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The Descent of Man
Grayson Perry has been thinking about masculinity - what it is, how it operates, why little boys are thought to be made of slugs and snails - since he was a boy. Now, in this funny and necessary book, he turns round to look at men with a clear eye and ask, what sort of men would make the world a better place, for everyone?
What would happen if we rethought the old, macho, outdated version of manhood, and embraced a different idea of what makes a man? Apart from giving up the coronary-inducing stress of always being 'right' and the vast new wardrobe options, the real benefit might be that a newly fitted masculinity will allow men to have better relationships - and that's happiness, right?
Grayson Perry admits he's not immune from the stereotypes himself - as the psychoanalysts say, 'if you spot it, you've got it' - and his thoughts on everything from power to physical appearance, from emotions to a brand new Manifesto for Men, are shot through with honesty, tenderness and the belief that, for everyone to benefit, upgrading masculinity has to be something men decide to do themselves. They have nothing to lose but their hang-ups.
What would happen if we rethought the old, macho, outdated version of manhood, and embraced a different idea of what makes a man? Apart from giving up the coronary-inducing stress of always being 'right' and the vast new wardrobe options, the real benefit might be that a newly fitted masculinity will allow men to have better relationships - and that's happiness, right?
Grayson Perry admits he's not immune from the stereotypes himself - as the psychoanalysts say, 'if you spot it, you've got it' - and his thoughts on everything from power to physical appearance, from emotions to a brand new Manifesto for Men, are shot through with honesty, tenderness and the belief that, for everyone to benefit, upgrading masculinity has to be something men decide to do themselves. They have nothing to lose but their hang-ups.
151 pages, Hardcover
First published October 20, 2016
About the author
Grayson Perry
25 books214 followersGrayson Perry CBE RA is an English contemporary artist, writer and broadcaster.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 750 reviews
September 20, 2017
What with this and Robert Webb's recent How Not To Be a Boy, it feels pleasantly like the UK is having a prominent polite debate about what masculinity is. This makes me happy, because I've always felt that gender relations in the society I grew up in were less polarised and less weaponised than they are in the cultural America to which, as an expat, I am now primarily exposed when I engage with the Anglosphere via mass media or the internet. The subject is notoriously fraught, though. As Perry points out, ‘A discussion about hipster fashions or who does the washing-up can rapidly spiral into a debate about rape, war, terrorism, religious oppression and predatory capitalism.’
If you want a simple, conversational introduction to these ideas that's aimed at men, then this is perfect – and there isn't much aimed at men out there (once you discard the various men's rights diatribes, whose main ideology is opposition to feminism). This means that, for instance, he is unusually sympathetic towards the kind of MRAs that hang out on extremist red-pill website, making an effort to understand their grievances. ‘A lot of men are sold the narrative of male domination, but lead lives of frustration and servitude,’ he suggests. ‘No wonder they get angry.’ On the other hand, he does not attempt to sugarcoat his assessment of men's overall influence on society:
As a cross-dressing potter, Grayson Perry might be thought to have a particular relationship with masculinity (which he calls ‘the lumbering beast within me’). But in fact, what's in here is, I think, more or less what any thoughtful, vaguely leftist guy already feels about the subject – there's nothing particularly new or groundbreaking in Perry's man-ifesto, although one or two conclusions did take me by surprise a bit (he favours national service as a way of ‘dealing with unsocialized masculine energy’).
The great unspoken assumption behind it all, though, is the degree to which social factors shape ‘masculinity’ in the first place. He can't seem to decide where he stands, first arguing that nothing is inherently masculine or feminine, but going on to make several asides that suggest otherwise – commenting, for instance, that ‘in a typical masculine way, [architects] lacked empathy for an average user’. ‘I'm happy to believe genetics do play some part in gender,’ he eventually concedes, ‘but not much’. But this conclusion seems to be based mainly on the fact that it would be nice if it were true. I would love to believe that male and female behaviour is mainly determined by social factors, which is exactly why I am so suspicious of people assuring me that it is. Whenever I read books that go through the evidence (most recently, Out of Eden), it seems to point the other way.
I suppose it doesn't matter that much – it's hard to object to someone arguing about how society should more productively and healthily set out men's roles and role models. But testosterone is a hell of a drug, and its effects are still being selected for. While Perry can announce that ‘We need to breed smaller, more sensitive men,’ we see that on average women still prefer larger, taller, more assertive men as mating partners. In general, the important role of (hetero-) sexual desire in all this seems underplayed here. (I know I always say that, but in this case it really seems relevant.)
Perry does refer gloomily to the famous 2013 study Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency in Marriage (which showed, basically, that men who do their share of the housework get less sex, ‘suggesting the importance of gender display rather than marital exchange for sex between heterosexual married partners’), but it isn't clear to me what he thinks we should conclude from it. To me it seems very scary for his thesis. In the last twenty years, as men have happily become more emotional, vulnerable, empathetic and less aggressive, the figure of the hyper-macho man has receded into a sort of powerful fantasy figure (as can be seen here by the prevalence of "alpha male" tags in the erotic romance lists). On the one hand, it's probably good that people are dissociating this kind of figure away from real life and into fantasy. On the other hand, though, as long as those ideas are out there, there will always be men who play up to them since, as an aggregate group, they'll pretty much play up to any archetype if they think it'll get them laid.
Still, none of this should be any excuse for shrugging our shoulders and excusing shitty or damaging behaviour, and the more men talk openly about the problems with male stereotypes, restrictive gender roles and questionable socialisation, the better. This short, clear, jargon-free cri de cœur is a great contribution to that debate.
If you want a simple, conversational introduction to these ideas that's aimed at men, then this is perfect – and there isn't much aimed at men out there (once you discard the various men's rights diatribes, whose main ideology is opposition to feminism). This means that, for instance, he is unusually sympathetic towards the kind of MRAs that hang out on extremist red-pill website, making an effort to understand their grievances. ‘A lot of men are sold the narrative of male domination, but lead lives of frustration and servitude,’ he suggests. ‘No wonder they get angry.’ On the other hand, he does not attempt to sugarcoat his assessment of men's overall influence on society:
I sometimes watch the evening news on television and think all the world's problems can be boiled down to one thing: the behaviour of people with a Y chromosome.
As a cross-dressing potter, Grayson Perry might be thought to have a particular relationship with masculinity (which he calls ‘the lumbering beast within me’). But in fact, what's in here is, I think, more or less what any thoughtful, vaguely leftist guy already feels about the subject – there's nothing particularly new or groundbreaking in Perry's man-ifesto, although one or two conclusions did take me by surprise a bit (he favours national service as a way of ‘dealing with unsocialized masculine energy’).
The great unspoken assumption behind it all, though, is the degree to which social factors shape ‘masculinity’ in the first place. He can't seem to decide where he stands, first arguing that nothing is inherently masculine or feminine, but going on to make several asides that suggest otherwise – commenting, for instance, that ‘in a typical masculine way, [architects] lacked empathy for an average user’. ‘I'm happy to believe genetics do play some part in gender,’ he eventually concedes, ‘but not much’. But this conclusion seems to be based mainly on the fact that it would be nice if it were true. I would love to believe that male and female behaviour is mainly determined by social factors, which is exactly why I am so suspicious of people assuring me that it is. Whenever I read books that go through the evidence (most recently, Out of Eden), it seems to point the other way.
I suppose it doesn't matter that much – it's hard to object to someone arguing about how society should more productively and healthily set out men's roles and role models. But testosterone is a hell of a drug, and its effects are still being selected for. While Perry can announce that ‘We need to breed smaller, more sensitive men,’ we see that on average women still prefer larger, taller, more assertive men as mating partners. In general, the important role of (hetero-) sexual desire in all this seems underplayed here. (I know I always say that, but in this case it really seems relevant.)
Perry does refer gloomily to the famous 2013 study Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency in Marriage (which showed, basically, that men who do their share of the housework get less sex, ‘suggesting the importance of gender display rather than marital exchange for sex between heterosexual married partners’), but it isn't clear to me what he thinks we should conclude from it. To me it seems very scary for his thesis. In the last twenty years, as men have happily become more emotional, vulnerable, empathetic and less aggressive, the figure of the hyper-macho man has receded into a sort of powerful fantasy figure (as can be seen here by the prevalence of "alpha male" tags in the erotic romance lists). On the one hand, it's probably good that people are dissociating this kind of figure away from real life and into fantasy. On the other hand, though, as long as those ideas are out there, there will always be men who play up to them since, as an aggregate group, they'll pretty much play up to any archetype if they think it'll get them laid.
Still, none of this should be any excuse for shrugging our shoulders and excusing shitty or damaging behaviour, and the more men talk openly about the problems with male stereotypes, restrictive gender roles and questionable socialisation, the better. This short, clear, jargon-free cri de cœur is a great contribution to that debate.
June 21, 2022
I’m highly recommending this, particularly if you have an interest in gender. It’s accessible, interesting and amusing while it addresses important issues surrounding gender expectations. Grayson recalls his own experiences with honesty and self awareness which makes it more personal and relatable.
February 6, 2017
3.5 stars
Greyson Perry is honestly self-reflective in this treatise on masculinity. As a transvestite, he sees himself as having been contemplating his own responses to ideas of femininity and masculinity from a young age, and therefore as particularly capable of identifying the problematic gender constructions of modern society. For this is book is not about the failure of men, but rather the issues in how maleness is defined and determined by society. From blue baby clothes and toy fire trucks to banter, Perry shows how much so-called male characteristics are narrowly defined, and policed, by those around them. Of course, he is aware that the same thing happens to girls and women, but I think what he is trying to get across is that until recently this has not been seen as detrimental to men in the same way as it has to women. Those men outside of the 'ideal' are struggling more than ever to find their place and rising suicide rates seem to support this. This might seem like it could fall in to the 'poor men have it hard' schtick, but it's a positive manifesto for thoughtful progress instead of self-pitying.
Despite this, and the fact that Perry writes with an engaging style, I didn't feel there was much new here. Perhaps that's more a reflection of my personal reading and thinking tastes, the issues he raises about the social construction of gender are ones that I hope are already being questioned with greater consistency. Not only that, the Great White Male he labels "Default Male" is given little reason to change the status quo (i'm not sure the supposed benefits of being less traditionally masculine are enough to balance 'losing' the position at the head of the table); if progress is going to come, it will be from those the DM disadvantages, including men who don't quite reach that 'ideal'.
In any case, the book works as a good conversation starter, a discussion that is important one for modern society.
