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"If you can ask questions in the right way, you can get anything you want." Take that from Michael Roderick, a Broadway producer and founder of ConnectorCon, a conference that helps influencers better connect, and Small Pond, a consultancy that helps people build better careers and lives -- all by asking better questions. It's the art of the ask that helped Roderick transition from being a high school English teacher to a producer of Tony-nominated Broadway shows in just two years. He has been involved in more than 60 shows, including Scottsboro Boys and Rooms. This -- and much of the rest of his success in life, he realized -- came down to how he asked questions. "All the keys to doors you need opened in your life are in other people's pockets," he says. Whether you want a job, funding, an introduction, find the perfect car or score a hard-to-get restaurant reservations -- it all requires asking questions. "The core of all community is question," Roderick says. "If humans all stood around and asked for nothing, the would all just die."
During his early producing career, Roderick developed strategies for opening doors. While most producers want credit, Roderick knocked on Broadway producer's doors and made clear he was interested in only learning the trade. While most fundraisers take a cut for funds raised, he made it clear his motives were not tainted by financial gain. Doors opened. His network swelled. Within a short period of time he was credited as a Broadway producer and launched a company to help others achieve their own success.
"At the time I was reading a lot of psychology literature and started to think critically about what kinds of questions worked better than others." When you straight-up ask someone for something (a.k.a. "the direct ask" or "the lowest form of question," Roderick says), "it triggers the fight-or-flight reflex in both parties' lizard brain, like they're in the wild and one person is trying to steal the other's food. Anxiety happens on both sides and everyone freaks out." No matter what you're after in life -- a new job, an introduction to that cutie in the office, an insider track on an apartment in a coveted building -- honing your question-making mechanism is key. Here are Michael Roderick's 7 tips for the better ask: Ask for advice - not favors. Instead of saying, "I think this is a fantastic production and you must put your entire portfolio behind it!" try: "I think this is a really promising show - I'd love to know what you think." People feel good when their opinion is valued. People feel good when they help others. Help them feel good.
Be interested in others' success. "Everyone wants to rise together," Roderick says. Approaching potential partners with enthusiasm for their accomplishments makes it easier to share with them your goals -- and brainstorm ways to come together. "Have a conversation around the idea of how your goal is to make them even more successful."
Respect that time and expertise is valuable. Recognize when you're asking for information or a service that the other person may charge for -- like consulting services. Open these conversations with, "I realize this is the kind of information you may get paid for."
Be a person. "People with boatloads of money expect you to ask them to write a check -- they get that ask all the time," Roderick says. If you truly get to know someone -- no matter their financial status -- that is when you connect with them, and that is where true networking magic transpires. Common interests, family, backgrounds -- this is the stuff of human emotion and connection. Go there.
Find ways to be helpful. If you know people as people, you can identify ways to help them -- whether it is helping their kid get into a good school, hard-to-get concert tickets or a vendor referral.
Practice your ask. "If you ask a good, succinct question, a person in authority will already see you in a positive light -- because your communication is better than 90 percent of people," Roderick says.
