If you rely on coffee to be a functioning human, you're probably familiar with some — if not all — of the following symptoms:
1.
Irritability upon waking.
2.
Excessive complaining until first sip.
3.
Extremely reduced patience for bullshit before noon.
4.
Heightened ability to locate coffee shops within a 3-mile radius.
5.
Noticeable mood shifts before and after coffee.
6.
Very predictable bathroom habits tbh.
7.
Tendency to judge others for their coffee preferences.
8.
Above-average performance when adequately caffeinated.
9.
Life-altering headaches when not caffeinated.
10.
Occasional paranoia that you’re having a heart attack due to excessive coffee consumption.
11.
Confusion and sarcasm at the mention of decaf.
12.
Willingness to pay a stupid amount of money for “good” coffee.
13.
Immoderate consumption of caffeine on a daily basis.
14.
The assumption that jittery hands and fast talking is actually normal.
15.
Elevated levels of productivity, happiness, and overall badassery when there's coffee.
16.
Irrational rage at minor inconveniences.
17.
And occasional hallucinations of dunking your entire face in coffee.
