement by investing in Diversity/Inclusion practices as well as through Leadership Development.

I also help successful Individuals that are stuck to reinvent their lives with courage, release their fears, get clarity on their purpose and pursue their dreams.

My teachings, my unique education and experience combined with singular approach to realizing change, form a proven system for long lasting positive transformation. My methodology is based on human psychology and research to break down issues, reverse engineer them, and deconstruct personal myths, while developing personal leadership skills development. It is a simple step by step program, modules, exercises, one on one and group coaching.

I am the author of “49 things about Entrepreneurship: That experts do not want you to know” on Amazon.

This is my TED TALK : Overcoming Negative Thoughts

I am the founder of “Sahar Consulting, LLC” and “Reinvent Yourself to Greatness”