We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their best grammar joke. Here are some of the best replies!
1. This joke for fans of the Oxford comma:
"There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities."
Submitted by Mercutio
2. This perfect knock-knock joke:
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"To whom!"
Submitted by Isabel Bryant and Sally Parker, Facebook
3. What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
4. This important difference:
"There’s a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit."
Submitted by mrfrancot
6. This great comeback:
7. This example of a very inappropriate noun:
"Why wouldn't the pronoun go out with the noun?"
"He kept propositioning her."
Submitted by Matthew Gregory Spence, Facebook
8. This joke that will teach you a bit of sex ed AND grammar:
"Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?"
"They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions."
Submitted by davidcrose89
9. The greatest definition of a word the world has ever seen:
10. This painfully true joke:
"It’s funny how full stops are known as periods in the US. Ask any girl, it’s never a full stop."
Submitted by louises48af32a2e
11. This mistake:
"I’ve always taken pride in knowing how to use a semicolon; damn."
Submitted by niklaussmith
12. This accurate observation:
13. This snarky comeback:
"An English teacher was lecturing to a large class. She said, 'In many languages, a double negative indicates a positive. In some languages, a double negative is still a negative. However, there are no languages in which a double positive indicates a negative.'
"A voice from the back of the room chimes in, 'Yeah, right!'"
Submitted by davidcrose89
14. This silly joke:
"Which word is shorter when you add two letters to it?"
"Short."
Submitted by davidcrose89
15. This quick answer:
17. This extra nerdy one:
"An ancient Egyptian student is chiseling his essay into a stone. His teacher comes over and says, 'No, you should never end a sentence with an ox.'"
Submitted by davidcrose89
18. This great setup for a film:
19. This joke that shows just how important a comma is:
“Let’s eat Grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Punctuation saves lives.
Submitted by hannahbarness
20. A long one, but a good one:
"Brother Mark arrives at the monastery where he intends to devote his life to servitude to the Lord. When he arrives, he discovers that the other brothers are creating new books by copying from previous copies.
"So he asks Brother John, 'Do you ever proofread these copies against the original? How do you know that someone isn’t copying a mistake?'
"Brother John ponders this and decides, 'Alright, I’ll take one of the newest copies and compare it to the original text.'
"Off goes Brother John into the vault in the cellar where the original holy texts are kept. The day goes by and that night, he still hasn’t emerged from the vault. The brothers grow worried and Brother Mark goes downstairs to check on Brother John.
"As soon as he steps into the cellar, he can hear the faint sound of sobbing. He follows the sound until he finds Brother John sat with both the copy and original text in front of him. It is obvious that Brother John has been crying for some time.
"'Brother John!' Brother Mark says. 'What is the matter?'
"Brother John sobs again and exclaims, 'Oh my Lord! The word is CELEBRATE!'"
Submitted by weetzie133
21. This proof that grammar jokes can be dirty:
22. A joke for ~advanced~ grammar nerds:
"What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?"
"Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements."
Submitted by julz98
23. This sensible idea:
"I’ll never date an apostrophe again. He was so possessive."
Submitted by transboynerd
24. This head-scratcher:
25. And finally, this perfect pun:
"John was excited because his local newspaper was hosting a pun contest. He stayed up all night carefully creating ten puns. He submitted them the next morning. When the results came back, John checked to see if he won but, alas, no pun in ten did."
Submitted by d4b70ea693