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My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha
The author of the hit column “Ask a Clean Person” offers a hilarious and practical guide to cleaning up life’s little emergencies
Life is filled with spills, odors, and those oh-so-embarrassing stains you just can’t tell your parents about. And let’s be honest: no one is going to ask Martha Stewart what to do when your boyfriend barfs in your handbag.
Thankfully, Jolie Kerr has both staggering cleaning knowledge and a sense of humor. With signature sass and straight talk, Jolie takes on questions ranging from the basic—how do I use a mop? —to the esoteric—what should I do when bottles of homebrewed ginger beer explode in my kitchen? My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag proves that even the most nightmarish cleaning conundrums can be solved with a smile, the right supplies, and a little music.
Life is filled with spills, odors, and those oh-so-embarrassing stains you just can’t tell your parents about. And let’s be honest: no one is going to ask Martha Stewart what to do when your boyfriend barfs in your handbag.
Thankfully, Jolie Kerr has both staggering cleaning knowledge and a sense of humor. With signature sass and straight talk, Jolie takes on questions ranging from the basic—how do I use a mop? —to the esoteric—what should I do when bottles of homebrewed ginger beer explode in my kitchen? My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag proves that even the most nightmarish cleaning conundrums can be solved with a smile, the right supplies, and a little music.
238 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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March 15, 2014
I was late to discover the wonder that is Jolie Kerr. In case you are similarly behind, let me tell you: She is a wildly popular internet person who writes the "Ask a Clean Person" column, which has appeared variously on some of my favorite internet places, including the Hairpin and Jezebel. (Apparently it is no longer cool to like Jezebel -- one of my friends recently called it "the Fox News of feminism" -- but sorry y'all, I am still onboard.)
Anyway. I am not a Clean Person. Not at all. Although I don't think I'd fully come out as a Dirty Person, I am for sure a Somewhat Messy Person, and I do take a rather lackadaisical approach to the pristinity (or distinct lack thereof) of my home. In addition, I was raised by hippies, so I have an affinity for dirt, a respect for Dumpstering food ("diverting it from the waste stream," if you're feeling fancy), and a healthy skepticism toward nonsense like hand sanitizer (that shit is just breeding supergerms, y'all).
And yet... Sometimes I find that I do need to actually clean some shit. And that is where someone like Jolie is just a gem. Do you want to know, for instance, how to get semen stains out of a glove or how to clean roller-derby pads? Jolie will tell you: semen stains | derby pads. I will admit that I've never needed the answer to either of those, but her great bra-washing extravaganza is a wealth of information I've turned to again and again.
Here, for your edification, is her entire "Squalor Archive."
Jolie, in this book, is just a bottomless fount of Clean Person wisdom, although most of it boils down to three things: baking soda, white vinegar, and OxiClean. But I wish I could show you how many pages of this book I've dog-eared, everything from unusual cleaning uses for common food items (pick up broken glass with a slice of bread! use vodka to eliminate sweat odors!) to creative ways to clean your small appliances (white vinegar for your coffee maker! rice for your electric grinder!) to innovative cleaning methods for around the home (clean your ceiling fan blades with a pillow case! dunk the handle of your reusable razor in a bleach bath to get at the mold!).
And it's not just the expected stuff. In fact, I noticed some other GR reviewers saying things like, "I'm not really sure who needs this book; didn't your mother teach you these things?" So I would just like to note that those reviewers are jerks and liars: I'm 100% sure that no one's mother taught them, for example, how to clean bong water out of the carpet or how to get sexy-time fluids out of a leather dildo harness, not to mention the titular barf in the handbag.
But Jolie does! And for a Somewhat Messy Person, it was fairly consistently revelatory.
In closing, I would like to share a story. I have lived in my current apartment for going on six years, which is more than twice as long as I've lived anywhere else except for my parents' home. One of the things about being a serial renter is that long-term messes aren't really your problem; if you're only in each apartment for a couple of years, things never get too grody. So now I am facing cleaning issues that I have literally never even thought about before, the most upsetting of which is the thin skein of greyish mold that has lately begun to coat the walls of my very tiny and mostly airless bathroom. It's a thing I've been stubbornly ignoring for at this point a few months, because it was both a terror and a mystery, and somehow I was so sure that it would just take care of itself.
It has not done so.
But thanks to this book, I was inspired to clean those fucking walls.
Do you know what I did? I mixed some bleach in some water and sprayed the shit out of the whole tiny room, then I walked away for 15 minutes, and when I came back? My fucking god, the walls were already about 75% unmolded. Hallelujah and praise be!
Of course, what I did next was stand in that room with the spray bottle in one hand and an array of sponges and rags in the other, scrubbing and respraying and wiping and re-respraying, for maybe 30 or 40 minutes. This had the unfortunate side-effect of causing me to nearly poison myself with bleach fumes, a creeping awfulness that I didn't even notice until I became so dizzy I had to sort of slump down off the chair I'd been standing on and crawl into my office on the other side of the apartment and lie down.
I don't know what the moral of this story is, actually. I mean, cleaning fucking sucks, which is why I'm a Somewhat Messy Person to begin with. But on the other hand, my bathroom walls are now so sparkly clean, I actually feel kind of like a real grownup—one who will die of bleach inhalation, rather than mold inhalation.
So that's a win, I guess?
Anyway. I am not a Clean Person. Not at all. Although I don't think I'd fully come out as a Dirty Person, I am for sure a Somewhat Messy Person, and I do take a rather lackadaisical approach to the pristinity (or distinct lack thereof) of my home. In addition, I was raised by hippies, so I have an affinity for dirt, a respect for Dumpstering food ("diverting it from the waste stream," if you're feeling fancy), and a healthy skepticism toward nonsense like hand sanitizer (that shit is just breeding supergerms, y'all).
And yet... Sometimes I find that I do need to actually clean some shit. And that is where someone like Jolie is just a gem. Do you want to know, for instance, how to get semen stains out of a glove or how to clean roller-derby pads? Jolie will tell you: semen stains | derby pads. I will admit that I've never needed the answer to either of those, but her great bra-washing extravaganza is a wealth of information I've turned to again and again.
