Can you really manage people?
Think about a time when you successfully managed your spouse. Or your boyfriend. Do you actually manage your people to get to work on time, and create results once they have arrived?
I'm not talking about a time when you got your way, or you got to a particular outcome. I'm talking about managing another person. Because, quite frankly, I don't think managing people is really a thing. True, I've built and led teams around the world. I've even achieved some outstanding results - but not by managing people.
Yes, things got done. But leaders understand the true cause of the actions and the outcomes. According to Daniel Pink, the author of DRIVE, motivation lives in one place and one place only: inside of you. In his pivotal book, he talks about how people are really interested in three things: mastery, autonomy, and purpose. Where's management on that list? Effort and outcomes are the result of internal motivation. So how can leaders really motivate their teams?
Managing People Should Not Really Be A Thing
Managing people often turns into a game of amateur psychology, featuring a wonder-wheel of personalities, emotions and misunderstandings. In an effort to manage the unmanageable, the leader oils the squeaky wheel (the most outspoken complainer). Have you visited this circus lately? Watch out for the clown car, it could be headed your way.
Managing people often creates an immature environment - where employees or team members assume a child role, in the work relationship. Not literally acting like a child - I'm talking about Eric Berne's Parent -Adult-Child model. This model is central to our understanding of emotional intelligence, and points towards effectiveness in the workplace.
In his watershed work in the middle of the 20th century, Berne identified how we assume roles within relationships and teams - behaving as a "parent" (authoritative, demanding and sometimes condescending) or a "child" (seeking care, shirking responsibility, looking for attention). The "adult" distinction characterizes an even-handed approach to circumstances and individuals. "Adult to adult" is the desired state in Berne's model for effective workplace interaction.
Don't Manage Emotions-Or Expectations
Emotions are fickle, expectations often unspoken or unmet. According to Steve Chandler, author of 100 Ways to Motivate Others, high-impact leaders manage something that's neither hidden nor variable.
"A leader's first responsibility," Chandler writes, "is to make sure the relationship is a mature one." The parent-child management model doesn't respect the employee, and often enables more of the behavior that needs to be changed. Beyond ineffective dynamics, there's a deeper issue - an issue that can easily be resolved with a quick adjustment.
Agreement Is the Antidote
Expectation is the real enemy. Chandler says that expectations are often unspoken, and can be the cause of gossip, negativity and low morale. What happens when a leader replaces expectations with agreement?
A leader is compassionate, an always seeks to understand the feelings of others. But a leader does not try to manage those feelings. Instead, a leader manages agreements. A leader creates agreements with team members and enters into those agreements on an adult-to-adult basis." - Steve Chandler
Jack Stack, author of the international best-seller The Great Game of Business, says that "People will support what they help to create." By getting agreement on an issue, you lead from a place of support. Summarized from Steve Chandler, here's a dialogue that effective leaders can share with their employees:
- Not doing this task is not an option, so we need to work together to come up with an agreement on how this is going to get done.
- I need an agreement on this from you, so that this thing can get done effectively and efficiently.
- Let me help you with this so that it does get done.
- Are you willing to do this? Is this something you can make happen, and you can get others enrolled so that they follow-up and make this happen?
- Do you need my support?
Leadership, ultimately, is about service. Your service to your team and your employees needs to reflect a deeper understanding of what you really can manage - and what you can't. Getting agreement gets others involved and enrolled - and gets you off the wonder-wheel of emotions and expectations. Things get done when leaders get people to share their commitments, their plans, and ultimately, their consensus. If you've got an employee that's performing poorly, and you're seeing a pattern of behavior that needs to change, maybe it's time to introduce a new agreement. Stop managing people, and start serving them, with a clear agreement on what's needed. That way, you'll manage to take the first step towards a new level of support, collaboration and results.
