Part of the series “Finding Brave To Build a Happier Life and Career”
Fear is experienced in many different ways
Several years ago in my career coaching and leadership development work, I stepped back to analyze what I was seeing as the most prevalent challenges professionals face that keep them from thriving in their lives and work.
From my research, what clearly emerged was the fact that so many people are not yet brave enough to bring about what they long to create and achieve. And secondly, they don’t have the internal or external power (yet) to achieve their most thrilling visions. Per my latest survey, a staggering 98% of professionals surveyed are experiencing at least one of the 7 damaging power gaps that keep them from thriving. I have now pivoted my work to help people “find brave” as I call it, and also learn how to access exponentially more power to become the true authors of their lives.
Part of the issue around becoming braver is fear, pure and simple. But as it turns out, fear is more complex than most of us realize. There are different types of fear that have unique characteristic ways of impacting how we think, operate and communicate.
To learn more about the different dimensions of fear, I was excited to catch up this month with Ruth Soukup, a New York Times bestselling author, 7-figure entrepreneur, and author of the new book Do It Scared: Finding the Courage to Face Your Fears, Overcome Obstacles, and Create a Life You Love. Soukup is dedicated to helping women overcome fear and create a life they love. Through her blog, Living Well Spending Less, which reaches more than 1 million women each month, she encourages her readers to follow their dreams and reach their goals. She is also the founder of the Living Well Planner and Elite Blog Academy, as well as the author of five bestselling books. Her practical advice has been featured in numerous publications and news programs, including Women’s Day, Redbook, Family Circle and Fox News.
Soukup is no stranger to fear. In her early 20’s, Ruth suffered a debilitating depression and breakdown that almost took her life. She attempted suicide several times, spent more than two years in and out of psychiatric hospitals, and at 23 found herself at rock bottom.
Ruth slowly fought her way back from that dark place, eventually getting remarried, becoming a mom, and founding her own business, Ruth Soukup Ominmedia, which she grew from nothing to a $5 million company in just eight years.
For the book, Ruth surveyed more than 4,000 people about the role of fear in their lives, then hired a team of researchers to help her analyze the data. She was specifically interested in finding out more about the way fear holds us back from pursuing our dreams, reaching our goals, or chasing opportunities.
Here’s what Soukup’s research uncovered about fear, how it stops ups and how to effectively work through it:
Kathy Caprino: What made you want to learn more about the role of fear in our lives?
Ruth Soukup: Fear has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and the process of working to overcome fear in my own life seems to have been a recurring theme. However, over the past few years, I’ve come to realize that it’s not just me—fear impacts all of us, and very often holds us back from pursuing the things we really want. I began talking to more and more people in my community of more than a million women who felt like they were sitting on the sidelines of their lives, afraid to jump in and go after their goals wholeheartedly. It was heartbreaking to hear so many stories of people who let their biggest dreams fade away because they were too afraid to pursue them. It made me want to dig deeper and find out, first of all, what this fear that holds us back looks like, and second, what we can actually do about it.
Caprino: How many people did you survey to determine the role that fear plays in individuals’ lives? What sort of questions did you ask? And what were you hoping to find with this data?
Soukup: I surveyed more than 4,000 people in the course of my research for Do It Scared—and ended up with so much data that I had to hire a whole team of researchers and psychologists to help me sift through it and make sense of it all.
I asked a lot of open-ended questions such as, “Tell me about a time when you let fear hold you back from pursuing something you really wanted to do,” and “describe a time when you were afraid to do something, but you pushed past the fear.”
I wanted to find out if there were any patterns—whether fear looks the same for everyone, or whether it manifests itself in different ways. I also wanted to find out why some people were able to push past their fear and others were not. What we discovered was pretty fascinating, because as it turns out, not all fear is created equal.
Caprino: How does fear impact our willingness to step outside our comfort zone and pursue a dream or opportunity? Is this a universal phenomenon?
Soukup: The specific type of fear I was interested in learning about was not any sort of phobias, such as the fear of spiders or heights, but the internal fear that keeps us from taking risks or trying new things. It’s the kind of fear that prevents us from making big changes in our lives, or from pursuing big goals and opportunities. This is the kind of fear that is truly devastating, and yet so prevalent in each of our lives. But what is fascinating is that this kind of fear impacts each of us a little bit differently.
