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P.S. I Miss You
In this epistolary middle-grade debut novel, a girl who's questioning her sexual orientation writes letters to her sister, who was sent away from their strict Catholic home after becoming pregnant.
Eleven-year-old Evie is heartbroken when her strict Catholic parents send her pregnant sister away to stay with a distant great-aunt. All Evie wants is for her older sister to come back. But when her parents forbid her to even speak to Cilla, she starts sending letters. Evie writes letters about her family, torn apart and hurting. She writes about her life, empty without Cilla. And she writes about the new girl in school, June, who becomes her friend, and then maybe more than a friend.
As she becomes better friends with June, Evie begins to question her sexual orientation. She can only imagine what might happen if her parents found out who she really is. She could really use some advice from Cilla. But Cilla isn't writing back.
Eleven-year-old Evie is heartbroken when her strict Catholic parents send her pregnant sister away to stay with a distant great-aunt. All Evie wants is for her older sister to come back. But when her parents forbid her to even speak to Cilla, she starts sending letters. Evie writes letters about her family, torn apart and hurting. She writes about her life, empty without Cilla. And she writes about the new girl in school, June, who becomes her friend, and then maybe more than a friend.
As she becomes better friends with June, Evie begins to question her sexual orientation. She can only imagine what might happen if her parents found out who she really is. She could really use some advice from Cilla. But Cilla isn't writing back.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published March 6, 2018
About the author
Jen Petro-Roy
9 books357 followersJen Petro-Roy is the author of four middle grade books, all published by Macmillan/Feiwel and Friends: P.S. I Miss You, Good Enough, Life in the Balance, and You Are Enough. She lives in Massachusetts, where she also works as a reference librarian.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 304 reviews
March 15, 2018
This book is AMAZING. I beta read two early versions and cannot wait to read the final. It's sweet and funny and wonderful.
ETA review of final, published version:
Jen told me that the final product was different and better from the two versions I'd read. (The second version was different and better from the first, but I was still very skeptical. How could this book be any better? Well. Somehow it is. (Witchcraft?)
This novel touches on almost everything in its 310 pages---friendship, family, faith, crushes, teenage pregnancy...and it's all handled with dignity and respect. Nothing is gratuitous and nothing feels added for shock value. Evie grapples with her faith and spends time trying to figure out what she believes (as opposed to what she's been raised to believe) and ultimately continues to find comfort in the church, even when she's mad at God (and her parents).
This is a story that trusts kids to draw their own conclusions. Who's right in this? Who's wrong? If the wrong things are done, can they still be done for the right reasons? Are some things unforgivable? (These questions will make more sense in the context of the story when you read it, but they're things to think about anyway, right?)
This would be a good book to read with your kids or as part of a book club. Great discussions are sure to follow. Highly, highly recommended.
ETA review of final, published version:
Jen told me that the final product was different and better from the two versions I'd read. (The second version was different and better from the first, but I was still very skeptical. How could this book be any better? Well. Somehow it is. (Witchcraft?)
This novel touches on almost everything in its 310 pages---friendship, family, faith, crushes, teenage pregnancy...and it's all handled with dignity and respect. Nothing is gratuitous and nothing feels added for shock value. Evie grapples with her faith and spends time trying to figure out what she believes (as opposed to what she's been raised to believe) and ultimately continues to find comfort in the church, even when she's mad at God (and her parents).
This is a story that trusts kids to draw their own conclusions. Who's right in this? Who's wrong? If the wrong things are done, can they still be done for the right reasons? Are some things unforgivable? (These questions will make more sense in the context of the story when you read it, but they're things to think about anyway, right?)
This would be a good book to read with your kids or as part of a book club. Great discussions are sure to follow. Highly, highly recommended.
July 8, 2017
This gorgeous book will wreck you! But in a good way? I found Evie so relatable (and sweet). It's going to be life-changing for young LGB+ kids that have never seen themselves in a book before. The ending had me all teary, and I loved seeing a story that didn't come to a tidy little conclusion. This is a heartbreaking but hopeful (and true to life) story about a lesbian growing up in a strict, conservative household. Evie's character growth was perfect. I loved watching her come into her own!
September 5, 2017
I LOVED this book. I'd been eager for it since the deal announcement, and wow -- it blew me away. Evie's connection to her sister is so beautifully, authentically rendered, and I loved the epistolary format. This is a middle-grade novel that explores religion, sexual orientation, teen pregnancy, and so much more. I can't wait for kids who need it to discover it; I truly think it will hugely and positively impact so many young lives. P.S. I MISS YOU is an important, heartbreaking, boundary-pushing MG you won't soon forget.
September 24, 2016
This book, the first from Jen Petro-Roy, is a captivating and authentic story of a young girl as she writes letters to her sister about the issues of their lives. Evie's voice drives the action in a way that feels real and true, with the urgency and intensity of a young woman opening her heart to her older sister and confidante. I highly recommend this book and look forward to its formal publication so that I can share copies of it with the young adults - and not-so-young adults - in my life.
December 18, 2017
I have been sitting on this review for a while because I am not entirely sure that my words will do the book justice. There are also a lot of feelings involved in this darling book and I will attempt to keep it together as I navigate those.
As a disclaimer, Jen Petro-Roy is a dear, dear friend and I have been waiting for this novel since she began the journey of bringing it to life. That aside, I can not imagine that my review would be any less sparkling if it were for a complete stranger.
What I can tell you is that you will need to make sure your heartstrings are securely fastened before you start reading.
Evie, the young protagonist, is the expertly written voice that drives this narrative in the form of letters to her older sister, Cilla. We are not immediately clued in to where the sisters are but it soon becomes apparent that Evie is still at home with overly strict parents, while Cilla has been ushered away to deal with a more delicate matter.
