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Kristen's 5' 1" and Dax is 6' 2". She's a self-described goody-goody and he's a former drug and alcohol user covered in tattoos. "We're the Paula Abdul video 'Opposites Attract' personified," Kristen says of her love story with her husband — and yet it works.

When the two ran into each other at a Detroit Red Wings hockey game seven and a half years ago, "I thought to myself, 'Who is this sparkly creature?'" recalls Dax. Since then, he says, "we've been pretty inseparable." Below, the pair hold forth on the relationship trick they swear by: counseling. (A really good thing!)

Kristen: I thought I had this life thing down pat when I met Dax. I didn't realize that I needed a much bigger toolbox to have confrontations and disagreements with people.

Dax: We have such different backgrounds, it's comical. Until I was 32, I thought the world was just wolves, that there was no way anyone was acting with any kind of benevolence. When I met her and her friends, I was suspicious of their unbridled happiness. I thought, "Something stinks here; they're in a cult." But slowly I began to see her positive way of looking at the world. She gives people the benefit of the doubt.

There were hurdles, things she didn't trust about me, things I didn't trust about her. I just kept going back to "This person has the thing I want, and I have to figure out how we can exist peacefully." So we started [seeing a therapist together] right away.

I used to have a temper. I loved slamming doors — I wanted a dramatic exit!

Kristen: You do better in the gym with a trainer; you don't figure out how to cook without reading a recipe. Therapy is not something to be embarrassed about.

Dax: I noticed an actor and her husband on [a recent cover of a celebrity tabloid] that said, "In Couples' Therapy!" The clear message is, "Oh, their marriage is ending." There's such a negative connotation. In my previous relationship, we went to couples' therapy at the end, and that's often too late. You can't go after nine years and start figuring out what patterns you're in.

Kristen: I used to have a temper. I loved slamming doors — I wanted a dramatic exit! But he, having worked through a variety of emotional issues to get sober, said, "This isn't going to work. This isn't how I'm going to communicate for the rest of my life." When someone doesn't fight back and goes, "I don't want to do this," that threat is real. It makes you reevaluate your behavior. The way Dax and I argue now — and we argue a lot; we disagree on almost everything! — is so healthy.

Dax: I read Blink, the Malcolm Gladwell book, and there's a chapter about this University of Washington researcher who interviews couples. His conclusion is that if you have contempt for your partner, it's done — you might as well get a divorce attorney. I said to Kristen, "We should try hard to police ourselves about becoming contemptuous of each other. If I ever see you roll your eyes at me, we need to hit Pause and figure out what's going on."

Kristen: If something pisses you off, you've got to find the balls to bring it up immediately, and say it in a way that the other person can hear. If you're still uncomfortable with both those things, you say, "I need to have a therapy session with you." There may be something that really hurt your feelings that you're scared to bring up. Go talk about it with a therapist who can mediate. You'll walk out of the room feeling like you're [on the same] team.

Dax helped me learn that I don't have it all figured out. Sometimes that's the greatest gift someone can give you.

This story originally appeared in the May 2015 issue of Good Housekeeping.

NEXT: Hold the Phone! Kristen Bell Has Something to Say »

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