Here, for your edification, is her entire "Squalor Archive."
Jolie, in this book, is just a bottomless fount of Clean Person wisdom, although most of it boils down to three things: baking soda, white vinegar, and OxiClean. But I wish I could show you how many pages of this book I've dog-eared, everything from unusual cleaning uses for common food items (pick up broken glass with a slice of bread! use vodka to eliminate sweat odors!) to creative ways to clean your small appliances (white vinegar for your coffee maker! rice for your electric grinder!) to innovative cleaning methods for around the home (clean your ceiling fan blades with a pillow case! dunk the handle of your reusable razor in a bleach bath to get at the mold!).
And it's not just the expected stuff. In fact, I noticed some other GR reviewers saying things like, "I'm not really sure who needs this book; didn't your mother teach you these things?" So I would just like to note that those reviewers are jerks and liars: I'm 100% sure that no one's mother taught them, for example, how to clean bong water out of the carpet or how to get sexy-time fluids out of a leather dildo harness, not to mention the titular barf in the handbag.
But Jolie does! And for a Somewhat Messy Person, it was fairly consistently revelatory.
In closing, I would like to share a story. I have lived in my current apartment for going on six years, which is more than twice as long as I've lived anywhere else except for my parents' home. One of the things about being a serial renter is that long-term messes aren't really your problem; if you're only in each apartment for a couple of years, things never get too grody. So now I am facing cleaning issues that I have literally never even thought about before, the most upsetting of which is the thin skein of greyish mold that has lately begun to coat the walls of my very tiny and mostly airless bathroom. It's a thing I've been stubbornly ignoring for at this point a few months, because it was both a terror and a mystery, and somehow I was so sure that it would just take care of itself.
It has not done so.
But thanks to this book, I was inspired to clean those fucking walls.
Do you know what I did? I mixed some bleach in some water and sprayed the shit out of the whole tiny room, then I walked away for 15 minutes, and when I came back? My fucking god, the walls were already about 75% unmolded. Hallelujah and praise be!
Of course, what I did next was stand in that room with the spray bottle in one hand and an array of sponges and rags in the other, scrubbing and respraying and wiping and re-respraying, for maybe 30 or 40 minutes. This had the unfortunate side-effect of causing me to nearly poison myself with bleach fumes, a creeping awfulness that I didn't even notice until I became so dizzy I had to sort of slump down off the chair I'd been standing on and crawl into my office on the other side of the apartment and lie down.
I don't know what the moral of this story is, actually. I mean, cleaning fucking sucks, which is why I'm a Somewhat Messy Person to begin with. But on the other hand, my bathroom walls are now so sparkly clean, I actually feel kind of like a real grownup—one who will die of bleach inhalation, rather than mold inhalation.
So that's a win, I guess?
September 23, 2013
So when I started this e-book advanced copy for review, I wasn't sure what I was getting into. If pressed, I'd have suggested a collection of humorous nonfiction essays, perhaps, dealing with some form of OCD from the author.
WRONG!
This is an amusing how-to book about how to clean. Kerr will try to make you laugh, but mostly she wants to teach you how to clean everything in your house. She spends pages and pages on just the kitchen, and there are LEVELS of cleaning involved in the kitchen, and details about what to wash first and how to do it and what products to use and what products to avoid and how, if you are not careful, mixing certain products will actually kill you (so don't do that).
So, if you're interested in learning how to clean your house better, or how to clean a particular item better (she covers it, whatever it is, I would wager good money on it), then this is a great book. I am a pretty obsessive cleaner myself and I picked up some new tricks.
WRONG!
This is an amusing how-to book about how to clean. Kerr will try to make you laugh, but mostly she wants to teach you how to clean everything in your house. She spends pages and pages on just the kitchen, and there are LEVELS of cleaning involved in the kitchen, and details about what to wash first and how to do it and what products to use and what products to avoid and how, if you are not careful, mixing certain products will actually kill you (so don't do that).
So, if you're interested in learning how to clean your house better, or how to clean a particular item better (she covers it, whatever it is, I would wager good money on it), then this is a great book. I am a pretty obsessive cleaner myself and I picked up some new tricks.
April 17, 2014
At this point you should be thinking, "So why wouldn't everyone just use [laundry detergent] pods?" Well, I'll tell you! They present a serious hazard to children and pets, in that they're brightly colored and sort of look like fun toys and they're also just about mouth-size, and you see where I'm going with this? Right, of course you do. So it's something to take into consideration if you've got children and/or pets. You could, of course, get rid of the children and/or pets, which would allow you to use pods with impunity and also would mean you'd have a lot less laundry in general. But I understand that some people feel rather attached to those children and/or pets, so if you want to choose a podless, laundry-riddled existence, be my guest.
Cleaning isn't the most thrilling chore I could think of—in fact, I can say with certainty that no one actually looks forward to the dirtiest job around—but Jolie Kerr's devotion and simply outlined tips really make me want to get my butt off the couch and clean the damn house. It's like when you read food blogs and become motivated to start taking the time to cook and eat healthier; I see someone being really productive with their life which motivates me to at least attempt to reach that level.
The trick is that Kerr actually makes cleaning seem fun; her enthusiasm is contagious and her anecdotes uproariously funny. She's kooky, fanatical, and just becomes your weird best friend who loves cleaning—a hyped-up Martha Stewart, you could say. But unlike Martha, Jolie Kerr isn't a domestic ideal; she's been through real world, real girl problems (like boyfriends barfing in handbags) and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty—literally.
My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag is conveniently sectioned off into eight different cleaning categories:
1. Kitchen
2. Floors, Ceilings, Walls, and Other Immovable Things
3. Bathroom
4. Personal Hygiene Tools and Appliances (brushes, hair dryers, razors, etc.)
5. Wedding Cleaning
6. Laundry
7. Car
8. Things You Really Can't Ask Martha (or Mom, for that Matter)
I love how each chapter is outlined, making the book all the more useful as a reference tool. Just look up your problem area in the index and you'll find the solution Kerr suggests—super easy!
