In this house, we believe…
Love is LOVE
No human is ILLEGAL
Science is REAL
Lava lamps aren’t REAL LAVA
Lava would evaporate the water and the lamp would EXPLODE
Salad forks go on THE LEFT
Soup spoons are too BIG
They make the soup eating experience GO TOO FAST
Soups should be SAVORED
Nobody NEEDS an assault rifle
BUT we got to shoot our cousin’s one time and it WAS pretty FUN
War is NOT the answer
The song “WAR (What Is It Good For)” is by EDWIN STARR, not WAR, the band that did “LOW RIDER”
We get that CONFUSED sometimes
But get this: FACTS MATTER
Climate change is MAN-MADE
But the pyramids ARE NOT
No SHOES allowed in the house
Socks NEITHER
Let’s keep those TOES where we can see them
WAZE is slightly better than GOOGLE MAPS
But it sometimes takes us down a RANDOM ROAD
Where you have to make SKETCHY LEFT TURNS past oncoming traffic
Capitalizations are FOR EMPHASIS
It is NOT SHOUTING
A contrary interpretation ignores the ARTIST’S INTENT
The VALUATION of the Beanie Babies and Pokémon cards in our basement will BOUNCE BACK
Then we’ll buy a BETTER HOUSE
But our BELIEFS will PERSIST
We’ll use the same REALTOR we always use
EVEN THOUGH our nephew just got his license
It’s just a little thing called LOYALTY
AND WE VOTE!