Families can offer support for transgender loved ones, speakers say

Thirty-five-year-old Rhylan Gibson has been taking hormones for three years. He’s been living openly as a man for about five.

There are any number of things that can be difficult about this. Gibson has had to explain in job interviews, for example, that he doesn’t use the name listed on his formal documents, nor identify as female.

“It’s like trying to enforce that you are the person you say you are,” Gibson said Friday. “You don’t know what kind of reaction you’re going to get.”

But the Topeka resident has a fiancee and a 15-year-old son who are sources of acceptance, recognition and love as he navigates such experiences.

Even when his son was in elementary school, and before Gibson was open about his gender identity, his son thought of him as Dad.

“He’s been very supportive in his own way,” Gibson said.

And on days that are difficult, a cheerful text message from his girlfriend of five years, Kendra Gonzales, can go a long way.

On Friday, Gibson and Gonzales led a discussion at an annual conference on transgender issues in Topeka. Their theme? Daily life.

The two-day conference — organized by the Kansas Statewide Transgender Education Project (K-STEP) — continues Saturday. It drew a diverse crowd of attendees from across the state to cover a wide range of topics in workshops at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Topeka.

Some, like Gibson, are transgender, and others, like Gonzales, have loved ones who are. Many had questions and came seeking answers, such as parents who had recently learned that their child is transgender. A key goal of K-STEP is promoting public awareness.

According to the American Psychological Association, sex and gender are different. “Sex” relates to biological characteristics like anatomy and chromosomes. “Gender” is a social construct — essentially the behaviors, activities, ways of dressing and more that a society associates with the sexes. Such associations vary from culture to culture. “Transgender” is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity or gender expression differ from what society associates with their sex as identified at birth.

Conversations at this year’s K-STEP conference ranged from changing government-issued ID documents to the Kansas Legislature and family relationships.

Gibson and Gonzales’ session touched on topics like body dysphoria, an intense anxiety or discomfort that some people experience related to their physical anatomy or how others view or treat them because of their anatomy.

Gonzales explained it has been difficult to realize she can’t resolve her fiancee’s dysphoria, as much as she would like to.

“As a partner, that’s something you have to learn,” she said. “It’s the hardest part.”

Gibson and Gonzales say they understand people may have questions about transgender identity, and they believe it’s important to have an open conversation. What they ask, though, is that people treat each other with respect and listen to the experiences of others.

“I think the biggest thing is willingness to learn,” Gonzales said. “It’s never too late to learn or to educate yourself.”