I was pleasantly surprised by how helpful the guide is. There's lots of cleaning advice that I have never come across (or, let's be honest—have never had the opportunity to need) before, things that aren't just common knowledge. The book is filled with comprehensive tables and charts that streamline specific cleaning methods and materials; it's a nice break from huge chunks of text every once in a while. And to make your life even easier, Kerr provides DIY cleaning solution recipes—made with ingredients that are probably already in your cupboards!—as well as specific brands and products she recommends for targeted problems.
There's definitely a lot of spunk in Kerr's voice, but that's what makes the book so entertaining; the rambling, direct style doesn't hold back. There's absolutely no BS and readers are taken straight to the emergency, no matter how mortifying—and isn't that what we all want in a cleaning guide?
Pros
Extensive, easy-to-follow tips for any spill and situation // Humorous, light // Organized into sections (bathroom, kitchen, car, etc.) // Helpful graphics to compare and contrast different cleaning methods
Cons
A reference book... not exactly something I would sit down and read cover to cover
Love
This isn't a word-for-word excerpt, but just a condensed tip I got from the book and wanted to share with you guys:
Ever pull off a shirt or dress only to see some of your makeup rubbed off onto the garment? Ugh! To get rid of foundation stains from clothes, rub the area gently with a baby wipe or makeup remove wipe. Be sure to be gentle enough not to push the stain even deeper into the fabric. Then, throw it in the wash.
For trickier, oilier stains such as lipstick or mascara stains on clothing, do the same thing except with rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball instead of a baby wipe. The makeup should slide right off. Convenient, right?
Verdict
Highly charged, full of personality, and conscientiously charming, My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag is a stylish but frenetic cleaning guide for the everyday woman in everyday situations. With advice that ranges from generic but crucial (how to do laundry in a way that won't wear clothes out, how to clean the toilet, how to get rid of mildew, etc.) to ridiculously specific and quirky (how to deal with a Laffy Taffy that's melted in your pocket, how to get embarrassing fluids out of your bedsheets, how to even wrap your head around poop stains, etc.), this book is a handy reference tool that's simultaneously thoroughly entertaining. Jolie Kerr zealously combines chick-lit with how-to by contributing her and her readers' own experiences, just for kicks—who knew cleaning would be so fun to read?
Rating: 9 out of 10 hearts (5 stars): Loved it! This book has a spot on my favorites shelf.
Source
Complimentary copy provided by publisher via tour publicist in exchange for an honest and unbiased review (thank you, Penguin and TLC!).
April 14, 2015
Earlier this year, I tidied. Now, I'm on a mission to be clean.
This book written by Jolie Kerr who writes the "Ask A Clean Person" column for Deadspin/The Hairpin/various Internet outlets, lays it all out in her book. Basically this is a guide for a person who managed to get to adulthood without really knowing much about deep cleaning. Though I sort of know a lot of this stuff, she has a ton of great tips and tricks in here. I now realize I don't need a ton of various cleaning products. What I need is white vinegar, ammonia, and dish soap for almost every surface in my house. Maybe throw in some Windex and some Scrubbing Bubbles.
After reading this book, we did a deep clean of the fridge. It looks incredible. Next I want to do a complete wipe down of the cabinets in the kitchen. I'll even consider washing my floor with a scrubbing brush on my hands and knees. Mostly, though, as much as I read this for knowing more about deep cleaning, she actually has some great tips about everyday cleaning. Attack messes right away, she advises, rather than waiting to do a deep clean down the road. The more often you do routine wipedowns, the less likely you are going to need to spend hours on your kitchen. I also discovered I was probably using too much laundry detergent and drying my clothes for too long.
There are some less good things about this book. It's better used as a reference book than it is something to read straight through (though I did) as her tone is overly enthusiastic in a way that becomes a bit grating over time. It's also better as a reference book because there are just large sections that may not apply to you. I already got married, for instance, so the chapter on weddings (though it also included some tips on silver polishing) was largely irrelevant. She also doesn't touch on some basics -- probably because she's covered them extensively in her column -- like dusting.
Still, I'm hoping to deploy some of Kerr's philosophies in an attempt to make my house less gross. Humans are disgusting.
This book written by Jolie Kerr who writes the "Ask A Clean Person" column for Deadspin/The Hairpin/various Internet outlets, lays it all out in her book. Basically this is a guide for a person who managed to get to adulthood without really knowing much about deep cleaning. Though I sort of know a lot of this stuff, she has a ton of great tips and tricks in here. I now realize I don't need a ton of various cleaning products. What I need is white vinegar, ammonia, and dish soap for almost every surface in my house. Maybe throw in some Windex and some Scrubbing Bubbles.
After reading this book, we did a deep clean of the fridge. It looks incredible. Next I want to do a complete wipe down of the cabinets in the kitchen. I'll even consider washing my floor with a scrubbing brush on my hands and knees. Mostly, though, as much as I read this for knowing more about deep cleaning, she actually has some great tips about everyday cleaning. Attack messes right away, she advises, rather than waiting to do a deep clean down the road. The more often you do routine wipedowns, the less likely you are going to need to spend hours on your kitchen. I also discovered I was probably using too much laundry detergent and drying my clothes for too long.
There are some less good things about this book. It's better used as a reference book than it is something to read straight through (though I did) as her tone is overly enthusiastic in a way that becomes a bit grating over time. It's also better as a reference book because there are just large sections that may not apply to you. I already got married, for instance, so the chapter on weddings (though it also included some tips on silver polishing) was largely irrelevant. She also doesn't touch on some basics -- probably because she's covered them extensively in her column -- like dusting.
Still, I'm hoping to deploy some of Kerr's philosophies in an attempt to make my house less gross. Humans are disgusting.
March 5, 2014
This book made me want to clean the inside of my microwave. That should be worth six stars, at least.
August 2, 2017
A good cleaning primer for the modern woman. Kerr has a sassy style and sensibility that will appeal to any woman who didn't grow up with a mother who a la Heloise--and probably with the same level of insanity--took me through the steps of housecleaning 101. I figured out basic hygiene on my own with some successes and some failures.
