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I consider myself a pretty honest person, yet for the past five years, I have kept a secret from nearly everyone I know. I get Botox.

I started when I turned 30, with the intention of blurring the three distinct lines that ran clear across my forehead and the frown lines between my brows, both of which, unlike in my 20s, now remained etched on my face, even at rest. Initially, I didn't tell a soul. I felt embarrassed that I even had wrinkles at 30 and that my go-to face creams weren't cutting it and because all the girls in my crew seemed naturally line-free. (Or so I thought.) I looked at getting Botox like a secret experiment. The result: I loved how it made me look. My forehead was suddenly smooth, yet I could still move my brows like a normal human. And although I saw a dramatic diff￿erence, no one else did. They never asked. I never told.

Now, five years later, getting Botox has become a staple in my beauty maintenance routine — something as essential as keeping my buttery highlights bright and never skipping a mani. Yet my trips to the doctor's office remain on the DL. Only a very select group of girlfriends are in the know. My family has no clue. And I have purposely kept it from my boyfriend-turned-fiancé. And I'm not alone. A few years ago, Transform, a U.K.-based cosmetics company, released the results of a survey that found 72 percent of women keep nonsurgical cosmetic procedures such as Botox from their friends and family, and half do the same with their S.O. Gervaise Gerstner, M.D., an NYC derm, even says some patients are so hush-hush about their Botox that they ask her offi￿ce for help to hide the evidence. "Women will split the bill two or three diff￿erent ways — credit card, cash, check," she says. "If they also came in for a mole checkup, we'll print out a sheet for their insurance and it won't have a whisper of Botox on it." And after surveying my thirtysomething NYC-based friends, I discovered the majority of them are on the secret Botox bandwagon too. Why? It seems everyone has their own reason for keeping their Botoxing to themselves.

The Real Housewives Factor

For my fiancé, the B-word conjures up visions of frozen facial features à la the Real Housewives of Orange County. He doesn't get that there's a difference between a smidge of the wrinkle fighter, and pumping your face and lips to epic proportions with filler. Christine*, 36, has been doing covert Botox, keeping it from her boyfriend-turned-husband for nearly seven years even though most of her female friends and coworkers know. She recalls the moment she knew he'd disapprove. "He had seen pictures of some overdone celebrities and said to me, 'Don't even think about doing that, it's disgusting,'" she says. These kinds of S.O. views are common. "Women know that they can't get them on board, so many female patients feel cornered into keeping a secret," says Meghan O'Brien, M.D., a New York derm.

The "I woke up like this" Illusion

Some Botox-ers fear what the procedure portrays to others. "People want to present themselves as naturally beautiful and that they're the real thing — it's more attractive to others," says Eric Finzi, M.D., Ph.D., author of The Face of Emotion: How Botox Affects Moods and Relationships. Admitting to Botox suggests "that they are not beautiful solely from their genes and good health, and that's where the taboo is," he says. A part of me felt that by being so focused on a few lines, I seemed superficial and vain. Plus, sometimes it's not just about convincing others. By obscuring my lines, deep down, I've been able to convince myself that the hands of time aren't ticking (a comforting thought) because, well, my skin bears no sign of it.

The competitive edge

"My younger patients get Botox because they want to look better than their friends," says Jessica Wu, M.D., a Los Angeles derm. You'd never know it though. Although those in this age-group often overshare on Twitter and Instagram, it doesn't apply when it comes to Botox. "If a friend had asked me, 'You look so young. What are you doing?' I wouldn't say 'Botox.' I'd say, 'I take really good care of my skin,'" says Daphne*, 31, who started Botox-ing at 23. But now that I've officially outed myself from the secret Botox society, I'm adopting a different attitude about it. Botox makes me look good and feel good. There shouldn't be any shame in that. And to my S.O.: Honey, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

This article was originally published as "Inside the Secret Botox Society" in the April 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan. Click here to get the issue in the iTunes store!

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Nicole Catanese
Nicole Catanese is a beauty and wellness editor.