Just reading the latest thread on falling in love with a provider made me really think about my own situation. I've currently been seeing my ATF for about 9 months and I'm really starting to develop feelings for her. I'm not sure she feels the same way although she always allots extra time for me as well as provides extra services that are not on her usual menu. She's a beautiful and loving provider and always leaves me wanting more after a session. The issue is that I know that this relationship could never work in the real world. I'm married with kids and I would never leave that although I'm not happy in my current situation. So my real question to all you experience members is how do I break it off before I cause a lot of damage to my personal life. My fear is I lose my mind falling for her completely. Right now I know it's just an illusion. My brain tells me I need to stop but my other head tells me to continue.
She will stop showing up.
AMEN......
Cool is Cool......
For You: Extra Time, extra services.......
For Her: She Knows You already,Safe to play with, Steady Cash......
Weird is Weird......
For You: Being in Full flight from Reality, Come on Man this is what it is.
For Her: Being placed in a position to shut you down then feeling weird or worse , that she has to worry about you.
Be cool man. If she is a great lay enjoy it for what it is. If you can't handle that shut it down before you go too far. These Ladies have feelings and fears as well, don't fuck with that aspect. Fuck with the parts they let you fuck with. Leave the HS or College crush stuff where it belongs.
... Send her a message (through her preferred channel) that simply says you're determined that it's best that you don't see providers again. Let her know it has nothing to do with her.
Then step away from this "hobby", until such time as you can separate p4p from the so-called "real world". Maybe you'll never be able to do that. Some guys can't.
Focus on making your marriage better, if you haven't already done everything you can there. And if that's not possible, consider what's best for yourself, your spouse, and your kids--staying in that marriage, or making a change.
Good luck.
-- Modified on 6/30/2017 10:59:57 AM
Calling sends the wrong message.
It's the beginning of the month, don't pay the phone bill she has the number to. End of story.
Really what is with the BS?
... to consider that the provider in question is a human being, and should be treated as such.
Who said anything about calling her?
You give your advice, I'll give mine.
I'm not sure what your deal is? Either side of the coin can go MIA, at any moment, neither side owes anyone a explanation.
Reason are irrelevant.
You advised to keep seeing her, but stop paying her.
And IMO it doesn't hurt to let a long-time ATF know why you're no longer going to see her or contact her. That's what I would do, anyway, given the situation described by the OP.
The words that are actually on the screen.
"Stop paying her. She will stop showing up."
You didn't say to stop seeing her while he stops paying her.
You may not like what you see. Women say what they feel when it's OTC.
The one girl I was head-over-heels ready to leave my wife and kids for turned out to be bitchy and annoying OTC. I continued seeing her because the GFE time was great. Even continued seeing her OTC because it reminded me how lucky I was (in some ways) to have the wife I have.
The woman you see at the incall is usually not the same one you spend time with OTC. I've had many OTC dates that were a huge mistake because I was expecting some of the "sweetness" I was getting during a session, but the sweetness is part of what you're paying for. Stop paying, and you get your annoying first wife back.
... they were OTC "dates", which involved sex, right?
When I've had OTC time with providers it's been one of two types:
* extensions to a paid date. So the OTC time was just as "sweet" as a paid date.
* getting together for a meal or coffee, or giving the provider a therapeutic massage while we talk, or some other non-sexual activity. In these cases, the woman wasn't in her provider persona so I didn't expect the same "sweetness" I got from the provider in a session.
What you are talking about is what I personally consider "OTC time" IOW it's unpaid time with a person with whom you have a "business relationship" which is much different than "dating" a provider and is also different than becoming "friends" vs "being friendly" There is a HUGE difference between the various scenarios.
If a provider meets you for an OTC dinner, but still considers you a customer and nothing more, a smart hooker will still remember to stay "on" and give you that "sweetness" that you expect as to not chase you off as a paying customer. OTOH if she is looking at you as a potential BF or is just hanging out with you because she likes you, then you can expect to see the "real" person.