I consider myself a Reasonably Clean Person. I wipe down the counters after every meal. I do a fairly thorough job scrubbing down the kitchen once a month (or before guests come). I do laundry and scrub down the toilets once a week. I even ... gasp vacuum 4-5 times a week. (I have cats. If I didn't vacuum, I'd choke on their fur balls and litter tracks.) But ... there are some fairly big gaps in my cleaniness. I've never really grown beyond these generally good habits. My Achilles heel is the bathroom. The toilet and sink are more or less the only thing I clean. I find myself flummoxed by those gray spots on the grout and the incredible amount of hair all over the place. It almost seems counterintuitive to me that I have to clean a place where we get clean! I know, I know. Pathetic.
I learned quite a few interesting things from this book including:
-- I really don't need that many products. With an arsenal of white vinegar, bleach, ammonia, baking soda, OxiClean, Scruber Bubbles ... I can conquer the entire fracking place. Dammit. Now I feel like I've been gypped by Corporate America. *shakes fists at the corporations fooling me into thinking I need a bazillion expensive cleaning products*
-- I apparently have mold on my bathroom ceiling ... but that has an easy fix! Thank God.
-- How to tell what kind of floors you have and how to treat them. Apparently Swiffering isn't enough.
-- That I should invest in a dust mop. It sounds really cool.
-- The Cinderella hands-and-knees cleaning shtick is actually a good technique for washing floors aside from the indentured servitude thing.
All of the goodies were somewhat undercut by a few things. First, Ms. Kerr doesn't cover some rather basic things such as vacuuming and dusting. (Er, is there something special I should be doing with my vacuum? Other than pushing it around, I mean.) Her jocular style can be quite overwhelming if you happen to be reading large chunks of the book all at once, such as I did. Her sense of humor is best taken in small doses as she tends to be repetitive.
I now feel like I can graduate to a Slightly More Reasonably Clean Person ... yay!
I consider myself a Reasonably Clean Person. I wipe down the counters after every meal. I do a fairly thorough job scrubbing down the kitchen once a month (or before guests come). I do laundry and scrub down the toilets once a week. I even ... gasp vacuum 4-5 times a week. (I have cats. If I didn't vacuum, I'd choke on their fur balls and litter tracks.) But ... there are some fairly big gaps in my cleaniness. I've never really grown beyond these generally good habits. My Achilles heel is the bathroom. The toilet and sink are more or less the only thing I clean. I find myself flummoxed by those gray spots on the grout and the incredible amount of hair all over the place. It almost seems counterintuitive to me that I have to clean a place where we get clean! I know, I know. Pathetic.
I learned quite a few interesting things from this book including:
-- I really don't need that many products. With an arsenal of white vinegar, bleach, ammonia, baking soda, OxiClean, Scruber Bubbles ... I can conquer the entire fracking place. Dammit. Now I feel like I've been gypped by Corporate America. *shakes fists at the corporations fooling me into thinking I need a bazillion expensive cleaning products*
-- I apparently have mold on my bathroom ceiling ... but that has an easy fix! Thank God.
-- How to tell what kind of floors you have and how to treat them. Apparently Swiffering isn't enough.
-- That I should invest in a dust mop. It sounds really cool.
-- The Cinderella hands-and-knees cleaning shtick is actually a good technique for washing floors aside from the indentured servitude thing.
All of the goodies were somewhat undercut by a few things. First, Ms. Kerr doesn't cover some rather basic things such as vacuuming and dusting. (Er, is there something special I should be doing with my vacuum? Other than pushing it around, I mean.) Her jocular style can be quite overwhelming if you happen to be reading large chunks of the book all at once, such as I did. Her sense of humor is best taken in small doses as she tends to be repetitive.
I now feel like I can graduate to a Slightly More Reasonably Clean Person ... yay!
March 27, 2014
I don't like cleaning. There, I said it. I'm not one of those people who look forward to spring because it means I can get out the cleaning supplies and go to town.
But I was intrigued by the title of Jolie Kerr's book My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha. You gotta admit, that's a catchy title. Kerr's book expands upon her cleaning column "Ask A Clean Person."
The book is filled with practical advice, her most important "Never mix bleach and ammonia", something you know must be very dangerous because she repeats it until she is sure you have it.
I liked the layout of the book; the chapters are divided into rooms- kitchen, bathroom, and specialty cleaning like bridal dresses and how to clean your car. I never thought about all of the mishaps that can occur to a wedding dress, but have no fear, Kerr has your answer (and it frequently involves club soda).
She has fantastic charts for types of flooring, beauty items, and kitchen appliances that are great for quick references. I made a list of her suggested cleaning products and headed to the store to stock up.
I put the book to the test and followed her advice to make my bathroom sparkle. I gave it a thorough scrubbing, following her step by step instructions, including mopping the floor using the handsie kneesie method. It looks amazing, but I don't want anyone to use it. I'd love to velvet rope it off.
There are some funny anecdotes, mostly questions sent in to Kerr (like the title question) and the chapter on cleaning sex toys is unique for sure. I have not seen that topic covered in Ladies' Home Journal or Real Simple magazines.
My husband is thrilled that I read this book because our apartment will be shiny clean, and so he doesn't even mind that I am adding another book to my permanent collection.
But I was intrigued by the title of Jolie Kerr's book My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha. You gotta admit, that's a catchy title. Kerr's book expands upon her cleaning column "Ask A Clean Person."
The book is filled with practical advice, her most important "Never mix bleach and ammonia", something you know must be very dangerous because she repeats it until she is sure you have it.
I liked the layout of the book; the chapters are divided into rooms- kitchen, bathroom, and specialty cleaning like bridal dresses and how to clean your car. I never thought about all of the mishaps that can occur to a wedding dress, but have no fear, Kerr has your answer (and it frequently involves club soda).
She has fantastic charts for types of flooring, beauty items, and kitchen appliances that are great for quick references. I made a list of her suggested cleaning products and headed to the store to stock up.
I put the book to the test and followed her advice to make my bathroom sparkle. I gave it a thorough scrubbing, following her step by step instructions, including mopping the floor using the handsie kneesie method. It looks amazing, but I don't want anyone to use it. I'd love to velvet rope it off.
