We’ve all been there. You want to feel happy. Glowing. Full of life.
But someone has said something that makes you angry. It might be a boss, investor or direct report. And perhaps now you need to walk into a meeting and face them.
There is a meditation you can do to help this conversation go more smoothly. Because our minds are wired to snowball emotions, potentially turning a bit of anger into something far more intense. But if we train our minds, we can unwind those feelings. And have much more productive, rational conversations with people who stir up strong emotions in us.
For these situations, I suggest a loving-kindness meditation that Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness, writes about and has been teaching on retreats for decades.
First, sit quietly with your back straight and the top of your head facing straight up.
Close your eyes.
You're going to repeat phrases silently, in your mind's eye, and begin with the most important person in your life: you!
So begin with these simple words, which you want to say from your heart, to your heart:
“May I be happy.”
Pause for a moment and take in the full meaning of these words.
Then continue with: “May I be peaceful.”
Again stop and soak up these words, bringing them into your body and heart. Then continue with:
“May I live today with ease.”
Repeat these phrases again, slowly and fully taking in what you are saying to yourself:
“May I be happy, may I be peaceful, may I live today with ease.”
Then bring to mind someone it’s easy for you to love. It might be a parent, a child, a sibling or friend. No need to overthink this — the first person who came to mind is perfect. And imagine this person sitting in front of you, right in this moment.
And imagine saying from your heart to their heart:
“May you be happy.
May you be peaceful
May you live today with ease.”
You don't have to time the phrases to your breath but simply and slowly repeat them at whatever pace feels natural to you.
Then repeat the phrases, again, sending them with meaning to this person so easy for you to love.
Now think about someone who plays a role in your life but whose name you might not even know. It might be the person you get coffee or green juice from in the morning or a receptionist in an office you visit.
Bring this person to mind and say the phrases to them, from your heart to their heart, now mindful that this person you haven’t thought much about has a consciousness just like you and hopes and dreams, too.
Say to them:
“May you be happy
May you be peaceful.
May you live today with ease.”
Then repeat the phrases to them.
And now we’re ready. Bring to mind this person who is tough for you right now. And realize, in this moment, that this person might be in pain right now, from something difficult that happened during their day or even from a lingering issue from their childhood.
And realize, that as a fellow human being you can at least wish them this, yes even this difficult person in your life!
“May you be happy.
May you be peaceful
May you live today with ease.”
Realize that often people act badly only when they themselves are in pain. So we can have compassion for whatever prompted their bad actions.
“May you be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you live today with ease.”
Then direct the phrases back to yourself two more times.
And finally, focus on the sensation of the breath, as it rises up in you and then exhales out of you. Take a moment to be grateful for your breath, grateful to be alive, grateful to gain some control over your feelings in this moment.
And with this good energy, you can now walk into your meeting.
Try to bring this feeling of compassion, this feeling of common humanity to the conversation.
It doesn’t mean you need to cave on any point, only that you can choose to be kind and compassionate even in the face of a difficult situation.
Let me know how it goes in the comments!
