"This is the first time in history that American couples have had more parents to care for than children. Today, the average American woman can expect to spend 18 years caring for an older family member, compared to 17 for her children. Almost 40% of all U.S. workers are more involved with caring for a parent than a child."
– Cary Carbonaro, Certified Financial Planner and author of The Money Queen’s Guide
In a recent post, I wrote about parents helping adult children in their job search, and the spirited comments that followed clearly touched a nerve. However, taking care of children is only one half of the working parent’s burden: As people live longer, working parents can easily find themselves caring for elderly parents as well. Furthermore, even if you don’t have children, you will have parents! I wrote about one mid-career professional who actually considered quitting her job to care for her parents. (I advised alternatives to leaving a career due to elder care issues.) Even if your parents are years away from needing your help, you may want to start now to get your career ready for elder care:
Decide if and how much you want to help.
Depending on your upbringing and family norms, more or less may be expected of you in terms of elder care. Don’t just take on other people’s expectations. Decide for yourself if and how much you will contribute. Some contributions I have seen from adult parents to their parents include helping parents work through their financials, purchasing a long-term policy on their behalf, outfitting a home for an in-law suite or dedicated room so they can move in, or sending money on a regular basis. These financial contributions add up, and given that career earnings are many people’s largest financial asset, you want to account for your financial obligations in your career planning. I have known many working professionals who take on a bigger role or a job with more upside when their kids are entering college so they have extra money to cover the tuition bills. Elder care costs are less predictable on the calendar, but the same idea applies – if you plan to help, plan your career for how you will absorb the increase in expenses.
Clarify and confirm your expectations with key “stakeholders.”
Of course, you want to check with your parents around their expectations. They may not want or need your help. You also want to check in with your siblings, your parents’ siblings, and anyone else who will be primarily involved in care decisions. I knew one family where one child had more financial means to contribute money and the other child had more of a flexible schedule to contribute time – since they agreed this would be how they’d split the care, neither had to make changes in their existing careers. If you can see the possibility that you might have to make changes, you can at least start the planning or even start incorporating actual changes now.
Sign up here to get top career advice delivered straight to your inbox every week.
Build your career for maximum flexibility.
One such career change you may have to make is more flexibility – one working professional I know had several years of almost daily visits to a medical facility for one parent. Luckily her existing job gave her that flexibility, but your current role might not be able to accommodate this. Sometimes, you can get enough flexibility in your work without asking for a special schedule. However, you also want to have the leverage to get that flexibility when you need it. This means doing an amazing job and boosting your value so that employers will agree to flex-time or flex-place arrangements. This means keeping up with your network and marketable skills so, if your employer doesn’t give you what you need, you can quickly land elsewhere. This could mean working for yourself, perhaps starting a business now on the side, so that when you need more flexibility, you can leave your job if you have to. Even if you don’t need to any of these things, designing your career for flexibility makes you more marketable and gives you options (for elder care or other reasons).
Stockpile helpful resources.
Your company benefits may include elder care resources, such as an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) which is a hotline you can call for advice on various issues (elder care being included many times). Check your own insurance coverage – maybe you can designate a portion of the benefits to your parents, though confirm first with your accountant or financial adviser if this is optimal based on everyone’s financial situation. In my case, I took out a separate policy with my mom as the beneficiary so I knew there would be a pool of money dedicated to her if anything happened to me (given the bulk of our household assets would go to spouse and children). Crowdsource within your network for medical recommendations, flexible work ideas (when you ask your employer for accommodations it helps to have other examples to point to), or productivity hacks. The resources that will enable you to better balance elder care and career are often helpful to your career in general – it’s always good to know your company benefits and tap your network!
Learn how to negotiate.
Hopefully, negotiation is a priority for your career already, but if it hasn’t been, let the time and financial costs of elder care be another motivation for you! Part of negotiation is being marketable and therefore someone employers will fight over (see point 3). In addition, there are the mechanics of negotiation – how to prepare, how to ask, how to follow up. I’ve written before about how to prepare for a raise – these same seven steps can be used to ask for flexibility. Knowing how to negotiate – whether it’s with your company for accommodations, with a future employer who can be more flexible or offer more money, or with colleagues for coverage – is part of getting your career ready for elder care.
A bonus of readying your career for elder care is that it improves your career positioning regardless of whether or not you actually have elder care issues. You want to master negotiation, know the resources at your disposal, be so good at what you do employers will give you flexibility, be able to have candid conversations (if not with family, then with other stakeholders), and decide for yourself what’s best for you irrespective of outside pressures (family expectations or otherwise). Then you’re able to absorb the elder care or other curveball life throws your way.
A second bonus tip is to read the book behind the quote that started this article. In The Money Queen's Guide, Carbonaro covers much more than elder care. In fact, she goes through various life stages and how finances can change. A strong financial foundation supports your career foundation, so it’s a worthwhile read.