There are some funny anecdotes, mostly questions sent in to Kerr (like the title question) and the chapter on cleaning sex toys is unique for sure. I have not seen that topic covered in Ladies' Home Journal or Real Simple magazines.
My husband is thrilled that I read this book because our apartment will be shiny clean, and so he doesn't even mind that I am adding another book to my permanent collection.
April 6, 2014
4.5 stars. Let's face it: cleaning is not that fun unless you are a glutton for punishment. Sure, it's really nice to have a perfectly clean house to come home to but you have to put in a little elbow grease in order to get those results. If you're like me, you're probably wondering where do you even start. This book actually makes cleaning sound doable and like it might be even a little tiny bit fun.
I've been a big fan of Jolie Kerr's column, "Ask a Clean Person" seen on the likes of TheHairpin.com and Jezebel and so I was really excited to see she was coming out with a book. This book actually made me think that maybe, just maybe, I could tackle my cleaning chores with a little more gusto.
Kerr is funny and accessible. Looking at some of the questions that she answers in the book, there is nothing that is off limits for her. She actually writes about cleaning with a ton of humor and panache. I actually giggled at parts of this book (yes, I giggled at a book about cleaning. That totally happened). This book would be a perfect gift for someone going off on their own for the first time or it would be a good choice for people like me, who have been off on their own for awhile, and are totally confused about cleaning products and how the heck you should clean stuff or how often you need to clean stuff (there is so, so, so much to think about, you guys!).
I've been a big fan of Jolie Kerr's column, "Ask a Clean Person" seen on the likes of TheHairpin.com and Jezebel and so I was really excited to see she was coming out with a book. This book actually made me think that maybe, just maybe, I could tackle my cleaning chores with a little more gusto.
Kerr is funny and accessible. Looking at some of the questions that she answers in the book, there is nothing that is off limits for her. She actually writes about cleaning with a ton of humor and panache. I actually giggled at parts of this book (yes, I giggled at a book about cleaning. That totally happened). This book would be a perfect gift for someone going off on their own for the first time or it would be a good choice for people like me, who have been off on their own for awhile, and are totally confused about cleaning products and how the heck you should clean stuff or how often you need to clean stuff (there is so, so, so much to think about, you guys!).
February 28, 2017
This book is fairly self-explanatory. Written by Jolie Kerr of the Ask a Clean Person podcast and column fame, this book attacks the most common (and lewd) of cleaning issues with optimism and humor. Contained within these pages are a myriad of helpful hints, always written with frugality and functionality in mind. This is truly an invaluable guide for twenty-somethings, but honestly anyone and everyone can use it.
The book contains handy charts and chapters divided up primarily by the room that it would be tackling. It's easy to use for reference while going around the apartment (as I used it), but also fine for taking notes for future cleaning endeavors. It's a handy reference, a hilarious and helpful read, and slim enough to fit into a purse or apron if you're on the go.
One of the other things I greatly appreciated about this book was her willingness to offer alternatives to bleach, while still being honest about the drawbacks of not using a bleach product. Honesty is appreciated, and she has that in spades.
The book contains handy charts and chapters divided up primarily by the room that it would be tackling. It's easy to use for reference while going around the apartment (as I used it), but also fine for taking notes for future cleaning endeavors. It's a handy reference, a hilarious and helpful read, and slim enough to fit into a purse or apron if you're on the go.
One of the other things I greatly appreciated about this book was her willingness to offer alternatives to bleach, while still being honest about the drawbacks of not using a bleach product. Honesty is appreciated, and she has that in spades.
May 12, 2014
3 things you're going to want to keep in stock after reading this book:
1) Oxi Clean (and lots of it!)
2) White vinegar (AND LOTS OF IT!)
3) Denture tablets (generic ones will do just fine)
If you're at all interested in domestic goings-on, I highly recommend this book. The author has a humorous tone that keeps things interesting--which is important when you're reading an entire chapter on how to do laundry. Plus, she weaves in real-life examples and stories and, if I'm being honest, it makes you feel kind of good to read about other people who don't have their shit together.
But seriously, I plan on singing the praises of this book to everyone I know because there is so much useful information in here! I've even taken to dog-earing the pages, though that isn't exactly necessary given that the book has a super handy INDEX in the back. Yeah. An index. Awesome. I have a strong feeling that rather than living in the library of my home, this book is going to reside within arm's reach so I can reference it often.
1) Oxi Clean (and lots of it!)
2) White vinegar (AND LOTS OF IT!)
3) Denture tablets (generic ones will do just fine)
If you're at all interested in domestic goings-on, I highly recommend this book. The author has a humorous tone that keeps things interesting--which is important when you're reading an entire chapter on how to do laundry. Plus, she weaves in real-life examples and stories and, if I'm being honest, it makes you feel kind of good to read about other people who don't have their shit together.
But seriously, I plan on singing the praises of this book to everyone I know because there is so much useful information in here! I've even taken to dog-earing the pages, though that isn't exactly necessary given that the book has a super handy INDEX in the back. Yeah. An index. Awesome. I have a strong feeling that rather than living in the library of my home, this book is going to reside within arm's reach so I can reference it often.
September 1, 2023
I’ve had this on my “to-read” for ages when my brother recommended I read it for housecleaning tips for my new house. Well, that settles it - I need to read immediately. I found this to be engaging and informative. The first few chapters are really valuable, and I love the idea of cleaning with more natural (aka vinegar) and efficient products.
October 27, 2014
Thanks to the publisher for an advance reading copy.
I generally find cleaning guides to be redundant when the Martha Stewart or Better Homes and Gardens websites are such great and thorough resources. Jolie Kerr manages to bring a fresh take to cleaning that didn't feel like it was simply repeating what can be found better elsewhere. Although she is a self professed "clean person", she recognizes that most people don't enjoy household tasks and she gives "real world" advice on how often you should expect to clean various areas of your home. She also fully acknowledges that certain tasks (like cleaning radiators) are horrible, while giving a time frame of how long they'll take to get done. She also delves into little discussed cleaning issues, like the handbag of the title, and while many of the drunken situations that caused them aren't likely to happen in my life, I can imagine that knowing how to clean vomit out of popcorn-textured walls could be an helpful piece of information. However, the book is also at its weakest in the chapter on these ridiculous situations, since many of them are fairly graphic and the advice given is often repetitive. (One chart literally repeats the same advice verbatim for about 10 different situations. If the cleaning advice is the same for everything, what's the point of a chart?) Still, I don't know that I've ever wanted to clean my apartment after reading a Martha Stewart Living magazine, and this book made me want to deep clean my kitchen.
