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The 10D10 Interview Challenge

#17 – Armand Rosamilia, author, FloridaMan, podcaster, fan of minor league baseball.

The website here autosaves everything on a 30 second timer. Buuuut.., if the internet goes down, it stops backing up, and then if anything goes awry while I input into the page builder… it shits the bed. See where this is going yet? I had Armand’s post all done up, hit save, and kerplunk… right into the toilet it went.

So this is round two, and I’ll try not to mail it in, because Armand deserves better. After living in both New Jersey and Florida, the dude needs a solid.

Armand agreed to do this interview because he’s a bit of a gamer, and I mentioned 10D10. He swooned, popped a nerd-boner, and we were off.

Armand’s rolls were: 4, 10, 8, 4, 6, 4, 9, 1, 5, 1

And his interview went something like this…

  1. If you were giving food to a near and dear friend, what food would that be?

Anything but pizza or Chinese food, because those are mine. Oh, and no M&M’s because those are also mine. Pretty much all other food will be given to them, but never kale. That is reserved for my worst enemies.

You ever put M&M’s on pizza? I wonder if that’s any good… asking for a friend, clearly. Holler back at me if you tried that though. I’m tempted to give it a whirl here on our pizza stone.

  1. On a good day, what’s your writing goal before you give up, and throw a tantrum?

My goal is 1,096 words per day, which will give me 400k for the year. After about 357 words (I’ve done research) I begin to whine it’s too hard and I’m too tired and too hungry and… you get the point. Writing is likely the hardest job on the planet. Much more stressful than brain surgeon or those crazy bastards that climb on top of the bridges to clean the bird poop off.

Writing is fucking HARD, man. Imagine trying to clean, fresh, imaginative and original, and clean and fresh day after day without a break, or socialization, or pizza brought to you on the regular? Fucking atrocious working conditions behind this desk in my home office. What a trudge.

  1. Favorite film franchise, and why?

Since Beaches (starring Bette Midler) is not a franchise I’ll go with Swedish Erotica, which was a series of VHS porn movies in the 70’s and 80’s. I became a man thanks to those tapes. Should I have said The Lord of The Rings instead, for the younger readers? I watch the battle scenes over and over in those. Just amazing.

Do you remember the battle scenes in Swedish Erotica though? They took large scale engagements to a HOLE OTHER LEVEL…

See what I did there? Hole other level? Yeah? Maybe?

  1. Everyone farts, even people who say they don’t. So when you fart, do you take ownership over that fart, or do you pass it off on someone or something else?

My passing of the gas is usually very loud since I eat a lot of pizza and Chinese food. I not only enjoy owning it but acting like I did when I was five and ripped a good one. For some reason my wife doesn’t find it amusing.

Farts have always, and will always be funny, regardless of the opinions of those with dainty noses. Your wife is awesome, but come on, man. Work on her. Give her a few silly toots in awkward situations to get her sold on the comedy gold that is flatulence. Also, go hard on the Lo Mein. That shit is like a digestive foghorn for me.

  1. Is time travel possible? Or likely? If you could travel through time, what’s one thing you’d want to do? Killing Hitler is a given, so let’s get personal and/or interesting.

I have thought about this. I would go back to 1909 and buy packs of cigarettes, even though I don’t smoke. Why? The T206 Honus Wagner baseball card in some of the packs. Only 50-200 were ever produced before the card was pulled, and the cards go for hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’d buy all of them and then release them slowly as I needed another few hundred thousand dollars for pizza or Chinese food. I’d also try to bang a lot of women in the 1900’s because they had nothing else to do back then.

Well then. What a bizarre and inventive way to attempt to get modesty wealthy using time travel. Why not like, invest a few hundred dollars in Sears and Roebuck before they became dumb and useless and sit back and collect Honus Wagner cards and STDS from the 1920s? I mean, I guess you could just spend money on packs of butts too…

  1. When you’re dead and buried, and the tabloids have stopped writing about the bizarre way you met your end, what would you like them to say about how you lived your life? Bonus points if you can envision how you kicked the bucket.

