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All Grown Up
From the New York Times best-selling author of The Middlesteins comes a wickedly funny novel about a thirty-nine-year-old single, childfree woman who defies convention as she seeks connection.
Who is Andrea Bern? When her therapist asks the question, Andrea knows the right things to say: she’s a designer, a friend, a daughter, a sister. But it’s what she leaves unsaid—she’s alone, a drinker, a former artist, a shrieker in bed, captain of the sinking ship that is her flesh—that feels the most true. Everyone around her seems to have an entirely different idea of what it means to be an adult: her best friend, Indigo, is getting married; her brother—who miraculously seems unscathed by their shared tumultuous childhood—and sister-in-law are having a hoped-for baby; and her friend Matthew continues to wholly devote himself to making dark paintings at the cost of being flat broke.
But when Andrea’s niece finally arrives, born with a heartbreaking ailment, the Bern family is forced to reexamine what really matters. Will this drive them together or tear them apart? Told in gut-wrenchingly honest, mordantly comic vignettes, All Grown Up is a breathtaking display of Jami Attenberg’s power as a storyteller, a whip-smart examination of one woman’s life, lived entirely on her own terms.
Who is Andrea Bern? When her therapist asks the question, Andrea knows the right things to say: she’s a designer, a friend, a daughter, a sister. But it’s what she leaves unsaid—she’s alone, a drinker, a former artist, a shrieker in bed, captain of the sinking ship that is her flesh—that feels the most true. Everyone around her seems to have an entirely different idea of what it means to be an adult: her best friend, Indigo, is getting married; her brother—who miraculously seems unscathed by their shared tumultuous childhood—and sister-in-law are having a hoped-for baby; and her friend Matthew continues to wholly devote himself to making dark paintings at the cost of being flat broke.
But when Andrea’s niece finally arrives, born with a heartbreaking ailment, the Bern family is forced to reexamine what really matters. Will this drive them together or tear them apart? Told in gut-wrenchingly honest, mordantly comic vignettes, All Grown Up is a breathtaking display of Jami Attenberg’s power as a storyteller, a whip-smart examination of one woman’s life, lived entirely on her own terms.
197 pages, Hardcover
First published March 7, 2017
About the author
Jami Attenberg
13 books1,747 followersI'm the author of Instant Love, The Kept Man, The Melting Season, The Middlesteins, and Saint Mazie, All Grown Up, and All This Could Be Yours, and a memoir, I Came All This Way To Meet You: Writing Myself Home. You can find me on twitter @jamiattenberg. I am the founder of the #1000wordsofsummer annual writing project and have a newsletter called Craft Talk. In 2024 the book version of #1000wordsofsummer will be published along with a new novel. I'm originally from the Chicago area, lived in New York City for sixteen years, and am now happily a New Orleans resident.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,178 reviews
October 26, 2016
Please forgive me while I give my own book five stars but if one does not believe their own book deserves five stars then why bother writing.
November 8, 2016
This is a really sharp, tight novel about being a woman who is 39 and then 40 and chooses to be unmarried, without children. Andrea works in advertising and drinks a lot and sometimes does drugs and has a lot of sex, and lives a full life and carries a lot of pain and is a woman many people will relate to. I particularly appreciated Andrea's rough edges and mess. At times, she was infuriating but, we all are infuriating, at times. This is also a very New York novel. All Grown Up is also a love letter to women, but not the saccharine kind. Instead, this is an anatomical heart diagram--revealing the truth of how love works, how a heart beats.
Also, ban men.
Also, ban men.
February 10, 2017
I'd rate this 4.5 stars.
"What do you do when you already know what your problem is? What if it's not really a problem? It's only a problem if I want a relationship. If I want to fit into a conventional mode of happiness. It's only a problem if I care. And I can't tell if I care."
Andrea isn't really sure what she wants. But then again, she's not really sure what she doesn't want, either. She has a tendency to fall for the wrong guys—she gets taken in at the start of a relationship (even a fling), and before too long she and the guy pretty much hate each other. She also drinks more than she should, has a not-too-pleasant history with casual drug usage, and is often misanthropic.
As she approaches 40, most people think she's not a full-fledged adult, even if she has a job she's good at (although she hates it) and her own apartment. Her best friend, Indigo, has gotten married and had a baby. Her brother emerged triumphant from their chaotic and dysfunctional childhood, became a reasonably successful musician (for a while), and now he and his wife are raising their terminally ill baby daughter. Even her mother has gotten her act together, and just wants Andrea to be happy and settle down. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards for her.
Jami Attenberg's All Grown Up is a humorous and emotional look at one woman's struggle to hold it together from adolescence to adulthood, to define her own idea of happiness and security, to love and be loved on her own terms. She knows she's far from perfect, and she's not always happy with herself or her life (or even those in it), but she's willing to do what she thinks she needs to survive.
Attenberg is a storytelling genius. She has captured Andrea's voice so perfectly and it absolutely resonates throughout the book. Many of the other characters are really well-drawn, too, so much so that I could see them in my mind's eye, and that doesn't often happen with books. Much as she did with The Middlesteins , she makes her characters' flaws appealing, and makes you care about them even when they frustrate or annoy you.
The book jumps back and forth through time, from Andrea's teenage years through adulthood, looking at her relationships with her family, friends, coworkers, and the various men in her life, as well as her falling in and out of love with the idea of being an artist. At times it's a little disjointed, because you have to try to remember where everyone is at each particular instance.
I really enjoyed and was moved by this book. Attenberg is tremendously talented, and she has created a compelling portrait of a woman making her way through life on her own terms.
NetGalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt provided me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making this available!
See all of my reviews at http://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blo....
"What do you do when you already know what your problem is? What if it's not really a problem? It's only a problem if I want a relationship. If I want to fit into a conventional mode of happiness. It's only a problem if I care. And I can't tell if I care."
Andrea isn't really sure what she wants. But then again, she's not really sure what she doesn't want, either. She has a tendency to fall for the wrong guys—she gets taken in at the start of a relationship (even a fling), and before too long she and the guy pretty much hate each other. She also drinks more than she should, has a not-too-pleasant history with casual drug usage, and is often misanthropic.
As she approaches 40, most people think she's not a full-fledged adult, even if she has a job she's good at (although she hates it) and her own apartment. Her best friend, Indigo, has gotten married and had a baby. Her brother emerged triumphant from their chaotic and dysfunctional childhood, became a reasonably successful musician (for a while), and now he and his wife are raising their terminally ill baby daughter. Even her mother has gotten her act together, and just wants Andrea to be happy and settle down. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards for her.
Jami Attenberg's All Grown Up is a humorous and emotional look at one woman's struggle to hold it together from adolescence to adulthood, to define her own idea of happiness and security, to love and be loved on her own terms. She knows she's far from perfect, and she's not always happy with herself or her life (or even those in it), but she's willing to do what she thinks she needs to survive.
Attenberg is a storytelling genius. She has captured Andrea's voice so perfectly and it absolutely resonates throughout the book. Many of the other characters are really well-drawn, too, so much so that I could see them in my mind's eye, and that doesn't often happen with books. Much as she did with The Middlesteins , she makes her characters' flaws appealing, and makes you care about them even when they frustrate or annoy you.
The book jumps back and forth through time, from Andrea's teenage years through adulthood, looking at her relationships with her family, friends, coworkers, and the various men in her life, as well as her falling in and out of love with the idea of being an artist. At times it's a little disjointed, because you have to try to remember where everyone is at each particular instance.
I really enjoyed and was moved by this book. Attenberg is tremendously talented, and she has created a compelling portrait of a woman making her way through life on her own terms.
NetGalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt provided me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making this available!
See all of my reviews at http://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blo....
April 4, 2017
Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
One word review: Meh.
I feel like I channeled my inner Barney Stinson and shouted from the rooftops “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” to this dare . . . .
I also learned maybe the only thing that works less for me than the short story is the vignette. Especially a whole shit-ton of them starring Andrea, the fictional character I’d most like to punch in the throat so far this year.
