You read countless articles on how to maintain healthy relationships with loved ones wrestling with Bipolar Disorder.
There are numerous statistics and advice to help you cope, yet your head is spinning with information overload.
bp Magazine provides tools and insight that provide you with a plethora of ways to thrive in your relationships with loved ones with Bipolar Disorder. I know you’ve added this publication to your “to do” list of must read.
Just the term Bipolar Disorder is used to explain lapses in judgement by individuals that don’t have Bipolar Disorder. It is what it is. Just know that I acknowledge I’ve confused you with a lack of integrity on occasion and it’s unacceptable.
Having Bipolar Disorder, doesn’t make it ok for me, or anyone else for that matter, to assume a sense of entitlement in our relationship(s). No one has the right to exploit your weaknesses nor abuse your vulnerabilities without consequences.
On many occasions I have arbitrarily given you rules to follow, lacking tact and humility. That’s bullying you mentally and it’s just wrong. YOU DESERVE BETTER
I shamefully use arrogance against you as a shield to hide my emotional vulnerabilities. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
It is a privilege to have you in my life, not a right. I will remember to express my gratitude for your patience and not gamble with your intelligence. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I apologize for not seeing your need of encouragement and endurance due to being self-absorbed in my bipolar struggle. YOU DESERVE BETTER
You bear the stress and burdens of balancing your own responsibilities, needs, and sanity, while I expect you to balance mine. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I constantly correct you and demand control of what you say, how you say it, and when it’s appropriate to say it. That is mental bullying. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I’ve been too ashamed to give you thanks for balancing our finances without condemnation. I’ve caused you to be discreet and secretive with me about our finances, due to my impulsive spending. Financial stress can break ones spirit and YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I have judged your facial expressions that I claim trigger my irritations. Your facial expressions are yours to express and yours alone. I undermine your trust in my presence. It is demeaning.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Please forgive my bold assumptions about your thoughts and intentions. I know you are mentally, emotionally, and physically drained due to walking a tightrope to keep peace between us. It is not your responsibility alone to make our relationship a healthy one.
YOU DESERVE BETTER
More often than not, I withhold praising you when you display kind and thoughtful gestures.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
You’ve developed a “mental stability tool box” with my name written all over it, with equipment to keep our relationship healthy and strong.
Too many loved ones jump ship because it can be too exasperating to deal with the effects of Bipolar Disorder.
Divorce numbers are off the charts (shamefully), friendships are severed, family relations are strained, and children are confused due to mixed messages of what love is and how it should be displayed.
THANK YOU FOR STANDING BY ME DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS DISEASE CAUSES YOU MUCH PAIN.
THANK YOU FOR THE HOPE, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND JOY YOU BRING TO MY LIFE.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING ON THE TASK OF KEEPING A SENSE OF NORMALCY IN OUR LIVES.
TRULY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!!!!!!!
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Great article, as a spouse of 40 yrs to a bp husband your letter struck home.
Thanks rita, i wish you continued strength and endurance
You deserve better.. I have always hear that on my suspected bipolar partner.. unfortunately iam currently not with her physically due to my job iam a seaferer.. and shes married.. I caught her having a relationship when iam onboard.. she keeps on saying that I deserve better than her but I keep on insisting.. I know its quite hard because of the situation.. she is married .. she cheated on me .. her parents doesn’t like.. but my sprit and my heart tells me that I love her so much .. and she hate me now because I called her liar when I caught her cheating on me.. any advice on how can I convince her to go to a doctor? She have strong personality.. sometimes I make it a joke when she get angry at by saying my soul is departing to my body when she angry and sying vulgar word on me..
Dear Candee, I think for most of us, by the time we read your letter, it must mean that we are yet again, in full speed dive into depression mode of our disorder, … Vision is blurred, eyes are teary, completely isolated from everything and everything… Of all the articles I have read, nothing has ever been described so accurately as your letter. Thank you….
I’ve been married for 4 months now and the only way I see we are going is downhill. I have drained her mentally, physically, spiritually. My ups take her to the sky’s above and make her feel extremely happy while my downs are destroying her and us.
To the outside we ought as the perfect couple, but whats going on in reality is a different story.
No one has ever loved me as she does. She loves me too much. Or maybe she loves the person I portray to be when in my manic periods or . I confront myself every day, asking myself if I really love her or not. I reached a point where I just cannot accept to let her stay with me like this. My ups and downs are almost unbearable to myself. She’s too young a to be dragged into this. I am considering to leave her to protect her from this mental turmoil, torture and psychological choke hold. She’s a beautiful spirit, a gorgeous person which is being destroyed by my mental state. I will lose her eventually and lose myself.
dearest Idb, you mention the words “she loves me” in many different forms, so it sounds like she loves you just the way you are. I make sure I have my meds adjusted during the highs and lows. If she were to post here in response to your post, what would she say?Ask her.
This post means so much to me. There are no words to describe how much. It is what I needed at this very moment! After a night of me just not being willing to walk that tight rope or trying not to trigger my 16 yr old daughter who has bipolar disorder. I felt a little guilty after I reacted like that. It is so not what I normally do. I always feel like I’m her only “safe person” and the person she looks to for understanding and hope when she’s feeling the worst affects of this horrible disease. So I felt like if I was to set these boundaries, that she would feel hopeless. And hopeless is a very scary thing to me. As I know the feeling from struggling with my own mental health issues and still struggling with the affects of former abuse from her father.
When she is in a rational state, she tells me at times how much I mean to her and how she appreciates me for all I do and put up with. But that still doesn’t seem to help me when going through these moment with her that feel like abuse to me.
I’m going to print this out and look at it every day! Maybe I just did the best thing for myself and for her; who I love more than anything or anybody in the world.
I don’t think I’ve ever added a comment to any blog post ever, on this or any other site. But then you wrote, “I have judged your facial expressions that I claim trigger my irritations. Your facial expressions are yours to express and yours alone. I undermine your trust in my presence. It is demeaning.”
Ever since my wife of eleven years walked out a few months ago, casually mentioning as-of-yet-untreated bp, I’ve been learning all I can about it. Not in an effort to entice her to return, but in an effort to make sense of our years together. I’ve learned so much about the behaviors of both of us (I certainly became an accidental co-dependent and an enabler), but I hadn’t even thought about the number of times she reacted to an emotion that flashed across my face before I was able to control it. I never thought about that in relation to bp, but when I read your post, that line made me tear up in recognition and relief. Thank you for your courage in writing this post.
Ben, it was really tough to share my truth, but it has become my creed. Thank you for taking the time to read and post.
All the best.