Dear Jon,
I can’t tell you how good it was to see you again on Thursday night, especially after four days of the World’s Worst Party. After dealing with all those horrible people, and their terrible, hateful, angry ideas, running into my ex-TV boyfriend of 20 years felt like a kind of miracle.
I like your beard. It’s sexy, plus it gives you a kind of grizzled mariner’s gravitas. I heard you started a sanctuary for abused and neglected animals, which … great, Jon, that’s all I need, another reason to be in love with you. Thanks for that. On top of your work on behalf of 9/11 first responders, you’re pretty much the only TV beau I’ve ever thought of as marriage material.
And on Thursday night, oh, god, it was good to have you back, even for only a few stolen minutes. We fell right back into our old rhythm, didn’t we? Where have you been?! This year has been an abattoir without you, an unmitigated parade of horrors.
I have so missed our evenings together on the sofa, you telling me about the latest evil or stupid or hilarious thing Fox News or the Republicans did, pulling those faces, somehow making it all make sense and making it funny on top of that.
I have to admit I haven’t really been seeing Trevor that much. He’s a perfectly nice guy, charming and handsome, but I kind of feel like that’s part of his problem. He’s a perfectly nice guy.
Behind your humor, the giggle, the muppet facial expressions, I could always sense the glinting edge of your razor-sharp anger. It’s one of the things that always made being with you so satisfying. You get it. You’re not just my funny TV boyfriend, you’re a righteous warrior dressed as a jester – a clown with a knife in his teeth.
Honestly, since you’ve been gone, I haven’t even felt like hanging out with Stephen Colbert. It just makes me sad and reminds me of how things used to be.
The only person who even comes close to making me feel like you do these days is Samantha Bee. She rocks. Did you see her segment on Mike Pence? Deadly.
With political satire, it’s not enough to just be funny. Trevor’s funny, but I need more than that. I need to see an echo of the rage I feel. Horrible things are happening. I know you get it because I can see in your eyes that we feel the same things.
I hope you’re happy with your new life. For purely selfish reasons, I miss what we had, but obviously I’ve got no claim on you and can’t make you stay. I’ll always miss you, though. No matter who I love, there will always be a big chunk of my heart that remains devoted to you.
I guess, like Adele sang, “I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded/That for me it isn’t over/Never mind, I’ll find someone like you/I wish nothing but the best for you, too.”
Take good care. Don’t stay away so long next time.
Much love,
David