I generally find cleaning guides to be redundant when the Martha Stewart or Better Homes and Gardens websites are such great and thorough resources. Jolie Kerr manages to bring a fresh take to cleaning that didn't feel like it was simply repeating what can be found better elsewhere. Although she is a self professed "clean person", she recognizes that most people don't enjoy household tasks and she gives "real world" advice on how often you should expect to clean various areas of your home. She also fully acknowledges that certain tasks (like cleaning radiators) are horrible, while giving a time frame of how long they'll take to get done. She also delves into little discussed cleaning issues, like the handbag of the title, and while many of the drunken situations that caused them aren't likely to happen in my life, I can imagine that knowing how to clean vomit out of popcorn-textured walls could be an helpful piece of information. However, the book is also at its weakest in the chapter on these ridiculous situations, since many of them are fairly graphic and the advice given is often repetitive. (One chart literally repeats the same advice verbatim for about 10 different situations. If the cleaning advice is the same for everything, what's the point of a chart?) Still, I don't know that I've ever wanted to clean my apartment after reading a Martha Stewart Living magazine, and this book made me want to deep clean my kitchen.
February 22, 2014
This book is great. It's maybe a bit on the basic side if you, like me, grew up with parents who were very meticulous about cleaning, but even if, I do recommend reading it.
So, this book covers basic and some not so basic household cleaning-- kitchen, bathroom, laundry, dishes, to retainers, stains, and the titular barf in the handbag. The author has a really great tone that not only is very reassuring (you CAN do it!) but is also fast-paced and informative, but not so informative a reader will start freaking out again. She does a really great job of breaking down the science behind things like different types of stains, for example.
I definitely recommend reading this books, and then maybe gifting a copy to anyone who's getting started on cleaning their stuff on their own-- recent grads, recent apartment/house acquirers, etc. I left this book feeling excited and capable of tackling my previously kind of overwhelming kitchen, which is TRULY amazing.
So, this book covers basic and some not so basic household cleaning-- kitchen, bathroom, laundry, dishes, to retainers, stains, and the titular barf in the handbag. The author has a really great tone that not only is very reassuring (you CAN do it!) but is also fast-paced and informative, but not so informative a reader will start freaking out again. She does a really great job of breaking down the science behind things like different types of stains, for example.
I definitely recommend reading this books, and then maybe gifting a copy to anyone who's getting started on cleaning their stuff on their own-- recent grads, recent apartment/house acquirers, etc. I left this book feeling excited and capable of tackling my previously kind of overwhelming kitchen, which is TRULY amazing.
June 30, 2016
First of all: Best cover (and title) ever, amirite? Jolie Kerr writes and podcasts about being a clean person, and after reading her book, you better believe I’m her newest fangirl. She covers each room/area of the house and what sort of daily clean vs. hard clean each zone needs. And also has funny anecdotes! And real-life letters from real-life people asking real-life questions about how to clean disasters like homemade beer exploding and people barfing on popcorn ceilings. Language levels are high and subject matters are a wee bit explicit, so, HELLO, perfect book. Because if you don’t curse while you scrub your grout, I don’t want to be friends with you.
From Genre Kryptonite: Books about Nesting at Book Riot.
From Genre Kryptonite: Books about Nesting at Book Riot.
July 28, 2014
Well, who could resist a title like that? And when I heard the author on the radio she didn't sound so Valley Girl, quite personable really. But in the book there are a fair number of WHOLE SENTENCES OF CAPITAL LETTERS. And also. Sentence fragments. Exclamation marks of course! I guess playing it straight might be a bit boring. I do own a book on cleaning and removing stains from clothing and have I read it from cover to cover? No. As long as the book has a decent index, there's no need. But I did pick up a couple of tips which I'll write down and hope I can find them should I ever need them, not being more dirty or stain-prone than the average person.
March 2, 2017
Great advice on how cleaning in general. You could give Adulting and My Boyfriend Barfed... as a combo set to a college student.
I learned that you use an enzymatic cleaner on protein stains (i.e. any bodily fluids), ammonia on grease, and that you should dump salt on a red wine stain on carpet. It's also hilarious. The last chapter, which consists of reader questions with problems like, ah, sex stains, is worth picking up this book alone. She does also provide an answer to the title's question, if you're curious. :)
I learned that you use an enzymatic cleaner on protein stains (i.e. any bodily fluids), ammonia on grease, and that you should dump salt on a red wine stain on carpet. It's also hilarious. The last chapter, which consists of reader questions with problems like, ah, sex stains, is worth picking up this book alone. She does also provide an answer to the title's question, if you're curious. :)
August 31, 2016
So it's pretty good - full of helpful information about how you clean any number of things and rooms. Thankfully, the barf part was at the end if the book. If my boyfriend barfed in my handbag I'd first throw away the boyfriend then throw away the bag.
She's got a style of writing - overly chummy and over-the-top "Hey girlfriend!" That grated after about 5 pages. Would I recommend this to anyone? Meh. It's a quick read and you can make a note of any interesting tips you read about.
She's got a style of writing - overly chummy and over-the-top "Hey girlfriend!" That grated after about 5 pages. Would I recommend this to anyone? Meh. It's a quick read and you can make a note of any interesting tips you read about.
April 24, 2014
Incredibly useful book with all kinds of indispensable cleaning advice and know-how, presented in a charming and accessible way. I've been reading Jolie's stuff for years on the Hairpin and other places, and she's never failed me. Love, love, love her and this book.*
*I don't actually know her, I just feel like I do because I've been borderline obsessed with her for ages. She makes me want to be a better Clean Person!
*I don't actually know her, I just feel like I do because I've been borderline obsessed with her for ages. She makes me want to be a better Clean Person!
