Dead Men Tell No Tales: all the trailers, updates, and commentary for the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is the fifth entry in the swashbuckling film series, and like its four predecessors, it’s packed to the gills with pirates, sea monsters, action, adventure, Johnny Depp doing whatever it is Johnny Depp does, and an egregious disregard for the laws of physics.

The film is billed as the “final adventure” of Captain Jack Sparrow, though co-director Joachim Rønning called it the “beginning of the finale,” and said there might be 10 sequels for all he knows. But even though it is theoretically part of one long, ongoing story, Dead Men Tell No Tales is puzzlingly, irritatingly ignorant of much of the continuity of the series.

Earlier this month, reports surfaced that hackers stole Disney’s upcoming film Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, threatening to release the film online if a demand for ransom wasn’t met. Speaking to Yahoo Finance, Disney CEO Bob Iger said that the company had not been hacked, and that the threat was a fake.

“To our knowledge we were not hacked,” he said when asked about the role of technology at Disney. “We had a threat of a hack of a movie being stolen. We decided to take it seriously but not react in the manner in which the person who was threatening us had required.”

If you can even remember the year 2003, I’m guessing one thing you remember is that it’s the year Disney released a film based on a theme-park ride.

That film is significant mostly due to the absolute absurdity of its confidence. It had a summer-blockbuster release date, a ridiculously long name for the first installment in a franchise, a director fresh off The Ring, Orlando Bloom fresh off the second Lord of the Rings movie, and that elevator pitch, “It’s a movie based on a theme-park ride.” More specifically, based on a boat ride through the unsettling world of animatronic pirates, built in California’s Disneyland in 1967, then replicated in Florida’s Walt Disney World in 1973, Tokyo’s Disneyland in 1983, and Paris’ Disneyland in 1992.

Hackers claim to have stolen the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean film and are demanding that Disney pay a ransom or else have it released online, according to The Hollywood Reporter and Deadline.

While there doesn’t appear to be proof yet that hackers have actually taken the movie, the series of events closely mirrors what happened a few weeks ago with Orange Is the New Black, when hackers claimed to have taken the show’s upcoming season and then released it after Netflix declined to pay a ransom.

Please help me! Everyone in the world (pretty much) is trying to convince me that Disney is releasing Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales as the fifth feature-length film in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. In May! Of this year!

This can’t possibly be true, and I don’t know why everyone is rallying around this bizarre and ultimately pointless conspiracy. Do you just want me to go insane? Buddies, there are easier ways, such as letting me read the news.

The latest trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (also known as Salazar’s Revenge in some countries) aired tonight during the Super Bowl, giving us a new look at the army of the dead Captain Jack Sparrow will have to face off against in his fifth outing. Javier Bardem plays the titular Salazar, a ghost pirate who wants to settle an old score with Jack. The film will also feature the return of Orlando Bloom as now-immortal captain Will Turner, and Geoffrey Rush as Jack’s one-time rival Hector Barbossa.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales hits theaters on May 26th.