Two Words to Stop Using Immediately

Simple Tactics to Increase your Leadership Presence

I have traveled alone since my 20’s. Big cities, tiny towns, here in the US and abroad. I love the freedom of it and I love being just a little bit nervous. A few years ago as I was leaving San Francisco, I “dated cities,” trying to find my new home. One of my smaller excursions was a road trip through New England with the express purpose of checking out Portland, Maine. It was the middle of the summer, so there I was alone amidst a town full of couples and families. I meandered through the town and ended up at a recommended seafood restaurant.

As I walked up to the hostess, she asked me “how many?” I answered the way I usually did, “Just one.”

Maybe it was because I felt out of place as the lone singleton in a sea of families, but as the words came out of my mouth, I heard a smallness in myself. An apology for taking up space. For not belonging.

From then on, I made a conscious effort to replace an apologetic “Just one” with an empowered “One.”

I haven’t been quite as successful banning it from my daily language. I will use it to say:

• I just think….
• It’s just that…

It’s a weak word. It hems. It haws. It says “I hate to insert my opinion here, but let me point out something I disagree with or believe is important.”

The other over-used word? Sorry.

• Sorry to bother you…
• Sorry to interrupt…
• Sorry to ask you to do this, but can you just…

Sorry has lost its meaning. Rather than signifying that we’ve done something that we intentionally want to apologize for, we often use it as a way to enter a conversation or to ask a question. When did it become second nature to apologize, to minimize ourselves or to soften our language so drastically that our words no longer signify what is actually true for us?

The same goes for alternatives like: "Do you have a few minutes?" "Is now a good time to…?" "Do you have time to…?"

You wouldn’t think these words could impact much, but they do in two ways: 1) They tell your mind, body and emotions how to feel. Smaller, less sure, apologetic; and, 2) They inform others how to respond. Is this something important, something they should take action on, or just a thought you want to share?

How much more assured, influential, and leader-ly would you feel and appear if you just wiped these two words out of your lexicon? Give it a shot and notice what difference it can make.

Starla is an executive coach and leadership consultant helping leaders leverage their innate strengths to increase their impact. Interested in working with Starla? Email starla@starlasireno.com or visit starlasireno.com.