October 15, 2015
Simply put, Kerr is trying too hard to be liked. Her oddly defensive stance regarding her social status as as a "Clean Person"(capitalization is hers) makes the text seem less like a useful guide to solving the awkward cleaning problems of modern urban life and more like an apologetic recruitment activity into the cult of Clean. She simultaneously patronizes and panders to the reader while ultimately may leave them feeling dirtier than before they began the text.
March 30, 2014
Expensive book. Because now I need to buy, in addition to more lemons and more white vinegar, a clothes steamer and a beard trimmer. Plus cashmere detergent and shoe polish. I stay up til 3 reading more often than I'd like to admit, but this is the first time I have EVER stayed up til 3 reading a cleaning tips book.
March 7, 2014
Meh. I've enjoyed the Ask a Clean Person column online so figured I'd enjoy the book. The only new thing I learned is that I should have been using white vinegar for pretty much everything in life that requires cleaning? Who knew?
May 9, 2016
This was motivating in it's ability to absolutely horrify me. Everything is dirty! I'm not an effective adult!
At least now I know to cover pretty much everything in vinegar.
Jolie is hilarious and lovely. I never once felt more judged than I deserved.
At least now I know to cover pretty much everything in vinegar.
Jolie is hilarious and lovely. I never once felt more judged than I deserved.
May 26, 2016
Very helpful!
July 24, 2014
Welp, thanks to this book, my whole house is going to smell like vinegar from now on. So. Thanks?
November 19, 2014
Unbelievably useful and entertaining.
August 17, 2015
Hilarious and informative!
June 24, 2016
Some useful tips in here for sure. Apparently white vinegar, baking soda and OxiClean are the cure alls! There are even tips on how to clean your bong LOL!
April 27, 2014
I LOVED THIS BOOK. I loved everything about it. I love the minimalist cover, I love the author's writing style, I love the layout, and I love the information presented within. An enthusiastic five of five stars!
Jolie on cleaning the kitchen: "Step 5: Take a break! I'll let you in on a little secret: the hardest part is over... So as a reward for your hard work, would you care for a cold beer or soda? I bet you would. Remember to buy some before you start this project. You get to make the best shopping list! It'll be like:
~Soft Scrub
~Sponges
~Beer
~Paper Towels"
Jolie loves to break down seemingly big projects into very doable small projects, so I'm going to write my book review the same way! Yay! (She also loves to cheer for us as we tackle and tame cleaning projects. I appreciate that.) So the first thing I loved? The minimalist cover. Well, there's not really much of anything to say about that. So on to the second thing I loved: the author's writing style. I'm going to pepper this review with direct quotes to give you a feel. I love how conversational Jodie is. The entire book is written like we're right there with her (or she's right here with us) while we work on cleaning our house. I also love how honest she is. At one point she tells the reader how to deal with mold in the bathroom and she gives quite a few different options for cleaning it up and preventing it. She's very honest in telling us that while it's great to worry about the environment, you need to be prepared to put in a lot of extra elbow grease if you're going to go with an all-natural cleaning solution versus bleach. (I really loved this whole book, even the bathroom chapter. Did you know that ferns are good for bathrooms? They naturally filter out some funk (don't pretend like your bathroom never smells) and they suck up extra moisture, preventing mold, and they need almost no work when they're in a bathroom because your shower steam will water them. Now I'm going to run out and get a fern or two....) I also loved how Jolie just naturally assumes that everyone has all these cleaning quandaries because we do . We totally do. A lot of this is stuff we'd feel really silly or even embarrassed to have to ask someone about, but it's stuff that really happens when you spend time in spaces. For an example: see my parenthetical about ferns and bathroom funk. We all have funk! This is how you clean it!
Jolie on cleaning bathrooms: "There's this thing that's used to clean bathrooms and, you guys? I really, really love it. Like, I delight in it. It's called Scrubbing Bubbles... You're going to wipe down all the surfaces you covered with Scrubbing Bubbles, followed by a quick once-over to dry everything off and pick up any lingering lint or whatnot with a paper towel, and GASP WITH DELIGHT at how freaking easy it just was to clean the darn bathroom. Then you'll consider sending me a gift to thank me for sharing with you this marvel of cleaning. (My ring size is 5 1/2, my shoe size is 6, my birthstone is peridot, and I'm partial to stargazer lilies.)"
On to the third thing I loved about this book: the layout! The book is organized by space. So, so, so convenient! So there's a chapter on cleaning the kitchen. Then there's a chapter on cleaning floors. Then a chapter on the bathroom. Then a chapter on laundry. So when I finished the book and wanted to find a particular hint to make note of and try out I could turn to the correct chapter so easily! AND there's an index too! There's a lot of exclamation points in this paragraph because I really am that impressed with the common-sense approach to the layout!
Jolie on spilling red wine on yourself at a wedding: "If red wine stains are going to happen at a wedding, the best person for it to happen to is a member of the groom's party. Why? Well, the members of the groom's party are the least likely to care about spilling on their tie... The other thing is that, in the pantheon of things red wine can stain, ties are actually relatively easy to get cleaned up, especially at weddings, where there is, presumably, food and table settings and such. The thing to do if you spill red wine anywhere basically is to run immediately toward the closest repository of table salt. Pour the salt all over the stain, like a giant mound of it (but don't rub it in, just heap it on the stain). In the case of ties it's probably best to take the darn thing off you rather than have to hold it flat in your palm while wearing it. If you're a lady and get red wine on your skirt or pants, just sit down; if it's on your top half, retire politely to the ladies' room and hang around in there, topless, while the salt does its work. Hopefully you've worn a bra! But if you haven't, hey, good for you! The salt will absorb a goodly amount of the red wine... You might be tempted to talk to the red wine about its drinking problem."
A note: I actually tried this already! When I hosted dinner at my house, the hubby spilled a little red wine on our white tablecloth. I immediately put little hills of salt on the spots. A few hours later I shook the salt off, pretreated with Oxiclean, washed, and voila! No wine spots!
