1.
"but you said your 5 mins away" First of all I didn't say where I'm 5 mins away from
2.
My mom just sent me this of my dad
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morning people vs me
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Felt cute in this pic might delete soon tho
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I told my brother he can eat half of my grapes
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See you in court Palmer Paint Products
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I think my Uber driver is in trouble
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Riley, you're a genius.
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Went to see IT, I'm first in the screen and this fucking guy's just sitting there.
10.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want
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she took the midnight train going anywhere
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Thanks for the clarification, Dad.
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"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know" Me: wow 3 kids... those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
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my sister is about to have a baby and my brother showed up to the hospital in a suit because "first impressions mat… https://t.co/zWzJZPrWBs
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[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months
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!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THIS TO MY INNOCENT MOTHER !!!!!!!!
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me on a bad day
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Stranger Things Stranger Things 2 Strangers and Things 2 Strange 4 Things 5 Things The Strange and the Things: Tokyo Drift Strangest 7
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Not really how I imagined the second coming
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Thank you Amazon.
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Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
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this is what my friends send me on the regular basis and I just have to show it to the world...
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Asked me mum if she could bring my charger down stairs, she replied "shout the dog"
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(+18)
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my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow me: yes my mom today: do u work today me: yes i already told u my mom when i'm at work: where are u
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Imagine carrying 18 dumbbells to the court tryna look cool just to get overshadowed by a old man hitting free throws
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When your sister forces you to spend time with her new boyfriend:
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Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
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My favourite part of this is the caption saying the President (left)
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“SANDRA CAN YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING THING BIT OF A SITUATION HERE”
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not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information
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Goodbye Mufasa. I'm the King now.
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I'm still shook
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My dog's ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights
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is it worth IT? lemme work IT i put my thang down flip IT and reverse IT
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Me: Hi Artsy White boy:
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Still don't believe in evolution?
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my flatmate has just peaked
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Uber driver: ........... Me: .......... Uber driver: .......... Me: 5 stars.
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Me: *dies* People to my boyfriend: it's okay to get back out there, she'd want you to move on Me in heaven:
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me replying back to people .02 seconds after they text me
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Beyoncé: *uses iPhone X facial recognition* iPhone X:
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girls these days at 2 vs. me when I was 2
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when I need my space but I also want attention
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SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO TRACE OUT THE DISNEY STARS' WAND IN THE AWKWARD COMMERICAL OUTTAKES I'M WHEEZING THE LIFE… https://t.co/u4pMfK4eZ4
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"Babe can you move over?" "But I don't have mushroom"
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Any 2 white guys could walk up to me and say "we're The Chainsmokers" and I'd believe them.
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My dog saw a dog that looked exactly like her
59.
*opens instagram* yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
60.
When Canadians fight on Twitter.
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Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT Good news:
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Cashier: Sorry for your wait! We're short staffed Millennial: It's fine! Don't worry! 😁 Middle Aged Woman:
64.
when she says she only dates good boys
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yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
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Lmao dude on Facebook said he been waiting 4 hours for the P to fall so he could sue Walmart
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At least we tried #Prom2017
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High school teachers: I'm MRS. HARDASS and you will take me SERIOUSLY College profs: what up I'm Josh and class is cancelled cuz I'm tired
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When he tells you to lose the attitude
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I was trying to hit the bucket of drinks and make them go all over my Mum for the intro of a video we're making but… https://t.co/2WNPSv0M3q
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Me setting my alarm for every 5 minutes in the morning
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Prince Harry's kids will be Americans. What if one grows up to be president and is in line for the throne at the sa… https://t.co/WTTLv8OFmZ
76.
my ubereats delivery man decided to be a smart ass......
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What I get, he get
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I JUST WANTED A VIDEO OF THE CATS PLAYING AND THEN ?!!!??
80.
I'm gonna power the whole country.
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Fam lmaooo. This is hilarious. Just watch.
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84.
I got Kiwi a lil goth gf 🖤💛💚
85.
so doggy school exists and this little guy is so excited to go 😫
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me overthinking how I said "here" during attendance
88.
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Star Wars, but all of the light saber sounds are Owen Wilson saying "wow"
90.
Reading Trump tweets
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don’t say anything just rt
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when you walk back into the sesh after throwing up
93.
did everyone just forget about the part of 2016 when literal clowns would chase people with knives in public and nobody really did anything
94.
I'm ☠️☠️☠️ yall lol 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 & can't STOP laughing at all!!!
95.
Should I take my dog to the vet
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Bill Nye just walked into our elevator while I was snap chatting..
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Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
98.
Don't buy iPhone X.
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all because I said no to bingo night
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1970: By 2017 we will have flying cars 2017: