What to Do About Your Child's Bug or Spider Phobia

All people have fears. Given that, it's completely normal for children, from the toddler to the teen, to be afraid of something. Fears are formed in a somewhat developmental fashion, which means that it's often easy to predict what children will be scared of at what age.

Not surprisingly, a lot of kids (and adults) don't like bugs. In the moment, we don't tend to think about all the ways that insects or spiders help the food chain or the environment. Instead, bugs and spiders are frequently unwelcome and can elicit a whole gamut of responses from shrieking to crying.

But what happens when these creepy crawlies cause more than a little bit of distress?

When someone has a fear of something specific and it interferes with daily life, this may actually be a phobia. The fear is more than what would typically be expected for the situation. A child who has a phobia of bugs (entomophobia) or spiders (arachnophobia) may either completely avoid the types of insects or their eight-legged counterparts that they're afraid of or find themselves under extreme distress in their presence. What's more, when someone has an extreme fear of something they tend to be vigilant; they're frequently scanning the environment for the thing they are afraid of, and they often find it.

[Read: Anxiety in Kids.]

If you're thinking, "Who likes insects --and is this really a problem?" you're asking the right question. Plenty of kids don't like bees or flies for example, but they happily play at recess, attend camp or picnics and simply move away if they see a flying insect. If a bee landed near them, the child might even get a little upset, but the key point is that the child would be as upset as most people; and once the bee is gone, the child would move on and continue playing or interacting as usual. In such typical cases, kids wouldn't give it much thought after that, either.

Children with phobias, however, are often controlled by their fears and their world starts to get smaller. For example, a child with a phobia of bugs may not be able to tolerate going to summer camp or may avoid going outside altogether. These fears can take over a family, too. Imagine trying to negotiate a family outing if one child is convinced that bugs might be there and absolutely refuses to go or has a complete meltdown when the family arrives.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 5 to 12% of Americans have phobias, and it's estimated that around 7 to 9% of children have a specific phobia. Animal, blood, storm and water-specific phobias typically develop in early childhood, whereas fears related to heights and other situations tend to emerge later.

Like other anxiety disorders, avoidance reinforces fears. Essentially, the more a child avoids situations with bugs, the less anxious they are -- that part makes sense. However, in the process the child misses out on experiencing how, in fact, they can handle the situation. In the case of a bee, if the child runs away or has the parent shield them, that child doesn't have the chance to see that they can be outside and the bee will likely fly away. Even if a child did get stung, it would hurt, but the child would be OK (barring allergies).

Similarly, if a child's parent checked the bathroom for bugs every day, the child would feel reassured, but it would send the message, "You need me to check the bathroom to make sure things are safe."

So what should a parent or caregiver do? Here are five things I'd suggest:

1. Validate the fear.

2. Model non-anxious coping.

3. Help your child face fears.

4. Make gradual changes

5. Practice, practice, practice.

Validate the Fear

This is really important with phobias because the child is usually far more worried about the thing than the parent. As such, it's easy to say something like, "It's so small!" or "You don't have to worry about that."

Validating lets your child know you take their fear seriously and understand that this is hard for them. Saying, "I know flying bugs really scare you" can go a long way.

[Read: What Is Selective Mutism?]

Model Non-Anxious Coping.

Your children are paying attention, even when you don't think they are. Kids see their parents as models, so it's really important to lead by example. Look for opportunities where you can practice what you preach.

In other words, if you happen to do something that's anxiety-provoking, let your child know: "I have to admit that I was a nervous that the flu shot was going to hurt. It turns out that it wasn't as bad as I thought." Be honest, and realize that sharing moments where you coped with something skillfully provides a great example for your child.

Help Your Child Face Fears

We can unintentionally reinforce avoidance. That is to say we often help our children stay away from the things that scare them, which actually can make the fear stronger.

Rather than choosing a table inside and far away from any bugs, choose a table that's near a window and say, "I know this is hard, but I know you can do it."

Make Gradual Changes

If your child has been struggling with extreme fears of bugs for months or years, it's not reasonable to expect your child to go on a three-day camping trip in the wilderness. Likewise, if you've been checking places for bugs daily, you can't just stop doing it without a plan.

Begin by taking small steps. Sometimes just talking about bugs or looking at videos of them is a good start. Taking a 10-minute walk through a park would be a great next step.

Practice, Practice, Practice.

It takes a lot of practice to do something that one has previously avoided. In other words, your child will need a lot of exposures to get over the fear.

They will need to have a lot of opportunities to face fears and tolerate them. They don't have to love bugs, but they need to experience what it's like to be near them without having the type of strong reactions they've had before.

[Read: Can Untreated Anxiety Lead to Other Mental Health Problems?]

If informal strategies like these aren't working and the child's fears are leading to major avoidance -- such as missing out on experiences with peers or not being able to do a family trip -- it's probably time to seek an evaluation from a mental health professional. The treatment for phobias -- namely cognitive behavioral therapy -- is very effective. The important thing is to address the fear, so that it doesn't continue to disrupt your child's life.

Rachel Busman, PsyD is a senior clinical psychologist and director of the Selective Mutism Service at the Child Mind Institute in New York City. She leads a team of clinicians providing evaluation and innovative treatment to children with selective mutism, an anxiety disorder that causes kids who are talkative at home to be unable to speak in school or other public places. Dr. Busman is president of the Selective Mutism Association, the nation's largest network of professionals, families and individuals with selective mutism.