ARC via Netgalley
Greyson Perry is honestly self-reflective in this treatise on masculinity. As a transvestite, he sees himself as having been contemplating his own responses to ideas of femininity and masculinity from a young age, and therefore as particularly capable of identifying the problematic gender constructions of modern society. For this is book is not about the failure of men, but rather the issues in how maleness is defined and determined by society. From blue baby clothes and toy fire trucks to banter, Perry shows how much so-called male characteristics are narrowly defined, and policed, by those around them. Of course, he is aware that the same thing happens to girls and women, but I think what he is trying to get across is that until recently this has not been seen as detrimental to men in the same way as it has to women. Those men outside of the 'ideal' are struggling more than ever to find their place and rising suicide rates seem to support this. This might seem like it could fall in to the 'poor men have it hard' schtick, but it's a positive manifesto for thoughtful progress instead of self-pitying.
Despite this, and the fact that Perry writes with an engaging style, I didn't feel there was much new here. Perhaps that's more a reflection of my personal reading and thinking tastes, the issues he raises about the social construction of gender are ones that I hope are already being questioned with greater consistency. Not only that, the Great White Male he labels "Default Male" is given little reason to change the status quo (i'm not sure the supposed benefits of being less traditionally masculine are enough to balance 'losing' the position at the head of the table); if progress is going to come, it will be from those the DM disadvantages, including men who don't quite reach that 'ideal'.
In any case, the book works as a good conversation starter, a discussion that is important one for modern society.
ARC via Netgalley
April 7, 2018
3.5 stars rounded up
Rather brief and pertinent little book about the history, nature and future of masculinity wound around Grayson Perry’s own struggle with his masculinity. There are no references and Perry can be repetitive, but there is some great artwork as you would expect from one of our foremost artists.
The best part of the book is when Perry talks about his own life, the abuse from his stepfather, his teenage self as a skinhead and skateboarder, his passion for motor biking and mountain biking, his transvestitism and his own struggles with masculinity.
His analysis of the problem is pretty much spot on as you would expect; nearly all crime and violence can be laid at the door of men as can wars and the way societies are run. Men are often emotionally closed and distant. Perry writes all this pretty well:
“Examining masculinity can seem like a luxury problem, a pastime for wealthy, well-educated, peaceful society, but I would argue the opposite: the poorer, the more undeveloped, the more uneducated a society is, the more masculinity needs realigning with the modern world, because masculinity is probably holding back that society. All over the globe, crimes are committed, wars are started, women are being held back and economies are disastrously distorted by men, because of their outdated version of masculinity.”
Perry argues that genetics plays a very small role in this and conditioning and society’s expectations are the central problems and will hinder any solutions:
“We need to firm up what it is to be a man in the 21st century, because other retrograde forces are happy to promote a seductive, familiar, easy-to-assemble package.”
Perry’s solutions though tend towards self-reflection, men meeting in groups and talking: the solution being inside men’s heads. This may miss the point that our economic system depends very much on competition and division; all very much part of the male psyche. Interestingly Dave Ramsden’s review in Socialist Review makes the following point:
“The author says he hates to use the word revolution. Instead he advocates individual self-examination rather than the therapy of mass engagement. The miners did not remove page three from their magazine during their strike following a process of intellectual introspection. They removed it because they were supported unceasingly and without preconditions by the women of the pit communities and beyond.”
The analysis of the problem by Perry in the first half of the book is very much better than the solutions in the second half which is quite rambling. Perry is however quite funny and incisive; his musings about clothing are particularly funny; he refers to ties as “colourful textile phalluses” and “Men are into frippery as much as women, but they cloak it under spurious function.” (“pseudo-functional zips and buckles”).
Perry’s new list of men’s rights at the end are fairly uncontroversial:
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed of any of these
But his solutions are not radical enough.
Rather brief and pertinent little book about the history, nature and future of masculinity wound around Grayson Perry’s own struggle with his masculinity. There are no references and Perry can be repetitive, but there is some great artwork as you would expect from one of our foremost artists.
The best part of the book is when Perry talks about his own life, the abuse from his stepfather, his teenage self as a skinhead and skateboarder, his passion for motor biking and mountain biking, his transvestitism and his own struggles with masculinity.
His analysis of the problem is pretty much spot on as you would expect; nearly all crime and violence can be laid at the door of men as can wars and the way societies are run. Men are often emotionally closed and distant. Perry writes all this pretty well:
“Examining masculinity can seem like a luxury problem, a pastime for wealthy, well-educated, peaceful society, but I would argue the opposite: the poorer, the more undeveloped, the more uneducated a society is, the more masculinity needs realigning with the modern world, because masculinity is probably holding back that society. All over the globe, crimes are committed, wars are started, women are being held back and economies are disastrously distorted by men, because of their outdated version of masculinity.”
Perry argues that genetics plays a very small role in this and conditioning and society’s expectations are the central problems and will hinder any solutions:
“We need to firm up what it is to be a man in the 21st century, because other retrograde forces are happy to promote a seductive, familiar, easy-to-assemble package.”
Perry’s solutions though tend towards self-reflection, men meeting in groups and talking: the solution being inside men’s heads. This may miss the point that our economic system depends very much on competition and division; all very much part of the male psyche. Interestingly Dave Ramsden’s review in Socialist Review makes the following point:
“The author says he hates to use the word revolution. Instead he advocates individual self-examination rather than the therapy of mass engagement. The miners did not remove page three from their magazine during their strike following a process of intellectual introspection. They removed it because they were supported unceasingly and without preconditions by the women of the pit communities and beyond.”
The analysis of the problem by Perry in the first half of the book is very much better than the solutions in the second half which is quite rambling. Perry is however quite funny and incisive; his musings about clothing are particularly funny; he refers to ties as “colourful textile phalluses” and “Men are into frippery as much as women, but they cloak it under spurious function.” (“pseudo-functional zips and buckles”).
Perry’s new list of men’s rights at the end are fairly uncontroversial:
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed of any of these
But his solutions are not radical enough.
May 21, 2019
3.5 stars. This was interesting but I didn’t completely agree with everything Perry says in the book. It’s definitely good to read other people’s opinions so I’m glad I decided to try it out. It’s also a fairly short audiobook so I didn’t get bored even though nearly all the chapters talk about very similar things leading back to the same points. Would recommend.
September 16, 2017
As Philadelphia writer R. Eric Thomas is fond of saying, "masculinity is a prison." By now it should come as no surprise to anyone that rigid gender roles limit everyone, and while women have made some advances in areas previously seen as "male," men generally seem more reluctant to embrace their so-called feminine side, despite the obvious drawbacks to having to be seen as hypermasculine all the time. It's not clear how much farther the project of gender equality can go without men being fully on board, though, which makes books like The Descent of Man especially valuable.
This book definitely makes some fascinating points, particularly in its first half. Chief among these points is the idea that men's traditional advantage—brute strength—has become less of an advantage in a world that's become more and more geared toward emotional intelligence. "The brain, the very organ that has given the human race its success, may have long ago set in train a process—modernity and democracy—that may be incompatible with traditional masculinity," Grayson Perry notes. Men's traditional conditioning to feel superior is at odds with the notion of a world where everyone is truly equal, which explains why some men "feel feminism is an attack on their core identity rather than a call for equality."
Perry then goes on to discuss the idea of gender performance and how being forced to limit themselves to the most narrow idea of masculinity can have a disastrous effect on the lives of men and boys, leading to widespread unhappiness and discontent, not to mention violence among men and between men and women. The "men's rights" movement and generally appalling internet behavior of a certain segment of the male population are touched upon. For me, this second half of the book contained fewer new insights than the first half did, but the fact that these points have been made before doesn't make them any less important. In fact, repetition of these ideas may be one of the only things that will eventually make them stick, so their inclusion here is a no-brainer, both as a logical aspect of the book's argument and as a vital element of the larger ongoing project of equality the author seeks to foster.
I was less enthused by Perry's conviction that the only way to get men on board with feminism is to show them how it will help them (i.e., men). Shouldn't decent people recognize that equality is important regardless of what side of the divide they're currently standing on? And, practically speaking, will men genuinely learn to embrace feminist ideas if they're allowed to believe it's still all about them? The whole notion is depressing to me, but it's admittedly still worth thinking about.
Grayson Perry is apparently well-known in the UK but, as far as I am aware, not at all known in the U.S., so it's something of a mystery why this book was released here. I wish a different, less "who's this guy?" cover design had been used for U.S. audiences who won't recognize the author photo. Still, there's no doubt that the messages in this book deserve to be heard, and if Americans don't embrace this particular book, perhaps it'll open the door for others that have a better shot at getting noticed here.
I won this book in a giveaway here on Goodreads. Thank you to the publisher.
This book definitely makes some fascinating points, particularly in its first half. Chief among these points is the idea that men's traditional advantage—brute strength—has become less of an advantage in a world that's become more and more geared toward emotional intelligence. "The brain, the very organ that has given the human race its success, may have long ago set in train a process—modernity and democracy—that may be incompatible with traditional masculinity," Grayson Perry notes. Men's traditional conditioning to feel superior is at odds with the notion of a world where everyone is truly equal, which explains why some men "feel feminism is an attack on their core identity rather than a call for equality."
Perry then goes on to discuss the idea of gender performance and how being forced to limit themselves to the most narrow idea of masculinity can have a disastrous effect on the lives of men and boys, leading to widespread unhappiness and discontent, not to mention violence among men and between men and women. The "men's rights" movement and generally appalling internet behavior of a certain segment of the male population are touched upon. For me, this second half of the book contained fewer new insights than the first half did, but the fact that these points have been made before doesn't make them any less important. In fact, repetition of these ideas may be one of the only things that will eventually make them stick, so their inclusion here is a no-brainer, both as a logical aspect of the book's argument and as a vital element of the larger ongoing project of equality the author seeks to foster.
I was less enthused by Perry's conviction that the only way to get men on board with feminism is to show them how it will help them (i.e., men). Shouldn't decent people recognize that equality is important regardless of what side of the divide they're currently standing on? And, practically speaking, will men genuinely learn to embrace feminist ideas if they're allowed to believe it's still all about them? The whole notion is depressing to me, but it's admittedly still worth thinking about.
Grayson Perry is apparently well-known in the UK but, as far as I am aware, not at all known in the U.S., so it's something of a mystery why this book was released here. I wish a different, less "who's this guy?" cover design had been used for U.S. audiences who won't recognize the author photo. Still, there's no doubt that the messages in this book deserve to be heard, and if Americans don't embrace this particular book, perhaps it'll open the door for others that have a better shot at getting noticed here.
I won this book in a giveaway here on Goodreads. Thank you to the publisher.
June 12, 2019
I did enjoy reading Grayson's thoughts about masculinity and what men can do to change the stereotypes that are there. I found his memories of childhood interesting and he comes across as someone I would love to talk to and really like as a person. He seems like a really nice guy. Overall the ideas in the book were perhaps too polarised, black and white and neatly tied up to be interesting to someone who generally agrees with them. Also I feel he will be preaching to the converted, will someone who disagrees with his ideas really be reading this book? Sadly I don't think so. I really enjoyed his annotated cartoons, I would love to see a whole book like this, I think that would have been much more successful.
