We Predict The Stories Of 10 Unannounced Video Game Franchises

We’re tired of waiting until a game is announced to learn more about it. We want to know what’s in store for many of our favorite video game franchises right now. Using a mix of secret journalistic sources, ancient star charts, and a predictive A.I., we’re confident that we’ve accurately predicted the plots for several of the biggest franchises in the industry. Warning: Spoilers.

Dead Space 4
Isaac Clarke thought he escaped a life of constant fear and danger when he moved to one of Earth’s remotest colonies. Unfortunately, danger continues to find him. The asteroid Isaac settled on turns out to be an ancient Necromorph burial ground. After being confronted by a strange mystical shaman in a dream, Isaac discovers that his newfound physic powers might be the only thing that will help him survive the night.

Assassin’s Creed VI: What Happened To Five?
Meet Gunnar Øybiornsson, one the few Viking Assassins. You may not be familiar with him, but he’s definitely had an impact on history. In his early years, Gunnar sailed with Erik the Red to the new world and helped discover Greenland. Later he participated in the Battle of Svolder to unify Norway under a single banner. Gunnar then traveled to China and studied under the philosopher Zhu Xi. While in China, Gunnar discovered an ancient magical pear and used it to travel through time. Gunnar eventually becomes the primary inspiration for many of Shakespeare’s plays, convinces Johannes Gutenberg to continue building his printing press, and eventually introduces John Lennon to Paul McCartney.

Pikmin 4
After being exiled from his home planet for crimes he didn’t commit, intrepid explorer Captain Olimar crash-lands on another planet full of strange artifacts. Many of these objects belong to an ancient alien mummy whom Olimar inadvertently resurrects. Fortunately, if Olimar is able to gather the seven sun shards of Shababa, he’ll be able to empower his plant army and banish the ancient alien for good.

Bully 2: The College Years
Jimmy Hopkins might be growing older, but he’s not growing up. In this sequel to Rockstar’s rambunctious open world game, Jimmy hacks into his school’s computers and fakes his grades so that he can go to the prestigious Hardforks University. Jimmy ends up being roommates with Lawrence “Cowboy” Shufflebottom, a 46-year-old liberal arts student who loves to party, but whose parents are threatening stop paying for his tuition. Things go from bad to worse when the FBI enlists Jimmy to investigate the source of a hot new designer drug, called Ambivalent, that’s sweeping the campus.

XCOM 3: Planet Alien
Humanity keeps losing to the aliens and finally gives up on trying to save Earth. They decide to send an ark full of humanity’s brightest minds to find a new home planet out among the stars. Unfortunately, guess who’s there when they arrive? Yeah, aliens! This time humanity is the invader, and they must use their wits and a limited collection of resources to fight for survival. In the end, it turns out the whole alien invasion was just a dream…or was it?

The Last of Us 2
Joel and Ellie are back, and this time Joel is infected with the mutated strain of the Cordyceps fungus that has made him insatiably hungry. After he eats the last of the flour he was saving to bake Ellie a birthday cake, he realizes that he has a problem and decides to separate himself from the rest of humanity. Joel eventually encounters a group of infected that have learned to live with their disease by maintaining a diet of pure insect protein. Meanwhile, Ellie learns that her real father is still alive and he’s created a cure that might be worse that the disease.

Grand Theft Auto III: 2
Welcome back to Liberty City…again. Rockstar’s new open world period piece is ready to tear apart the early 2000s with biting culture satire. Your nameless character starts out selling overprice printed tees at the mall before making friends with an old mob boss who dreams of becoming an Elizabethan romance novelist. This aging mobster makes you an offer you can’t refuse. But you refuse it. Oddly, he’s cool with it and you remain friends. Eventually you come to manage one of his Moroccan restaurants. His first novel gets published, but he dies before he gets to see it on store shelves.

Half Life 3
Just kidding, this game isn’t actually being made.

Bloodborne 2
Players take on the role of a young nurse who has traveled to Yharnam hoping to help heal the sick. She ends up falling in love with one of her victims, a young man whose nightmares drive him to feast living souls at night. At her lover’s behest, she decides to be the one who puts him out of his misery. On one cold, rainy evening she uses an arcane spell to poison his blood. His last words are “You’re more beautiful than the stars.” She holds his still body until the sun rises on Yharnam once again.

Tomb Raider: Southern Comfort
Lara continues her hunt for proof of the supernatural which leads her to the rain forests of South America where she befriends a young man who claims to be her long lost brother. Lara’s brother believes that a magical amulet can bring their father back from the dead. Unfortunately, this amulet is lost in a battle with a colony of sentient ants that are secretly working on Trinity. All seems lost until Lara befriends a hyper-intelligent dolphin who leads her to an underwater Mayan palace.