How do you get back to ‘normal’ after illness?

Surprising as it may seem, many people struggle more following treatment for serious illness than during it. It is these people who Cathy McCarthy reaches out to in her new book, Stronger Than Yesterday. McCarthy became aware of these so-called survivors when she was writing her first book, Not The Year You Had Planned, a self-help book for those with cancer. She realised that the journey after their illness – after the treadmill of treatment – is when people often feel they are completely on their own.

And so she wrote Stronger Than Yesterday, as much for herself as for others like her who had come out the other side of a serious, life-threatening illness. McCarthy was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 and had treatment the following year. She has fully recovered.

In her writing, McCarthy draws on all the popular psychological supports in our modern age. She offers introductions to mindfulness, resilience, compassion, overcoming adversity and cultivating gratitude. She advises survivors of serious illnesses to never give up, to find their purpose in life and to treasure each day.

She also encourages people to embrace humour and creativity as a means to getting on with their new lives. And, possibly, most inspiring of all, she includes honest and uplifting testimonies from outstanding individuals who have faced illness and learned hard lessons before re-embracing their own lives for however long they have. The message really is if it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.

Edited extract of Cathy McCarthy's poem, Do Not Tell Me, You Are Ok

Do not tell me, you are ok

How do you know?

You have not walked in my shoes

When I ask you to listen to how I feel

And you tell me, sure you are ok

Don’t feel that way

You are not listening, in fact

You are trampling on my feelings

When you tell me all the things

I should be doing

You have failed me

I don’t have the energy yet

...

When I ask you to listen

And all you want is to give me solutions You have failed me

That is not what I asked you to do

When I hear those words

The treatment is all over now

You must be so happy

You are back to normal

I look at you blankly and think

You have no idea what you are saying The next part of my Journey is only just beginning

When I tell you I fear the next

mammogram, blood tests, oncology visit

And you say, you will be fine

I ask how do you know that?

In fact, no one knows that

Just walk with me, hold me

Hug me, help me to heal

You do not know the fear I have felt

Paralysed by the threat to my life

How I have lived with uncertainty

...

My life has changed forever

I am not the person I was

But with time, hope and light

I will become stronger

And learn

To dance with life again.

Fergal’s story

Fergal Hingerty suffered debilitating back pain for almost 10 years before undergoing radical surgery. He speaks about how walking became his road to recovery:

‘Learning to walk again five days after a nine-and-a-half-hour back operation which left me with four discs cut and my spine shaved was never going to be easy, but it had to be done. After learning to walk (gingerly at first) again, I had to do an exercise regime of 525 stretches a day for three months and to swim 2km a week as well as walk as much as I could.

I knew that goals and targets count so rather than walk around the local park in Mullingar 1,000 times a day, I decided to walk the Royal Canal to the Shannon – some 80km west of Mullingar.

“Three weeks after the operation, I walked the first section for an hour to the next bridge. I went home and went to bed for two hours, then got up and drove to the next bridge and walked the next section. Within a few weeks, I had increased the time and length of the walks and completed the walk to the Shannon River. After that, I decided to walk to Dublin from Mullingar along the Royal Canal.

“Two months after the operation, my physiotherapist told me I could do cross-country walking so I started to do the Westmeath Way and the Suck Valley Way. Later that year, I completed smaller long distance way-marked trails. Soon after, I started to climb hills and mountains throughout Ireland.

“On my walks on various hills, I have met many people who have overcome illness or disability and are determined to enjoy whatever quality of life they have while they can. As Confucius said, “Like life, the journey is the most important thing, not the end and a journey starts with just a simple step.”

Nicky’s story

Nicky O’Brien got her first symptoms of multiple sclerosis more than 16 years ago. After a slow progression for 10 years, the illness became much more severe with extreme neuralgic pain, sleeplessness and depression. In this extract, she speaks about how she moved from being, in her words, a victim to a survivor:

‘I had spent the past 18 months, when not working, lying comatose on the couch watching back-to-back serial killer shows. Eventually, my mind and body started to see things more clearly. I could have the sad, depressed mental state of a victim. Why not? I ached, I was tired. I had to use aids to walk, to go to the toilet and I had to have my car adapted to be able to drive safely. I was at a crossroads in my life. Victim or survivor? I started to think about what was important to me. My family, my job, my animals, my house. I was also important. I started doing things for me. I started doing therapy, acupuncture, hypnosis, massage, relaxation, reflexology, reiki. Anything to help or at least keep me positive. I love swimming and never stopped my routine of 40 laps per session, three times a week even when I was exhausted. The survivor was starting to emerge.

“As time went on, my level of acceptance was growing, my energy was increasing. I was enjoying life and being with people. I had also got my sense of humour back. I also learned to be a lot calmer. It was hard to do things, particularly to do them quickly. I had to task analyse everything I did. My husband, Mick, does everything he can to lessen the stress in my life. I don’t smoke or drink a lot like I used to. I accept myself, warts and all. I love my life. I have never been happier. It has taken a lot of insight, thought, learning, acceptance and love to be where I am today.”

Stronger Than Yesterday – living your life beyond adversity by Cathy McCarthy (Ashfield Press) is available in bookshops and on books.ie. All royalties go to Waterford High Hopes Choir and the Jack Kavanagh Foundation.