In addition, I’m terrified that this book is supposed to be all about . . . .
Dear young people: It’s not. Andrea is an asshole. Everyone in her life thinks she’s an asshole (and most of them are assholes too). She does nothing for the women’s movement except make us all look like assholes. Don’t be like Andrea. Don’t be an asshole.
Please note the other book I’ve read by Attenberg (The Middlesteins) was pretty decent and the writing here was quality (just about an insufferable asshole if you couldn’t read through all my subtlety above) so I’m not necessarily giving up on her just yet.
One word review: Meh.
I feel like I channeled my inner Barney Stinson and shouted from the rooftops “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” to this dare . . . .
I also learned maybe the only thing that works less for me than the short story is the vignette. Especially a whole shit-ton of them starring Andrea, the fictional character I’d most like to punch in the throat so far this year.
In addition, I’m terrified that this book is supposed to be all about . . . .
Dear young people: It’s not. Andrea is an asshole. Everyone in her life thinks she’s an asshole (and most of them are assholes too). She does nothing for the women’s movement except make us all look like assholes. Don’t be like Andrea. Don’t be an asshole.
Please note the other book I’ve read by Attenberg (The Middlesteins) was pretty decent and the writing here was quality (just about an insufferable asshole if you couldn’t read through all my subtlety above) so I’m not necessarily giving up on her just yet.
January 14, 2018
Sometimes the perfect book finds you at the perfect time. That is how All Grown Up found me. Even though I am a 22-year-old (gay, Asian) man, I already tire of society's patriarchal message that I need a boyfriend to be happy, that even if I feel joy with myself and my friends now, at some point I should try to find a husband and kids to complete me. I have searched for a book about a character who faces similar pressures and does not concede. Andrea Bern in All Grown Up is that character and so much more.
Andrea is a difficult protagonist to describe. She is difficult to describe both because she is complex and because she does not take the socially sanctioned life path of having a husband and kids, even though her mom and friends pressure her to. Beyond her dissatisfying day job, she mourns her past life as an aspiring artist. She also watches with slight despair as everyone else in her life embraces a more typical version of adulthood: Indigo, her best friend, is getting married; her brother and sister-in-law are expecting a child; her friend Matthew from the grad school she never finished still makes art. At 39, Andrea does none of these things. But when Andrea's niece arrives with a fatal illness, Andrea is forced to examine who she really is and what she really wants, from herself and from the people in her life.
I have not loved an unlikable character as much as I loved Andrea in a long time. She is so desiring, so messy, and so, so human. She has stunning moments of self-awareness followed by infuriating bouts of bad decision-making. She cares so deeply for the people in her life and struggles so immensely to convey it. She is jagged and honest and I am impressed by how Jami Attenberg instilled so much emotional sincerity and wit within her voice and character. What separates Andrea from other unlikable characters is how Attenberg strikes the perfect balance of building up her backstory - so we understand her and her development - while giving her the agency to make mistakes and sometimes learn from them. Only sometimes, though, because like most humans, it takes her multiple tries to get it right, if she ever does.
I also admire how Attenberg packs so much into one book without any issue feeling short-changed. To name a few things Andrea goes through: sexual harassment, mental health difficulties, messed-up parents, patriarchal expectations of how she should live her life, and more. Given the popular narratives available, it would have been easy for Attenberg to wrap her story up with a neat, clean bow: Andrea goes to therapy and resolves all her issues, or Andrea finds a man who loves her and then learns to love herself, or Andrea goes traveling across the country while repairing all of her dysfunctional relationships along the way. Nope, none of these scenarios happen, because Attenberg takes the more difficult and more interesting route in All Grown Up, the path in which Andrea still struggles and still fights to find and create herself. Attenberg manages to imbue the novel and Andrea's development with a sense of fragile yet palpable hope, as well as fraught yet hard-earned wisdom. With tight, sharp writing, Attenberg shows through one poignant scene at a time how Andrea is not quite all grown up, not yet at least - perhaps because none of us are, and we, just like her, are always trying to figure out what it truly means to be an adult.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has lived their life outside of society's rules or can appreciate people, especially women, who do. If you appreciate nuanced, unlikable female characters, this book may be the one for you. All Grown Up reminds me of a mixture of Difficult Women by Roxane Gay, the 2017 film Lady Bird, and Chemistry by Weike Wang, with some Sylvia Plath sprinkled in. Between this book and Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, my 2018 fiction reads have been radiant. I am thankful to Jami Attenberg for creating this work of art and cannot wait to read more of her writing.
Andrea is a difficult protagonist to describe. She is difficult to describe both because she is complex and because she does not take the socially sanctioned life path of having a husband and kids, even though her mom and friends pressure her to. Beyond her dissatisfying day job, she mourns her past life as an aspiring artist. She also watches with slight despair as everyone else in her life embraces a more typical version of adulthood: Indigo, her best friend, is getting married; her brother and sister-in-law are expecting a child; her friend Matthew from the grad school she never finished still makes art. At 39, Andrea does none of these things. But when Andrea's niece arrives with a fatal illness, Andrea is forced to examine who she really is and what she really wants, from herself and from the people in her life.
I have not loved an unlikable character as much as I loved Andrea in a long time. She is so desiring, so messy, and so, so human. She has stunning moments of self-awareness followed by infuriating bouts of bad decision-making. She cares so deeply for the people in her life and struggles so immensely to convey it. She is jagged and honest and I am impressed by how Jami Attenberg instilled so much emotional sincerity and wit within her voice and character. What separates Andrea from other unlikable characters is how Attenberg strikes the perfect balance of building up her backstory - so we understand her and her development - while giving her the agency to make mistakes and sometimes learn from them. Only sometimes, though, because like most humans, it takes her multiple tries to get it right, if she ever does.
I also admire how Attenberg packs so much into one book without any issue feeling short-changed. To name a few things Andrea goes through: sexual harassment, mental health difficulties, messed-up parents, patriarchal expectations of how she should live her life, and more. Given the popular narratives available, it would have been easy for Attenberg to wrap her story up with a neat, clean bow: Andrea goes to therapy and resolves all her issues, or Andrea finds a man who loves her and then learns to love herself, or Andrea goes traveling across the country while repairing all of her dysfunctional relationships along the way. Nope, none of these scenarios happen, because Attenberg takes the more difficult and more interesting route in All Grown Up, the path in which Andrea still struggles and still fights to find and create herself. Attenberg manages to imbue the novel and Andrea's development with a sense of fragile yet palpable hope, as well as fraught yet hard-earned wisdom. With tight, sharp writing, Attenberg shows through one poignant scene at a time how Andrea is not quite all grown up, not yet at least - perhaps because none of us are, and we, just like her, are always trying to figure out what it truly means to be an adult.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has lived their life outside of society's rules or can appreciate people, especially women, who do. If you appreciate nuanced, unlikable female characters, this book may be the one for you. All Grown Up reminds me of a mixture of Difficult Women by Roxane Gay, the 2017 film Lady Bird, and Chemistry by Weike Wang, with some Sylvia Plath sprinkled in. Between this book and Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, my 2018 fiction reads have been radiant. I am thankful to Jami Attenberg for creating this work of art and cannot wait to read more of her writing.
February 27, 2017
A high 4 stars! I really liked All Grown Up. I liked the way it's written and the raw and honest emotions it depicts. Andrea lives in New York, where she grew up with her activist mother, drug addicted father and musician brother. Andrea hoped to be an artist but ends up in a low end corporate job. She is eternally single, doesn't particularly like children, and has a tendency to drink too much and cycle through unsatisfying encounters and short relationships. Told from Andrea's perspective, each chapter almost reads as a self contained narrative focusing on an aspect of her life from her teenage years through to her early 40s. The events are out of sequence and her life story comes into focus as the chapters unfold. This is not so much a book with a story as an excellent character study. I found myself really drawn into Andrea's life, and her perspective on her family and friends. There are a few particularly moving chapters involving her mother and father. What I liked best about All Grown Up is that Attenberg hits the perfect emotional tone -- no sentimentality or melodrama, but rather powerful sense of real emotions. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.
