What Your Manager Really Thinks Of You

I was an HR leader for eons, and before that I was Customer Service manager. Once a year I had to write performance reviews. I absolutely hated performance reviews. I hated writing them, and I hated sitting down to talk to people about them. I never knew why I detested performance reviews, but now the reason is obvious: performance reviews are idiotic.

Performance reviews are just another stupid part of the bureaucratic Godzilla system. Once a year we sit down with our employees and tell them how they're doing, in case there's some reason we can't talk to our employees every other day of the year.

When I started to write about corporate and institutional silliness in the nineties, I began asking everyone I knew what they thought about performance reviews, and here's what I found:

Good managers hated performance reviews, because they find plenty of opportunities to talk with their team members about triumphs and challenges every single day.

Managers who don't enjoy talking with their employees like performance reviews, because the interaction is stilted and formal and they know the script. They can get it over with quickly and feel that they've done their managerial duty.

Employees with good managers hate performance reviews, because of the dynamic I mentioned earlier -- "Today I, as your manager, will tell you, as the lowly employee, where you succeeded and where you failed over the past year" - which completely disrupts the healthy relationship between a manager and a team member who otherwise work as a team.

Employees with poor managers can't wait for their performance reviews, because it's only time in the year when they get an inkling about what their manager thinks of their work!

That's a tragedy. Everybody who wants feedback should be able to get it easily, but everybody who wants feedback at work can't get it. Lots of managers clam up. They don't say Jack unless you make a mistake. I've heard managers say plenty of times when I was leading training sessions, "I don't talk to my employees about performance unless they screw up."

Nice! Can you imagine a coach training an athlete by keeping silent unless the athlete made a mistake? Who'd ever pursue an athletic career if all the feedback was negative?

There are employees who want feedback and others who don't. When I sat through my own performance reviews with my bosses over the years, I noticed one thing. If I liked and respected my boss, he or she could give me feedback all day long and I'd soak it up.

If I didn't respect my boss, I couldn't care less what he or she recommended. I'd sit in the performance review meeting and act my ass off, pretending to care what my manager was telling me.

The minute the meeting was over, I'd go back to my usual way of working.

If you care what your manager thinks of your performance, as many people do, you can find out without waiting for your annual review. You don't have to suck up and fish for compliments. You don't have to eavesdrop like poor Charlie in the drawing above, who's dying to know what his manager tells people about him. You can ask for feedback in the moment.

After a meeting where you've made a presentation to your manager and others, you can ask your manager "What would you suggest I add or change in my presentation style, for next time?" That's an easier question for your manager to answer than "How did I do?" Most people, asked "How did I do?" will take the path of least resistance and say "Fine."

If you manage projects, you can add an item to your project plan called "Project Review" and give it a date and time. That's a time where you and your manager can review the project after it's completed and share learning on all sides.

Don't wait for your annual performance review to get feedback from your manager, if you want it. It's available all year long, but you may have to ask for it!

The most important thing to remember about a manager's opinion of you is that your manager is just one person on the planet. He or she isn't superior to you in any way. Had the cards been shuffled differently, you could be your manager's boss instead of the other way around.

If you find yourself lying in bed at night worrying about what your manager thinks of you, that's a problem.

You'll make yourself sick worrying about that, and it's pointless. Your manager could love you to death and sing your praises to everyone, but if someone at the company HQ in Hong Kong or Philadelphia makes the decision to close your division, you and your manager could both be out of a job tomorrow. I'm not trying to alarm you.

I'm trying to wake you up to the reality of the 21st-century talent marketplace. Having a manager that adores you (or worse, a manager that promises to "protect you" from corporate machinations) is the booby prize today.

We can replace the question "Does your manager like you?" with the more essential question "Do you like yourself?" We can add a few more questions to our list:

• Do you know what big, meaty and expensive problem you solve for your employer - why your gifts are vital to its success? If not, your first assignment is to figure that out!
• Do you know which other employers have the same kind of Business Pain you solve for your employer, so that if your job went away, you could find another one? If not, that's Assignment Two.
• Do you know what your talents are worth in the marketplace, so that when you ask for a pay raise (or react to a pay raise someone gives you) you're aware of what another employer would pay you for performing the same job? Not sure? Assignment three - find out!

We are entrepreneurs now, no matter who pays us. We work for ourselves. A full-time salaried job is just an entrepreneurial job with only one client. Your job is not to stress about what your manager thinks of you, but to build your muscles and mojo so that if your manager one day tells you "I've decided I don't need you anymore" your self-esteem will remain intact.

You don't need no stinkin' managerial approval! You are whole, fine, worthy and magnificent without it, as long as you believe it yourself.

Our company is called Human Workplace. Our mission is to reinvent work for people. Visit us here and follow us on Twitter: @humanworkplace

Thanks for FOLLOWING us here on LinkedIn! Click on the word FOLLOW at the top of this column or FOLLOW Liz Ryan from her Influencer page. Have a magnificent day!