Sure, Valentine’s Day can be romantic, but it’s also an excellent day to dump that zero and get with a hero (the hero being books because as we all know, book lovers never go to bed alone.) We asked eight of our authors to share with us their breakup advice for the holiday so no matter if you’re the dumper or the dumpee, we’ve got you covered.
1.) Sherry Thomas (author of The Burning Sky) recommends you stick to your guns and don’t give in to pleading when breaking someone’s heart.
“I believe that my words should mean something. So I don’t initiate a breakup unless I am sure of it. And then I stick to it, no matter how he pleads. :-)”
Damn Sherry, that’s some tough love!
2.) Meanwhile, Kathleen Hale (author of No One Else Can Have You) suggests the opposite.
“Keep hooking up with each other for as long as possible afterward. Really drag it out. That’s how I met my fiancé.”
Knowing Kathleen’s writing style we’re inclined to think this is sarcasm. . . but you never know with her.
3.) Wendy Higgins (author of Sweet Evil) cautions making rash decisions right after you get dumped!
“When you suddenly find yourself single, cling to your friends – let them distract you. Do whatever crazy things they have in mind! Except maybe spontaneous bad tattoos at sketchy parlors. I don’t recommend those…”
We have it on good authority that this advice comes from personal experience. WHAT IS YOUR TATTOO WENDY????
4.) Writers take note! Danielle Paige (author of Dorothy Must Die) suggests you passive-aggressively use your WIP as the reason for your breakup!
“Tell him ‘It’s not you, it’s my book.’ I try and be kind if I’m on the breaking up end of the breakup. I spend a ton of my time writing, so if the guy I’m dating doesn’t get that, it’s a deal breaker.”
If our love said to us “It’s either me or the books!” we’d choose the books every time.
5.) If you’re more of the public breakup type of person, you’ll want to take Romily Bernard’s (author of Find Me) advice into consideration.
“How to breakup with someone? Skywriting. Unless he cheated on you. In that case, use his picture to create flyers that say “Lost Dog. Last seen kissing Becky”. Or Rachel. Or Rob. Or–you get the point. And so will everyone else.”
Note to self: NEVER PISS OFF ROMILY BERNARD.
6.) So you broke up with someone but they won’t seem to go away? Susan Dennard (author of Something Strange and Deadly) has some advice for you!
“Tell your no-longer-loved one that you’ve witnessed a murder. Now, for your safety–and his/hers–you must dye your hair, assume a new identity, and leave town forever. Relationship over.”
There should be a government-funded Breakup Protection Program.
7.) Whether your the dumper or the dumpee, Sara Benincasa (author of Great) has some solid advice for you.
“If you are the dumper: Pick the date you will break up with someone, then book an appointment to get your hair and nails did two days after that. You’re gonna need the first day after to cry, lay in bed, talk to your friends, binge-watch a TV show, etc. Then the day after that is your beautiful butterfly day. You may still feel like garbage, but you’ll look amazing and have at least a tiny bit of fun. If you are the dumpee, take a day to feel awful and then celebrate your unexpected freedom by gathering your friends and/or family for a therapeutic Netflix binging session. Watch terrible but entertaining films and mock them mercilessly. Jean Claude Van Damme will heal your tormented soul.”
We will follow the advice of anyone who recommends JCVD movies to soothe the soul.
8.) Finally to supplement all the breakup advice, Kiersten White (author of Mind Games) has some inspiration if you’re thinking about asking out your crush!
“If I’d waited for him to ask me out, my husband of twelve years would still just be my crush. GO FOR IT, LADIES.”
GO GET ‘EM, BOOK NERDS!
