How I Got Unstuck: A Lesson From My Q3

It’s September and as bells have begun to ring anew at schools across this nation, it would also seem that bells are also ringing across LinkedIn. Why do you ask? It’s because we’re coming to the end of the 3rd Quarter, signifying to all goal-oriented adults alike that another year is rapidly coming to a close.

Given the tone of some of these updates, it’s almost as if the principal has come across the PA system, warning us. We have ONLY 3 months - barely enough time remaining to achieve those lofty personal and professional goals we set down for ourselves back in January!

This countdown to the end of the year reminds me of a statement by Tony Robbins that he often repeats - “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, and they underestimate what they can do in two or three decades.” And although Tony’s wisdom is immediately evident, If I’m at all like you, the specter of not reaching those professional goals fills me with thoughts of failure. No matter if they were too lofty, or irrational, I wonder - Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently?

"This article isn't about overestimating what we can accomplish within a year, rather it's about those lofty goals that we fail to achieve because of our own mental games"

It’s that final question that spurred me to write this post. This article isn’t about overestimating what we can accomplish within a year (and I’m sure I’m guilty of that), rather it’s about those lofty goals that we fail to achieve because of our own mental games. It’s the mental and emotional roller coasters that persist within us, limiting our own success that has my attention today.

Just last week I was faced with tackling a specific task that filled me with sheer dread. I wasn’t asking myself to speak in front of a 1,000 people or pitch the sharks on Shark Tank. I was trying to complete a mundane activity that was standing between me and my goal - contacting new clients. And in spite of its logical ease, I was rendered absolutely motionless.

Since I couldn’t move forward, I naturally moved sideways. Suddenly everything except this task was extremely interesting - Facebook, reconciling QuickBooks, cleaning the litterbox, everything. I was procrastinating so as not to face the task, and more so I didn’t have to face that uncomfortable feeling at the pit of my stomach.

Procrastination

Procrastination has been studied quite a bit by social scientists, and various ideas have been proffered as to the root causes stopping us. Zarick and Stonebraker (2009) reviewed these various causes in a recent article, indeed citing task aversion as one cause for procrastination. If we don’t want to do something, we will gladly “look for anything to do except the task we should be doing” (p. 212).

The authors also note that uncertainty regarding a complicated task can often delay our action. The need to put forward a lot of effort in at the beginning, before moving forward stops us from making that significant investment. Tax time naturally comes to mind in this scenario! The team at 538 showed this clearly with 2015 data - many Americans waited until the very last minute to file their taxes. Though I can’t say for sure, no doubt for many the difficulty of making out their finances proved all but paralyzing until the last moment.

The two reasons I’ve given so far, of course, aren’t new to anyone, and these reasons don’t exactly describe my experience either. It’s the final reason Zarick and Stonebraker (2009) cite that has my attention - fear of failure, and better still, fear in general. Important goals and their requisite activities force us to make important decisions that could significantly alter our long-term outcomes. O’Donoghue and Rabin (2001) point out in their model of procrastination that more important goals induce greater procrastination in individuals. If I know I’m going to have to live with the tattoo I’ve selected and explain it to my friends at the nursing home someday, then, of course, it gives me pause. But if we couple that experience with our own fears that we don’t have what it takes to be successful, then you have the perfect storm for avoidance.

If we have a task that we know leads to an important outcome, why avoid it? In my case, the queasiness in my stomach left me unable to step forward past my fear. Bob Proctor often refers to this idea as the Terror Barrier, the palpable fear that takes over our nervous system as we try to change our behavior. When we challenge our deep-seated habits and paradigms, they, of course, don’t go down without a fight. No, we experience the resistance not as a logical argument, but wholly within our bodies as anxiety, or sweating, or as butterflies. Since I was challenging a long-running way of doing business, it’s no surprise that I felt such a strong opposing force. My senses were screaming ALARM, DON’T PROCEED!

After some time passed I accepted that I was stuck, so I turned to my wife for some coaching using the aroma freedom technique. She recently addressed the ability of essential oils to help us move past these emotional blocks (“Leadership Coaching and The Aroma Freedom Technique - A Match Made in Heaven”). In short, through the use of our sense of smell, we’re able to directly unlock old memories that have a negative association and replace it with a more favorable connection (see memory reconsolidation). Although we may not be consciously aware of these associations, they influence our behaviors and our action steps towards our goals for both the positive and negative.

Through the aroma freedom technique I was able to confront the negativity I was holding. The process ultimately reduced the negative emotional valence I had associated with bringing in new clients. After that one session, the insurmountable wall was gone and the goal became actionable!

If we’re to realize our business goals with the time we have left, we have to get past the blocks holding us back. For many of us, those blocks are simple cases of aversion or indecision, but I would venture to say that for the majority of us - if we’re truly striving for that audacious goal - the blocks are deeper than that. Whether through coaching, counseling, or now the aroma freedom technique, I hope my experience empowers you too to confront your unseen barriers! I have no doubt that by doing so you too can find the success you’ve been envisioning.