And the relationship is always tainted, because of how the people met, I think many ladies can get past the fact their SO is also their former trick.
I'm no big catch, but I never look at provider as someone to build a relationship with.
I'm not wasting my time on a realtionship that isn't going anywhere or isn't going to progress.
I consider a provider I've known for nearly five years one of my closest friends. Any OTC time outside a session is as (platonic) friends, and with the "real person" vs. her provider persona. I don't expect, and don't want, that relationship to progress to anything more than it is. But I value it greatly and hope it continues even after she retires from her provider job.
(smile), the funny thing with my situation was that I really really liked this provider but that was the extent of it. We'd have good sessions but I realized it was nothing different than what she did with others (when I actually read reviews). Once she wanted a relationship it was far more troublesome and the after-effect those first few days was more potent.
I don't know about others, but I definitely would not pursue a relationship and if you feel you're starting to fall, definitely branch out and see other providers..that's what helped me over the hump (so to speak..) I'm a newbie (as the author of that thread you referred to) but definitely when I look back, it was soooo much easier when it was just client and provider, we got along great.
Now, once she broke it off, and I agreed and just said we'll be friends.. when she asked if I would see other providers and I said definitely since we're not an item anymore, she has remained angry ever since. So its so much more complicated to me when feelings do get involved and a relationship ensues, I would absolutely, uneqvivicolly never do it again (was married as well but no kids).
I'm still recovering from a love affair with an ex provider. All I know is no one could tell me anything. When your heart's on fire smoke gets in your eyes.
But if you're not there yet and you're still able to hear voices other than the one in your head it ain't that complicated. Tell her this can't go on, you have to move on for the sake of yourself and your family and sign off. Block her phone and email if you have to.
I still think I'm not completely there yet and still have some sense left. I guess I still really enjoy my time with her. My time with her has been so much better than with other providers that it makes it hard for me to leave that but I know that I must before I fall completely. I agree that I need to cut this off completely.
"Leave while you can".
Every moment you put it off the roots grow deeper.
And that walking the dog is out of the question. Not to mention that her repeated "headaches" are getting old and that you just want a BBBJCIM.
Move along and cut out the nonsense. She's a hooker and isn't interested in changing her life for you. You're NOT Captain Save-A-Hoe....are you?
However, if you want out of your marriage...consult a nice competent attorney/CPA to do some divorce planning before you pull the plug on the soon to be ex. Unless your soon to be ex is hauling in the real money? Then discuss why you should get the maintenance. Nah...neither of you will likely get maintenance...pretty rare anymore.
As for the kiddies...they'll be just fine. Most courts order a joint custody.
Also...if you're trying to find love in P4P...try the Sugar world. Many of the gals in that arena are more interested in "relationships". Hookers...simply want your money.
Good luck to you.
Just reading the latest thread on falling in love with a provider made me really think about my own situation. I've currently been seeing my ATF for about 9 months and I'm really starting to develop feelings for her. I'm not sure she feels the same way although she always allots extra time for me as well as provides extra services that are not on her usual menu. She's a beautiful and loving provider and always leaves me wanting more after a session. The issue is that I know that this relationship could never work in the real world. I'm married with kids and I would never leave that although I'm not happy in my current situation. So my real question to all you experience members is how do I break it off before I cause a lot of damage to my personal life. My fear is I lose my mind falling for her completely. Right now I know it's just an illusion. My brain tells me I need to stop but my other head tells me to continue.
You are in a euphoric honeymoon phase with a provider. It happens a lot. Just enjoy it. After a few more month, a year tops, she'll just be "OK", and you'll want to find new nookie to explore.
It's OK, it's how we are wired.
It seems you've been able to manage so far and it seems you recognize the danger so I'm not sure there's an issue.
I'd recommend seeing some other ladies to give yourself other experiences for comparisons. 