Caprino: Can you explain more about the fear archetypes you’ve uncovered? Why does identifying our fear matter so much?
Soukup: The seven fear archetypes are the seven unique ways that fear manifests itself in our lives. They are:
The Procrastinator—also sometimes called the perfectionist—is most afraid of making a mistake.
The People Pleaser is most afraid of being judged by others or letting people down.
The Rule Follower has an unhealthy fear of authority and an aversion to coloring outside the lines.
The Outcast is terrified of rejection, often rejecting others before they can be rejected in return.
The Self Doubter is afraid of not being capable or worthy.
The Excuse Maker is afraid of being blamed or held responsible.
The Pessimist is most afraid of pain and adversity.
But just like getting a solid diagnosis is the first step in curing an illness, identifying your unique fear archetype is the first step in learning how to push past your fear and actually overcome it. Once we’ve identified where we are getting stuck, we can start to see how those patterns are playing out in our life, as well as what we can do about them.
Caprino: In your book you talk about adopting a new set of core beliefs—what you call the ‘Principles of Courage.’ Why is this important?
Soukup: When it comes to fear, we each have a script that has been playing in our head, often on repeat for most of our lives, and often without even realizing it. This script is so much a part of our core being that we don’t recognize it for what it is—just a thought or a series of thoughts—that is holding us back and keeping us stuck. Once you’ve started to identify those scripts, you still have to replace them with something—with a new set of core beliefs that will eventually override those old thoughts and help you reshape your mindset.
Caprino: You also explain that action is the antidote to fear. What are some practical steps someone can take to move past fear in their own life?
Soukup: I truly believe that there is no surer way to overcome fear than to take action—any action—in the right direction. Courage is like a muscle, which means that the more you exercise it, the stronger it will get. And that means that even the smallest step will give you the strength and the courage to take the next step, and that will propel you to the next one, and so on. So many people think they have to have the whole journey figured out before they begin, but that’s not true. Just take a step, and then the next one, and then just keep going, no matter what.
Some great practical first steps are to start by claiming your target. And that means actually getting clear about what you want from your life. Because without a direction—something to aim at—you’ll end up spinning around in circles. From there, you can start working on your action plan, breaking down that big goal in to smaller, more manageable bites. I also highly recommend forming your own “truth club”—someone or a group of people who will hold you accountable and push you to be better.
Caprino: As I've witnessed in my own coaching work and research, and as a former therapist, I've seen that our past and what transpired in our childhoods play a powerful role in the types of fear we've developed over our lifetimes.That said, have you found that certain types of personalities or individuals generally experience more fear than others?
Soukup: Fear definitely impacts some people more than others. In the research we’ve done, we haven’t seen that it is so much the particular fear archetype that matters, but the degree to which that Archetype is manifesting in your life.
A person who has a 95% score in any of the archetypes is going to be more affected by fear than someone who’s top archetype is only a 50% score. Our Fear Assessment measures not just a person’s top archetype, but the overall score and degree of fear across all seven Fear Archetypes. What we’ve found is that the higher the overall score, the more likely fear is negatively impacting your life in some way.
Caprino: What is the one more powerful step that anyone who is facing fear of moving forward can take today—to get them shifting, growing and walking through their fear towards a happier future?
Soukup: Once you've taken the Fear Assessment and actually started to identify exactly how fear is showing up in your life and possibly holding you back, the next step is to practice exercising your courage in small ways, in ways that help you build up your immunity to your specific fear.
So, if as a Procrastinator, for instance, your biggest fear is making a mistake, you should practice doing some things imperfectly—actually force yourself to make mistakes and be okay with them. Or, as a Rule Follower you might practice breaking the rules. One reader reported that for the first time in her life, she dared to bring her lunch into the play area at McDonalds, even though the sign said, "no food or drink."
Every archetype fears something different, so when you can tap into that particular fear and start practicing overcoming it in small ways, it can build up your courage for when it really counts.
For more information, visit Do It Scared and Ruth Soukup.
To generate more bravery and power in your life and career, take Kathy Caprino’s Power Gaps survey and join her Close Your Power Gaps coaching program.