The sisters' parents are a picture-perfect illustration of adults trying to do the right thing but missing the mark, terribly. If you grew up in a Catholic town, like I did, you will find familiar faces in their feelings, both frustratingly and empathetically. They are easy to hate but Jen does such an incredible job of painting them in a light that allows the reader to understand that they are just as lost as their daughters.
As far as the sisters, I found myself pausing to reflect on my own sibling relationship in a heavy way. Without unloading my entire history, let me just say that the longing and desperation in Evie's reaching for her missing companion rang true in both directions, for me. There is nothing quite like the arresting tug of a younger sister in need of guidance. Perhaps it hit a little close to home for me, as the older sister who lives entirely too far away from her tiny sister.
Ok, see, this is why I have been hesitant to put my thoughts into words. I promise I'm going to collect myself off the floor, here.
It is so hard for me to refrain from gushing like a middle schooler in writing this but I need to explain, in no uncertain terms, that the thing that P. S. I Miss You just absolutely nails is the emotional voice of each piece of this puzzle. Jen manages to get right into Evie's head, capturing the young voice in a way that is completely authentic to her age but one hundred percent relatable to an older audience.
I know this review is a bit early and I will be talking about it a great deal more before it is released in March (so be prepared), however, it deserves to be read early and again and again.
As a debut (and as a novel, in general) this is a total home run.
https://wordpress.com/post/iwriteinbo...
As a disclaimer, Jen Petro-Roy is a dear, dear friend and I have been waiting for this novel since she began the journey of bringing it to life. That aside, I can not imagine that my review would be any less sparkling if it were for a complete stranger.
What I can tell you is that you will need to make sure your heartstrings are securely fastened before you start reading.
Evie, the young protagonist, is the expertly written voice that drives this narrative in the form of letters to her older sister, Cilla. We are not immediately clued in to where the sisters are but it soon becomes apparent that Evie is still at home with overly strict parents, while Cilla has been ushered away to deal with a more delicate matter.
The sisters' parents are a picture-perfect illustration of adults trying to do the right thing but missing the mark, terribly. If you grew up in a Catholic town, like I did, you will find familiar faces in their feelings, both frustratingly and empathetically. They are easy to hate but Jen does such an incredible job of painting them in a light that allows the reader to understand that they are just as lost as their daughters.
As far as the sisters, I found myself pausing to reflect on my own sibling relationship in a heavy way. Without unloading my entire history, let me just say that the longing and desperation in Evie's reaching for her missing companion rang true in both directions, for me. There is nothing quite like the arresting tug of a younger sister in need of guidance. Perhaps it hit a little close to home for me, as the older sister who lives entirely too far away from her tiny sister.
Ok, see, this is why I have been hesitant to put my thoughts into words. I promise I'm going to collect myself off the floor, here.
It is so hard for me to refrain from gushing like a middle schooler in writing this but I need to explain, in no uncertain terms, that the thing that P. S. I Miss You just absolutely nails is the emotional voice of each piece of this puzzle. Jen manages to get right into Evie's head, capturing the young voice in a way that is completely authentic to her age but one hundred percent relatable to an older audience.
I know this review is a bit early and I will be talking about it a great deal more before it is released in March (so be prepared), however, it deserves to be read early and again and again.
As a debut (and as a novel, in general) this is a total home run.
https://wordpress.com/post/iwriteinbo...
August 9, 2022
This book wrecked me. At first, I just thought it was a sweet story, albeit around some deeper topics, but the end had me sobbing (and I am not an easy book crier.) Literally, I was reading in bed after my husband had gone to sleep and while I was able to be quiet, I had to get out of bed because I was sobbing so hard I was shaking the bed and I was afraid I would wake him up.
Cilla got pregnant in high school, and her parents sent her away to live with an aunt in Virginia, as they are super-Catholics (I say, having been raised as a liberal Catholic), and it's embarrassing and shameful to her parents. Her little sister Evie, finds her parents' reaction to Cilla's pregnancy, embarrassing and shameful. Who sends their child away in her moment of need? Who denies that they have a daughter just because she made a mistake? If this is what their religion tells them to do, maybe Evie doesn't need their religion. And given how they treated Cilla, Evie can only imagine how her parents would behave if they found out about the feelings she's been having for her new friend, June. So instead, she writes to Cilla, first at their aunt's, and then later at the Catholic boarding school where she's going to finish up school after the birth and adoption. Cilla doesn't answer, but Evie persists nonetheless.
Cilla seems like she was a good big sister, and even without her responses, it's nice to see how Evie uses their one-sided communication to help her work out some questions about religion, faith, doubt, trust, love, and grief. And then there's a big twist. And it's the aftermath of that twist that left me so touched that even weeks later, when talking about that point in the book, I still get teary-eyed. It's a powerful and moving book, perfect for older preteens and younger teens, covering some serious topics with a believable main character, written with a deft hand.
Cilla got pregnant in high school, and her parents sent her away to live with an aunt in Virginia, as they are super-Catholics (I say, having been raised as a liberal Catholic), and it's embarrassing and shameful to her parents. Her little sister Evie, finds her parents' reaction to Cilla's pregnancy, embarrassing and shameful. Who sends their child away in her moment of need? Who denies that they have a daughter just because she made a mistake? If this is what their religion tells them to do, maybe Evie doesn't need their religion. And given how they treated Cilla, Evie can only imagine how her parents would behave if they found out about the feelings she's been having for her new friend, June. So instead, she writes to Cilla, first at their aunt's, and then later at the Catholic boarding school where she's going to finish up school after the birth and adoption. Cilla doesn't answer, but Evie persists nonetheless.