February 7, 2017
The most pervasive aspect of the Default Man identity is that it masquerades very efficiently as 'normal' - and 'normal' along with 'natural', is a dangerous word, often at the root of hateful prejudice.
Grayson Perry is known mostly for his artwork and transvestism. Here he draws on his own experiences with masculinity and femininity to explore traditional ideas about what it means to be masculine, and challenge those ideas. It's an easy, interesting read, complete with some great artwork.
Where it fails a little is when considering this alongside other books about gender. It works better as a memoir on Perry's growing up and transvestism. The Descent of Man is very personal - which alternated between being a positive and a negative. His experiences as a boy trying on his mother's dresses and redefining his own personal gender norms were great to read about and kept the pages turning, but what this book adds to the discussion on gender and masculinity is less impressive.
Perry doesn't cite any references, though his ideas have already been brought forward by numerous other writers - most notably, Judith Butler in Gender Trouble. Anyone who has read a little into gender studies already knows what he tells us: that masculinity is a social construct; that the patriarchy and gender binary are damaging to women, men and those who identify as both or neither; that a better world, a better notion of masculinity, would allow men to be weak, vulnerable and emotional.
He sets out with two clear agendas: 1) To expose the social construct of masculinity, and 2) Convince men it is beneficial to them to change the traditional idea of what it means to be "masculine".
He does the first mostly by reiterating the work of other writers. By far his most valuable contribution to the gender discussion is his idea of the "Default Man" - an oblivious creature who doesn't see the detriment to society caused by traditional ideas of gender because they tend to work in his favour. Too bad Perry makes way too many generalizations with this idea without pausing to consider how some might intentionally use it to their own benefit, or simply not care about the harm it does because of their personal beliefs or gains.
Additionally, by his own admission, he wishes to convince these "Default Men" that they should change, and despite showing his own experiences and how a new interpretation of masculinity could benefit him, I don't think he did that. The later chapters of the book lost the initial focus and I felt it lacked a strong conclusion as to how the "Default Man" would benefit from a change. The DM, by his nature, believes in traditional masculinity that shuns male weakness, so offering him the opportunity to be weak feels, itself, like a weak argument.
Also, though he expresses many ideas aligned with feminist ideology, he refers to them as "the feminists", a separate group - it seems - from himself. And though I don’t believe he meant this to be derogatory, his clear desire to distance himself from the word was unfortunate, given the book seems in many ways a feminist one.
Still, a quick and interesting read. I especially liked Perry's acknowledgement of the masculine and feminine traits that can exist alongside one another in anyone. They are not mutually exclusive. In fact, this reminded me of one of my favourite songs: When I Was a Boy by Dar Williams.
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November 5, 2017
Men's Rights (according to Grayson Perry's manifesto):
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed of any of these
Hard to argue with that.
In The Descent of Man, Grayson Perry argues that the current concept of masculinity needs to change. He approaches the subject with warmth and wit. I enjoyed this book, and will encourage my husband and sons to read it too.
I had this as Whispersync so switched between ebook and audio. The audio was very well narrated by Jonny Phillips.
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed of any of these
Hard to argue with that.
In The Descent of Man, Grayson Perry argues that the current concept of masculinity needs to change. He approaches the subject with warmth and wit. I enjoyed this book, and will encourage my husband and sons to read it too.
I had this as Whispersync so switched between ebook and audio. The audio was very well narrated by Jonny Phillips.
December 21, 2017
Until a friend recently pointed him out, I’d never heard of Grayson Perry. I have since looked at his artwork online and am as impressed over his painting and his clothing choices as anyone would be. They are quite…wildly spectacular and suggestive…of a world where sexuality is a choice.
Somehow, despite Perry telling us that he experienced and acted out of a deep well of rage in his youth, we feel comfortable with him telling us what he thinks we’re misunderstanding about sexuality and gender disparity. Perry calls himself a transvestite, and I guess we’ll have to accept his definition of that. He doesn’t go into detail (thank goodness) but he does mention his wife in this work and she is female, so far as I can tell.
Whatever. This book is an amusing and non-judgmental look at masculinity and the effect it has had on the female sex psychologically and every other way. Perry makes some really funny and caustic observations on his way to telling men they can let down their compulsion to carry the world on their shoulders. Half the world is ready to take up their share of the burden, and, oh by the way, you can get yourselves some better clothes while you’re at it. Something pastel, perhaps?
Another thing Perry tells us is that for many men,
Perry moves from this discussion to “a strong component of masculinity is nostalgia.” This piques my interest because I have noticed that definitely among the men I have known. Mothers are so practical and utilitarian and not so backward-looking, in my experience. Perry suggests our sex drive is always on the hunt…for the past, for our childhoods. The emotions we attach to our sex lives,
This is something I’ve never heard articulated in quite this way before, though I have seen it manifest often. It seems a worthwhile avenue of exploration.
In his final chapter, Perry reminds men that they can lay down the burden of holding up the world, and they are allowed to declare a few things; for instance, men have “The Right to be Wrong,” and “The Right Not to Know,” and maybe most important, “The Right to be Weak.” Yes, this is the part where we can all enjoy the power imbalance for a little while at least, pulling out those sexual fantasies for something entirely novel…
Somehow, despite Perry telling us that he experienced and acted out of a deep well of rage in his youth, we feel comfortable with him telling us what he thinks we’re misunderstanding about sexuality and gender disparity. Perry calls himself a transvestite, and I guess we’ll have to accept his definition of that. He doesn’t go into detail (thank goodness) but he does mention his wife in this work and she is female, so far as I can tell.
Whatever. This book is an amusing and non-judgmental look at masculinity and the effect it has had on the female sex psychologically and every other way. Perry makes some really funny and caustic observations on his way to telling men they can let down their compulsion to carry the world on their shoulders. Half the world is ready to take up their share of the burden, and, oh by the way, you can get yourselves some better clothes while you’re at it. Something pastel, perhaps?
“Actors, when they are preparing for a role, often talk of the clothes as key…So, in the great gender debate, maybe clothes are one of the key drivers of change…If we want to transform what men can be, maybe central to their performance will be a costume change.”Much of what Perry writes in this book is what women have been saying for some time, so I never felt uncomfortable or surprised by his ideas. However, Perry had a unique set of questions I’d never seen raised before, like
“I asked a men’s group what women may not know about men. What came up was just how attracted to risk men are. These were middle-aged, middle-class men in therapy, yet they all had tales to tell of reckless driving, drug taking, sex and violence, and they told them with relish. In all-male company, risk is a shared enthusiasm.”Perry goes on to say that if the popular notion of masculinity is in need of an update, who better to figure it out than concerned groups of men? But ‘the men’s movement’ tends to lay the blame at the feet of women, whereas if traditional working-class men feel left on the rust heap, they would be better served to look at the sexist patriarchy—the very thing feminists are attacking—rather than women and feminism.
“…Men are their own worst enemy.”In a chapter entitled “The Shell of Masculinity,” Perry explains that in childhood men aren’t given the tools they need to be expressive of their needs and feelings, and this can hamper their development later in life and in relationships. I think this is pretty much received knowledge, and knowing it means we need to have mothers and fathers prepare their sons for a world that is fundamentally changed, more rewarding of introspection and insight into one’s own behavior rather than the dog-eat-dog, first-man-to-the-top-of-the-heap-no-matter-the-human-cost attitudes we had been rewarding.
Another thing Perry tells us is that for many men,
“sex boils and ferments below a crust of civility. The comedian Phill Jupitus describes masturbation as the ‘male screen saver.’ If a man is not concentrating on something, his brain goes into sleep mode and sex swims into his awareness. [I particularly like this analogy.] Instead of a view of Yosemite Valley or a swirling universe, a back catalog of diary porn shuffles across his mind screen, and the desire to jerk off takes over.”My sympathies entirely, gentlemen. What effort you must expend to keep from reaching over and putting your hand up the skirt of the nearest babe. I’d no idea what you were wrestling with, and yet…friends of mine do not report such overwhelming urges that they cannot keep themselves well under control.
Perry moves from this discussion to “a strong component of masculinity is nostalgia.” This piques my interest because I have noticed that definitely among the men I have known. Mothers are so practical and utilitarian and not so backward-looking, in my experience. Perry suggests our sex drive is always on the hunt…for the past, for our childhoods. The emotions we attach to our sex lives,
“the power plays and dramatic roles we act out in our sex lives, we learn as children…The scripts of our sexual fantasies are usually roughed out by our experiences as children. [Including fetishes.]”Perry has spent so long in therapy he has really talked out among men many of the things people discuss when they talk about gender equality. And yet, he says, gender “difference and an imbalance of power are big components of what turns us all on, not just the kinky ones.” From here Perry notes fetishes often have a distinctly nostalgic flavor, and sexual nostalgia may be the reason men are hanging on to old stereotypes. What turns them on is sexually and politically out of date.
This is something I’ve never heard articulated in quite this way before, though I have seen it manifest often. It seems a worthwhile avenue of exploration.
In his final chapter, Perry reminds men that they can lay down the burden of holding up the world, and they are allowed to declare a few things; for instance, men have “The Right to be Wrong,” and “The Right Not to Know,” and maybe most important, “The Right to be Weak.” Yes, this is the part where we can all enjoy the power imbalance for a little while at least, pulling out those sexual fantasies for something entirely novel…
December 22, 2023
¡Que maravilla de librito!
Después de mucho leer de feminismos y de conocer el que algunas expertas llaman “el problema del hombre” en la sociedad patriarcal, había estado esperando que algún autor, bien informado, plenamente consciente del problema, pero también desde su propia experiencia como hombre en el patriarcado, se tomara el trabajo de escribir una reflexión seria sobre el asunto.
¡Pues aquí está!
Este libro es una deliciosa combinación de un análisis serio sobre la masculinidad, especialmente la masculinidad tradicional, la masculinidad tóxica que, como muestran sobradamente las estadísticas de violencia y conflictos, es la fuente de muchos de los problemas que sufre nuestra sociedad, y una colección de anécdotas entre divertidas y muy tristes, acompañadas de ilustraciones geniales creadas por el mismo autor.
No se si se podría encontrar alguien más adecuado para el trabajo de analizar el problema de la masculinidad que Grayson Perry: un artista reconocido, travesti, hombre heterosexual, casado, orígenes en una familia de clase media baja, víctima de violencia infantil, hombre deconstruido y ampliamente ilustrado en el feminismo —como se revela a través de sus citas— y hoy un exitoso y reconocido profesional (es rector de una universidad en Londres).
