1.
Smoke detectors are basically just you-suck-at-cooking detectors.
2.
Tired of recipes assuming I have a stove
3.
i'm never cooking again
4.
[wife while im in a coma] when you wake up I'm gonna cook you you a big meal *flatlines* fine we'll order pizza *beep babeep babeep babeep*
5.
Stop wasting your money on cookbooks. Every recipe is just olive oil and garlic.
6.
At the risk of sounding uninformed, what is a stove
7.
i hate when you buy like 'Johnsons Pasta' & the recipe says 'Add Johnsons Pasta Sauce' any pasta sauce will go fine, dont be thirsty Johnson
8.
I'll cook dinner tonight "are you gonna pretend like you're hosting a cooking show again" *takes out fully cooked dinner I made earlier* yes
9.
when your mom doesn’t cook you dinner
10.
it's tha remix 2 ignition hot and fresh out tha kitchen mama ROLLIN that body got every man in here wishin
11.
My motto is “If it takes more than 5 minutes to cook I’d rather starve”.
12.
Wife: How was your day, honey? Me: Definitely didnt use your hair straightener to try & cook a grilled cheese Wife: What? Me: I mean good
13.
why does cooking takes like six hours and eating take like three seconds and washing dishes take like seven days and seven nights
14.
these biscuits are made from scratch. here's the recipe: take 3 cups scratch mix it with a tablespoon of scratch and a pinch of scratch haha
15.
Cooking spinach
16.
[takes bite of first meal gf has ever made me] gf: "i may have over-cooked the meat, is it nice?" me: [after chewing for 8 minutes] "lovely"
17.
Hello 911 [smoke alarm] so you can't microwave aluminium foil?
18.
Ya cooking is healthy & cheap. But u have to go to the "store" to get "ingredients" to make at ur "apartment" w/ a "stove" Where does it end
19.
Who says I can't cook? You obviously haven't tasted my cereal.
20.
Why does anyone put cookie dough in the oven when you can just put it in your mouth?
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