Cilla seems like she was a good big sister, and even without her responses, it's nice to see how Evie uses their one-sided communication to help her work out some questions about religion, faith, doubt, trust, love, and grief. And then there's a big twist. And it's the aftermath of that twist that left me so touched that even weeks later, when talking about that point in the book, I still get teary-eyed. It's a powerful and moving book, perfect for older preteens and younger teens, covering some serious topics with a believable main character, written with a deft hand.
March 6, 2018
Interest Level 3-6
5 out of 5 Stars!!!!!!
I don't even know where to start with this one! This book is so full of raw emotion that it will have you laughing one minute and crying the next. This is the story of Evie, a 12-year-old girl growing up in a very strict Catholic home. When her sister is sent away to live with their distant aunt because she got pregnant at sixteen, all Evie can do is write her letters. As Evie writes to her sister, Cilla, she tells her everything that is going on in her life. Evie has two best friends but when she meets June, things begin to shift and Evie has to try to sort though these new feelings. This is a story of lies, deception, finding yourself and having the courage to be yourself, friendship, love and so much more! Will Evie have the courage to expose her family secrets, find her sister, and become the person she thinks she is becoming. Read this book to find out what happens to Evie, June, Cilla, and the rest of her family.
I am giving you fair warning that when you get to about the last 100 pages of this book you will not be able to put it down. Jen Petro-Roy's debut book is a winner and I cannot wait to read future books!
Thanks to the @kidlitexchange network for the review copy of this book - all opinions are my own.
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5 out of 5 Stars!!!!!!
I don't even know where to start with this one! This book is so full of raw emotion that it will have you laughing one minute and crying the next. This is the story of Evie, a 12-year-old girl growing up in a very strict Catholic home. When her sister is sent away to live with their distant aunt because she got pregnant at sixteen, all Evie can do is write her letters. As Evie writes to her sister, Cilla, she tells her everything that is going on in her life. Evie has two best friends but when she meets June, things begin to shift and Evie has to try to sort though these new feelings. This is a story of lies, deception, finding yourself and having the courage to be yourself, friendship, love and so much more! Will Evie have the courage to expose her family secrets, find her sister, and become the person she thinks she is becoming. Read this book to find out what happens to Evie, June, Cilla, and the rest of her family.
I am giving you fair warning that when you get to about the last 100 pages of this book you will not be able to put it down. Jen Petro-Roy's debut book is a winner and I cannot wait to read future books!
Thanks to the @kidlitexchange network for the review copy of this book - all opinions are my own.
Follow me:
Facebook - Laurie’s Library Place - https://www.facebook.com/LauriesLibra...
Instagram - laurieslibrary - https://www.instagram.com/laurieslibr...
Twitter - https://twitter.com/lauriepurser27
Goodreads - Laurie Purser - https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1...
Blog - Blazer Tales - https://blazertales.weebly.com/
July 2, 2018
Picked up this Middle Grade book while looking at summer reading books for my 12-year old (I am a sucker for pretty covers and butterflies), and I was hooked from the first page to the last.
March 4, 2018
Heartbreaking and beautiful, this book is an epistolary narrative from a younger sister to her older sister, Cilla, who has, we learn, been sent away from home by their very Catholic parents because she became pregnant as a teen.
However, we soon learn that there is more to the story, especially as our protagonist mixes her loneliness at losing her confidant and idol with her growing awareness of affection towards June, the new girl in school.
I loved this book for how Evie evolves and becomes more and more self-aware and confident through her letters to her sister, and how even the shocking news about her family allows her room to reflect and redefine who she wants to be.
I know that the author has faced some difficulties with schools not wanting her to visit, and I think that's a shame. Any book that helps middle grade students to face their feelings and to recognize that strong emotions are not a bad thing, but rather a part of life and something that helps us to grow and redefine who we are is a gem and should be shared everywhere.
Note: A copy was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
However, we soon learn that there is more to the story, especially as our protagonist mixes her loneliness at losing her confidant and idol with her growing awareness of affection towards June, the new girl in school.
I loved this book for how Evie evolves and becomes more and more self-aware and confident through her letters to her sister, and how even the shocking news about her family allows her room to reflect and redefine who she wants to be.
I know that the author has faced some difficulties with schools not wanting her to visit, and I think that's a shame. Any book that helps middle grade students to face their feelings and to recognize that strong emotions are not a bad thing, but rather a part of life and something that helps us to grow and redefine who we are is a gem and should be shared everywhere.
Note: A copy was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
December 24, 2017
This beautiful, moving story celebrates the deep connection between sisters. Evie's letters to her older sister Cilla, sent away by conservative Catholic parents after becoming pregnant in high school, give such a detailed glimpse into the life and mind of the seventh grade protagonist. Evie's admiration for Cilla shines throughout, as well as the way she sees herself as akin to her sister -- is she a sinner in her parents' eyes, too, because she has a crush on her female friend, June? I loved following along as Evie turns over so many deep questions in her mind. I yearned for Cilla and Evie's parents to reconsider their strongly held beliefs and become more compassionate, yet their portrayal is unfortunately true to life in this very polarized historical moment we find ourselves in. This story will stick with me for a long time.
November 28, 2017
Compulsively readable and extremely well written. I couldn't put it down. Some very intense subject matter and events that could be hard for sensitive children.
March 9, 2018
P.S. I Miss You is about a young girl named Evie who is in seventh grade and missing her older sister, Cilla. Cilla, a high school student, is pregnant and has moved away to live with a great aunt until she gives birth, at which point she plans to give the baby up for adoption and enroll in a Catholic boarding school. Though her parents didn't exactly force Cilla to leave, they also haven't been at all supportive of her pregnancy, and Evie blames them for Cilla's refusal to answer her letters, or to come home for a visit. In the meantime, Evie finds herself drawn to the new girl in school, June. Her feelings develop over the course of the book, causing her to realize she likes girls, and apparently not boys.