Sería difícil encontrar una mejor combinación de características para darle salida al diagnóstico que Perry realiza en este librito (no tiene más de 150 páginas, se deja leer en un par de sentadas).
El resultado no puede ser mejor. O más perturbador.
Como el hombre heterosexual, casado y con hijos que soy, he representado durante la mayor parte de mi vida —y sigo representando aunque recientemente con más consciencia de los problemas que esto conlleva— el rol masculino que se me inculcó desde una edad que ni siquiera recuerdo. Soy incontinente verbal gracias a mis privilegios y sufro de estreñimiento emocional. Resuelvo muchos problemas con ira, malas palabras e insultos —aunque la mayoría solo los profiero desde el interior de un automóvil cerrado y solo logro dañarme a mi mismo—. Fui testigo de violencia contra las mujeres desde mi infancia y he tratado con violencia, aunque no física, al menos psicológica a hombres y mujeres a mi alrededor. He celebrado la guerra y me he hecho el loco frente al sufrimiento humano. No tengo amigos, no voy al psicólogo, he creído toda mi vida que, como hombre, debo ser absolutamente independiente, y que una relación de dependencia de otras personas es humillante o te limita —aunque la mayor parte de mi vida he dependido de otras, especialmente de mujeres, mi mamá, mis hermanas y ahora mi esposa.
En fin, he sido por la mayor parte de mis casi 50 años un hombre de vieja escuela, como nos llama Grayson Perry.
Afortunadamente, no me ha faltado la curiosidad intelectual, la capacidad de asombro y la admiración por la bondad de las personas, bondad que me ha faltado a mi; en el fondo llevo, como la mayoría de los hombres dañados del patriarcado, un niño asustado y sensible que llora disimuladamente en las películas y que de verdad quisiera tener más amigos. Por estas razones, sumadas al placer que me produce la lectura y no menos importante, al privilegio de tener una buena amiga que me aconseja con amor —la única que tengo, mi esposa—, he descubierto este tipo de lecturas que me han llevado a confrontar quien he sido. Afortunadamente también, he encontrado suficiente flexibilidad mental a mi edad para reconocer el problema y tratar de enmendarlo —aunque el mierdero que la masculinidad tóxica deja en el camino es difícil de borrar—.
En “La caída del hombre”, un juego de palabras que el autor utiliza para representar justamente cómo va quedando en el pasado la masculinidad que construyó cuidadosamente la historia para mantener una estructura de poder que invisibiliza y homogeniza, en especial a las mujeres, pero también a toda la diversidad humana, Grayson Perry aborda, entre muchos, los 3 aspectos más problemáticos de la masculinidad: el poder, los estereotipos de la masculinidad y la coraza —o la costra— emocional de la que nos rodeamos. Mientras lo hace, Perry cuenta, desde su propia experiencia —por eso creo que un libro así solo lo puede escribir un hombre, de la misma manera que un libro de feminismo solo lo puede escribir una mujer— las anécdotas que ilustran las problemáticas, pero al mismo tiempo ofrece increíbles recomendaciones sobre cómo podrían atacarse para buscar una sociedad mejor.
Después de que lo leímos en seguidilla, mi esposa, mi gran y única amiga, y yo, el libro quedó atestado de banderitas autoadhesivas que demuestran no solo lo novedoso e iluminador que resultó para nosotros lo leído, sino la increíble cantidad de frases, ideas y recomendaciones que salen de leer un libro como este.
A mi, personalmente, me deja, entre muchas otras, la tarea de conseguir un amigo, otro que no sea mi esposa —¿con quién puedo hablar cosas que no quiera hablar con ella?—, pero también la de buscar formas de curar el estreñimiento emocional que sufro desde hace décadas.
Escribir esta reseña, leer libros que en parte me incomoden o me saquen de mi zona de confort o pongan en evidencia mis privilegios, ha sido parte del proceso. Tal vez por eso es que lo disfruto tanto.
Quizás mis amigos, mis estudiantes o las personas que me siguen en redes sociales han notado el cambio; algunos incluso deben estar cansados de que ahora hable más de esto y lo haga con vehemencia; pero eso es parte de lo que debo hacer para “desestreñirme”. Si no les gusta, les aseguro que la alternativa, seguir siendo un hombre que sigue el guion tradicional del patriarcado, les gustaría mucho menos.
Lo he dicho con muchos libros similares que me han cambiado y lo repetiré con este: “La caída del hombre” debería ser una lectura obligada en escuelas, colegios o a lo sumo en universidades.
Como lo señala Perry y ahora estoy convencido y lo he conversado mucho con mi esposa, el problema de la masculinidad tóxica y el enquistamiento enfermizo del patriarcado, es un verdadero problema de salud pública que, como tal, solo se resuelve con políticas de salud pública, pero también con muuuuuuuuch educación. Este libro será instrumental para eso.
Seguiré leyendo.
PD. Publicaré un hilo en Twitter con algunas de las citas más interesantes del libro. Espero poner aquí el enlace cuando lo termine (y espero también que no sea una promesa vacía como las que hacen los políticos).
Después de mucho leer de feminismos y de conocer el que algunas expertas llaman “el problema del hombre” en la sociedad patriarcal, había estado esperando que algún autor, bien informado, plenamente consciente del problema, pero también desde su propia experiencia como hombre en el patriarcado, se tomara el trabajo de escribir una reflexión seria sobre el asunto.
¡Pues aquí está!
Este libro es una deliciosa combinación de un análisis serio sobre la masculinidad, especialmente la masculinidad tradicional, la masculinidad tóxica que, como muestran sobradamente las estadísticas de violencia y conflictos, es la fuente de muchos de los problemas que sufre nuestra sociedad, y una colección de anécdotas entre divertidas y muy tristes, acompañadas de ilustraciones geniales creadas por el mismo autor.
No se si se podría encontrar alguien más adecuado para el trabajo de analizar el problema de la masculinidad que Grayson Perry: un artista reconocido, travesti, hombre heterosexual, casado, orígenes en una familia de clase media baja, víctima de violencia infantil, hombre deconstruido y ampliamente ilustrado en el feminismo —como se revela a través de sus citas— y hoy un exitoso y reconocido profesional (es rector de una universidad en Londres).
Sería difícil encontrar una mejor combinación de características para darle salida al diagnóstico que Perry realiza en este librito (no tiene más de 150 páginas, se deja leer en un par de sentadas).
El resultado no puede ser mejor. O más perturbador.
Como el hombre heterosexual, casado y con hijos que soy, he representado durante la mayor parte de mi vida —y sigo representando aunque recientemente con más consciencia de los problemas que esto conlleva— el rol masculino que se me inculcó desde una edad que ni siquiera recuerdo. Soy incontinente verbal gracias a mis privilegios y sufro de estreñimiento emocional. Resuelvo muchos problemas con ira, malas palabras e insultos —aunque la mayoría solo los profiero desde el interior de un automóvil cerrado y solo logro dañarme a mi mismo—. Fui testigo de violencia contra las mujeres desde mi infancia y he tratado con violencia, aunque no física, al menos psicológica a hombres y mujeres a mi alrededor. He celebrado la guerra y me he hecho el loco frente al sufrimiento humano. No tengo amigos, no voy al psicólogo, he creído toda mi vida que, como hombre, debo ser absolutamente independiente, y que una relación de dependencia de otras personas es humillante o te limita —aunque la mayor parte de mi vida he dependido de otras, especialmente de mujeres, mi mamá, mis hermanas y ahora mi esposa.
En fin, he sido por la mayor parte de mis casi 50 años un hombre de vieja escuela, como nos llama Grayson Perry.
Afortunadamente, no me ha faltado la curiosidad intelectual, la capacidad de asombro y la admiración por la bondad de las personas, bondad que me ha faltado a mi; en el fondo llevo, como la mayoría de los hombres dañados del patriarcado, un niño asustado y sensible que llora disimuladamente en las películas y que de verdad quisiera tener más amigos. Por estas razones, sumadas al placer que me produce la lectura y no menos importante, al privilegio de tener una buena amiga que me aconseja con amor —la única que tengo, mi esposa—, he descubierto este tipo de lecturas que me han llevado a confrontar quien he sido. Afortunadamente también, he encontrado suficiente flexibilidad mental a mi edad para reconocer el problema y tratar de enmendarlo —aunque el mierdero que la masculinidad tóxica deja en el camino es difícil de borrar—.
En “La caída del hombre”, un juego de palabras que el autor utiliza para representar justamente cómo va quedando en el pasado la masculinidad que construyó cuidadosamente la historia para mantener una estructura de poder que invisibiliza y homogeniza, en especial a las mujeres, pero también a toda la diversidad humana, Grayson Perry aborda, entre muchos, los 3 aspectos más problemáticos de la masculinidad: el poder, los estereotipos de la masculinidad y la coraza —o la costra— emocional de la que nos rodeamos. Mientras lo hace, Perry cuenta, desde su propia experiencia —por eso creo que un libro así solo lo puede escribir un hombre, de la misma manera que un libro de feminismo solo lo puede escribir una mujer— las anécdotas que ilustran las problemáticas, pero al mismo tiempo ofrece increíbles recomendaciones sobre cómo podrían atacarse para buscar una sociedad mejor.
Después de que lo leímos en seguidilla, mi esposa, mi gran y única amiga, y yo, el libro quedó atestado de banderitas autoadhesivas que demuestran no solo lo novedoso e iluminador que resultó para nosotros lo leído, sino la increíble cantidad de frases, ideas y recomendaciones que salen de leer un libro como este.
A mi, personalmente, me deja, entre muchas otras, la tarea de conseguir un amigo, otro que no sea mi esposa —¿con quién puedo hablar cosas que no quiera hablar con ella?—, pero también la de buscar formas de curar el estreñimiento emocional que sufro desde hace décadas.
Escribir esta reseña, leer libros que en parte me incomoden o me saquen de mi zona de confort o pongan en evidencia mis privilegios, ha sido parte del proceso. Tal vez por eso es que lo disfruto tanto.
Quizás mis amigos, mis estudiantes o las personas que me siguen en redes sociales han notado el cambio; algunos incluso deben estar cansados de que ahora hable más de esto y lo haga con vehemencia; pero eso es parte de lo que debo hacer para “desestreñirme”. Si no les gusta, les aseguro que la alternativa, seguir siendo un hombre que sigue el guion tradicional del patriarcado, les gustaría mucho menos.
Lo he dicho con muchos libros similares que me han cambiado y lo repetiré con este: “La caída del hombre” debería ser una lectura obligada en escuelas, colegios o a lo sumo en universidades.
