Pete Davidson, Saturday Night Live comedian and notable ex of Ariana Grande—recently shared a powerful post on Instagram that directly addresses the state of his mental health—and what he has to say is extremely important for us all to hear.
Davidson has talked publicly about living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and depression, but this recent post addressed bullying (online and IRL), the choice to be open about his mental health, and fighting suicidal thoughts.
“I’ve kept my mouth shut. Never mentioned any names, never said a word about anyone or anything,” Davidson wrote in the post. “I’m trying to understand how when something happens to a guy the whole entire world just trashes him without any facts or frame of reference. Especially in today’s climate where everyone loves to be offended and upset it truly is mind boggling. I’ve been getting online bullied and in public by people for 9 months,” he continued, seemingly in reference to the callous treatment he has received on social media. (Grande has since asked her fans to “be gentler with others” and stated that she cares “deeply” about Davidson and his health.)
"I’ve spoken about BPD and being suicidal publicly only in the hopes that it will help bring awareness and help kids like myself who don’t want to be on this earth,” Davidson continued.
“I just want you guys to know. No matter how hard the internet or anyone tries to make me kill myself. I won’t. I’m upset I even have to say this,” Davidson wrote. “To all those holding me down and seeing this for what it is - I see you and I love you.”
While any increased awareness to mental illness can help when it comes to reducing stigma, an honest discussion about experiencing suicidal thoughts is something that we don’t often hear, which is why Davidson’s post caught our attention—and the attention of mental health experts.
“The fact is that there are millions of people listening to this guy and who have an emotional connection to him,” Jonathan Singer, Ph.D., LCSW, a professor at the Loyola University Chicago School of Social Work who serves on the American Association of Suicidology (AAS) board of directors, tells SELF. “And here he is owning this and saying, ‘This is part of who I am.’” When someone with that kind of influence is candid about their challenges with mental illness and suicidal ideation, it makes it more OK for us all to talk about.
These kinds of conversations can help break down the barriers that prevent people from getting the life-saving care that they need, Kelly Posner, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry in the Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons at Columbia University and the founder and director of The Columbia Lighthouse Project, tells SELF. “The fact that he's talking about suicidal thoughts and mental illness in this way is just the kind of thing we need to be talking about to help us prevent suffering and suicide,” Posner says. “It's fantastic.”
Davidson is reminding us that our words matter and shining a very real connection between bullying and suicide—without spreading a harmful myth about it.
Posts like Davidson’s remind us that even anonymous, distant interactions can be very powerful, psychologist April Foreman, Ph.D., who has expertise in working with BPD patients and sits on the AAS board of directors, tells SELF. “We all have an obligation to treat other people with dignity and respect, either digitally or real life. There are real human beings at the other end of [what you say], and your obligation to your neighbor does not end at your keyboard.”
At the same time, Davidson also avoids perpetuating the misleading notion that bullying directly causes suicide, which oversimplifies a very complicated picture, Singer says. “It's important that he didn't say, ‘Because I've been bullied, I am now suicidal.’ That's a really important myth to contravene, especially for kids [who often hear] the popular storyline of ‘bullying plus something else equals suicide.’” The reality is that there is no clear cause of suicide, though living with a mental health condition like depression or BPD can be a risk factor. You can learn more about the right and wrong way to talk about suicide here.
“There are people in our lives that we may not realize are struggling,” Christine Moutier, M.D., chief medical officer of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), tells SELF. Unfortunately, being bullied (online or otherwise) is something that’s just as likely to affect a famous comedian as it is your average middle schooler.
Perhaps most importantly, Davidson is offering a message of hope and resilience for anyone struggling with mental health issues or suicidal thoughts.
There is a misconception out there that any kind of suicide-related content is harmful because it could plant the thought in somebody’s head. But suicide contagion doesn’t work like that, Dr. Moutier explains. “The piece we worry about with messaging that can get into the risk of contagion is when suicide attempts are graphically portrayed with words and pictures, or it’s glamorizing and sensationalizing,” she says. “Seeing it and hearing it and asking about it does not cause somebody to be suicidal,” Posner adds.
In fact, vulnerable and honest stories like Davidson’s that refuse to sugarcoat the realities of mental illness and suicidal ideation send exactly the right kind of message to somebody in a tough place mentally.
The key, suicide prevention experts say, is that he’s drawing a bright line between having suicidal thoughts and acting on them. “To say, ‘Yes, I struggle with mental health. And yes, I've thought about killing myself. But no, I’m not going to do it’—that’s important,” Singer says.
“It’s a message of hope. He’s committing to life,” Dr. Moutier explains. “[He’s saying], ‘I'm struggling, and I’ve had suicidal thoughts or attempts, but here is how I’m choosing to stay alive and stay healthy and manage this now and over time’... That’s incredibly powerful.”
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