I heard of P.S., I Miss You for the first time when I came across this piece, in which the author expresses her disappointment about schools not wanting her to visit and talk about the book's themes, which include same-sex attraction between two middle school girls, a teen pregnancy, and the Catholic faith. Originally, I was not going to read it, because, now that I'm not working in a library anymore, I try to prioritize books that I might want to add to my girls' library or that I might want to borrow from the library for them. Since the subject matter of this book is not something we seek out, I figured I'd devote my energy to the other books on my ever-growing to-read pile.
But then I started hearing about how much of a role Catholicism plays in this book. I found myself reading reviews and wondering how well this book really handled the Catholic faith. I figured, based on the subject matter, that the overall impression of the church given by the book would not be positive, but I became really curious about whether it was accurate. (In the past, I have made a point of reading books with religious content for that same reason. These include The Inquisitor's Tale and Almost Paradise.) So I downloaded the ARC from Edelweiss with the primary goal of critiquing the treatment of religion in the book, for better or for worse.
First of all, I want to say that, content aside, in terms of writing quality and character development, this is a solid three-star novel. The epistolary format is a bit awkward, but it works okay, and there are some surprising turns of events that caught me totally off-guard. Though the relationship at the heart of the story is not something I typically want to read about, I can recognize that it is handled in accordance with what most people expect of a middle grade novel on this subject.
Still, in this age of hyper-awareness about diversity and the accuracy of facts about others' cultures, it is surprising to me how much this book misses the mark when it comes to its portrayal of the Catholic church. The problems I found fall into two categories: extreme negativity toward the Catholic faith (which may only matter to someone like me who has a positive view) , and blatant misinformation (which should, I think, matter to anyone who hands the book to a child).
The negativity surrounding Evie's view of the church is pervasive. Evie describes her religion as "mean and judgy" and complains about being dragged to Mass and forced to wear an "ugly smear" on her forehead on Ash Wednesday. She questions whether a priest would allow someone with pink hair inside of a church and describes her parents as "backward." She calls the ritual of washing feet on Holy Thursday "silly", Communion hosts "gross," and crucifixes "creepy," While Evie is obviously angry with her religion, it feels a little unrealistic that she has been raised in this faith from birth and has almost no positive associations with it. The reader certainly gets the idea that Evie is questioning her beliefs due to her anger, but the reader also gets the idea that Catholicism is cruel and unfair and generally awful. Evie does say at one point that there are things she enjoys about church, and she speaks fondly of her first communion dress, but these few instances do not counterbalance the negativity of all these other details. And overall, this negativity serves to reinforce the inaccurate stereotypes about Catholicism that abound in our culture.
Stereotypes are also easily reinforced by misinformation about Catholic teaching, and there is a fair amount of that in this book. The story's overall understanding of sin is probably the biggest example. Evie mentions again and again that Cilla has "really sinned" by having sex outside of marriage and conceiving a child. She imagines that her parents have never sinned since they've never done anything "bad" and that she herself only becomes a sinner when she develops feelings for June. It feels incongruous to me that parents so involved in the church and so concerned over "forcing" their kids into it have not explained the types of sin (venial vs. mortal) to their children, and that Evie doesn't feel she has ever committed either type. It also feels completely unbelievable that this book never mentions Confession! Evie spends a lot of time thinking about whether her sister's sin will disappear when she gives birth to her baby, as though she has no idea that sins can be forgiven in Confession. Unless her parents don't believe in Confession (a pretty big detail to leave out in a book so concerned with sin), it seems like they would have been "dragging" her to Confession the same way they drag her everywhere else associated with religion. The fact that Evie's dad simply states that "homosexuality is a sin" is also an oversimplified statement that does not make the important distinction between experiencing same sex attraction and acting upon it.
Other details also demonstrate a lack of knowledge of Catholic teaching. Evie refers to the Mass which is said on January 1st as a "special New Year's Mass" when in fact, in most years, this would be the Mass for the solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, a holy day of obligation. She also wrongly says that the ritual of washing feet on Holy Thursday is about the washing away of sins, when really it is about imitating an act of Jesus in which he humbled himself to become like a servant to demonstrate his love for his friends. She also questions why she has to use prescribed prayers instead of speaking to God in her own words (she doesn't) and the need for saints, asking why she can't just do things for herself (of course she can). Her statement that God hates her for who she likes is also not something the church teaches, even though it is a common misconception. Also problematic are the statement that the church teaches that all atheists automatically go to Hell (the church does not teach this about any group, as only Jesus can make this judgment) and the connection Evie makes between zombies and the Resurrection (a bad joke that makes its offensive Internet rounds every Easter.)
When I was a kid, I didn't know very much about my faith either. It absolutely rings true that Evie, whose CCD (religious education) teacher seems boring and strict, might not be aware that her impressions of what is happening in church are incomplete or off-base. But if this is the point - that Evie's parents misunderstand and misuse church teaching, and that Evie herself has been poorly catechized in the faith - then there needs to be some information in the text that establishes the norm from which this family deviates. Without that, it is easy for a young reader to discern that everything this book says about Catholicism is true, and to conclude therefore that the Catholics they know must also be mean, judgmental, backward, etc. I want to believe that it is not the goal of this book to incite hatred for the Catholic faith, but I think it is definitely a likely result of reading the story.
