SCIENTISTS from the south east have been surprised to learn that not everyone in the North is working class.

Southern scientists always assumed that anyone from ‘up north’ was either living in a kestrel-based drama or working in one of those factories where there is lots of hot liquid metal and sparks.

Kent-based researcher Eleanor Shaw said: “I thought they were essentially unlucky people deprived of the opportunity to pronounce words like ‘castle’ or ‘bath’ properly.

“Our research revealed some of them have ponies. For riding, not food.”

Shaw also confirmed that many Northerners work in professional jobs that most Londoners would consider respectable, and even have fancy houses.

Shaw added: “Northerner culture is surprisingly rich and diverse, although some of it we will never understand, such as a pie with kidneys in it.

“Kidneys, for Christ’s sake.”