Como lo señala Perry y ahora estoy convencido y lo he conversado mucho con mi esposa, el problema de la masculinidad tóxica y el enquistamiento enfermizo del patriarcado, es un verdadero problema de salud pública que, como tal, solo se resuelve con políticas de salud pública, pero también con muuuuuuuuch educación. Este libro será instrumental para eso.
Seguiré leyendo.
PD. Publicaré un hilo en Twitter con algunas de las citas más interesantes del libro. Espero poner aquí el enlace cuando lo termine (y espero también que no sea una promesa vacía como las que hacen los políticos).
October 22, 2016
The "Descent of Man" is a critical analysis of masculinity, disguised as personal anecdote. While feminism is much discussed, masculinity is not. That alone makes the book worth reading. Grayson Perry defines masculinity as "a construct of conditioned feelings around people with penises." and is on a mission to rescue men from a predisposition to violence, self-harm, depression and cruelty.
For non-UK readers, Grayson Perry is a man and a famous British artist. He has been a transvestite since he was twelve years old, which gives him an insight into the artificial and restricting nature of masculinity.
"Rummaging in my mother's wardrobe, I felt dangerously weird and alone. This feeling prompted the thought that masculinity is an act played out blindly by many men who have had no reason or impluse to question what it is that they are doing."
The book is divided into three themes: power (how men dominate much of our world), violence (how men resort to crime and violence) and emotions (how men feel). Perry hopes to equip men with the ability to question their bad habits and adopt new ways. The book concludes with a manifesto for men's rights, which it is worth quoting in full:
"The right to be vulnerable.
The right to be weak.
The right to worry.
The right to be wrong.
The right to be intuitive.
The right not to know.
The right to be flexible.
The right not to be ashamed of any of these."
The "Descent of Man" is readable and entertaining, mixing Perry's hilarious anecdotes with sobering statistics. I particularly enjoyed Perry's artwork, which is beautifully printed in the hardback edition. This book is required reading for men and for any woman who cares about them.
For non-UK readers, Grayson Perry is a man and a famous British artist. He has been a transvestite since he was twelve years old, which gives him an insight into the artificial and restricting nature of masculinity.
"Rummaging in my mother's wardrobe, I felt dangerously weird and alone. This feeling prompted the thought that masculinity is an act played out blindly by many men who have had no reason or impluse to question what it is that they are doing."
The book is divided into three themes: power (how men dominate much of our world), violence (how men resort to crime and violence) and emotions (how men feel). Perry hopes to equip men with the ability to question their bad habits and adopt new ways. The book concludes with a manifesto for men's rights, which it is worth quoting in full:
"The right to be vulnerable.
The right to be weak.
The right to worry.
The right to be wrong.
The right to be intuitive.
The right not to know.
The right to be flexible.
The right not to be ashamed of any of these."
The "Descent of Man" is readable and entertaining, mixing Perry's hilarious anecdotes with sobering statistics. I particularly enjoyed Perry's artwork, which is beautifully printed in the hardback edition. This book is required reading for men and for any woman who cares about them.
April 25, 2017
Thank you to PenguinRandom House for the ARC of this book.
Read this book along with the most updated version of "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Klein. And have the whole thought narrative turn you sideways.
Perry questions what masculinity is and why certain types of behaviour are associated with it. And also, how can masculinity be adapted to the 21st century world. But all in all, what makes a man?
Read this book along with the most updated version of "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Klein. And have the whole thought narrative turn you sideways.
Perry questions what masculinity is and why certain types of behaviour are associated with it. And also, how can masculinity be adapted to the 21st century world. But all in all, what makes a man?
July 23, 2017
"I smelt a basic feeling looking for a rationale... and then came up with a semi-plausible motive"
There were so many problems with this book that I don't know where to start. I liked a recent Grayson Perry documentary about Brexit and thought he brought an even-handed perspective to a divisive issue, and assumed he would execute this book in a similar manner. I am not a particularly masculine man, as a cursory look at my reading history can attest to, so whilst I am not immune to having the traits and advantages Perry discusses, I am no aristocrat complaining about a wealth tax. And I did actually find myself liking the author more than I did before I read this, so had it just been marketed as a cultural commentary, I might have been more of a Feminist Sympathiser. Because that's what this book really is: feminism, but focusing on the other side of the coin.
The structural problem with the book is that this is neither a manifesto nor an analysis. It is in fact a 150 page pet theory. There is nothing wrong with having a pet theory, but this is a published work which pretends to be more, with only a smattering of evidence in it. The first notable quirk of this exploration is that it doesn't really define masculinity that well, nor argue what is so wrong about it. It's as if we are starting from an assumed premise, namely masculinity is bad, and that will do. Though he doesn't endorse these forcefully, he does quote two social psychologists who have posited the big four features of 'No sissy stuff', 'The Big Wheel', 'The Sturdy Oak' and 'Give 'em Hell', and I will have to take them as Perry's Masculine Traits. Yet Perry starts off with a discussion of a Default Man, which amounts to a man who wears a suit and has a very good job, in a senior position in western society. This is an interesting discussion with some merits about a group that is fairly homogenous, but this is already a subset of the male population, indeed a minority of men, and fundamentally, they do not embody masculinity. What I think most people think of as a Masculine Man is the typical 'real man' that is discussed later in the book, someone who is physically capable and fairly unemotional. Indeed these Default Men are always getting accused of not living in The Real World, suggesting they are far from the norm.
But still Perry doesn't say what is wrong with this. He talks about war, he talks about the credit crunch, and supposes that since men are in power, it is the masculine ideal that has caused these. It might be so, but there is no evidence that a) this is the case or b)a more equal world would necessarily be better. He asserts society would be more successful, and he might well be right, but I can't look at a typical NBA roster and assert that the high proportion of tall, black, young men is inherently wrong unless I can at least suggest why it is.
One of Perry's heavily featured facets of masculinity is that of competition, that one-upmanship is a male trait and that men are only competing to impress other men, not women as you might expect. I agree that men do compete more brazenly 'as though it were like Top Trumps', but this raises two questions. Firstly, if we take this as true, is it this competitiveness and ambition that leads men to hold a disproportionate number of high status roles, or caring about 'The Big Wheel'? And secondly, are women really any less competitive? I can quote just as many women criticising others' looks and competency (by extension, making themselves look superior) as Perry can quote men comparing cycling speeds and car models. Ultimately, competition between men is what determines who has the higher status, and who attracts the hot women. The fact that the better BMW means more at the time to another man does not mean that this has no indirect effect on impressing potential partners.
I do, however, agree with Perry on the principle of 'Give 'em Hell', or propensity to violence, as being far more associated with men. He cites an experience in Skelmersdale of youths hanging around the streets with the threat of being violent, questioning why they are all men when women have the associated social problems too. But I think he misses a key point: most women aren't physically strong enough to defend themselves through force, so the option is only available to men. It's also implicit in his (and society's) domestic violence horror - this is more concerning because the men are exerting their physical dominance. So is this a male trait, or a trait only males can get away with, given the general lack of violence in modern society?
The last section has much less cause for disagreement - there is a social stigma about showing emotion, or admitting to having problems, and this is not ideal to move society forward as problems do not get shared and resolved. Though women tend to get accused of being emotional, men are afraid to show their emotions at all, a situation that negatively affects both sexes. This last chapter at least offers a way in which a less masculine society could be better: more empathy for those who suffer and a more emotional focus to improve relationships, both romantic and platonic. Quite what level of emotion is acceptable I'm not sure, and the awkward questions of jealousy and anger being just as real emotions as sadness and anxiety are not explored, but there is at least the notion of what change should look like. There is also an interesting (yet to me, largely irrelevant) discussion on sexual fantasies, which leads me, finally, to my conclusion.
If this is a look at modern society and a broad question of whether our ideals are necessarily suited to our current situation, then accompanied by some reasonable evidence, this could have been quite good. Perry also takes an objective look at which ways he succumbs to these ideals and which ways he doesn't, which was impressive and could have provided a good case study to any evidence he presented. But it wasn't that. It was meant to be a look at why masculinity is not good for society, and his manifesto for change. The former was terribly executed, the latter was finally laid bare at the end, but didn't suggest what this society would look like in any detail. The quotation at the top of this review is from the Skelmersdale section of the book, and feel it applies to Perry. He had some thoughts on modern society and tacked them to a topical, morally right concept, in this case equal gender rights.
There were so many problems with this book that I don't know where to start. I liked a recent Grayson Perry documentary about Brexit and thought he brought an even-handed perspective to a divisive issue, and assumed he would execute this book in a similar manner. I am not a particularly masculine man, as a cursory look at my reading history can attest to, so whilst I am not immune to having the traits and advantages Perry discusses, I am no aristocrat complaining about a wealth tax. And I did actually find myself liking the author more than I did before I read this, so had it just been marketed as a cultural commentary, I might have been more of a Feminist Sympathiser. Because that's what this book really is: feminism, but focusing on the other side of the coin.
The structural problem with the book is that this is neither a manifesto nor an analysis. It is in fact a 150 page pet theory. There is nothing wrong with having a pet theory, but this is a published work which pretends to be more, with only a smattering of evidence in it. The first notable quirk of this exploration is that it doesn't really define masculinity that well, nor argue what is so wrong about it. It's as if we are starting from an assumed premise, namely masculinity is bad, and that will do. Though he doesn't endorse these forcefully, he does quote two social psychologists who have posited the big four features of 'No sissy stuff', 'The Big Wheel', 'The Sturdy Oak' and 'Give 'em Hell', and I will have to take them as Perry's Masculine Traits. Yet Perry starts off with a discussion of a Default Man, which amounts to a man who wears a suit and has a very good job, in a senior position in western society. This is an interesting discussion with some merits about a group that is fairly homogenous, but this is already a subset of the male population, indeed a minority of men, and fundamentally, they do not embody masculinity. What I think most people think of as a Masculine Man is the typical 'real man' that is discussed later in the book, someone who is physically capable and fairly unemotional. Indeed these Default Men are always getting accused of not living in The Real World, suggesting they are far from the norm.
But still Perry doesn't say what is wrong with this. He talks about war, he talks about the credit crunch, and supposes that since men are in power, it is the masculine ideal that has caused these. It might be so, but there is no evidence that a) this is the case or b)a more equal world would necessarily be better. He asserts society would be more successful, and he might well be right, but I can't look at a typical NBA roster and assert that the high proportion of tall, black, young men is inherently wrong unless I can at least suggest why it is.