Just before sitting down to write this review I learned from reading this interview that the author has based this story on the experience of her childhood best friend, and that she herself was raised Catholic. I don't doubt that some of what happens in this book probably happened to her friend, or to her, or that it could happen to any child. What is troublesome for me is that the bad behavior of Evie's parents and Evie's own anger-tainted view of her faith is all the reader gets of Catholicism. Every unfair stereotype of a Catholic family is present in this book, and none of the nuances or richness of the faith that make it such an important part of so many people's lives, including mine. And though I think most traditional Catholic families like mine would avoid the book anyway based on the subject matter, it is so disappointing to know that non-Catholic readers don't get the opportunity in one of the few middle grade novels about Catholicism to expand their horizons beyond the tired stereotypes and misinterpretations of church teaching.
This review also appears on my blog, Read-at-Home Mom.
I heard of P.S., I Miss You for the first time when I came across this piece, in which the author expresses her disappointment about schools not wanting her to visit and talk about the book's themes, which include same-sex attraction between two middle school girls, a teen pregnancy, and the Catholic faith. Originally, I was not going to read it, because, now that I'm not working in a library anymore, I try to prioritize books that I might want to add to my girls' library or that I might want to borrow from the library for them. Since the subject matter of this book is not something we seek out, I figured I'd devote my energy to the other books on my ever-growing to-read pile.
But then I started hearing about how much of a role Catholicism plays in this book. I found myself reading reviews and wondering how well this book really handled the Catholic faith. I figured, based on the subject matter, that the overall impression of the church given by the book would not be positive, but I became really curious about whether it was accurate. (In the past, I have made a point of reading books with religious content for that same reason. These include The Inquisitor's Tale and Almost Paradise.) So I downloaded the ARC from Edelweiss with the primary goal of critiquing the treatment of religion in the book, for better or for worse.
First of all, I want to say that, content aside, in terms of writing quality and character development, this is a solid three-star novel. The epistolary format is a bit awkward, but it works okay, and there are some surprising turns of events that caught me totally off-guard. Though the relationship at the heart of the story is not something I typically want to read about, I can recognize that it is handled in accordance with what most people expect of a middle grade novel on this subject.
Still, in this age of hyper-awareness about diversity and the accuracy of facts about others' cultures, it is surprising to me how much this book misses the mark when it comes to its portrayal of the Catholic church. The problems I found fall into two categories: extreme negativity toward the Catholic faith (which may only matter to someone like me who has a positive view) , and blatant misinformation (which should, I think, matter to anyone who hands the book to a child).
The negativity surrounding Evie's view of the church is pervasive. Evie describes her religion as "mean and judgy" and complains about being dragged to Mass and forced to wear an "ugly smear" on her forehead on Ash Wednesday. She questions whether a priest would allow someone with pink hair inside of a church and describes her parents as "backward." She calls the ritual of washing feet on Holy Thursday "silly", Communion hosts "gross," and crucifixes "creepy," While Evie is obviously angry with her religion, it feels a little unrealistic that she has been raised in this faith from birth and has almost no positive associations with it. The reader certainly gets the idea that Evie is questioning her beliefs due to her anger, but the reader also gets the idea that Catholicism is cruel and unfair and generally awful. Evie does say at one point that there are things she enjoys about church, and she speaks fondly of her first communion dress, but these few instances do not counterbalance the negativity of all these other details. And overall, this negativity serves to reinforce the inaccurate stereotypes about Catholicism that abound in our culture.
Stereotypes are also easily reinforced by misinformation about Catholic teaching, and there is a fair amount of that in this book. The story's overall understanding of sin is probably the biggest example. Evie mentions again and again that Cilla has "really sinned" by having sex outside of marriage and conceiving a child. She imagines that her parents have never sinned since they've never done anything "bad" and that she herself only becomes a sinner when she develops feelings for June. It feels incongruous to me that parents so involved in the church and so concerned over "forcing" their kids into it have not explained the types of sin (venial vs. mortal) to their children, and that Evie doesn't feel she has ever committed either type. It also feels completely unbelievable that this book never mentions Confession! Evie spends a lot of time thinking about whether her sister's sin will disappear when she gives birth to her baby, as though she has no idea that sins can be forgiven in Confession. Unless her parents don't believe in Confession (a pretty big detail to leave out in a book so concerned with sin), it seems like they would have been "dragging" her to Confession the same way they drag her everywhere else associated with religion. The fact that Evie's dad simply states that "homosexuality is a sin" is also an oversimplified statement that does not make the important distinction between experiencing same sex attraction and acting upon it.
Other details also demonstrate a lack of knowledge of Catholic teaching. Evie refers to the Mass which is said on January 1st as a "special New Year's Mass" when in fact, in most years, this would be the Mass for the solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, a holy day of obligation. She also wrongly says that the ritual of washing feet on Holy Thursday is about the washing away of sins, when really it is about imitating an act of Jesus in which he humbled himself to become like a servant to demonstrate his love for his friends. She also questions why she has to use prescribed prayers instead of speaking to God in her own words (she doesn't) and the need for saints, asking why she can't just do things for herself (of course she can). Her statement that God hates her for who she likes is also not something the church teaches, even though it is a common misconception. Also problematic are the statement that the church teaches that all atheists automatically go to Hell (the church does not teach this about any group, as only Jesus can make this judgment) and the connection Evie makes between zombies and the Resurrection (a bad joke that makes its offensive Internet rounds every Easter.)
When I was a kid, I didn't know very much about my faith either. It absolutely rings true that Evie, whose CCD (religious education) teacher seems boring and strict, might not be aware that her impressions of what is happening in church are incomplete or off-base. But if this is the point - that Evie's parents misunderstand and misuse church teaching, and that Evie herself has been poorly catechized in the faith - then there needs to be some information in the text that establishes the norm from which this family deviates. Without that, it is easy for a young reader to discern that everything this book says about Catholicism is true, and to conclude therefore that the Catholics they know must also be mean, judgmental, backward, etc. I want to believe that it is not the goal of this book to incite hatred for the Catholic faith, but I think it is definitely a likely result of reading the story.