February 21, 2017
4.5 Stars
This book GETS me! I kept reading and saying constantly to myself "YES!!!!!!!!!!!". I live in a world where society still tells women that they have to get married, have children, live up to these stereotypes of being a female in the world, yet-- what if you find that you don't want those things? Or you feel like you're being softly pushed into something that doesn't work for your lifestyle? Can you take control of your life choices? Can you decide what makes sense for you and what doesn't? Why does being in my thirties and childless and unmarried suddenly feel like a death sentence doled out to me by friends, family, peers, and the leaders of this country?
Andrea Bern is my soulmate- she turns 40- while living in NYC deciding that she doesn't want all these things in her life right now. She's not interested in holding other people's babies or going to life events for people that have faded away from you. Why should we keep pretending we actually want to attend these things-- when deep down, no one does? Told in little vignettes, the chapters tell us Andrea's story of her life- going past and present. She enjoys wine (who doesn't?!) and discovers friends that leave her life to start their own nest, she watches some of these fail, some work out, and a family filled with tragic events, oh- and a job that she decides she doesn't give a F*ck about (which I loved).
This book won't be for everyone, but for anyone who feels even slightly like they are making choices in their life that aren't the same as everyone else. I'm holding back slightly, because the ending for me was a little bit disappointing- I wanted a strong ending of re-birth and faith, and we got something probably more realistic, but we can still dream, right?
A HUGE thank you to Netgalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for granting me the privilege of reading an advanced copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
This book GETS me! I kept reading and saying constantly to myself "YES!!!!!!!!!!!". I live in a world where society still tells women that they have to get married, have children, live up to these stereotypes of being a female in the world, yet-- what if you find that you don't want those things? Or you feel like you're being softly pushed into something that doesn't work for your lifestyle? Can you take control of your life choices? Can you decide what makes sense for you and what doesn't? Why does being in my thirties and childless and unmarried suddenly feel like a death sentence doled out to me by friends, family, peers, and the leaders of this country?
Andrea Bern is my soulmate- she turns 40- while living in NYC deciding that she doesn't want all these things in her life right now. She's not interested in holding other people's babies or going to life events for people that have faded away from you. Why should we keep pretending we actually want to attend these things-- when deep down, no one does? Told in little vignettes, the chapters tell us Andrea's story of her life- going past and present. She enjoys wine (who doesn't?!) and discovers friends that leave her life to start their own nest, she watches some of these fail, some work out, and a family filled with tragic events, oh- and a job that she decides she doesn't give a F*ck about (which I loved).
This book won't be for everyone, but for anyone who feels even slightly like they are making choices in their life that aren't the same as everyone else. I'm holding back slightly, because the ending for me was a little bit disappointing- I wanted a strong ending of re-birth and faith, and we got something probably more realistic, but we can still dream, right?
A HUGE thank you to Netgalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for granting me the privilege of reading an advanced copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
December 8, 2016
This cover and this title and this marketing copy all seem like they came from a different book, a wry and witty look at single-by-choice life. But that didn't feel like the book I read.
Let me give a bit of my own perspective: I am single (technically divorced) and I am at a point in life where single-by-choice is sounding pretty good. That it is an actual choice I would make. I have put a lot of thought into this myself, which may be why I struggled so much with Andrea, the center of this novel.
Andrea does not seem to have made a choice to be single as much as she tends to grow tired of men shortly after they enter her life. You could certainly take that pattern and tell yourself, "It feels like a long-term relationship just isn't for me," and feel comfortable and happy with that. But I never saw that happen. For me, being single as I'm approaching 40 has very much been about defining myself, building the life I want for myself, etc. But Andrea does not appear to have made many choices at all, and seems strongly uncomfortable with who she is.
There are very valid reasons for Andrea to have a troubled life and sense of self. But what I want to read is Andrea's story that starts just as this novel ends, just as she seems to start making progress. I want to see that Andrea. I want to see the Andrea that makes decisions. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch her not decide things over and over again, to let things stay the same, to let friendships spoil and family relationships fade because she would not do something. The height of Andrea's refusal to go outside herself is her non-relationship with her severely ill and disabled niece, which eventually has her furious with her mother for going out of state to live with and support her son and granddaughter. There is much that is true here of people's fear and hesitance to attach themselves to the disabled and the loved ones who care for them. But it's also really brutal to read and I expect that people who have disabled loved ones or care for disabled people will have a hard time getting past that aspect of the book.
I'm sad that this was my reaction to the book. I wanted so badly to like it. I wanted to see some of the reality of being a single-by-choice person approaching middle age, and I don't feel like my frustration with Andrea is rooted in any kind of self-hatred. I wanted better for her than she seemed to want for herself. And I worry that people who come to this book expecting a rah-rah being single is great and fun are going to be blindsided by how much it is not that book. As for me, I tend to be more interested in stories of how people actually do make change in their lives rather than the stories of what led them to make the change. This book and I just do not want the same things. As a single person who dates a lot I am very familiar with this kind of relationship, where you meet and they are fine but they are not what you're looking for and you move on.
Let me give a bit of my own perspective: I am single (technically divorced) and I am at a point in life where single-by-choice is sounding pretty good. That it is an actual choice I would make. I have put a lot of thought into this myself, which may be why I struggled so much with Andrea, the center of this novel.
Andrea does not seem to have made a choice to be single as much as she tends to grow tired of men shortly after they enter her life. You could certainly take that pattern and tell yourself, "It feels like a long-term relationship just isn't for me," and feel comfortable and happy with that. But I never saw that happen. For me, being single as I'm approaching 40 has very much been about defining myself, building the life I want for myself, etc. But Andrea does not appear to have made many choices at all, and seems strongly uncomfortable with who she is.
There are very valid reasons for Andrea to have a troubled life and sense of self. But what I want to read is Andrea's story that starts just as this novel ends, just as she seems to start making progress. I want to see that Andrea. I want to see the Andrea that makes decisions. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch her not decide things over and over again, to let things stay the same, to let friendships spoil and family relationships fade because she would not do something. The height of Andrea's refusal to go outside herself is her non-relationship with her severely ill and disabled niece, which eventually has her furious with her mother for going out of state to live with and support her son and granddaughter. There is much that is true here of people's fear and hesitance to attach themselves to the disabled and the loved ones who care for them. But it's also really brutal to read and I expect that people who have disabled loved ones or care for disabled people will have a hard time getting past that aspect of the book.
I'm sad that this was my reaction to the book. I wanted so badly to like it. I wanted to see some of the reality of being a single-by-choice person approaching middle age, and I don't feel like my frustration with Andrea is rooted in any kind of self-hatred. I wanted better for her than she seemed to want for herself. And I worry that people who come to this book expecting a rah-rah being single is great and fun are going to be blindsided by how much it is not that book. As for me, I tend to be more interested in stories of how people actually do make change in their lives rather than the stories of what led them to make the change. This book and I just do not want the same things. As a single person who dates a lot I am very familiar with this kind of relationship, where you meet and they are fine but they are not what you're looking for and you move on.
February 10, 2017
I’ve talked about it a little bit before, but I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for much of my adult life. It comes and goes in cycles—I have periods where I feel more anxious or more sad, as well as periods where I feel generally okay. I’ve worked on these issues in different ways over the years, but one of the things that’s remained true is that my mental health sometimes gets in the way of my ability to pursue goals, to overcome obstacles, and to live the best possible life. Acknowledging that can turn into a vicious cycle, as I feel sad or anxious about the ways that my mental health has held me back, but I also feel completely incapable of doing anything about it.
And even though it's not overtly about mental health, I think that’s something that Jami Attenberg has absolutely fucking nailed with All Grown Up.