One of Perry's heavily featured facets of masculinity is that of competition, that one-upmanship is a male trait and that men are only competing to impress other men, not women as you might expect. I agree that men do compete more brazenly 'as though it were like Top Trumps', but this raises two questions. Firstly, if we take this as true, is it this competitiveness and ambition that leads men to hold a disproportionate number of high status roles, or caring about 'The Big Wheel'? And secondly, are women really any less competitive? I can quote just as many women criticising others' looks and competency (by extension, making themselves look superior) as Perry can quote men comparing cycling speeds and car models. Ultimately, competition between men is what determines who has the higher status, and who attracts the hot women. The fact that the better BMW means more at the time to another man does not mean that this has no indirect effect on impressing potential partners.
I do, however, agree with Perry on the principle of 'Give 'em Hell', or propensity to violence, as being far more associated with men. He cites an experience in Skelmersdale of youths hanging around the streets with the threat of being violent, questioning why they are all men when women have the associated social problems too. But I think he misses a key point: most women aren't physically strong enough to defend themselves through force, so the option is only available to men. It's also implicit in his (and society's) domestic violence horror - this is more concerning because the men are exerting their physical dominance. So is this a male trait, or a trait only males can get away with, given the general lack of violence in modern society?
The last section has much less cause for disagreement - there is a social stigma about showing emotion, or admitting to having problems, and this is not ideal to move society forward as problems do not get shared and resolved. Though women tend to get accused of being emotional, men are afraid to show their emotions at all, a situation that negatively affects both sexes. This last chapter at least offers a way in which a less masculine society could be better: more empathy for those who suffer and a more emotional focus to improve relationships, both romantic and platonic. Quite what level of emotion is acceptable I'm not sure, and the awkward questions of jealousy and anger being just as real emotions as sadness and anxiety are not explored, but there is at least the notion of what change should look like. There is also an interesting (yet to me, largely irrelevant) discussion on sexual fantasies, which leads me, finally, to my conclusion.
If this is a look at modern society and a broad question of whether our ideals are necessarily suited to our current situation, then accompanied by some reasonable evidence, this could have been quite good. Perry also takes an objective look at which ways he succumbs to these ideals and which ways he doesn't, which was impressive and could have provided a good case study to any evidence he presented. But it wasn't that. It was meant to be a look at why masculinity is not good for society, and his manifesto for change. The former was terribly executed, the latter was finally laid bare at the end, but didn't suggest what this society would look like in any detail. The quotation at the top of this review is from the Skelmersdale section of the book, and feel it applies to Perry. He had some thoughts on modern society and tacked them to a topical, morally right concept, in this case equal gender rights.
July 26, 2018
You'd think I'd be burnt out on reading about gender and feminism as I'm currently writing my Masters dissertation on the topic, but I couldn't resist giving this a go when my friend offered to lend it to me.
To those with more than a passing interest in the topic won't find too many new ideas here, but they were written about from a fresh perspective and with other ideas interspersed, making it a wholly engaging read. I found Grayson Perry's ideas about masculinity particularly thought provoking, and I believe it would be beneficial if these were put forward to a wider audience - I hope (though don't remain all that hopeful) that this is the book to do that.
As is often the case with books like this (I've definitely mentioned this before on other reviews of books on gender/feminism) I feel like the author is kind of preaching to the choir and it is a real shame that the ideas and views here won't reach a wider audience. I understand that Perry did a tv series on the topic as well, so I remain hopeful that has reached a wider audience and caused some pause for thought. Masculinity and the patriarchy are so entrenched in our society, and I admire any attempts to tackle such a complex issues.
One thing that didn't sit well with me was Perry's assertion that the only way for feminists to get men fully on board with gender equality and feminism is to frame it in a way which makes it seem that it will be to their benefit. This is much too problematic for me to have the energy to go into now, but needless to say I do not agree with his rhetoric on this point.
To those with more than a passing interest in the topic won't find too many new ideas here, but they were written about from a fresh perspective and with other ideas interspersed, making it a wholly engaging read. I found Grayson Perry's ideas about masculinity particularly thought provoking, and I believe it would be beneficial if these were put forward to a wider audience - I hope (though don't remain all that hopeful) that this is the book to do that.
As is often the case with books like this (I've definitely mentioned this before on other reviews of books on gender/feminism) I feel like the author is kind of preaching to the choir and it is a real shame that the ideas and views here won't reach a wider audience. I understand that Perry did a tv series on the topic as well, so I remain hopeful that has reached a wider audience and caused some pause for thought. Masculinity and the patriarchy are so entrenched in our society, and I admire any attempts to tackle such a complex issues.
One thing that didn't sit well with me was Perry's assertion that the only way for feminists to get men fully on board with gender equality and feminism is to frame it in a way which makes it seem that it will be to their benefit. This is much too problematic for me to have the energy to go into now, but needless to say I do not agree with his rhetoric on this point.
April 18, 2018
This is the best thing I have read this year so far. It was on organizer to my messy thoughts around masculinity. There was a clear vision of what it is, what's wrong with it, and what direction it should be headed at. This is the ideal book for me, something that makes me want to read more on the subject.
November 28, 2017
Very interesting take on masculinity and what it means for today's society.
The audiobook was really well narrated and it was a joy to listen to it.
The audiobook was really well narrated and it was a joy to listen to it.
Read
October 22, 2016Grayson Perry is a bit like Marmite or Mansun; I quite like him, while getting the feeling that most other people who like him like him much more than I do. So too with this illustrated essay on masculinity, its travails and possible ways of allaying same. I suspect many will love it, as they did the Channel 4 shows on a similar theme which I never quite got around to watching; meanwhile, the usual suspects will be as outraged as ever when Perry points out the emperor is naked and not half so 'alpha' as imperial propaganda likes to pretend. Myself? I found it a largely unexceptionable restatement of some stuff I already knew. At times there'll be a very nicely put bit: just when I was getting narked at the idea of men's clothes as boringly plain, when in fact I struggle to find anything plain enough for me and not marred by some silly logo or detailing, Perry astutely pulls it around: "Men are into frippery as much as women, but they cloak it under spurious function". Elsewhere, things tip over into the self-flagellatory tone I find so offputting at the extremes of online left discourse; once or twice Perry lapses into blanket nastiness about straight white men, which is no less vile than blanket nastiness about any other [orientation] [race] [gender] combination.
Still, as he says himself early on, Perry's hope is that this might be some people's first book about this stuff, and if so, they could do a lot worse. Yes, it would be a good thing if a greater space of available emotional response opened up for men, as it already has for women (even if that project too is obviously far from complete). Yes, the world should no longer be set to a default setting of Default Men (though I dispute the example of air conditioning, set to a temperature comfortable for men rather than women: surely it's always better to set it such that people who are cold put more layers on, rather than people who are hot take them off, especially in an office environment where nudity might be taken the wrong way?). Yes, the constraints on male friendship (which must generally be couched in a hobby or similar excuse) leave far too many men lonely, sometimes unto suicide. His conclusions aren't always predictable; for someone so sceptical of machismo, he's oddly positive about the idea of national service. And while it's practically de rigeur these days for non-fiction to include glimpses at the writer's own life, Perry's example here is instructive; he's a cross-dressing artist and self-described sissy who nonetheless admits to anger management issues and a tendency to get incredibly competitive when cycling. And at the core of it all are some very useful concepts: I was already aware of the aforementioned Default Man, mistakenly believed to be the neutral setting for the world, but I'm quite taken with the Department of Masculinity. This is Perry's useful shorthand for the internal and external policing of acceptable male behaviour, which you can only ever hope to escape by at least being aware it exists. A handy concept, though also one to whose seductions he's not immune himself, at one stage proposing to write a new memo for the Department. Which felt like a bit of an Animal Farm moment; surely if Perry is entitled to dress as a little girl, which of course he is, then equally the Clarksons of this world are entitled to their leather jackets?
(Netgalley ARC)
Correspondences to Jerusalem, because they seem to arise in every book I finish while reading Jerusalem (except possibly the sub-par Doctor Who anthology and the sex blogger's memoir for which I skipped this bit): the dismissed working class loom large in both books, and in particular the obsolescence of the proud manual labourer. The responses are very different, but I can definitely see Moore and Perry getting on.
Still, as he says himself early on, Perry's hope is that this might be some people's first book about this stuff, and if so, they could do a lot worse. Yes, it would be a good thing if a greater space of available emotional response opened up for men, as it already has for women (even if that project too is obviously far from complete). Yes, the world should no longer be set to a default setting of Default Men (though I dispute the example of air conditioning, set to a temperature comfortable for men rather than women: surely it's always better to set it such that people who are cold put more layers on, rather than people who are hot take them off, especially in an office environment where nudity might be taken the wrong way?). Yes, the constraints on male friendship (which must generally be couched in a hobby or similar excuse) leave far too many men lonely, sometimes unto suicide. His conclusions aren't always predictable; for someone so sceptical of machismo, he's oddly positive about the idea of national service. And while it's practically de rigeur these days for non-fiction to include glimpses at the writer's own life, Perry's example here is instructive; he's a cross-dressing artist and self-described sissy who nonetheless admits to anger management issues and a tendency to get incredibly competitive when cycling. And at the core of it all are some very useful concepts: I was already aware of the aforementioned Default Man, mistakenly believed to be the neutral setting for the world, but I'm quite taken with the Department of Masculinity. This is Perry's useful shorthand for the internal and external policing of acceptable male behaviour, which you can only ever hope to escape by at least being aware it exists. A handy concept, though also one to whose seductions he's not immune himself, at one stage proposing to write a new memo for the Department. Which felt like a bit of an Animal Farm moment; surely if Perry is entitled to dress as a little girl, which of course he is, then equally the Clarksons of this world are entitled to their leather jackets?
(Netgalley ARC)
Correspondences to Jerusalem, because they seem to arise in every book I finish while reading Jerusalem (except possibly the sub-par Doctor Who anthology and the sex blogger's memoir for which I skipped this bit): the dismissed working class loom large in both books, and in particular the obsolescence of the proud manual labourer. The responses are very different, but I can definitely see Moore and Perry getting on.
July 25, 2017
Interesting enough, but a bit too basic for me.
July 23, 2017
"
Men's rights
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not be ashamed of any of these
"
I am a declared feminist in the sense that I consider equal rights and opportunities between the sexes a given. Women's rights are human rights. It's quite refreshing to read a Greyason Perry's thoughtful little book on how masculinity is bad for everyone - particularly men. The constraints it puts on man are narrow and unfulfilling.
The other striking thing about this book is that I exposes the progress in my adopted country of Norway. Although I of course encounter self-declared machos, the majority of men that I associate with are caring husbands and fathers, in tune with their own feelings. Men who happily spend months at home with their small children, a particular perk of being employed in Norway. As mentioned during a lunch discussion, I am not automatically treated as dumb by strangers because I'm a pretty blond female - as was most definitely the case in some other countries I've lived in. It's not like Norway is the perfect ideal equal society, but it's come pretty far.
