The Facial Hair In Avengers: Infinity War, Ranked From Acceptable To Egregious

The whole "fugitive from the American government" thing looks good on Captain Steve Rogers. The full beard gets our emphatic stamp of approval.

His appearance is brief, but his beard looks great. Nicely done, sir.

The man knows how to navigate an impressively boxed beard without veering into chin-strap territory.

Turns out the God of Thunder has a bit less follicular coverage than some of his teammates—his beard is a little patchy. It still looks good, though.

All due points for being able to edge that perfectly manicured—almost too manicured—goatee.

The onetime winter soldier is going with the brooding stubble beard. It's not bad—the other guys who precede him were just more committed to the cause.

C'mon. We had to. The guy is all facial hair. But he could use a shape-up.

What is with those bizarrely angular sideburns? I know the guy likes a '70s vibe, but that's just wrong.

Strike one: the tattooed soul patch. Strike two: another set of idiotic sideburns. Why does this keep happening?

It's not actually facial hair. And you could say it's part of a headpiece. But we're calling that thing on his chin a robot soul patch. Unacceptable.

This is another cheat. But Thanos' chin! In the movie, Star-Lord says it looks like a nutsack. We're calling it a skin goatee. Both are gross.

Coming down the home stretch, it's Stephen Strange and his magician's goatee. Guy might be an actual master of magic, but this makes him look like a guy who does rope tricks for toddlers.

How can a billionaire/genius/superhero have such a blind spot for overly sculpted facial hair? Nothing connects, it's all too precious, and it looks like it'd take a half-hour each morning to maintain. Hard pass.