Just before sitting down to write this review I learned from reading this interview that the author has based this story on the experience of her childhood best friend, and that she herself was raised Catholic. I don't doubt that some of what happens in this book probably happened to her friend, or to her, or that it could happen to any child. What is troublesome for me is that the bad behavior of Evie's parents and Evie's own anger-tainted view of her faith is all the reader gets of Catholicism. Every unfair stereotype of a Catholic family is present in this book, and none of the nuances or richness of the faith that make it such an important part of so many people's lives, including mine. And though I think most traditional Catholic families like mine would avoid the book anyway based on the subject matter, it is so disappointing to know that non-Catholic readers don't get the opportunity in one of the few middle grade novels about Catholicism to expand their horizons beyond the tired stereotypes and misinterpretations of church teaching.
This review also appears on my blog, Read-at-Home Mom.
August 1, 2018
I tore through this book. As Evie writes endlessly to her sister, I got more and more nervous about why Cilla wasn't really writing back. I needed to know the ending; I couldn't put it down. I was reading this while walking home from the bus stop.
This ended up being a little darker and more thorny than I was expecting, but I appreciated that. Evie questions her strict Catholic upbringing, and how it lead her parents to distance themselves from her sister. She is developing feelings for a girl. And she's still processing how she feels about Evie and her pregnancy. This is a heartfelt story about developing into your own person, and questioning what you've been taught to believe unwaveringly.
Full review at The Lesbrary.
This ended up being a little darker and more thorny than I was expecting, but I appreciated that. Evie questions her strict Catholic upbringing, and how it lead her parents to distance themselves from her sister. She is developing feelings for a girl. And she's still processing how she feels about Evie and her pregnancy. This is a heartfelt story about developing into your own person, and questioning what you've been taught to believe unwaveringly.
Full review at The Lesbrary.
April 25, 2020
Au début je trouvais ça mignon, sans plus quoi. Mais très vite, je me suis attachée aux personnages, à Evie si touchante, a son histoire ... et ça a pris une tournure très profonde. Ça parle de sujets importants et si c’est un peu rapide à mon goût, ça reste très beau. Une jolie lecture !
August 24, 2018
5 stars.
I enjoyed this SO SO much. If you want a middle grade version of PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER but with queer girls, this is for you.
(Representation: Lesbian mc, F/F relationship)
I enjoyed this SO SO much. If you want a middle grade version of PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER but with queer girls, this is for you.
(Representation: Lesbian mc, F/F relationship)
October 21, 2017
This book. Go get it now. I’ll wait. I don’t want to include spoilers, but I will say that I loved reading this epistolary novel because it was refreshing to know Evie’s thoughts in an uncensored way. I think this is one of those books that I will be thinking about for a long time to come.
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December 28, 2017When Evie's sister Cilla gets pregnant, her parents send her away. Wouldn't want a pregnant, unmarried teen daughter miring their Good Catholic reputation. While Cilla's away, Evie writes her a series of letters. The letters not only document how much she misses her sister, but they document her understanding of herself, about growing up, and about a budding romance between herself and another girl. It's a pitch-perfect 11/12 year old voice and experience of independence.
But oh, how much I loathe the parents in this book. Not only are they liars and terribly hypocritical Catholics, but . The book tries to redeem them at the end, and while middle grade readers will be happy with that, I'm going to continue to think they're pretty much The Worst.
This one has all of the good feelings and the sad feelings, and it does a great job of wrestling with religious beliefs. It's a fabulous debut and one that will resonate with so many readers.
But oh, how much I loathe the parents in this book. Not only are they liars and terribly hypocritical Catholics, but . The book tries to redeem them at the end, and while middle grade readers will be happy with that, I'm going to continue to think they're pretty much The Worst.
This one has all of the good feelings and the sad feelings, and it does a great job of wrestling with religious beliefs. It's a fabulous debut and one that will resonate with so many readers.
April 12, 2018
This is easily the best book I've read all year.
Evie's older sister, Cilla, goes away because she's pregnant (and their parents are strict and very religious). She leaves before Evie gets to say goodbye, so Evie begins to steadfastly write to her. Evie is in 7th grade and has so many questions- about why her parents wanted Cilla to go away, about religion and God, and about her own blossoming feelings for the new girl, June. And then, about why Cilla doesn't seem to want to come back.
This book made me cry and rage. It's eloquent and hopeful, and all the best things I love about middle grade fiction. I don't know why more people aren't reading this book. You really need to. I have a selection of books I'm setting aside for my daughter when she's older, and this one is going on that shelf. It's that good.
Evie's older sister, Cilla, goes away because she's pregnant (and their parents are strict and very religious). She leaves before Evie gets to say goodbye, so Evie begins to steadfastly write to her. Evie is in 7th grade and has so many questions- about why her parents wanted Cilla to go away, about religion and God, and about her own blossoming feelings for the new girl, June. And then, about why Cilla doesn't seem to want to come back.
This book made me cry and rage. It's eloquent and hopeful, and all the best things I love about middle grade fiction. I don't know why more people aren't reading this book. You really need to. I have a selection of books I'm setting aside for my daughter when she's older, and this one is going on that shelf. It's that good.
July 26, 2023
This one hit really close to home-- strict parents sticking to their guns while driving away one of their children. This was an incredibly powerful epistolary novel. Evie has such courage and such beautiful curiosity in the face of lies and pain. She's an inspiration. There will probably be backlash about this book. But it's really, really important.