"Masculinty is not a condition in isolation. The Departmen of Masculinty has a hand in everything. If we manage to reframe a version of masculinty fit for a happy future then perhaps we would be less likely to go to war, more empathetic to the weak, less bound up in the status of wealth and more concerned about the rewards of good relationships. This would be great. We can talk about masculinty until we are blue in the face, but if the world's other huge problems are not confronted, the unhelpful versions of what it is to be a man will surely thrive. Masculinity will not change unless the economic, cultural and social conditions welcome that change."
Less masculinity would be beneficial for everyone - particularly men themselves. The defined rules of old school masculinity are constricting and inconstructive. Let's look forward to a more tolerant society with fluid, rather than rigid, roles for men and women.
Men's rights
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not be ashamed of any of these
"
I am a declared feminist in the sense that I consider equal rights and opportunities between the sexes a given. Women's rights are human rights. It's quite refreshing to read a Greyason Perry's thoughtful little book on how masculinity is bad for everyone - particularly men. The constraints it puts on man are narrow and unfulfilling.
The other striking thing about this book is that I exposes the progress in my adopted country of Norway. Although I of course encounter self-declared machos, the majority of men that I associate with are caring husbands and fathers, in tune with their own feelings. Men who happily spend months at home with their small children, a particular perk of being employed in Norway. As mentioned during a lunch discussion, I am not automatically treated as dumb by strangers because I'm a pretty blond female - as was most definitely the case in some other countries I've lived in. It's not like Norway is the perfect ideal equal society, but it's come pretty far.
"Masculinty is not a condition in isolation. The Departmen of Masculinty has a hand in everything. If we manage to reframe a version of masculinty fit for a happy future then perhaps we would be less likely to go to war, more empathetic to the weak, less bound up in the status of wealth and more concerned about the rewards of good relationships. This would be great. We can talk about masculinty until we are blue in the face, but if the world's other huge problems are not confronted, the unhelpful versions of what it is to be a man will surely thrive. Masculinity will not change unless the economic, cultural and social conditions welcome that change."
Less masculinity would be beneficial for everyone - particularly men themselves. The defined rules of old school masculinity are constricting and inconstructive. Let's look forward to a more tolerant society with fluid, rather than rigid, roles for men and women.
Read
October 11, 2017A book on masculinity by a famous artist and a cross-dresser? Yes please! I loved this perspective. The book reads like a manual on gender and masculinity, although it felt a bit basic at times; he never explicitly says that misogyny is at the root of why men deny their own emotions. He is an artist and stays an artist, even as a writer, which was interesting to me - all the witty illustrations et cetera. Would recommend this to anyone interested in emotional intelligence and gender.
April 15, 2021
“The Decent Of Man” is an illustrated manifesto by Contemporary British artist, Grayson Perry. Exploring the roles of traditional Masculinity and the barriers (thoughts, behaviours, ideas and expectations) that HAVE to be dismantled, in order for true societal progress and gender equality to be made.
Drawing from his own experiences with masculinity, and femininity -through his transvestism, Perry explores interesting issues of, power, violence and emotions under the umbrella of masculinity. Though not necessarily in as revelatory or even as enlightening a way that I would’ve hoped for.
To give him credit, Perry does make some funny and caustic observations -predominantly portrayed through his illustrations, and his writing style is extremely engaging and conversational in tone. Yet I couldn’t help but feel as though many of the points he made, were oversimplified and not nearly as fleshed out as they could’ve been. I also found his assertion that the only way to get majority of men to ‘hop on board’ the old feminist bandwagon is to present incentives and benifits for them -which to me, seems highly counter-intuitive and defeatist to the point of feminism.
I’m definitely glad I’ve read this book (shout out to my fabby dabby pal John for sending it to me), but I do believe it would be way more beneficial and better suited to the young boys and men that it’s intended for e.g the “What about men’s rights?!” (not-so) gentlefolk out there!
Well, to second Perry, here are you’re “Men's rights”:
“The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed by any of these”
3 stars (though if I was rating the artwork alone, it would be 5 stars!)
Drawing from his own experiences with masculinity, and femininity -through his transvestism, Perry explores interesting issues of, power, violence and emotions under the umbrella of masculinity. Though not necessarily in as revelatory or even as enlightening a way that I would’ve hoped for.
To give him credit, Perry does make some funny and caustic observations -predominantly portrayed through his illustrations, and his writing style is extremely engaging and conversational in tone. Yet I couldn’t help but feel as though many of the points he made, were oversimplified and not nearly as fleshed out as they could’ve been. I also found his assertion that the only way to get majority of men to ‘hop on board’ the old feminist bandwagon is to present incentives and benifits for them -which to me, seems highly counter-intuitive and defeatist to the point of feminism.
I’m definitely glad I’ve read this book (shout out to my fabby dabby pal John for sending it to me), but I do believe it would be way more beneficial and better suited to the young boys and men that it’s intended for e.g the “What about men’s rights?!” (not-so) gentlefolk out there!
Well, to second Perry, here are you’re “Men's rights”:
“The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed by any of these”
3 stars (though if I was rating the artwork alone, it would be 5 stars!)
March 30, 2017
Rating a reflection of how much I enjoyed my time spent with this. Not perfect but worth it.
June 12, 2018
It takes a bit of nerve to use the same title for your book as Charles Darwin did for his 1871 study, but in a way Grayson Perry seems to be saying that modern men are fully capable of evolving, and for the better. It should be possible for them to transition from their traditional dinosaur-like sense of what it is to be a man towards something more fitting for the future, more so now that we are in the era of #MeToo and with urgent demands for well overdue gender parity.
Who is Grayson Perry? This is his official bio from the paperback:
Grayson Perry is a man. He is also an award-winning artist, a Bafta-winning TV presenter, a Reith Lecturer and a bestselling author with traditional masculine traits like a desire to always be right and to overtake all other cyclists when going up big hills.
He is also adept at self-deprecation and incisive insights, as well as being a flamboyant cross-dresser (it's hard to miss him in this role for many of his public appearances). A three-episode TV documentary, All Man, went on to explore aspects of masculinity touched on here, but in the meantime this autobiographical memoir explores Perry's boyhood experiences -- he was born in 1960 -- and his changing perceptions of what it means to be a male in a modern world. What he reflects on may be rooted in an English perspective, but much of his ruminations has ramifications in the rest of the western world, and of course elsewhere.
After a semi-biographical introduction his discussion is divided into four sections. 'Asking Fish about Water' expands on the status quo, at the centre of which is Default Man masquerading as the epitome of 'normal' or 'natural'. For anybody wanting to be taken seriously a uniform mindset in uniform clothing is currently expected, and anybody unable to conform is 'other', outside the realms of power and decision-making. This default model, Grayson argues in 'The Department of Masculinity', has little to do with genetics and a lot to do with conditioning -- This is how it's always been, and this is how it's always going to be. If our ideas of masculinity are brought about by cultural conditioning (blue for boys, pink for girls) then surely it's possible to determinedly change that conditioning so that such imbalances in power and authority can be levelled out, for the benefit of both women and men, as well as anyone else on the continuum?
It'll be a hard struggle, Grayson acknowledges in 'Nostalgic Man'. The tug of the familiar (even when notions of what's regarded as 'traditional' evolve almost unperceptively) is always dragging us men and women back towards a perceived norm. As the author writes, visions of
how men might be in the future are thinly sketched ... [B]ecause they are new there is no compelling back catalogue of the kind of role models and narratives that currently form the powerful propaganda of the old-school man.
Finally, in 'The Shell of Objectivity' he further expounds on the disadvantages of being what he calls old-school man. Such men are expected to be strong and silent superheroes, invulnerable and firm as a rock, always capable and armed with the facts, never wrong and certainly must never display any kind of weak emotion: Be a Man! is the usual disgusted response to any male eye-watering. But this armoured shell is not just protective, it's constricting: it stops any personal growth in the areas of sympathy, empathy, compassion; it doesn't allow admissions of failure or an ability -- let alone a willingness -- to change direction, throw off rigid attitudes, admit weakness.
Much of the author's perspective would be understandable to British readers brought up in insular cultural traditions, such as having a stiff upper lip. If non-British readers can get past the topical references and allusions there remains much to enjoy and learn, and of course its core message is universal and relevant right across cultures. Rather than discoursing on a subject that could potentially come over as dry, academic and depressing, Grayson Perry has made the issue of masculinity accessible and recognisable by throwing in lots of personal anecdotes and amusing asides, choosing visually arresting verbal images (as befits an artist) and including as additional commentary cartoons he's based on tropes from popular culture.
If conclusions are now called for, I'd say this: this memoir is strong on analysis, but solutions are not so easy to come by; but if they were, wouldn't we all be tackling them? Perry makes a start with what he calls 'Men's rights', a list of former negatives that he turns into positives. If men can allow themselves to be vulnerable, weak, wrong, intuitive and so on, and allow themselves to not be ashamed of having what have traditionally been regarded as feminine qualities, then there might be real optimism for the future.
If not, then humankind will continue to be at war with itself, with so much individual fulfilment permanently impaired or even nipped in the bud. It's time to put the kind back into mankind.
Who is Grayson Perry? This is his official bio from the paperback:
Grayson Perry is a man. He is also an award-winning artist, a Bafta-winning TV presenter, a Reith Lecturer and a bestselling author with traditional masculine traits like a desire to always be right and to overtake all other cyclists when going up big hills.
He is also adept at self-deprecation and incisive insights, as well as being a flamboyant cross-dresser (it's hard to miss him in this role for many of his public appearances). A three-episode TV documentary, All Man, went on to explore aspects of masculinity touched on here, but in the meantime this autobiographical memoir explores Perry's boyhood experiences -- he was born in 1960 -- and his changing perceptions of what it means to be a male in a modern world. What he reflects on may be rooted in an English perspective, but much of his ruminations has ramifications in the rest of the western world, and of course elsewhere.
After a semi-biographical introduction his discussion is divided into four sections. 'Asking Fish about Water' expands on the status quo, at the centre of which is Default Man masquerading as the epitome of 'normal' or 'natural'. For anybody wanting to be taken seriously a uniform mindset in uniform clothing is currently expected, and anybody unable to conform is 'other', outside the realms of power and decision-making. This default model, Grayson argues in 'The Department of Masculinity', has little to do with genetics and a lot to do with conditioning -- This is how it's always been, and this is how it's always going to be. If our ideas of masculinity are brought about by cultural conditioning (blue for boys, pink for girls) then surely it's possible to determinedly change that conditioning so that such imbalances in power and authority can be levelled out, for the benefit of both women and men, as well as anyone else on the continuum?