I read this book in a single day, seven hours from start to finish, and most of those hours were absolutely gut-wrenching for me. The first chapter especially was like a kick in the face. I wanted to highlight basically every sentence and quote it all over the place, but that’s unreasonable. So I’ll just start by telling all of you that this book is phenomenal, and that the cutesy cover art is kind of misleading.
Our protagonist, Andrea Bern, has got problems in her life that have made it difficult for her to grow up and to live her life to the proverbial fullest. She once dreamed of being an artist, but somewhere along the way she gave up on those dreams and got an unfulfilling corporate gig. She’s got emotional baggage left over from the death of her father when she was a teen, which have bled over into her romantic life in the usual ways – casual sex, self-sabotaging behavior, a lack of fulfilling relationships. Suddenly, she finds herself at 40 with little to show for it in the way of a satisfying personal identity or personal growth. It’s an extended period of arrested development that shows no signs of ending. Then her brother and his wife give birth to a daughter with severe birth defects and her life begins to change in ways that force her to look at herself in a new way.
This book is described as a novel in vignettes, a description that I love. It’s not interconnected short stories, but it’s also not told sequentially with a distinct narrative arc. We bounce around through different periods of Andrea’s life, seeing the events that have shaped her life and her mental health into what it is today. The events don’t necessarily inform each other, but they all inform Andrea. It’s not always easy to be inside this character’s head, as she’s often unstable, self-doubting, self-pitying, and self-sabotaging. If you need likable characters, Andrea’s probably not the woman for you. But I found her sense of stasis and sense of inability to self-correct phenomenally relatable and poignant. I found it inspiring—it made me want to get up and do a little self-correcting of my own. Reading this was the emotional equivalent of having someone reach into my chest, pull my heart out from behind my ribs, place it on my sleeve, and tell me, “There, that’s where that belongs.” I only wish there’d been more.
And even though it's not overtly about mental health, I think that’s something that Jami Attenberg has absolutely fucking nailed with All Grown Up.
I read this book in a single day, seven hours from start to finish, and most of those hours were absolutely gut-wrenching for me. The first chapter especially was like a kick in the face. I wanted to highlight basically every sentence and quote it all over the place, but that’s unreasonable. So I’ll just start by telling all of you that this book is phenomenal, and that the cutesy cover art is kind of misleading.
Our protagonist, Andrea Bern, has got problems in her life that have made it difficult for her to grow up and to live her life to the proverbial fullest. She once dreamed of being an artist, but somewhere along the way she gave up on those dreams and got an unfulfilling corporate gig. She’s got emotional baggage left over from the death of her father when she was a teen, which have bled over into her romantic life in the usual ways – casual sex, self-sabotaging behavior, a lack of fulfilling relationships. Suddenly, she finds herself at 40 with little to show for it in the way of a satisfying personal identity or personal growth. It’s an extended period of arrested development that shows no signs of ending. Then her brother and his wife give birth to a daughter with severe birth defects and her life begins to change in ways that force her to look at herself in a new way.
This book is described as a novel in vignettes, a description that I love. It’s not interconnected short stories, but it’s also not told sequentially with a distinct narrative arc. We bounce around through different periods of Andrea’s life, seeing the events that have shaped her life and her mental health into what it is today. The events don’t necessarily inform each other, but they all inform Andrea. It’s not always easy to be inside this character’s head, as she’s often unstable, self-doubting, self-pitying, and self-sabotaging. If you need likable characters, Andrea’s probably not the woman for you. But I found her sense of stasis and sense of inability to self-correct phenomenally relatable and poignant. I found it inspiring—it made me want to get up and do a little self-correcting of my own. Reading this was the emotional equivalent of having someone reach into my chest, pull my heart out from behind my ribs, place it on my sleeve, and tell me, “There, that’s where that belongs.” I only wish there’d been more.
February 11, 2018
5 Stars
I adore this book. This novel like it's main character is scattered. The chapters jump around in short bursts from Andrea's childhood to one of her many failed relationships in her 30s to the birth of her best friend's child. We are given the scope of Andrea's life and what she has cultivated for herself so far in her 40 years on this planet. The passages at first seem unrelated but when put together capture Andrea and her essence as a struggling adult.
This book is such a great examination on life and adulthood as a whole. Yes we age, but do we ever truly grow up? When do we cross that threshold where we go from flailing child to responsible adult?
Andrea as a character is not likeable. She is a self-absorbed, pessimist, and a borderline addict that fills her void of unhappiness with inappropriate relationships, random hook-ups, drink, drugs, and avoidance. There is a sadness about her life and the choices she's made up to this point and time. This book doesn't promise a happy ending or that everything presented will be swiftly wrapped up in a neat bow. It is at it's core simply a peak into an everyday human life that is neither significant nor special, but it is none the less full of love, heartbreak, regret and deep sadness.
All Grown Up is poignant, beautiful and very relatable story. It is an examination of a life bogged down by the past and if you're anything like myself you'll leave this book feeling a little less constricted by your own past. As Andrea shows us readers what can happen if you let your unhappy past define your hopeful future.
I adore this book. This novel like it's main character is scattered. The chapters jump around in short bursts from Andrea's childhood to one of her many failed relationships in her 30s to the birth of her best friend's child. We are given the scope of Andrea's life and what she has cultivated for herself so far in her 40 years on this planet. The passages at first seem unrelated but when put together capture Andrea and her essence as a struggling adult.
This book is such a great examination on life and adulthood as a whole. Yes we age, but do we ever truly grow up? When do we cross that threshold where we go from flailing child to responsible adult?
Andrea as a character is not likeable. She is a self-absorbed, pessimist, and a borderline addict that fills her void of unhappiness with inappropriate relationships, random hook-ups, drink, drugs, and avoidance. There is a sadness about her life and the choices she's made up to this point and time. This book doesn't promise a happy ending or that everything presented will be swiftly wrapped up in a neat bow. It is at it's core simply a peak into an everyday human life that is neither significant nor special, but it is none the less full of love, heartbreak, regret and deep sadness.
All Grown Up is poignant, beautiful and very relatable story. It is an examination of a life bogged down by the past and if you're anything like myself you'll leave this book feeling a little less constricted by your own past. As Andrea shows us readers what can happen if you let your unhappy past define your hopeful future.
June 8, 2017
2☆ Not for me.
Not really sure how to rate this one.
Maybe it's because I just didn't get it.
It just wasn't for me.
Story was narrated through the past and present of Andrea's life. But was not consistent jumped through time periods then back again .
She is single, no children,loves to drink and have alot sex and drugs. She's has a job she hates.
Andrea doesn't seem to have any emotional connection to any other characters. Comes across as spoilt, whiny and annoying.
I had high hopes for this book.
It's just a shame it fell flat. There was no humour it was actually a sad read.
I do believe Jami was trying to represent single women by their own choice.
But what came across was someone who didn't care.
The blurb says Andrea was living life entirely on her own terms. But isn't that what we aim to do in life anyway?
I hope if you do decide to read this book, you understand and possibly relate to it more than i did.
I do believe it potential it just wasn't for me.
I received this book from the Publisher in exchange for a honest and fair review via Netgalley.
Not really sure how to rate this one.
Maybe it's because I just didn't get it.
It just wasn't for me.
Story was narrated through the past and present of Andrea's life. But was not consistent jumped through time periods then back again .
She is single, no children,loves to drink and have alot sex and drugs. She's has a job she hates.
Andrea doesn't seem to have any emotional connection to any other characters. Comes across as spoilt, whiny and annoying.
I had high hopes for this book.
It's just a shame it fell flat. There was no humour it was actually a sad read.
I do believe Jami was trying to represent single women by their own choice.
But what came across was someone who didn't care.
The blurb says Andrea was living life entirely on her own terms. But isn't that what we aim to do in life anyway?
I hope if you do decide to read this book, you understand and possibly relate to it more than i did.
I do believe it potential it just wasn't for me.
I received this book from the Publisher in exchange for a honest and fair review via Netgalley.
