Be Nice!
Nicole Greer, PPCC Vibrant Coaching

Be Nice!

People that treat me less than “nice” need a “C3”. This is a process that I have developed for organizational culture change. First of all, every individual inside of an organization needs to realize that THEIR behavior is THE behavior that they need to watch the closest. This is a new way of thinking for individuals in families, organizations, corporate America and entrepreneurial endeavors.

Essentially, there are four levels of personal leadership:

Dysfunctional: Unpredictable behavior and outcomes.
Transactional: Do what is required to get paid or get what you want and nothing more.
Transformational: Influences others but may not heed one’s own “message”.
Transcendent: Self-leadership that rises above self interest and social conformity. Desire to fulfill a corporate (holistic…everybody counts) mission.

The goal (as any human inside ANY organization) is to try to bring your most emotionally intelligent self to work. In other words, be transcendent. In the words of Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, “Emotional intelligence is maturity.” So, if you are working with someone who isn’t very mature (i.e. being rude, uncourteous and using improper etiquette) they need to grow up from transactional to transcendent. You can help them with a “C3”.

A “C3” stands for: circumstance, conduct, and consequences. This is a feedback process that allows you to share gently but forthrightly with anyone who isn’t being “nice”.

First, ask permission to share something with the person. Say, "I have something to share with you. May I?"

Their response will most likely be “Go ahead.”

Then you describe the time, place, environment, with rich detail that tells them EXACTLY when and where the behavior took place. This is the CIRCUMSTANCE.

Then ask them “Are you with me? Do you remember when this happened?”

They will reply either yes or no. Get to a yes. Keep adding details until they have to say, “Oh yeah, I remember.”

Then tell them the exact behavior that you witnessed. Don’t just say, “You were rude.” Tell them about the words they used, the tone, the body language and the inappropriateness of the environment, time or situation. This is the CONDUCT.

Then tell them what the impact was of their behavior on YOU. Not their impact on everyone but just for you personally. This is the CONSEQUENCE.

Here is an example that recently happened to me. I was in a meeting with a not “nice” man. He consistently cuts me and everybody else off by interrupting or correcting our contributions.

I pulled him aside after the meeting and asked him if I could share something with him. He said, “Go ahead.” I told him that earlier in the meeting when I was sharing you interrupted me on several occasions. I asked, “Do you remember when I was sharing?” He stated, “Yes.” (Circumstance) I told him, that I was interrupted by him three times. I went on to explain that he did not wait to ask questions until the end. I told him he quickly gave his opinion and judged the process before I gave the entire scenario. I then stated those questions and opinions as verbatim as possible. (Conduct) I asked him “Are you with me?” He stated, “Yes”. I told him that because he interrupted and gave opinions before I was done that I was frustrated and felt that the program was unclear. I told him that I believed that we lost focus on the program and people left the meeting without clarity. (Consequences) I asked him to please allow me to give my report in the future knowing that I will always be open to feedback, opinions, and questions. I asked him, “Will you honor my contributions moving forward in this way?”

Funny thing…he laughed at me. While I could be offended by his condescending laugh, I knew this was a defense mechanism. I simply stared at him and asked, “Will you honor my efforts?” He looked at me and said, “Yes.” I said, “Thanks, I appreciate you accepting my feedback and welcome yours moving forward.”

The moral to this story is that we have to ask for what we really want in service to the missions we serve. I am happy to report, to this day, he has honored me. Take this coaching. Apply it.

Have a “NICE” day!

Original Source: https://thevibrantcoach.com/be-nice/

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