March 8, 2018
It's a snow day today, so I decided to read for awhile ... and wound up finishing the whole thing! This wasn't predictable. It was messy, complicated, heartfelt, and believable. I could've used this book when I was Evie's age, questioning religion, figuring out where I fit with friends and school, and realizing my parents were flawed. The author captures the age perfectly. For many middle-grade readers, this book can be both important mirrors and windows.
November 26, 2020
I can't talk about this without major spoilers, so major spoilers behind the cut.
The letter format didn't quite work. The beginning is VERY exposition-y, lie, "Dear sister, this is how you were away from from being pregnant." Pretty sure your sister already knows all that information!
All of that said, the first crush aspects were VERY well done. You get all the sweetness/awkwardness of a first crush, with the added worry of, "Wait, this is harder because I have a crush on someone the same sex as me and that makes it harder, but it SHOULDN'T make it harder."
But the rest of the story didn't really work for me.
The letter format didn't quite work. The beginning is VERY exposition-y, lie, "Dear sister, this is how you were away from from being pregnant." Pretty sure your sister already knows all that information!
All of that said, the first crush aspects were VERY well done. You get all the sweetness/awkwardness of a first crush, with the added worry of, "Wait, this is harder because I have a crush on someone the same sex as me and that makes it harder, but it SHOULDN'T make it harder."
But the rest of the story didn't really work for me.
February 10, 2018
Thank you Netgalley for the E ARC.
This book is done entirely in letters - primarily written from Evie to her sister Cilla. Between the letter format and the rather outdated and extreme focus on the shame of being pregnant outside of marriage, I just don't see an audience for this book in my library. I guess I'm having a hard time imagining that some of the events in the story (such as sending a pregnant daughter away and hiding her pregnancy) would realistically happen today, but maybe I'm wrong here.
This book is done entirely in letters - primarily written from Evie to her sister Cilla. Between the letter format and the rather outdated and extreme focus on the shame of being pregnant outside of marriage, I just don't see an audience for this book in my library. I guess I'm having a hard time imagining that some of the events in the story (such as sending a pregnant daughter away and hiding her pregnancy) would realistically happen today, but maybe I'm wrong here.
April 23, 2018
In this powerful debut novel, seventh grader Evie is lost and confused in Massachusetts when her beloved older sister Cilla leaves without saying goodbye. While Evie knows that Cilla is pregnant and has been sent to stay with an elderly relative in Virginia so that no one outside the family knows about her condition, she still loves her sister and is trying to understand why she changed her mind about keeping the baby. Thus, she writes a series of letters to her sister. Although readers never get to meet Cilla, she comes alive through the vivid anecdotes Evie relates about her, and it is clear that she is quite extraordinary and worthy of Evie's admiration. Even while Evie struggles to make sense of what's going on and why her strict Catholic parents refuse to talk about her sister, she keeps hoping that she'll come back. Readers will have to admire Evie's persistence and determination as she writes on for more than a year. During that year, she begins to question her faith, her parents' honesty and judgment, and her own sexuality. Even as she experiences strange new feelings toward June, a transfer student, she desperately seeks Cilla's advice about romantic feelings and what's right and what's wrong and whether something that seems so right could be wrong. Could it be that her church and her parents are wrong? While I guessed pretty early on why there were no/few responses from Cilla, the book's last 75 pages are heart-wrenching after the truth about Cilla's whereabouts is revealed. I liked the epistolary nature of this book since the letters we send often do seem to disappear into a void with us having no control over whether someone responds to them or not. Other reviewers said the book wrecked them, and I would agree. In some respects, the emotions it engendered in me reminded me of how I felt at the conclusion of Gary D. Schmidt's Orbiting Jupiter. This is a great debut, and I am eager to read the author's next works. Teen and middle grade readers may rely on this one as a starting place to discuss whom determines what is right, wrong or normal, and why some families are so eager to hide certain things. It certainly prompted a lot of thinking on my part about conforming and going along with the crowd and being true to oneself.
March 2, 2018
Evie misses her big sister Cilla. Cilla did what no good Catholic girl does: she got pregnant and her parents sent her away to have the baby. Evie misses her sister and doesn't understand why Cilla won't write her back. Evie could really use Cilla's advice... because Evie's got her first crush... and it's on a girl.
This is a super sweet story that tackles a lot of big thoughts but in a middle-grade-appropriate way. Evie's starting to question a lot of things about her life, not least of which is the religion she was raised in. If religion is keeping her big sister away, how important should religion really be? And what if her parents' religion causes them to hate the person that Evie's turning out to be?
So, this is not only an enjoyable coming-of-age story, but it's an important one to share with kids to honor the fact that middle-graders *are* starting to question their lives. And they should question. They should think.
Big huge bonus points for an atheist character who is named as such. That sort of thing is still very rare in kidlit.
This is a super sweet story that tackles a lot of big thoughts but in a middle-grade-appropriate way. Evie's starting to question a lot of things about her life, not least of which is the religion she was raised in. If religion is keeping her big sister away, how important should religion really be? And what if her parents' religion causes them to hate the person that Evie's turning out to be?
So, this is not only an enjoyable coming-of-age story, but it's an important one to share with kids to honor the fact that middle-graders *are* starting to question their lives. And they should question. They should think.
Big huge bonus points for an atheist character who is named as such. That sort of thing is still very rare in kidlit.