March 27, 2017
Do not believe this:
"From the New York Times best-selling author of The Middlesteins comes a wickedly funny novel about a thirty-nine-year-old single, childfree woman who defies convention as she seeks connection."
Sounds (and looks) like a breezy, fun book, right? It isn't. The only thing the blurb got right is the main character's age and childless status. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just wasn't what I expected.
The book had some moments of dark humor but it's not what I would describe as "wickedly funny". Or maybe it's just me. I actually found the book sad and depressing. But I like some sad and depressing books, so that's not a deal breaker.
Andrea is an artist who quit producing art and took a soul-sucking corporate job that she's good at but hates. She drinks too much, indulges in casual drug use and casual sex, she doesn't 'show up' for the friends and family who need her, she skips out of work regularly and is generally a miserable and unhappy mess. She's certainly not captain of her own ship.
Another complaint: Every single marriage in the book is an unhappy one. ugh
The book is told non-chronologically in vignettes and it's gradually revealed why she is the way she is. I think the emotions and realities were portrayed well and the book is well-written. The ultimate message is one of connection, but for me the epiphany came too suddenly and too late. I liked the book, but didn't love it.
"From the New York Times best-selling author of The Middlesteins comes a wickedly funny novel about a thirty-nine-year-old single, childfree woman who defies convention as she seeks connection."
Sounds (and looks) like a breezy, fun book, right? It isn't. The only thing the blurb got right is the main character's age and childless status. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just wasn't what I expected.
The book had some moments of dark humor but it's not what I would describe as "wickedly funny". Or maybe it's just me. I actually found the book sad and depressing. But I like some sad and depressing books, so that's not a deal breaker.
Andrea is an artist who quit producing art and took a soul-sucking corporate job that she's good at but hates. She drinks too much, indulges in casual drug use and casual sex, she doesn't 'show up' for the friends and family who need her, she skips out of work regularly and is generally a miserable and unhappy mess. She's certainly not captain of her own ship.
Another complaint: Every single marriage in the book is an unhappy one. ugh
The book is told non-chronologically in vignettes and it's gradually revealed why she is the way she is. I think the emotions and realities were portrayed well and the book is well-written. The ultimate message is one of connection, but for me the epiphany came too suddenly and too late. I liked the book, but didn't love it.
May 25, 2020
fulfilling my 2020 goal to read (at least) one book each month that i bought in hardcover and put off reading long enough that it is now in paperback.
October 29, 2019
“New furniture feels grown-up. Also I mostly stopped doing drugs, which feels extra grown-up”.
Ha.... but it’s not that simple- is it?
An excellent intimate examination of self-aware 39 year old Andrea Bern.
Big girls don’t cry, and growing up is hard to do!
Ha.... but it’s not that simple- is it?
An excellent intimate examination of self-aware 39 year old Andrea Bern.
Big girls don’t cry, and growing up is hard to do!
May 14, 2017
I had mixed emotions while reading this book. I picked it up from BOTM because I'm similar in age to the main character, and I thought she might be relatable. Well, she wasn't super relatable for me in the typical ways, and many times I was very annoyed with her and her antics, but ultimately, I did find enjoyment in reading about her life and her family. This is a tight, quick read, and I'm grateful I took the time to read it.
March 20, 2017
Wowwww. It has been a while since I've read a book that felt so raw. See my full review: https://youtu.be/p279Be8opac
March 1, 2017
Andrea Bern is a 39-year-old New Yorker with an office job and a penchant for taking drugs and sleeping around. She was once an artist, though: she attended art school in Chicago, and used to paint the Empire State Building from her window every day – that is, until a condo development blocked her view. So now she’s a corporate sellout, but is she really any worse off than her brother, who’s stayed true to his identity as a musician but can barely afford the health care for his terminally ill daughter? As Andrea’s sister-in-law puts it: “Is this part of being a grown-up? Taking what you can get?”
Getting into Andrea’s head and figuring out what has made her so washed-up and cynical is somewhat entertaining, but ultimately I felt that Attenberg’s strategy of contrasting the protagonist’s stalled story with that of her niece, who will never get to grow up, was pretty obvious and clumsy. Also, the way the individual chapters are like short stories, skipping around in time and reiterating some facts, means the book as a whole doesn’t feel cohesive. Plus there are a lot of gratuitous, explicit sex scenes. This reminded me most of Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple, another disappointment from a previously beloved author. Quick read, though.
Getting into Andrea’s head and figuring out what has made her so washed-up and cynical is somewhat entertaining, but ultimately I felt that Attenberg’s strategy of contrasting the protagonist’s stalled story with that of her niece, who will never get to grow up, was pretty obvious and clumsy. Also, the way the individual chapters are like short stories, skipping around in time and reiterating some facts, means the book as a whole doesn’t feel cohesive. Plus there are a lot of gratuitous, explicit sex scenes. This reminded me most of Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple, another disappointment from a previously beloved author. Quick read, though.
September 21, 2017
“All Grown Up” has won many awards and listed as one of Amazon’s best novels of March 2017. I concur, it’s worthy of the awards, and I found it amazing. However, I’m not sure the masses will be as entertained.
Author Jami Attenberg explores what grown up is. At what point in your life are you grown up? And what does that mean? Andrea Bern, the protagonist, is at times disappointed in herself and her life. She’s not where she thought she’d be at any age in her musings, other than when she’s in her early 20’s. She has a therapist who becomes fodder in Andrea’s musings. The novel is basically vignettes with titles to her chapters. It’s not a linear story, it’s more of a reflection. She analyzes her friends, compares herself to her friends; she compares herself to her brother, to her work collegues. It’s a novel of the current times, of the growing pains in figuring out your life.
If you previously enjoyed “The Middlesteins”, you most likely will enjoy this one as well. It’s a quick read that’s profound while being amusing.
Author Jami Attenberg explores what grown up is. At what point in your life are you grown up? And what does that mean? Andrea Bern, the protagonist, is at times disappointed in herself and her life. She’s not where she thought she’d be at any age in her musings, other than when she’s in her early 20’s. She has a therapist who becomes fodder in Andrea’s musings. The novel is basically vignettes with titles to her chapters. It’s not a linear story, it’s more of a reflection. She analyzes her friends, compares herself to her friends; she compares herself to her brother, to her work collegues. It’s a novel of the current times, of the growing pains in figuring out your life.
If you previously enjoyed “The Middlesteins”, you most likely will enjoy this one as well. It’s a quick read that’s profound while being amusing.
Read
November 8, 2016Andrea is almost forty and dealing with a whole set of issues about her life that are entirely separate from the ones society thinks she should have. So what if she isn’t married with children? She has her own problems to deal with. Attenberg writes Andrea as a smart, sexy woman in NYC who is doing what she wants with her life, right or wrong, and not apologizing for it. I loved how at times she is a wise sage, and at other times, a selfish mess. It makes her so achingly human. This is Attenberg’s fiercest, funniest, sexiest book yet. And the most heart-wrenching. She covers all the bases. I adored every word of it.
— Liberty Hardy
from The Best Books We Read In October 2016: http://bookriot.com/2016/10/31/riot-r...
— Liberty Hardy
from The Best Books We Read In October 2016: http://bookriot.com/2016/10/31/riot-r...
February 16, 2017
In the second chapter of All Grown Up, the narrator, Andrea Bern, relays this: “A book is published. It’s a book about being single...I have no interest in reading this book. I am already single.”
The value of a book, often, is reflected in the reader’s own experiences and biases. I was single way into my adult years, surprising my family and friends (and particularly, myself) when I finally decided to couple with an emotionally healthy man who truly “got” me. After living the single life – the unavailable and sometimes, outright damaging men, the feeling of being “odd woman out” at coupled events, the (I admit it!) self-absorption, the search for how to become my most authentic and fulfilled self – I, like Andrea, do not take well to reading books that focus on a single character’s experiences.