It'll be a hard struggle, Grayson acknowledges in 'Nostalgic Man'. The tug of the familiar (even when notions of what's regarded as 'traditional' evolve almost unperceptively) is always dragging us men and women back towards a perceived norm. As the author writes, visions of
how men might be in the future are thinly sketched ... [B]ecause they are new there is no compelling back catalogue of the kind of role models and narratives that currently form the powerful propaganda of the old-school man.
Finally, in 'The Shell of Objectivity' he further expounds on the disadvantages of being what he calls old-school man. Such men are expected to be strong and silent superheroes, invulnerable and firm as a rock, always capable and armed with the facts, never wrong and certainly must never display any kind of weak emotion: Be a Man! is the usual disgusted response to any male eye-watering. But this armoured shell is not just protective, it's constricting: it stops any personal growth in the areas of sympathy, empathy, compassion; it doesn't allow admissions of failure or an ability -- let alone a willingness -- to change direction, throw off rigid attitudes, admit weakness.
Much of the author's perspective would be understandable to British readers brought up in insular cultural traditions, such as having a stiff upper lip. If non-British readers can get past the topical references and allusions there remains much to enjoy and learn, and of course its core message is universal and relevant right across cultures. Rather than discoursing on a subject that could potentially come over as dry, academic and depressing, Grayson Perry has made the issue of masculinity accessible and recognisable by throwing in lots of personal anecdotes and amusing asides, choosing visually arresting verbal images (as befits an artist) and including as additional commentary cartoons he's based on tropes from popular culture.
If conclusions are now called for, I'd say this: this memoir is strong on analysis, but solutions are not so easy to come by; but if they were, wouldn't we all be tackling them? Perry makes a start with what he calls 'Men's rights', a list of former negatives that he turns into positives. If men can allow themselves to be vulnerable, weak, wrong, intuitive and so on, and allow themselves to not be ashamed of having what have traditionally been regarded as feminine qualities, then there might be real optimism for the future.
If not, then humankind will continue to be at war with itself, with so much individual fulfilment permanently impaired or even nipped in the bud. It's time to put the kind back into mankind.
April 9, 2022
This was an interesting examination of masculinity and its wider impact on society.
I will admit that (intuitively) I am more of an individualist than is fashionable at the moment, but Grayson Perry makes some excellent points and this was an eloquent, readable work that provided me with lots of food for thought.
Recommended for those interested in gender dynamics and the moving Zeitgeist.
I will admit that (intuitively) I am more of an individualist than is fashionable at the moment, but Grayson Perry makes some excellent points and this was an eloquent, readable work that provided me with lots of food for thought.
Recommended for those interested in gender dynamics and the moving Zeitgeist.
June 10, 2017
The Caitlin Moran quote on the back initially deterred me...(https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...)
Not all bad though. Not all great either.
Grayson Perry is known for his eccentric artistry, television documentaries and his transvestitism. He is not known for his writing, and it will probably stay that way.
Perry provides us with a feminism-lite deconstruction of modern masculinity. It goes through everything you already know, whether you've read it elsewhere or because you're not an idiot. His argumentation could be vastly improved through a wider bibliography and cleaner writing but hey ho, popular social science this is. Nothing here struck me as particularly ingenious however I did find the concept of the 'Default Man' and this subject's inability to realise the patriarchy as intriguing. Perry's writing really takes a dive in his generalisations and lack of citations/referencing. He says a lot of words but these words need to have some extra weight behind them for the critical reader to have faith in them. Holistically the premise also feels underdeveloped, and as a young male I felt Perry's analysis was somewhat steeped in the antiquated values he derided. Altogether, despite preaching for masculinity to become essentially indefinable - which it should be, really, as it is a subjective human performance - he seems to be laying a blueprint. In effect, this contrast between the content and the form is problematic.
Perry includes some artwork, and these satirical pieces are probably the best part of the book. I'd much rather every page included one of these, instead of the mediocre literature.
This isn't a bad place to start if you want to learn more about constructed gender identities and the masculine side of feminism, especially if academic texts seem overwhelming. However, I'd recommend bell hooks or Judith Butler if you want some truly revolutionary ideas. (Oh, and Perry doesn't cite Butler when discussing gender performance - an act akin to academic suicide.)
Not all bad though. Not all great either.
Grayson Perry is known for his eccentric artistry, television documentaries and his transvestitism. He is not known for his writing, and it will probably stay that way.
Perry provides us with a feminism-lite deconstruction of modern masculinity. It goes through everything you already know, whether you've read it elsewhere or because you're not an idiot. His argumentation could be vastly improved through a wider bibliography and cleaner writing but hey ho, popular social science this is. Nothing here struck me as particularly ingenious however I did find the concept of the 'Default Man' and this subject's inability to realise the patriarchy as intriguing. Perry's writing really takes a dive in his generalisations and lack of citations/referencing. He says a lot of words but these words need to have some extra weight behind them for the critical reader to have faith in them. Holistically the premise also feels underdeveloped, and as a young male I felt Perry's analysis was somewhat steeped in the antiquated values he derided. Altogether, despite preaching for masculinity to become essentially indefinable - which it should be, really, as it is a subjective human performance - he seems to be laying a blueprint. In effect, this contrast between the content and the form is problematic.
Perry includes some artwork, and these satirical pieces are probably the best part of the book. I'd much rather every page included one of these, instead of the mediocre literature.
This isn't a bad place to start if you want to learn more about constructed gender identities and the masculine side of feminism, especially if academic texts seem overwhelming. However, I'd recommend bell hooks or Judith Butler if you want some truly revolutionary ideas. (Oh, and Perry doesn't cite Butler when discussing gender performance - an act akin to academic suicide.)
August 12, 2018
As Perry states matter-of-factly towards the end of this short, but hugely insightful and entertaining, book: 'Masculinity is mainly a construct of conditioned feelings around people with penises'. Sounds simple, right? Try to unpack that from gender politics to societal norms and even crime stats, and you realise what a minefield traditional 'masculinity' really is. A lot of what Perry says here, from teenagers being able to channel their testosterone into activities benefiting society rather than crime and violence, to the need for better role models at a family and community level, to the realisation that tenderness and vulnerability are not contradictory to masculinity, seems glaringly obvious and commonsense. But it is an important debate, and if this book sparks off such thoughts in whomever reads it, and that person then continues the dialogue in his or her own social, family, and professional circles, Perry has indeed done a great job in allowing men to ascend to a new status.
December 9, 2017
Too basic, too derivative, too self-serving. A cause as important as tackling the harmful effects of unchecked masculinity needs stronger argumentation than this.
March 28, 2024
I do feel a little bad giving this a 3 star review, but it is a little light. It's hard to expect more, because this is a lightweight look at a serious and important subject, written by a transvestite, Turner Award winning potter turned television personality and National Treasure. It veers between the truism, the profound, the confessional, the "bleedin'obvious" and the Stuff That Needs To Be Talked About. It covers a lot of ground in not a lot of space, and for that reason it doesn't quite satisfy - it feels like a prologue, and introduction, to something altogether more meaty.
Masculinity is at a dangerous and confusing place. Different cultural currents have conspired to remove the white hetero man from his place at the undisputed pinnacle of society. Men saw their fathers and grandfathers living a life in a way that now leads to derision or failure or rejection - in work, love, family and almost every other arena of life. Just having a penis (and being white) no longer leads automatically to have better opportunities, or at least not to the same extent, as it did 40 years ago. The Haynes Manual of Masculinity needs to be rewritten, but at the same time simply abandoning the traditional male to the scrapheap without any forethought can lead to all sorts of mental and societal problems. Too much of the book is simply observation of problems, with few solutions (in fact, Perry is the first to point out that he isn't the person to give "solutions"). But some observations did hit home - for me, especially, the observation that men tend to have few close friends that transcend specific activities or milieu - leave that environment (whether that's the workplace, fly fishing or motor biking) and the friendship ceases. It made to look at myself and see that I have done just that through my life and I also have few, if any, deep male friendships.
Having said all that th0ugh, Perry is a convivial and warm-hearted writer. He makes few judgements, rarely preaches and always looks for the good and the best in everyone - I feel that that is an attitude and approach towards life and our fellow humans that we all should aspire to and if we made even a little headway towards it, the world would be a far better place. Unfortunately, the people who would benefit most from reading this very short book are probably the least likely to read it.
Masculinity is at a dangerous and confusing place. Different cultural currents have conspired to remove the white hetero man from his place at the undisputed pinnacle of society. Men saw their fathers and grandfathers living a life in a way that now leads to derision or failure or rejection - in work, love, family and almost every other arena of life. Just having a penis (and being white) no longer leads automatically to have better opportunities, or at least not to the same extent, as it did 40 years ago. The Haynes Manual of Masculinity needs to be rewritten, but at the same time simply abandoning the traditional male to the scrapheap without any forethought can lead to all sorts of mental and societal problems. Too much of the book is simply observation of problems, with few solutions (in fact, Perry is the first to point out that he isn't the person to give "solutions"). But some observations did hit home - for me, especially, the observation that men tend to have few close friends that transcend specific activities or milieu - leave that environment (whether that's the workplace, fly fishing or motor biking) and the friendship ceases. It made to look at myself and see that I have done just that through my life and I also have few, if any, deep male friendships.
Having said all that th0ugh, Perry is a convivial and warm-hearted writer. He makes few judgements, rarely preaches and always looks for the good and the best in everyone - I feel that that is an attitude and approach towards life and our fellow humans that we all should aspire to and if we made even a little headway towards it, the world would be a far better place. Unfortunately, the people who would benefit most from reading this very short book are probably the least likely to read it.
November 27, 2017
Really thoughtful and thought provoking book about what it is to be a man and what our current predominant model of manhood means not only for men but also for all of us. Grayson shows how so many problems we currently have, are directly correlated to the still predominant idea of manhood, which values, brute strength, dominance, power, rivalry and success more than understanding ones own and other people's feelings, being able to negotiate positions and teamwork. Do we still need a man to be able to domineer others, ruthlessly walk over other people's opinion, use brute strength to earn a living or build something, or do we need a man who knows how to find a affordable flat to rent, be a real partner in bringing up children, and a dad who knows how to teach children, but especially sons, how to avoid conflict or solve them without violence or putting the other down? 2017, me thinks the second is more useful.
He has some really thought provoking points to make about feminism and the effects on men and what both could learn from each other.
At the same time Grayson Perry is very understanding to his fellow men, understands the frustration of the current generation of men and tries to think of ways where you can both be "a real man" and "a man of 2017".
Recommend this to anyone.
He has some really thought provoking points to make about feminism and the effects on men and what both could learn from each other.
At the same time Grayson Perry is very understanding to his fellow men, understands the frustration of the current generation of men and tries to think of ways where you can both be "a real man" and "a man of 2017".
Recommend this to anyone.
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