The six annoying British families you're guaranteed to meet travelling the world

"Dad might lead meditation classes, while Mum’s getting a yoga teaching certificate. The kids spend their days with a mercifully inexpensive local nanny."
"Dad might lead meditation classes, while Mum’s getting a yoga teaching certificate. The kids spend their days with a mercifully inexpensive local nanny." Credit: Anya Berkut

We’d been on two long-haul flights, travelled more than 5,000 miles, braved a seriously iffy homestay in Fort Kochin, India, and arrived several days later, laden with baggage, at the accommodation we would call home for the next three weeks — only to overhear from across the courtyard: “Emily, come back this instant!”

Taking a gap year as a family is a great idea. So great that a number of Brits fed up with the rat race are reaching the same conclusion — and we seem to have met many of them on our travels.

My partner, our three-year-old son and I left Britain in late winter. We shook off our London lives and flat, put everything in storage, and couch surfed with (understanding) relatives for a few weeks before setting off on a journey that will take us to 10 different countries and completely around the world. We are currently in Nepal, with another six months of travelling to go.

Matilda Battersby and her family have reached Nepal, with another six months of travelling to go
Matilda Battersby and her family have reached Nepal, with another six months of travelling to go Credit: alexbrylovhk - Fotolia

We wanted to experience another way of life; we wanted to spend time with our son before he starts school; we wanted to understand more about the rest of the planet.

But everywhere we have been, we have come face-to-face with People Like Us: other Brits doing an Elizabeth Gilbert but with the kids in tow (so more eating, less praying and never enough privacy for the love bit).

1. Off-gridders

You know those families that don’t do school, modern medicine or bedtime stories? There are plenty to be found living time-rich in pockets of the developing world where the cost of a cappuccino and a croissant in London will buy you a night in a decent hotel. These guys stay in one place rather than schlepping the kids around the world. They homeschool in the morning, working a siesta into the hottest part of the day, before heading to the beach or playing cricket with village kids.

2. Insta-families

Who wouldn’t put their gorgeous toddler in a pristine white pinafore while walking down the dusty streets of Kathmandu? (#spon). For Insta-families, appearances are everything, and entire days are dedicated to capturing the right shot. Evenings are whiled away editing out blemishes, pinning down hashtags and ensuring that little Arabella took her new dress off before eating, well, anything. Meanwhile, the likes that are rolling in on Instagram might just ensure a trip to Bogota next year. #winning

3. Hippie hipsters

You’ll find this bearded, boho-styled bunch residing in ashrams where they can enjoy cheap accommodation and access endless yoga, all while congratulating themselves that they’re giving their children an excellent spiritual foundation. They follow a well-trodden path entering temples, allowing the little ones to be adorned with bindis, kissed by gurus and blessed by, well, anyone really. Dad might lead meditation classes, while Mum’s getting a yoga teaching certificate. The kids spend their days with a mercifully inexpensive local nanny.

Rishikesh, an essential stop for hippie hipsters
Rishikesh, an essential stop for hippie hipsters Credit: Copyright: www.danmirica.ro/Dan Mirica

4. Jetset family

They might have sold the house in Notting Hill (even the car and the designer sofa) but these guys are keeping it real-ish. They travel first class on trains (to avoid the germs) and their kids can name all the different freebies you get on the better airlines (“Emirates is best”). Mum and dad both work as “digital nomads”, making sure they have excellent Wi-Fi in even the most basic environs. They take it in turns to homeschool the kids and plug the educational gaps with tutors when they return to Blighty for several months a year.

“Emirates has the best freebies”
“Emirates has the best freebies” Credit: www.lucalombardiphoto.com

5. Budget travellers

These guys travel on local buses (yes, for days on end, with small children who have invariably wet themselves, puked up, run out of entertainment and screamed the place down) to keep it cheap. They never book accommodation in advance and always haggle on arrival to make sure they get the best deal. The prospect of hanging out with other foreigners is anathema to this tribe, members of which make an effort to speak some of the local language, get invited into people’s homes and (they hope) partake of some free food. They always tell you how much stuff costs — whether you want to know or not.

6. Voluntourists

For God’s sake, don’t ask them how their “gap year” is going. These folks are doing something Worthwhile: rebuilding schools after earthquakes, mentoring kids with nothing, taking tuk-tuks into poor communities to distribute pencils and notepads. Basically, they’re on the road to learn about how Privileged with a capital P their lives in Britain really are. (It is perhaps worth noting that, in these privileged lives in Britain, they have zero qualifications in: building; social work; education.) When they’re not expounding the virtues of passing up a holiday in favour of something Really Useful, they’re telling you how far their children have come in shedding their inherent sense of entitlement while still getting A-grades from the excellent homeschooling programme they’ve executed.

License this content