And so I resisted the allure of the book. Andrea’s messed-up childhood with her pot-smoking activist mother and prematurely deceased junkie father, her lack of career goals, her link-ups with groan-worthy guys were far worse than anything I went through (fortunately, I had great parents and a satisfying career) but it still provoked a certain wariness (and weariness) in me. Been there, done that, nothing original.
But somewhere along the line, I got hooked and I think it was in realizing that the book’s tendrils dig deeper to encompass this question: how do we – any of us – architect our own lives? Andrea’s is “a juicy, sloppy mess of ingredients and feelings and emotions too much salt and spice, too much anxiety, always a little dribbling down the front of my shirt. But have you tasted it? Have you tasted it? It’s delicious.” Love those lines! As Andrea introduces us to other women in her life – her well-meaning mother who messes up badly, her best friend Indigo whose life isn’t anywhere as perfect as it first seems, her sister-in-law whose fate is to cope with a terminally ill child, and more, the fundamental truth we all share is our need to connect.
For anyone, particularly any woman, who has asked herself the question, “Who am I, really?”, this book will resonate.
The value of a book, often, is reflected in the reader’s own experiences and biases. I was single way into my adult years, surprising my family and friends (and particularly, myself) when I finally decided to couple with an emotionally healthy man who truly “got” me. After living the single life – the unavailable and sometimes, outright damaging men, the feeling of being “odd woman out” at coupled events, the (I admit it!) self-absorption, the search for how to become my most authentic and fulfilled self – I, like Andrea, do not take well to reading books that focus on a single character’s experiences.
And so I resisted the allure of the book. Andrea’s messed-up childhood with her pot-smoking activist mother and prematurely deceased junkie father, her lack of career goals, her link-ups with groan-worthy guys were far worse than anything I went through (fortunately, I had great parents and a satisfying career) but it still provoked a certain wariness (and weariness) in me. Been there, done that, nothing original.
But somewhere along the line, I got hooked and I think it was in realizing that the book’s tendrils dig deeper to encompass this question: how do we – any of us – architect our own lives? Andrea’s is “a juicy, sloppy mess of ingredients and feelings and emotions too much salt and spice, too much anxiety, always a little dribbling down the front of my shirt. But have you tasted it? Have you tasted it? It’s delicious.” Love those lines! As Andrea introduces us to other women in her life – her well-meaning mother who messes up badly, her best friend Indigo whose life isn’t anywhere as perfect as it first seems, her sister-in-law whose fate is to cope with a terminally ill child, and more, the fundamental truth we all share is our need to connect.
For anyone, particularly any woman, who has asked herself the question, “Who am I, really?”, this book will resonate.
April 5, 2017
I just didn't enjoy this one. It seemed like all the main character did was drink, do drugs, and sleep with people she had just met.
July 26, 2018
I really love Jami Attenberg's writing. She knows how to perfectly balance humor and heart. "All Grown Up" is a character-driven novel told through vignettes and non-linear style. I really liked the protagonist, Andrea Bern, she is extremely witty - but she is also deeply-flawed. She carries a lot of emotional scars from her turbulent childhood. Her father died of a heroin overdose when she was 15. As she transitions into adulthood, we get an unfiltered glimpse into Andrea's fragile psyche and impulsive behavior. I'm a sucker for a female protagonist who lay their mental health issues bare. I applaud Attenberg for not shying away from tough subject matter like mental illness. Talking about anxiety and depression in a creative, non-judgmental way helps lessen the stigma.
I thought the supporting characters (Andrea's mother, brother, sister-in-law) were excellent additions to Andrea's story. I could really feel how much she loved her family, warts and all. The only problem I had with this novel was all the rehashing. I felt like too much backstory was explained multiple times. This wasn't a long book so I felt it was unnecessary. Overall, I got a real kick out of "All Grown Up". The ending was absolutely beautiful. Another excellent novel from Attenberg. I also highly recommend Saint Mazie. Enjoy!
I thought the supporting characters (Andrea's mother, brother, sister-in-law) were excellent additions to Andrea's story. I could really feel how much she loved her family, warts and all. The only problem I had with this novel was all the rehashing. I felt like too much backstory was explained multiple times. This wasn't a long book so I felt it was unnecessary. Overall, I got a real kick out of "All Grown Up". The ending was absolutely beautiful. Another excellent novel from Attenberg. I also highly recommend Saint Mazie. Enjoy!
April 13, 2019
This stunningly, achingly good novel in vignettes (if anyone says they're interconnected short stories punch them in the face) just blew me away. The marketing and jacket of All Grown Up package it as something it's not. Sure there are funny moment but this is not a funny book. It's about the scars we carry from childhood and how they help and hinder us as adults. We go deep into Andrea Bern's anxious and self-sabotaging mind in this book and it can be an uncomfortable place but, jeepers it feels so real and relatable and honest. I loved this book from the first page to the last and I may just start reading it again right now.
April 2, 2017
3.0 Stars. This book was just OK for me. The writing was good but I was bored with the storyline.
April 3, 2017
Has anyone ever told you to grow up and act your age? Tell you that it’s about time you got your act together and settled down before it’s too late? What if you weren’t sure whether you wanted to do either, what if you wanted to go against society’s norms and not be a wife and mother, but to stay carefree and single?
Andrea is fast approaching 40, she’s single and child free. She works in advertising, a job she hates, and has her own apartment in New York. Many would look at Andrea and feel envious of her life style. Andrea however, doesn’t really know how she feels. She knows that she is unhappy, but she only wants happiness on her terms. She’s not sure if she is single by choice, or whether she just bores of men easily.
Her life is far from straight forward. By flitting back and forth in time, randomly, starting back in her adolescence years, you get to witness why Andrea has such a complex life, giving you a better understanding of how, and why, she feels and acts the way she does today. You get to meet her less than perfect parents (to be honest no-one is perfect). Her mother a very opinionated woman, an activist who fought for what she felt was right. Her father a drug addict. Not only did her family shape her life, her work colleagues and friends played a part too.
Her best friend Indigo has settled down, gotten married and had a child. Even her brother has gotten his act together, and now he and his wife have a baby daughter. It is this period in Andrea’s life story that I felt an emotional attachment to. Her niece has a terminal illness, as a mother of a child with a life threatening, incurable illness, this touched emotions in me which I buried deep within the last few years.
All Grown Up does contain a lot of humour, but I suppose that would depend on how you define humour. Some may read this book and state that there was no such thing, others may see the humour in all of Andrea’s life. This is what makes this a great book. It’s a bit like Marmite, you are either going to love it, or hate it. It certainly won’t be for everyone.
Quite often it felt like watching a movie. One where the main character tries to explain how they became the person they are today, and justify why they behave the way they do via a series of clips delving deep into their past, just so that we can then empathise with them. Though I don’t feel in this instance that Andrea is looking for empathy, she just wants to be understood, whilst at the same time, trying to understand herself.
The book, even-though only 207 pages, long did take me a while to get through it. I struggled with the way in which the book was written, there was no chronological order to it. Andrea is also not a character that you instantly like, and if I’m honest, I’m not even sure as I closed the book whether I ever did like her.
But there was something about this book that made me want to read it, something holding me to the pages. It wasn’t the characters, though there was a lot that I enjoyed getting to know, nor the plot, it certainly wasn’t original. It was the rawness with which Ms. Attenberg writes. It delves deep into your soul and drags up all kinds of emotions, giving you that need to read, the need to try to understand, and the reality check that sometimes we need to remember that not everyone’s life is easy, and not everyone who seems okay on the outside really is.
This is an impressively, moving novel, one that you won’t forget in a hurry. As I said early, Andrea didn’t want empathy, but maybe we need to give it.
Reviewed by Stacey on www.whisperingstories.com
Andrea is fast approaching 40, she’s single and child free. She works in advertising, a job she hates, and has her own apartment in New York. Many would look at Andrea and feel envious of her life style. Andrea however, doesn’t really know how she feels. She knows that she is unhappy, but she only wants happiness on her terms. She’s not sure if she is single by choice, or whether she just bores of men easily.
Her life is far from straight forward. By flitting back and forth in time, randomly, starting back in her adolescence years, you get to witness why Andrea has such a complex life, giving you a better understanding of how, and why, she feels and acts the way she does today. You get to meet her less than perfect parents (to be honest no-one is perfect). Her mother a very opinionated woman, an activist who fought for what she felt was right. Her father a drug addict. Not only did her family shape her life, her work colleagues and friends played a part too.
Her best friend Indigo has settled down, gotten married and had a child. Even her brother has gotten his act together, and now he and his wife have a baby daughter. It is this period in Andrea’s life story that I felt an emotional attachment to. Her niece has a terminal illness, as a mother of a child with a life threatening, incurable illness, this touched emotions in me which I buried deep within the last few years.
All Grown Up does contain a lot of humour, but I suppose that would depend on how you define humour. Some may read this book and state that there was no such thing, others may see the humour in all of Andrea’s life. This is what makes this a great book. It’s a bit like Marmite, you are either going to love it, or hate it. It certainly won’t be for everyone.
Quite often it felt like watching a movie. One where the main character tries to explain how they became the person they are today, and justify why they behave the way they do via a series of clips delving deep into their past, just so that we can then empathise with them. Though I don’t feel in this instance that Andrea is looking for empathy, she just wants to be understood, whilst at the same time, trying to understand herself.
The book, even-though only 207 pages, long did take me a while to get through it. I struggled with the way in which the book was written, there was no chronological order to it. Andrea is also not a character that you instantly like, and if I’m honest, I’m not even sure as I closed the book whether I ever did like her.
But there was something about this book that made me want to read it, something holding me to the pages. It wasn’t the characters, though there was a lot that I enjoyed getting to know, nor the plot, it certainly wasn’t original. It was the rawness with which Ms. Attenberg writes. It delves deep into your soul and drags up all kinds of emotions, giving you that need to read, the need to try to understand, and the reality check that sometimes we need to remember that not everyone’s life is easy, and not everyone who seems okay on the outside really is.
This is an impressively, moving novel, one that you won’t forget in a hurry. As I said early, Andrea didn’t want empathy, but maybe we need to give it.
Reviewed by Stacey on www.whisperingstories.com
March 21, 2017
Think of it as a short story collection, except all the stories are about the same person. All Grown Up follows Andrea Bern through different stages of her life, non-chronologically, and is written as a series of vignettes. Most of them concentrate on Andrea in her late thirties and early forties: single, childless, working in an okay-but-not-brilliant job in advertising, renting her apartment. As expected, she struggles with the fact that people define her by these things, especially the lack of a partner and/or children. But the stories in All Grown Up also touch on those around Andrea, including the ones who, at first, seem to have golden lives. Her best friend's marriage falls apart; her brother's daughter is born with severe birth defects.
Of all the scenes in All Grown Up, the ones that have stayed with me most distinctly are those of Andrea just doing her own thing in her own time. Those that show what a gorgeous pleasure, what a glorious luxury, it can be to live alone. They feel revelatory; perhaps even revolutionary. She lives life on her own terms, and is allowed to do so. Hallmarks of the character, including her singleness, childlessness and lack of significant wealth, are not upended to service the plot. But parts of what make her such an effective character are the bad parts, the ways in which she runs away from responsibility and doesn't change when we, the reader, feel she's supposed to. Indeed, some readers may be frustrated by Andrea's lack of growth, but I loved the honesty of it – after all, people often don't change when they're supposed to in real life, either.
(It's interesting to look through critics' reviews of this novel. They vary wildly, and most focus on Andrea rather than the writing, plot or structure. Some see Andrea's life as self-indulgent, and glory in the unapologetic triumph of that; some see it as self-indulgent, and chastise her selfishness; some see it as pathetic and self-destructive. Many (not me) found her hard to like. It's hard not to feel that each interpretation – and I include my own in this! – says more about the reviewer than the book.)
What do you do when you already know what your problem is? What if it's not really a problem? There's no right or wrong way to be an adult. There's no secret stage at which you suddenly have it all figured out. Marriage and children aren't magical tickets to another plane of maturity and fulfilment. But if you don't have them, it might be hard to figure out what your purpose is going to be for rest of your life, and it can be hard, staring down the barrel of that gun, not least because you're supposed to act like you're absolutely sure you made the right decisions. Not achieving milestones doesn't mean you're in stasis: you're still a person; you continue to change. These are the truths that All Grown Up imparts, in writing that sparkles with cutting insights, killer lines, wonder and warmth.
If you've read and liked this, or just like the sound of it, I'd also recommend Nine Island by Jane Alison.
I received an advance review copy of All Grown Up from the publisher through NetGalley.
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Of all the scenes in All Grown Up, the ones that have stayed with me most distinctly are those of Andrea just doing her own thing in her own time. Those that show what a gorgeous pleasure, what a glorious luxury, it can be to live alone. They feel revelatory; perhaps even revolutionary. She lives life on her own terms, and is allowed to do so. Hallmarks of the character, including her singleness, childlessness and lack of significant wealth, are not upended to service the plot. But parts of what make her such an effective character are the bad parts, the ways in which she runs away from responsibility and doesn't change when we, the reader, feel she's supposed to. Indeed, some readers may be frustrated by Andrea's lack of growth, but I loved the honesty of it – after all, people often don't change when they're supposed to in real life, either.
(It's interesting to look through critics' reviews of this novel. They vary wildly, and most focus on Andrea rather than the writing, plot or structure. Some see Andrea's life as self-indulgent, and glory in the unapologetic triumph of that; some see it as self-indulgent, and chastise her selfishness; some see it as pathetic and self-destructive. Many (not me) found her hard to like. It's hard not to feel that each interpretation – and I include my own in this! – says more about the reviewer than the book.)
What do you do when you already know what your problem is? What if it's not really a problem? There's no right or wrong way to be an adult. There's no secret stage at which you suddenly have it all figured out. Marriage and children aren't magical tickets to another plane of maturity and fulfilment. But if you don't have them, it might be hard to figure out what your purpose is going to be for rest of your life, and it can be hard, staring down the barrel of that gun, not least because you're supposed to act like you're absolutely sure you made the right decisions. Not achieving milestones doesn't mean you're in stasis: you're still a person; you continue to change. These are the truths that All Grown Up imparts, in writing that sparkles with cutting insights, killer lines, wonder and warmth.
If you've read and liked this, or just like the sound of it, I'd also recommend Nine Island by Jane Alison.
I received an advance review copy of All Grown Up from the publisher through NetGalley.
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April 21, 2018
A sad and depressing book about a woman unhappy with her life and doing nothing to improve it.
Andrea is a single woman and a former artist. Her youth was difficult and her adult life isn’t really better on the relationships side, with disappointing romances and shallow friendships. She tells about some events of her life, like drinking with her friends, casual sex, fights with her family, painful memories, etc.
This could be the interesting story of an empowered woman in her 40ies, single and without children (with… a great job or many wonderful travels or entertaining hobbies, etc). It's not. It’s the story of an unhappy woman living a shitty life, with terrible love relationships lacking happiness, a job she finds boring, friendships that aren’t satisfying at all, family problems she’s running away from, drugs, alcohol, loneliness and loneliness. She's doing nothing to improve her life, she just looks at the passing time and at her own misery. It was a depressing read, not really interesting, the only highlight being probably the relationships with the mother and the father that I kind of liked (the father gave a good summary of life, social burdens and discriminations). The format, "life vignettes", was well done, but the jumps in time were difficult to follow at some points, and the lack of true continuity didn’t help me to enter the story. Also, the vignettes were mostly about terrible or boring moments of Andrea’s life, so the story wasn’t balanced with the moments she actually really enjoyed herself (or she had no hobbies or joys in her life… which would be more depressing than the rest). I don't read a lot of adult contemporary fiction because the ones I stumble on are rarely uplifting and positive, I don’t enjoy to read about people’s misery, it doesn’t make me feel well about myself or my life. This one was a good example of why I avoid the genre and a very disappointing read about being a single woman. One sentence I liked and connected with was "I want someone to see me", so not everything was bad.
