Let me make it really easy for you in this review: read this book. Seriously, you need to read this book.
You want the longer version?
Okay, then.
Negotiating the Nonnegotiable
Negotiating the Nonnegotiable is quite simply a phenomenal book. It teaches you what you need to know to understand emotionally charged conflicts, for instance with your spouse, your family, or with people you vehemently disagree with.
We all know how hard it can be to solve a fight or disagreement that you feel passionate about. Well, author Daniel Shapiro is a world-class expert in negotiating—and we’re talking about Israel-and-the-Palestinians level here. He’s advised on and lead many negotiations and in this book, he shares a wealth of knowledge on his strategies.
Yes, the book is heavy on theory. No wonder, considering the credentials of the author (Founder and Director of the Harvard International Negotiating Program). Even with the many examples he cites, this book isn’t a fast or entertaining read (though I was fascinated by the stories he shared, especially the ‘tribe experiment’ he starts with that shows how ingrained tribal thinking is in people). But you will not regret working your way through it.
Shapiro talks about taboos for instance and how you tackle these. Or negotiating the sacred (think: family traditions that are almost sacred to you, or religious differences). A particularly helpful chapter dealt with the question why we so often repeat the same (type of) arguments with certain people, for instance a spouse or parent. He also explains why arguments can totally get away from us, leading us to say things we deeply regret afterwards. I wouldn’t be surprised if this book ends up saving relationships, not kidding.
My advice is to read this book slowly and sort of let it all soak in. Maybe try to put into practice what you read, as to avoid merely stuffing yourself with information you’ll be likely to forget. This is a book you want to read and reread, to make sure you get everything you can out of it.
Let’s recap this review, for those of you who skim the previous paragraphs and just want the conclusion: buy Negotiating the Nonnegotiable. Read it slowly and digest. Repeat.
Can you think of an emotionally charged conflict you’d like to see resolved? Do you have the strategies to find a solution?
Fabio Mesquita says
The book should be good they will have it in Portuguese
God be with you
Rachel Blom says
I hope they’ll translate it! Considering the topic and how well-known the author is, I’d say there’s a good chance.