Like if it wasn't for that she'd run off with you in a heartbeat - oh wait - you really have no idea how SHE feels because she's a provider and she's nice to you and gives you a bit more time and service because ITS GOOD BUSINESS !!!!!
In 18 years of being in this industry I've have many delightful regulars who I've liked and respected and looked after because I'm good at my job, but never once - not even slightly - have I ever wanted a 'real' relationship with a single one of them.
Not all girls are like me I'm sure, and no doubt some who are marketing themselves will howl me down and think me cold but listen dude, do yourself a favour and accept that you're fixating on a woman who's being PAID to be all the things in a couple hours that you wish your wife was 24/7
It's fantasy. Accept or cut loose.
I realize that it is a fantasy, a fun and enjoyable one. I know that she wouldn't run off with me and I'm not expecting that to happen.
I was discussing a provider whom I enjoyed and seen a few times with a male friend of mine.
He said ask her out, I just shook my head, I couldn't believe he said something that stupid.
The concept of reality is fleeting.
Fellas, this is a smart, experienced lady talking, so I say, listen up! That said, and in response to the OP, I certainly have "feelings" for the ladies I see regularly; that's a major reason I see them regularly! At some point, I've even told several of them that I "love" them, and I do, but they know what I mean and I try to demonstrate my non-creepiness by actions.
They give extras: I've been grandfathered on rates. OTC lunch or dinner. They've sometimes moved other appointments around to accommodate a narrow time window when I could see them. As Claire says, this is good business practice directed towards a regular customer.
I give gifts, sometimes large ones. I book long appointments, repeatedly. We sometimes do spa days that end BCD. Importantly, I've referred other clients to them. Nothing shows you're sane more than realizing that this is a lady's BUSINESS, and that you get that.
Thanks especially to one lovely lady, I've had it pounded into my head that I'm a client---perhaps a very good one---but that's what it is, and that's fine.
Try to keep a balance. You can have great regard for the ladies you see. You can be polite, sweet, respectful, you can adore them.
And I explained that it's an entirely different ball of wax. I would not be the same girl during paid time than non paid time.
There's one thing seeing someone multiple times, but when it's all the time, with anyone, you get the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Relationships are not easy for anyone. It's work. During paid time, you're getting paid to do the relationship work on the clock. Which is a motivator.
Off the clock, and tested by time, lots of time, for a long, long time - nobody knows what they'll see in their partner, or even in themselves.
I guarantee with most, the provider/client relationship won't be anything like the real deal. It may not be awful, but it'll not be the same
Falling for someone during a paid encounter most definitely is going to be different.
Also, if she runs off, there's no longer holding a professional stance amongst a community in the public eye. There's a high chance of people morphing into the "norm" as the surrounding influences are going to do a 180, and will likely get boring.
Romance stages can be prolonged with limited exposure. With constant exposure, even with a couple of years, it likely will be the regular deal. Work to like each other, which is harder than working to love each other.
A lot of people run when they see the work (that isn't paid)
Be wise.
You might "fuck my brains out"
Best wishes to you.
From what you've described, you don't need to break up with her. Just see her less often and start seeing other providers as well. Even if they aren't as entertaining as your favorite, the variety will distract you from your obsession and give you some perspective.
I agree that seeing her less often would help but she sends me these sweet texts asking me to meet up so frequently. Since I'm weak I give in. I need to come up with reasons why I can't see her when she asks. I guess I could tell her I'm busy.
If she's NOT getting paid for those visits...then maybe she has an interest in something more than hooker/john status.
But I expect that isn't the case.
Ask if you can bring the wife over to visit with her. Maybe a 3 way would be good for you and the wife! What could possibly go wrong?
If she still wants to meet up, then he can be concerned that SHE wants a relationship. Otherwise these "sweet texts" are simply another way of saying "come bring me money" and nothing more than that.
In my case they weren't paid visits but eventually there was an nominal $1000/month "maintenance"..in the beginning I thought it was beyond a provider/client situation but in reality, those two weeks of unpaid fun were the "hook" and after that, just constant reminders of how I wasn't doing things for her, and what benefit am I providing.. as someone earlier said, I ended up going back to seeing multiple providers and that helped me get my head back on straight. When she was adamant about seeing only her, definite control tactic and it allows the illusion to go on.
I've currently been seeing my ATF for about 9 months and I'm really starting to develop feelings for her. I'm not sure she feels the same way although she always allots extra time for me as well as provides extra services that are not on her usual menu. She's a beautiful and loving provider and always leaves me wanting more after a session. The issue is that I know that this relationship could never work in the real world.
My fear is I lose my mind falling for her completely. Right now I know it's just an illusion. My brain tells me I need to stop but my other head tells me to continue.
Do you not know how to make yourself happy?
You have a pleasurable thing going on the side, know its just an illusion, and don't have the mental chops to sustain it and fear "losing my mind".
You're not going to leave your marriage, so this side thing can make your marriage situation so much more tolerable. I have mellowed out considerably towards my wife, by having just one little secret.
"She's a beautiful and loving provider and always leaves me wanting more after a session. " And you're going off in a different direction. For what?
If you lack certain mental skills, develop some. You thought enough out of the box to get into this hobby, time to dump more romantic illusions about life and just enjoy what is in front of you.
We use "the other head" a lot on these boards. There is no other head.
That's easy;
Don't see her anymore.
Oh and shame on you for playing behind your Wife's back.
You might consider saying something like "I've developed an affection for you that exceeds the scope of this relationship, so I need to remove myself. Thank you for all of the great times!" I have been on the receiving end of some version of this communication a couple of times, and it always felt natural, unconfusing, and mutually respectful.
his wife at home. In my last marriage, I trained myself to STFU and it affected every area of my life. The OP is probably in the same situation and can't see it. Since I ended that, I have been practicing being forthright in everything.
Honest adult communication is the easy way to do. It just takes a little courage and practice.
It sounds as though you have found an excellent provider who goes the extra mile for you (i.e. going over time, providing services outside her usual menu at no extra charge, etc.) because she values your repeat business. While she may genuinely like you as a person I can all but assure you that you are misconstruing her professionalism and natural loving demeanor for something....else.
Many gentlemen look for a long time before they find such a lovely ATF... remember that.
What is this "damage" you fear you may cause to your personal life though?
My advice, provided you can proceed like a grown man and not a school boy, is to enjoy the temporary respite this provider gives you from your lackluster marriage. If you cannot proceed as such, then simply stop seeing her! There is no "breaking up" necessary!
It's simple, you drop stop calling or take a long break.
Ask yourself, will her business crumble if you stop seeing her? Does she think of you when she is with her next client? You have attached your feelings a d emotions to an encounter in which you are still playing paying her to see you. While it may be remotely possible she may enjoy your company, is it truly the end of the world if you stop seeing her?
If You you feel sick to your stomach when you imagine your fantasy world without her you need to step away and take a break from this hobby.
Think about what you want to do wit with your marriage family and or...
After taking at least 30 days off see two oe three different providers.
Now during your break do not email or text your "crush" or look at her web site, ads, reviews on here. Disassociate yourself from her.
Come to tend terms with your reality. This has moved from fun and professional to emotional for you.
We've been with ladies we enjoy being around. Check yourself and give her and your self some space.
If she teaches out to you tell her you are taking a break to take care of some personal things. If she is professional she will respect that and not bother you. You dont have to go into personal details with her.
If your remain seek out a guy on here even a lady to PM to discuss this. You are not the first or last to do this.
Just reading the latest thread on falling in love with a provider made me really think about my own situation. I've currently been seeing my ATF for about 9 months and I'm really starting to develop feelings for her. I'm not sure she feels the same way although she always allots extra time for me as well as provides extra services that are not on her usual menu. She's a beautiful and loving provider and always leaves me wanting more after a session. The issue is that I know that this relationship could never work in the real world. I'm married with kids and I would never leave that although I'm not happy in my current situation. So my real question to all you experience members is how do I break it off before I cause a lot of damage to my personal life. My fear is I lose my mind falling for her completely. Right now I know it's just an illusion. My brain tells me I need to stop but my other head tells me to continue.
Tell her you still would love to keep seeing her but finances are tight for you right now and you wonder if she's OK with just the joy of the "relationship."
Those "sweet texts" will dry up like the Sahara Desert!!
Bottom line--this hobby is a " no romance without finance" world. Get your head out of the clouds!!
Keep seeing other providers until you find 3 or 4 that you start developing similar feelings for and you'll soon realize that it's not really just that one person that's got your number and you'll not feel any need to put your real life at risk (or further risk if we're being honest).
Perhaps if you spoke about your feelings, she might be able to help you find that balance that seems to be slipping. Deep breathe and enjoy the enhancement to your real life...sad to see your fantasy love fizzle only because you did not take control and manage it.
Not to be judgemental at all...it happens. If after all of that you feel that your fantasy life is interfering in your real life, see other ladies too/ see her less...ask her to stop texting you unless you text to her first etc.
-- Modified on 6/30/2017 8:14:41 PM
Tell her you lost your job, lost everything in a bad investment and no longer can afford to pay her. Then tell her that since we have a "relationship" that you still want to see her free.
You won't have to worry about seeing her again!
If she reciprocates the same feelings.
If she doesn't, just stop booking. I've had that happen with gents I really enjoyed. They just stopped booking. No warning, nothing.
Or they say they lost their job and need to focus. "Maybe I'll be back when I get a new job or if I move back to town".
That's usually the sign that they're moving on.
Or just take a break if you're not sure. If she asks, say you're awesome but I can't for a while. As soon as I'm ready I'll let you know but it may be a long time.
I'm single. No worries about cheating and other non sense.
It seems to me that married guys have a tougher time breaking up with a provider they fall for than single guys.
Your thoughts and opinions;
That's because married guys are used to being in a relationship and committed to someone. I laughed when I read this because even my friend after his divorce was running around trying to hook up an emotional hose to every woman he dated after his wife. He fell for every one of them. One woman told him he had to see other women! He started banging her and moved into her house with in weeks. He was doing her yard work and behaving like he was married and it freaked the woman out.
It's not just guys either. The last woman I dated had been out of a 20 year relationship for 12 months. I banged her on the second date (the second week) and she started talking about how it was going too fast and how everyone is so quick to jump into a sexual relationship. I laughed at her and said "sexual relationship?" We went on two dates! I definitely think when a person is in a relationship that long, especially with kids, they have a hard time separating just sex and the feelings they associate with it, or with being with someone.
Simple stop calling / thinking about her !
Move on, either give up the hobby or find yourself a new piece of trim & don't get attached. Just donate, f*ck and go back to the family...
Feelings of love towards your provider are NOT reciprocal. As many of the providers have said here, YOU JUST STOP BOOKING. She's not stupid and will figure it out. If, by chance, she is in the other five percent, and professes real life love for you, then you break up just like you would with a civvie girl because its a real relationship, not a fake one. If you don't know how to break up with a civvie girl, then just ask. There are plenty of guys here, including me, that know how to do it gracefully. But try not booking first and see what kind of reaction you get and you'll know if she's in the 95% or the 5%.
Where I started liking someone, and that provider kept soliciting me because I was a good payer. We were both in each other's hair. In the end not every encounter was a 10 out of 10, and some drug use was involved as well. It will take some adjustment on your part because it is so easy to call them up and have fun with them.
I just realized that my relationship with this person had to stop because of her drug use, and the friends she kept. She was nice, but the people she developed friendships with after her high school years were bad news. They were fraud artists and identity theft individuals. Who really knows what would happen to her with her drug and alcohol abuse, One of her girlfriends was a heroin addict
How could you fall for a person who displays no respect for their own wellbeing?