Andrea is a single woman and a former artist. Her youth was difficult and her adult life isn’t really better on the relationships side, with disappointing romances and shallow friendships. She tells about some events of her life, like drinking with her friends, casual sex, fights with her family, painful memories, etc.
This could be the interesting story of an empowered woman in her 40ies, single and without children (with… a great job or many wonderful travels or entertaining hobbies, etc). It's not. It’s the story of an unhappy woman living a shitty life, with terrible love relationships lacking happiness, a job she finds boring, friendships that aren’t satisfying at all, family problems she’s running away from, drugs, alcohol, loneliness and loneliness. She's doing nothing to improve her life, she just looks at the passing time and at her own misery. It was a depressing read, not really interesting, the only highlight being probably the relationships with the mother and the father that I kind of liked (the father gave a good summary of life, social burdens and discriminations). The format, "life vignettes", was well done, but the jumps in time were difficult to follow at some points, and the lack of true continuity didn’t help me to enter the story. Also, the vignettes were mostly about terrible or boring moments of Andrea’s life, so the story wasn’t balanced with the moments she actually really enjoyed herself (or she had no hobbies or joys in her life… which would be more depressing than the rest). I don't read a lot of adult contemporary fiction because the ones I stumble on are rarely uplifting and positive, I don’t enjoy to read about people’s misery, it doesn’t make me feel well about myself or my life. This one was a good example of why I avoid the genre and a very disappointing read about being a single woman. One sentence I liked and connected with was "I want someone to see me", so not everything was bad.
August 24, 2018
This is a darkly funny look at Andrea Bern's life. She's 39 and lives life on her own terms, not one that society expects from her. Further introspection and a look at her station in life, it's ok to be single and childless. From work to her relationships with family and friends, Andrea is a great character and I connected with her. All Grown Up has a great message to live your life on your own terms and what makes you happy, not what you think is expected by others and fortunately for Andrea she's figuring it out. A fun, quick read :)
March 18, 2017
This is more an inner monologue that provides its backstory through a hopscotch of vignettes, all of which creates a quilt when viewed as a whole. We first meet Andrea in her beloved rent controlled apartment on the East Side with a view of the Empire State Building, which view is doomed to be eliminated by progressive construction. This one detail could possibly be viewed as a metaphor for the entire book, which I found i liked a lot better than I thought at the outset. Andrea, a talented artist who loses her creative spark, is indispensable to her family and friends, when she finds them to be challenging at times. Complex interactions between her and her father, in particular, and her sister in law. The book is short, has been described as feminist since it concerns a woman making on her own, with no apologies except to herself. There was some wonderful observation along the was (Beauty can only take you so far, and then you're crying in the rain like the rest of us.)
Read
March 1, 2017A MIDDLE FINGER TO “ACTING YOUR AGE"
By Judge Laia Garcia
“I’m the captain of the sinking ship that is my flesh.”
Andrea Bern is at her therapist’s office contemplating the answer to the question who are you? I’m only on page eleven of All Grown Up, but I can already tell that this is the perfect book to read on the first day of my “grown-woman takes first-ever alone vacation to an exotic location in order to shed past and re-emerge more powerful than ever.” I will sit in a banquet in the hotel restaurant and will read the book in one sitting, while drinking lots of coffee and eating Spanish pastries.
First I fall in love with the voice, dry and direct but not rude. Like me and my friends. I understand that the protagonist Andrea Bern is not a heroine, but she is not not a heroine either. She is the captain of the sinking ship that is her flesh.
Andrea is a woman unlike many others I’ve come across in my readings. She’s not perfect, but her imperfections are not steeped in the tragic. She is real. Here are some things to know about her: She’s on the verge of turning 40, she’s not married and doesn’t really want to be, she doesn’t have kids and doesn’t really want to have them, but it’s not like she’s incapable of loving and understanding love. She drinks and she does drugs and she sleeps with men that she likes to varying degrees. She loves and hates her mother, and she loves and hates her father, and she loves her brother, his wife, and their baby who is born terminally ill. We meet all her friends and romantic conquests, and learn how they came into Andrea’s life in short chapters that could stand alone as short stories. So you can read the book slowly, like for a month, on your commute, or sit with it and devour it because what’s the point of saving it for later?
Andrea lives in the moment, and she lives outside of it, sometimes at the same time, because our minds are capable of storing and living so many things at once. Like in a scene where she attends the funeral of her mother’s friend, and she’s listening to speeches while simultaneously thinking about her past history with some of the men in the very room, and she doesn’t want to get carried away by those thoughts but here they are anyway. If your mind has a mind of its own and a tendency to wander off to uncharted territories without your explicit permission to do so, if you always end up thinking of the weirdest stuff at the most inopportune times, then yeah, you’ll understand the mind of Andrea Bern too.
Having spent so many years going to where the circumstances have taken me, I’ve finally figured out how to steer the ship myself. That doesn’t mean it always goes where I want to, but at least I know where it’s going. Andrea knows this too, and reading All Grown Up was akin to having an older sister or a friend put a hand on my shoulder to let me know “everything’s going to be okay.” Not okay, like a happy ending, but okay like a survival. Not unscathed, but undeterred. A book for the women who are warned, but persist.
Read more at https://www.bookofthemonth.com/all-gr...
By Judge Laia Garcia
“I’m the captain of the sinking ship that is my flesh.”
Andrea Bern is at her therapist’s office contemplating the answer to the question who are you? I’m only on page eleven of All Grown Up, but I can already tell that this is the perfect book to read on the first day of my “grown-woman takes first-ever alone vacation to an exotic location in order to shed past and re-emerge more powerful than ever.” I will sit in a banquet in the hotel restaurant and will read the book in one sitting, while drinking lots of coffee and eating Spanish pastries.
First I fall in love with the voice, dry and direct but not rude. Like me and my friends. I understand that the protagonist Andrea Bern is not a heroine, but she is not not a heroine either. She is the captain of the sinking ship that is her flesh.
Andrea is a woman unlike many others I’ve come across in my readings. She’s not perfect, but her imperfections are not steeped in the tragic. She is real. Here are some things to know about her: She’s on the verge of turning 40, she’s not married and doesn’t really want to be, she doesn’t have kids and doesn’t really want to have them, but it’s not like she’s incapable of loving and understanding love. She drinks and she does drugs and she sleeps with men that she likes to varying degrees. She loves and hates her mother, and she loves and hates her father, and she loves her brother, his wife, and their baby who is born terminally ill. We meet all her friends and romantic conquests, and learn how they came into Andrea’s life in short chapters that could stand alone as short stories. So you can read the book slowly, like for a month, on your commute, or sit with it and devour it because what’s the point of saving it for later?
Andrea lives in the moment, and she lives outside of it, sometimes at the same time, because our minds are capable of storing and living so many things at once. Like in a scene where she attends the funeral of her mother’s friend, and she’s listening to speeches while simultaneously thinking about her past history with some of the men in the very room, and she doesn’t want to get carried away by those thoughts but here they are anyway. If your mind has a mind of its own and a tendency to wander off to uncharted territories without your explicit permission to do so, if you always end up thinking of the weirdest stuff at the most inopportune times, then yeah, you’ll understand the mind of Andrea Bern too.
Having spent so many years going to where the circumstances have taken me, I’ve finally figured out how to steer the ship myself. That doesn’t mean it always goes where I want to, but at least I know where it’s going. Andrea knows this too, and reading All Grown Up was akin to having an older sister or a friend put a hand on my shoulder to let me know “everything’s going to be okay.” Not okay, like a happy ending, but okay like a survival. Not unscathed, but undeterred. A book for the women who are warned, but persist.
Read more at https://www.bookofthemonth.com/all-gr...
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