The reason you don’t have what you want in life is because you haven’t asked for it. It’s a new year and it is time to start asking for more from ourselves, from out colleagues, and from our world. If we aren’t initiating the intention and putting ourselves out there, there won’t be anything for others to respond to. There is nothing that disappoints me more in a business meeting than when I ask the person I am speaking with, “how can I help?” and they don’t have a clear and concise answer that is actionable and shows they understand where I could fit into their game plan going forward.
again.
“In each experience, you have to make an ask of the larger group. It is non-negotiable, you have to do it,” she told me as she leaned forward in her chair, obviously excited about this part of the process. “In the early weeks of The Collective (of Us), new members make weak asks. They ask for small things without much conviction and they definitely don’t expect to get them. But as the sessions continue, the asks get smarter, stronger, and come with much more confidence.”
The more we spoke about this, the more we realized that making the ask is something that is thrown out as a good idea but never taught to anyone besides sales teams.
With Cyndie’s help, here are Four Steps to Ask More in the New Year.
- Know What You Want - It sounds simple enough, but truly claiming it as the thing you want and that you will do whatever it takes to get is a level of extreme more people aren’t confortable pursuing, even in their own minds. “We know intuitively what we really want (the book deal, the TED talk, the awesome collaboration etc.) but we settle for what someone else offers because we don't have the courage to ask for what we perceive to be higher risk and therefore more likely to receive a “no.”' Cyndie says the best way to get there is to, “Write down a list for yourself writing out what you'd want if you weren't afraid to ask. For every answer that comes up, ask yourself what else you want until you've exhausted yourself of ideas. This exercise will get you to the core of your wants (or needs) if you stick with it and answer honestly.”
- Practice Asking For More - It doesn’t have to be in the middle of your huge presentation that you go all in and make the first ask, you will be surprised by what you will receive if you simply just ask for it. “When the waiter brings you water with ice and you know you hate ice, practice asking for water with no ice (please.) I know this sounds ridiculous but I eat out a lot with women and I get the strangest looks when I ask for simple things that I want, like no ice or non-muddled Old Fashioned. Women in particular don't like to be perceived as rude or pushy even though these asks are neither. These small asks prepare us to avoid feeling overwhelmed when the "bigger" asks come around. And know that small asks can turn into larger opportunities.”
- Keep Perspective - “Remember that Mr. or Mrs. BigDeal also had to ask for a lot of the things along the way. In fact, asking for what they want is likely what landed them in the position they're in life or business. In many situations; humility, courage and a solid ask is pretty hard to say no to.” From my point of view, this one us a huge thing to remember when getting ready to walk into the meeting or the even that you’ve been preparing for. Everyone who is further up the food chain got there by being bold and making bigger asks than others. When they see you stepping up and making that kind of ask, often they will see themselves in your shoes not that long ago and respect the hustle.
- Put The Outcome In Context - “Hearing "No" isn't the end of the world. Opportunities arise that we least expect when we surrender in to difficult situations; which sometimes means a bruised ego or even hurt feelings. These things don't kill us. In fact, they're responsible for innovation and also giving us the courage to ask again. Building your "asking" tolerance level allows you to worry less about the outcome and focus more on the courage that it took you to actually ask for what you want. This courage will carry you through every type of situation from personal relationships to business success. You'll find that the more you ask, the more you live aligned to what you truly believe in.”
So as you march into a new year full of potential and the possibility to actually go get the things you want, how will you Ask More?
Both Cyndie and I would love to hear from you and help in anyway we can. Find us on Twitter: @cyndiespiegel and @andyellwood
