Are you in a co-dependent relationship?

Co-dependent relationships are one-sided where one person relies on the other to meet their emotional and self-esteem needs.

It enables one to maintain his/her addictive or underachieving behaviour. Do you feel trapped in a relationship where you are giving more than receiving? Co-dependency can become worse with time if the cycle is not broken.

The following are symptoms of co-dependency. (Ref: Lancer D PsychCentral):

• Low self-esteem refers to a belief that you are not good enough. Some people may think highly of themselves to hide inadequacies. Guilt and perfectionism relate to low self-esteem.
• People-pleasing means sacrificing your needs to accommodate others.
• Poor boundaries exist where codependents feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or they blame their own problems on someone else.
• Reactivity is a response to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. You absorb their negative words and therefore feel threatened or inadequate.
• Caretaking is when you want to help somebody at your expense.
• Control helps co-dependents feel safe and secure. People pleasing and caretaking may be means of controlling others.
• Dysfunctional communication is a characteristic of codependents. They are afraid to be truthful in case they upset the other person.

Obsessions occur when codependents spend time thinking about other people or relationships. This is due to their fears and anxieties. They can fantasise about someone they love to avoid the pain of the present.

• Dependency arises when they are afraid of being rejected or abandoned even if they can function on their own. This makes it difficult to end a relationship even if it is an abusive one.
• Denial is felt when codependents deny their feelings and needs. They don’t face their problems. They seem needy or act as if self-sufficient.
• Problems with intimacy occur because they fear being judged or rejected.
• Painful emotions emerge because codependency creates stress. Feelings of anger, resentment, low self-esteem, and hopelessness occur.

The good news is that the co-dependency can end with acknowledgement of the problem and seeking treatment from a mental health professional.