Valentine’s Day: Men, don’t panic — there’s a plan

Here are the do’s and don’ts for the most hazardous day of the year
Careful with sudden movements, because there is an unspoken understanding that you could, at any moment, bend the knee
Careful with sudden movements, because there is an unspoken understanding that you could, at any moment, bend the knee

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1 Establish whether you even observe Valentine’s Day
If you’re in a couple, this is absolutely essential. Yes, you might have spent the past 12 months joking to each other about how naff and trite and commercialised Valentine’s Day is, and how it’s for losers with no imagination, and how it’s just one big, stressful rip-off designed to prey on couples who are so insecure in their relationship that they feel compelled to engage in prescribed performative affection.

Yet this doesn’t mean that you’re not “doing” Valentine’s Day. Never fall into the trap of making that assumption. And definitely don’t fall into the trap of telling a third party, “Yeah, we’re not doing Valentine’s Day are we, babe?” then looking at your other half for