LONDON residents are moving in numbers to the north and Midlands in search of a simpler, purer way of being generally disliked.

Young metropolitan professionals are finding it increasingly hard to be despised in formerly affordable hotspots like Brixton and Hackney and have been forced to look further afield.

Former Londoner Susan Traherne said: “It was a tough decision, but we moved to Leeds two years ago in the hope of meeting ‘real’ gritty people who don’t work in branding or marketing and will absolutely detest us.

“We really haven’t looked back. Where we are now we get called southern pricks day in, day out without having to do anything at all.

“At our local cafe they wouldn’t even let me plug my laptop in because it’s ‘taking the piss’ and when I did it anyway the old lady proprietor banned me for life. We love it!”

Liverpudlian Wayne Hayes said: “It’s a real boost to have this influx of scapegoats from London. I just can’t get enough of earnestly telling them that the nearest Waitrose is in Toxteth.”