Take time for YOU

Be honest. How many days go by before you've taken a moment for yourself?

Too many to count for me. It's easy to say there's not enough time, too much to do, too busy, etc. but that's crazy. We deserve time for ourselves. We're entitled to it.

Plus, you can't escape the reality that we will be better people, professionals, partners, parents, you name it, when we make the time.

So how do we do it?

Answering that question was the focus of the latest newsletter I edited for The Cru, a new peer coaching service for women founded by bestselling author Tiffany Dufu (You can sign up here to start receiving the newsletter and learn more about The Cru.)

As I thought about how to make more "me time," there was one person who immediately came to mind: work/life expert, highly sought after speaker and entrepreneur Samantha Ettus, who is author of the bestselling book "The Pie Life: A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction."

1. Book it, baby

Samantha says we should book time for ourselves in our calendars, just like we schedule doctor's appointments, work meetings and family obligations. When you schedule it, it is more likely to happen. She recommends making a weekly date with your calendar, for instance on Sundays, when you can review your schedule for the coming week. "Look at your week and say, 'When am I doing something fun for me?' "

Make plans for at least one night out each week, Samantha says, and consider setting aside the same day each week. "One of the best ways is to just plan every Thursday night you go out, whether it's on your date night or with friends, that’s what you do on Thursday night and it just becomes part of your life," said Samantha, who has a great weekly newsletter. (You can sign up here.) "Routinizing some of these things is a very helpful way to make it happen."

If you are a busy woman (and who isn't!), self-care isn't just going to happen because you think of it, she says. "It's going to happen because it's on your calendar."

2. Drop the guilt

Of course, one of the main reasons we don't take time for ourselves, especially we women, is because of the boatload of guilt we carry around. "If I go to the gym, I'm not spending time with my kids." "If I go out with my friends, how will I get all my work done?" "I haven't called my mother today. Or my sister. Or my friends."

I can go on and on and I know you can relate.

And it truly is a gender thing. Samantha said that when she speaks to groups of women and asks who in the audience has felt guilty over the past 24 hours, every single hand goes up. But when she speaks to an audience of men and asks them the same question, only about 10% of the men in the room raise their hands.

"It is a gender difference. And it’s so important that we, in this area, behave more like men because the bottom line is, (guilt) is bad for our health. It's bad for our relationships. There’s nothing good about guilt and it stops us from doing the things we love."

3. Don't have the time?

You do. You really do. You just need to make some changes in your life to find the time.

Samantha tells the story of a woman who drove 45 minutes every week to visit a chiropractor. Then she found a chiropractor right near her and suddenly freed up 90 minutes each week.

"There is more time," said Samantha. She's a big advocate of what she calls the "Golden Line," making sure all your errands and demands (the supermarket, the gym, etc.) are between your office and home so you are not wasting extra time. For parents, she calls it the "Golden Triangle" -- try to do everything you need to do between your home, your office and your children's school.

"We can usually find time," she said.

4. Take a look around you

That's right. Look at your crowd and ask yourself if it's time to make a change, Samantha says. Ask if you should be spending more time with your group because they make you feel great or less time because they're the kind of people who are quick to go negative, like chiming in that it'll likely rain on your birthday or that your recent work project didn't turn out all that well.

"You want to find a way to spend time with more positive people because that's one of the easiest ways to change your self-care routine," she said.

5. Broaden the definition of self-care

This is really important because too often we might think that taking time for ourselves has to mean we are going to the gym or taking a Yoga class or meditating. And then if we aren't doing any of those things, we feel guilty. And the vicious cycle continues.

Broaden the definition of self-care to be anything that makes you feel good or relaxed, says Samantha. It could be going out for a margarita with friends, doing a puzzle with the kids, reading a book, listening to a new podcast, reading the entire New York Times while sipping a latte. (Ok, that's mine!)

What are the things you find really fun? What are the things that make you smile when you think about doing them? Those are the things you should do FOR you.

But remember, make sure it's planned on your calendar, says Samantha.

"It has to be on there or it won't exist and it won't happen."