October 10, 2018
Why I Recommend Moving This UP On Your TBR:
I read this in one sitting because of how fast-paced and thrilling it was. Though the mystery isn't the most out of the box idea in the world, the way the author crafted it made it exciting and made me feel like I couldn't rest until I knew what happened. I also loved the way the author used the protagonist and the letters as a way to talk about religion and sexual orientation (separately and together). The lesbian representation was handled believably and provides validation and education to readers. I don't have any complaints about the technical writing, as the author was able to pull me in, keep me reading, and keep my focus on the content. I enjoyed it and I recommend it
I read this in one sitting because of how fast-paced and thrilling it was. Though the mystery isn't the most out of the box idea in the world, the way the author crafted it made it exciting and made me feel like I couldn't rest until I knew what happened. I also loved the way the author used the protagonist and the letters as a way to talk about religion and sexual orientation (separately and together). The lesbian representation was handled believably and provides validation and education to readers. I don't have any complaints about the technical writing, as the author was able to pull me in, keep me reading, and keep my focus on the content. I enjoyed it and I recommend it
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January 29, 2019I have no idea how to rate this book. It is one of the most horrible stories of emotional child abuse I have ever read. Don't let the cutesy cover fool you; this book is DARK. And yet it must be good because I feel sick over these imaginary people.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 30, 2018
I’ve been wanting to write a review of this book for a few days, but this book just tore my heart apart and I’m not sure what to write to do this book justice. There was so much to this book that reminded me of my own upbringing in a religious family. I loved Evie’s letters and how vulnerable she was in them. I love that in this book, young girls who are questioning their feelings and discovering their sexuality, will have an ally.
March 6, 2018
Longer review to come, but in short, this novel is exquisite and will DEFINITELY punch you in the heart and gut. Beautiful language written in the epistolary form — Evie’s voice is one you won’t easily forget. Suffice it to say, I’ll be reading this book again and sharing it with as many people as I can. And actually, it’s inspiring me to write more letters to my loved ones ...
I read an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
I read an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
September 27, 2018
First I wanna say wow....this book was so amazing! I laughed I cried my heart was happy! I loved the letters Evie wrote to her sister Cilla it felt like she was writing to me instead
November 23, 2017
Rating this novel proved to be a challenge as I find it difficult to quantify my feelings with a certain number of stars. I did not dislike the book. I do think it might be somewhat comforting to other children questioning their sexual orientation. However, that being said, I cannot overlook the portrayal of protagonist Evie's parents.
Through Evie's letters to her older sister, Cilla, we learn her seventeen-year-old sibling is living with an aunt as she is ashamed of her impending teen pregnancy. The girls come from a Catholic family and the pregnancy has come as both a shock and source of angst for the entire family. The plan is that after giving the baby up for adoption, Cilla will finish her senior year at a boarding school. Evie is angry and confused, furious at her parents for driving her sister away and making her feel ashamed about her decision to have premarital sex. Simultaneously, Evie is afraid of her parents reaction if they were to learn of her blossoming feelings of attraction towards a female classmate.
I have no doubt there are parents who would react in a similarly negative manner. But, the opposite is also true. What bothered me was the incredibly negative depiction of Catholicism. (For the record I am not Catholic.) Great care is taken nowadays to avoid racial and gender stereotypes. When they do occur the backlash is immediate. Why is this not the case for believers? I have grown weary of Christians being cast in a negative light. Are there judgmental Christians? Absolutely. But there are also some very loving, kind Christians who do embody true Christian values. Most fall somewhere in between. Why not offer a more realistic glimpse of possible parental responses?
The real kicker here was the shocking news that Cilla died during childbirth, a fact that was covered up by her parents for nine months. Nine months! Evie only learns of her sister's death by accident. I find it very hard to believe any parent would lie to their child about such a tragedy no matter how overwhelming their grief. Ironically, the events following Evie's discovery led to the best writing of the book. I do think author Jen Petro-Roy did an excellent job chronicling the now family of three coming to terms with the death. Nonetheless, the sour taste remains from the earlier messages.
Overall, this book is well written. It certainly held my interest and the handling of Cilla's death was commendable. At the same time, I maintain my disappointment in the negative light with which practicing believers are portrayed.
Through Evie's letters to her older sister, Cilla, we learn her seventeen-year-old sibling is living with an aunt as she is ashamed of her impending teen pregnancy. The girls come from a Catholic family and the pregnancy has come as both a shock and source of angst for the entire family. The plan is that after giving the baby up for adoption, Cilla will finish her senior year at a boarding school. Evie is angry and confused, furious at her parents for driving her sister away and making her feel ashamed about her decision to have premarital sex. Simultaneously, Evie is afraid of her parents reaction if they were to learn of her blossoming feelings of attraction towards a female classmate.
I have no doubt there are parents who would react in a similarly negative manner. But, the opposite is also true. What bothered me was the incredibly negative depiction of Catholicism. (For the record I am not Catholic.) Great care is taken nowadays to avoid racial and gender stereotypes. When they do occur the backlash is immediate. Why is this not the case for believers? I have grown weary of Christians being cast in a negative light. Are there judgmental Christians? Absolutely. But there are also some very loving, kind Christians who do embody true Christian values. Most fall somewhere in between. Why not offer a more realistic glimpse of possible parental responses?
The real kicker here was the shocking news that Cilla died during childbirth, a fact that was covered up by her parents for nine months. Nine months! Evie only learns of her sister's death by accident. I find it very hard to believe any parent would lie to their child about such a tragedy no matter how overwhelming their grief. Ironically, the events following Evie's discovery led to the best writing of the book. I do think author Jen Petro-Roy did an excellent job chronicling the now family of three coming to terms with the death. Nonetheless, the sour taste remains from the earlier messages.
Overall, this book is well written. It certainly held my interest and the handling of Cilla's death was commendable. At the same time, I maintain my disappointment in the negative light with which practicing believers are portrayed.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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