Bisexual women are opening up about their experiences of dating both men and women in a Reddit thread. And what began as a series of fairly obvious observations about the physical differences between their bodies—women are "softer"—soon turned into a pretty interesting discussion about double standards and body positivity.
"This may be a personal experience rather than one that applies generally to bisexual women, but I do feel less self-conscious about my body with women than I do with men in the early days of a relationship," said one commenter. "There are so many expectations on women these days to look a certain way and to be constantly well groomed. I've dated more than one man who doesn't truly understand how unrealistic these expectations are and how truly impossible it is for women to consistently meet them and have a full life as well... Women, on the other hand, have an immediate understanding of the situation because they live in society as women as well. That shared experience means that I feel more comfortable to be imperfect around them earlier."
That said, some bi women admitted that they subscribe to different sets of criteria when it comes to what they find attractive in men and women. "On the flip side, as a bisexual woman I definitely notice I am attracted to more imperfections from women as opposed to men," said another commenter. "I think men’s bodies are hot when they are the idealized media version of what hot men look like, but I like a lot more diversity with regards to body types of women. Which I’m sure is just because I AM a woman who loves herself and her imperfections... but def think it’s interesting!"
Emotionally speaking, a number of commenters said that they find it easier to be intimate and make a connection with other women than with men: "I’ve found that it’s easier for me to identify with women and connect through experiences than with men. I’ve also found that I enjoy sex better with women than men because there’s more thought put into it."
And on the subject of sex, a lot of men need to up their game when it comes to attending to their partner's needs: "Ever since coming to terms with my sexuality, it's started to really bother me how men see their orgasm as the end to sex," said one commenter, while another added that women tend to have a different "itinerary" in the bedroom, with more of a focus on foreplay and their own preferred "running order" for certain sex acts.
However, it turns out straight men make it much more obvious when they're flirting, because hey, heteronormativity. "I find that women are usually much more touchy-feeling in the first place so it's a lot more difficult to distinguish whether they like you in a friendly way or in a flirty way. Is this a date, or do you like me as a friend? Are you flirting with me or are you just being nice? Are you into women? Non-verbal communication can be hard."