The last thing I want to enthuse about: the actual factual information presented within. Ya'll, it's so doable! All of it! And she doesn't have you going out searching for obscure cleaning product brands or mixing up complicated solutions. She give real, practical advice on how to clean your house and your car and yourself (your clothes). I think the best recommendation that I can give is that I intend to purchase this book for myself. I originally got it from the library, but it's already been so useful that I need to own a copy. And I'll get a copy for anyone and everyone I know moving into their first place. It's a gem of a book!
Go buy this book.
(Otherwise how will you find out what to do if your boyfriend barfs in your handbag?)
One tiny warning: there are just a few pages toward the end of the book that deal with cleaning intimate things... so if you're a little squeamish about that sort of thing, a little tiny warning from me.
Jolie on cleaning the kitchen: "Step 5: Take a break! I'll let you in on a little secret: the hardest part is over... So as a reward for your hard work, would you care for a cold beer or soda? I bet you would. Remember to buy some before you start this project. You get to make the best shopping list! It'll be like:
~Soft Scrub
~Sponges
~Beer
~Paper Towels"
Jolie loves to break down seemingly big projects into very doable small projects, so I'm going to write my book review the same way! Yay! (She also loves to cheer for us as we tackle and tame cleaning projects. I appreciate that.) So the first thing I loved? The minimalist cover. Well, there's not really much of anything to say about that. So on to the second thing I loved: the author's writing style. I'm going to pepper this review with direct quotes to give you a feel. I love how conversational Jodie is. The entire book is written like we're right there with her (or she's right here with us) while we work on cleaning our house. I also love how honest she is. At one point she tells the reader how to deal with mold in the bathroom and she gives quite a few different options for cleaning it up and preventing it. She's very honest in telling us that while it's great to worry about the environment, you need to be prepared to put in a lot of extra elbow grease if you're going to go with an all-natural cleaning solution versus bleach. (I really loved this whole book, even the bathroom chapter. Did you know that ferns are good for bathrooms? They naturally filter out some funk (don't pretend like your bathroom never smells) and they suck up extra moisture, preventing mold, and they need almost no work when they're in a bathroom because your shower steam will water them. Now I'm going to run out and get a fern or two....) I also loved how Jolie just naturally assumes that everyone has all these cleaning quandaries because we do . We totally do. A lot of this is stuff we'd feel really silly or even embarrassed to have to ask someone about, but it's stuff that really happens when you spend time in spaces. For an example: see my parenthetical about ferns and bathroom funk. We all have funk! This is how you clean it!
Jolie on cleaning bathrooms: "There's this thing that's used to clean bathrooms and, you guys? I really, really love it. Like, I delight in it. It's called Scrubbing Bubbles... You're going to wipe down all the surfaces you covered with Scrubbing Bubbles, followed by a quick once-over to dry everything off and pick up any lingering lint or whatnot with a paper towel, and GASP WITH DELIGHT at how freaking easy it just was to clean the darn bathroom. Then you'll consider sending me a gift to thank me for sharing with you this marvel of cleaning. (My ring size is 5 1/2, my shoe size is 6, my birthstone is peridot, and I'm partial to stargazer lilies.)"
On to the third thing I loved about this book: the layout! The book is organized by space. So, so, so convenient! So there's a chapter on cleaning the kitchen. Then there's a chapter on cleaning floors. Then a chapter on the bathroom. Then a chapter on laundry. So when I finished the book and wanted to find a particular hint to make note of and try out I could turn to the correct chapter so easily! AND there's an index too! There's a lot of exclamation points in this paragraph because I really am that impressed with the common-sense approach to the layout!
Jolie on spilling red wine on yourself at a wedding: "If red wine stains are going to happen at a wedding, the best person for it to happen to is a member of the groom's party. Why? Well, the members of the groom's party are the least likely to care about spilling on their tie... The other thing is that, in the pantheon of things red wine can stain, ties are actually relatively easy to get cleaned up, especially at weddings, where there is, presumably, food and table settings and such. The thing to do if you spill red wine anywhere basically is to run immediately toward the closest repository of table salt. Pour the salt all over the stain, like a giant mound of it (but don't rub it in, just heap it on the stain). In the case of ties it's probably best to take the darn thing off you rather than have to hold it flat in your palm while wearing it. If you're a lady and get red wine on your skirt or pants, just sit down; if it's on your top half, retire politely to the ladies' room and hang around in there, topless, while the salt does its work. Hopefully you've worn a bra! But if you haven't, hey, good for you! The salt will absorb a goodly amount of the red wine... You might be tempted to talk to the red wine about its drinking problem."
A note: I actually tried this already! When I hosted dinner at my house, the hubby spilled a little red wine on our white tablecloth. I immediately put little hills of salt on the spots. A few hours later I shook the salt off, pretreated with Oxiclean, washed, and voila! No wine spots!
The last thing I want to enthuse about: the actual factual information presented within. Ya'll, it's so doable! All of it! And she doesn't have you going out searching for obscure cleaning product brands or mixing up complicated solutions. She give real, practical advice on how to clean your house and your car and yourself (your clothes). I think the best recommendation that I can give is that I intend to purchase this book for myself. I originally got it from the library, but it's already been so useful that I need to own a copy. And I'll get a copy for anyone and everyone I know moving into their first place. It's a gem of a book!
Go buy this book.
(Otherwise how will you find out what to do if your boyfriend barfs in your handbag?)
One tiny warning: there are just a few pages toward the end of the book that deal with cleaning intimate things... so if you're a little squeamish about that sort of thing, a little tiny warning from me.
Read
June 30, 2020You wouldn't know by the fact that it took me TWO MONTHS to read this dang book, but I found it highly enjoyable. It's a pandemic, okay? The attention span ain't what it used to be and it wasn't good to begin with. Nevertheless, I wasn't really anticipating reading what is essentially a reference book from cover to cover, but this one kept me laughing and interested all the way through. And it's got good advice! Would recommend, especially if the pandemic is making you feel like your living space is an unruly child rather than a retreat.
September 6, 2018
I found this book in our 1,000 boxes that just came from storage, and for sure, it's going to be my getting your own apartment/wedding shower go-to item to top off a gift. It's a hilarious read, but it's also FULL of seriously helpful information and instruction, and is now slotted alongside my household cleaning products for the many times where I don't know how to clean something.....which is more often than not!
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