At some point, you’ve probably been on the receiving end of a harsh email, an outraged employee or maybe even an irate customer. You might feel anger or frustration when this happens, but it's important you manage your emotions so you can respond in a calm and collected way. A charged emotional reaction, on the other hand, could prevent you from making rational decisions.
Through my experience as a coach to entrepreneurs, I've seen the role emotional intelligence can play in business. I believe mastering this skill can help you defuse situations and communicate more effectively in the workplace. If you’re still learning how to manage emotions — and many of us still are — there are a few things you can do to practice emotional intelligence.
I've developed the following three techniques to help leaders learn to navigate their emotions in heat of the moment:
1. Consider what you might not see.
Let’s say you’re having a difficult conversation with a team member, and their reaction feels inappropriate, makes you uncomfortable or causes awkward tension or anger. When you're feeling this way, stop, and remember that you don’t know everything they’re going through. I believe the mark of a great leader includes how well can you deal with difficult people, foster positive behavior in less than ideal situations and turn negative moments into wins.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
• Does the team member feel they’ve failed?
• Are they ashamed of their own behavior or performance?
• Is their reaction caused by something I can’t see, such as trouble with a spouse, child or parent?
Try to give employees the benefit of the doubt, rather than steamrolling their feelings in moments of frustration. Each of these questions can help give you perspective and lessen your anger. If you feel insecure or defensive, it’s critical to take a step back. I believe this is how great working relationships are built (and saved).
2. Turn frustration into teaching opportunities.
In my experience, some leaders can become instantly upset if a team member triggers one of their pet peeves. For example, you might become agitated when a client is late or an employee misses a deadline. It's understandable that you would be frustrated, but unless you plan to have a calm conversation with the client or team member about potential solutions, fuming over what has transgressed is only going to make everyone involved more angry (and it doesn’t change a thing.)
Your irritation won't spark transformation. So if you are offended by something, choose to take action instead of getting angry. Talk to the person without being rude or accusatory by giving them a chance to learn from their error. For example, you can ask your team member questions that allow them to provide feedback, including:
• What do you believe you've done well?
• What are your thoughts on your progress and this situation?
• What do you think should change and could be improved upon?
In my experience, by pivoting the conversation to feel like you are coming together as a team, rather than singling out a problem, your employee won't feel attacked. They can also learn from their mistake and hopefully prevent the error from happening again.
3. Accept and learn from feedback.
If a member of your team approaches you because you’re doing something they feel you could improve upon, don’t take it as an insult or criticism. Instead, go back to the first tip, and put yourself in their shoes.
For some people, receiving and responding to criticism can be difficult. But I believe the more you work toward understanding your team's point of view, the easier it becomes to manage difficult situations.
One of the easiest ways I often coach leaders to help them handle criticism is to realize it's not personal. Critiques are ultimately about helping you better your performance and helping the business reach greater success. You can make this clear when you're offering feedback as well.
I believe learning how to quickly navigate difficult situations with empathy is crucial in business. This emotional intelligence enables you to offer a response that is also seen as incredibly intuitive and supportive. As a leader, it's critical you avoid falling victim to frustration. With practice and patience, you can have open, honest and calm conversations with every member of your team.