I already know it will be a bizarre gardening accident (bonus points if you get the reference) but I hope they talk about my perfect physical appearance and nothing else. My books don’t matter and how nicely I treated people, blah blah blah. It’s all about this gorgeous face and chiseled body that will be my lasting legacy. Plus, having the twenty-eight foot bronze statue of me, naked while holding a pair of scissors and a cow bell for no reason, in front of South of The Border will be impressive as well.

Out of curiosity, how low would the balls on your statue hang in front of the restaurant? Low enough that the hostess would have a dish of guac or salsa on the podium for people to grab a scoop of to slap on the lower curved surface of your marble scrotum as they left? Also, why 28 feet? Why not go the full Monty and hit 30? You’re a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in noodles, Armand.

  1. Writers work hard; it takes months to write a book, and more to edit it, and get it ready for public consumption. What’s something else you’ve invested a lot of time into, that’s not your collection of empty Twinkie wrappers?

Actually, I hate Twinkies. I know… that’s weird to admit in public. But I do. I like everything covered in chocolate. A Twinkie is not. Even the chocolate-covered Twinkies are gross to me. I’ve invested a lot of time in collecting Funko Pops and Boston Red Sox baseball cards. Also, this self-love thing I started in my early teens has taken up way too much of my time. Way too much.

I won’t judge you on the Twinkies thing, but I’m pretty sure your line about self-love is really just an underhanded pitch for Lubriderm. Now there’s a stock you could invest in circa 1909. Your self-love period would make you rich.

  1. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what my favorite book was, I could retire. How many times have you been asked that same frigging question?

Seven. I keep count on a legal pad I carry with me at all times, specifically so I can keep track of that question. Now, if I had a dollar for every time a woman said to her husband ‘why can’t you be half the man Armand is?’ I’d be rich.

I wish I was half the man you were. Based on mass alone, I think I am.

  1. If you could automate a single task around your house with a robot, what would it be?

Doing the laundry and putting it away, since that is one of the tasks I have on my plate. Even with my kids all out of the house for the most part, my wife and I still generate a lot of laundry. And I hardly ever wear pants. The robot would wash and fold all the clothes and save me many hours each day. Oh, can it make me coffee, too? That’s a lot of time as well.

I think you’re the first person to get this question that didn’t answer dishes. I agree with you though. I do a lot of laundry in my house, and FUCK THAT NOISE. Two kids, a wife, and myself make like 6 loads of dirty laundry a day, and trust me, the two kids and me don’t just make ‘mildly dirty’ laundry. All the farting leads to sharting and that can’t sit in a hamper for long before the police come for a welfare check.

  1. I get asked why I write in Genre X/Y all the time. That shit’s old as hell. So instead; what genre do you wish you wrote in, but haven’t yet, and why?

Yeah, I now say I write crime fiction and horror. When I used to just say horror I’d see eyes glaze over like I was a monster. That has nothing to do with it. I have several ideas for a steampunk pirate series in my head, which will never sell and is such a small niche of readers… but it would be something fun to write. Right?

It would be fun to write! Hopefully you can have a banner sale off a regular release that’ll buy you time to speculate on something fun like that. I’m rooting for you, and your weird pirate story!

Thank you for the interview! I had fun. Not a lot of fun, but it was better than actually working today. Now I am off to get Chinese food pizza.

I think you wrote at least 1,096 words before bailing on it, so kudos to you, Florida Man!

 

Armand Rosamilia is a really sexy, handsome and downright gorgeous man who transcends all time and space with his good-looks, wit and perfect body. He’s also very, very humble. Oh, and he writes crime thrillers (like his award-winning Dirty Deeds series) as well as horror (like his Dying Days zombie series) and anything else he feels like writing. He’s been at it for over thirty years, although the last six have been as a full-time author… so he rarely wears pants anymore. He not only has two podcasts, Arm Cast Podcast and The Mando Method Podcast (with co-host Chuck Buda) but he runs Project Entertainment Network, where they are on with eighteen other amazing podcasts. You can find him all over social media, especially on Twitter (@ArmandAuthor) or at a book signing near you. But probably not that close if you don’t live near Jacksonville Florida.

Check out Armand’s books here on Amazon.